Why I should not be allowed to drink and take pictures

Ok, N and I were going through our phones, trying to find a decent picture of me, and came to the conclusion that I cannot drink and have a camera phone. You see, I'm normally pretty camera shy, but when I'm drinking I'm all "Woo!! Let's take a picture together!!!" This wouldn't be a problem, except most of my friends are guys, and those pictures always end being me sticking my tongue out, or snuggling up to them. As N so nicely put it, it's like I see a male friend, and decide to go lick their face and take a picture, or something. So... this basically means I've molested all my friends, and there are no decent pictures of me in either one of our phones. On the bright side, everyone is still willing to hang out and drink with me, so I guess no one's complaining. *sigh*
Here are some examples, with the faces of the innocent blacked out...









And the only one in which I am not drunk... but still, sticking out my tongue...

TMI Tuesday!!

1. Birthday spankings or birthday kisses? Hmmm... both sound like fun!

2. Sitting on Santa/Easter Bunny's lap... fun or creepy? My MIL scarred me with the Mr. and Mrs. Claus outfits, so CREEPY!!

3. Once you start drinking at a party, do you usually get drunk or stop at tipsy? Haha... I usualy get drunk, but tend to stop before I hurl.

4. On a scale from 1-10, how passionate are you? Probably a 9.5/10. I tend to get worked up about things easily...

5. Have you ever seen a burlesque show? No, but I've been to lots of strip clubs!!

Bonus (as in "optional"): Have you ever been to an adult themed tupperware-type party?? No, but I so would go!! I just don't have any female friends around here... all my female friends live on the internet. Can we have an internet party??

Looks vaguely familiar

I walked into my chiropractor's office yesterday, and noticed the dollhouse looked like there had been a raging party there over the weekend. See for yourself!

Need a good laugh?

If, for whatever reason, those Google results didn't make you laugh, go check out Karla, over at KarlaBabble. Pretty much everything she writes sends me into a fit of hysterical laughter, causing anyone nearby to stop and stare, wondering what kind of drugs I'm on (and why am I not sharing?). Go. Laugh. Enjoy.

One more reason I'm a little in love with the Google Guys

Go to Google. Type "failure" into the search box. Click "I'm feeling Lucky". PRICELESS! Found at Cursing Mama's!

This is a PSA

Here is your PSA for the week. If you wanna be a "cowboy", or even just want to look the part, you have to remember one rule. Black felt hats are for fall and winter, straw hats are for spring and summer. So, if you're wearing a straw hat in December, or a felt hat in April, you look like an idiot. Just so you know. I'm not sure this applies to females, but it definitely applies to guys. Take notes... it's not that hard.


To answer Breezy's question, yes... I wear cowboy hats. I bought this hat today, actually. The Yankee in me cringed, but the Texan in me is overjoyed. I will be wearing it to Country Stampede and asking Toby Keith to sign it (even though it's not one of his hats... I can't find those anywhere) during the meet and greet. So. EXCITED... June can't get here fast enough!! And no... I don't smile in pictures most of the time.

Happy Sunday

For those of you who celebrate Easter, either in the traditional Christian sense, or the commercial American sense, Happy Easter. Otherwise, happy Sunday. Either way, I hope everyone is enjoying their day. We're having the best weather this week, I'm so much happier when it's nice out!! This realization prompted N to declare we are retiring to the islands, in order to preserve my good mood. Ok, fair enough, only 13 more years... or so. Of course, the nice weather also makes me want to slack... I haven't taken spring photos of the kids yet, the house is a mess, and I really don't care. That stuff can wait for a rainy day...

So, yeah, like I said, we went out to the bars in Aggieville, whish is where all the Kstates hang out... but ot's a holday weekend, so it wasnt as packed as iusual. Still there were a ton o f gay men, a surprisingely high nmber compared to most weekeds. WEird. Anyway, much corona was consimed by me... much fun was had by all, an i'm having troble seeng the screen so I'm gonna end this GDF post on that note. happy weekenf!!!!

It's GET DRUNK FRIDAY!!!

Woo!! This is a good, because I could use a drink or 5 tonight. As soon as the kids are in bed, the festivities shall begin. Don't forget to say "Hi!!" to Rock Bitch

The new holes...

I went with a curved barbell, I thought 2 hoops would look dumb. So, the piercing is done, and I'm IN LOVE! It was a lot more like getting my ears pierced than the other piercings I've had, I'm in little pain, I'm hoping it will heal easily. there is risk of swelling, and a black eye, but so far so good.


Now, let's talk body mod. I always assumed it was customary to tip your artist, just as you'd tip the manicurist, hairdresser, and even the gy who opens your overpriced beers at the bar. When I tipped John (who is the BEST piercer I've had yet, BY FAR!!! I doubt I'll allow anyone else to pierce me, should I get the urge to do it again, because he's FABULOUS!) tonight, he seemed shocked, and I asked if it was uncommon to recieve a tip. Surprisingly enough, he and another employee both said it was. Listen... these people are ARTISTS. While body mod can be expensive at times, they have to pay out a lot of money to do your artwork. What makes your hairdresser any more deserving of a tip than a body mod artist?? I've worked in service industries (waiting tables, bartending, etc), so I'm big on tipping anyway, but to not tip your piercer or tat artist is retarded. I tip them better than most (25-30% vs 18-20%), because what they are doing is permanent, and I appreciate them taking the time to do their best, make sure I heal properly, and deal with any neurotic questions I may have. I mean, really... I'm dumbfounded. Since friends of our own a shop in TX, I asked N if it was common for people to not tip, and even he was surprised to hear that... I mean everyone gets stiffed from time to time, but it's just a custom to tip!! WTF?? Any thoughts from artists or people into body mod?

**sidenote** I think I'm going to take Glenda's advice, and have a second one put in once this one heals. I don't want my face to well up like a balloon, so it's one at a time, but I think it'll look cool!!

Vote time!!

Ok, I'm taking votes on a new piercing, and you can vote "left" or "right" (and we're not talking politics here!!), but you may not vote "Don't do it!". I'm going to get my eyebrow pierced this weekend, now, my lip ring is on the left side. My first thought was pierce the right eyebrow, to balance it out, however, a friend said "No, do the left, like good and evil sides..." Hmmm, am I that evil? Ah, I digress... I do have a scar on my left eyebrow that the piercing would cover. Nate initially said "Right", then decided he needed to think about it. What say ye? Remember, if you say "Don't do it!!" I'm coming to your site and kicking your virtual butt!! *wink*

Idiot of the Week 4/10/06-4/16/06

I'm not even going to take nominations for IotW this week, I've already found my winners. A Missouri couple claimed to be having sextuplets, in order to recieve gifts and money. It was all a hoax, which was figured out after no hospitals reported delivering the 6 babies on 8 March 2006 as the parents claimed. These people must be some special kind of stupid, because sextuplets are so rare, involve fertility treatments (how someone didn't figure that out beforehand is beyond me... "Hey, wait a minute, who implanted those embryos? Hmmmm, something isn't adding up here!"), and get LOTS of attention. After all, Google "sextuplets", and the few families in the world with them have websites dedicated to keeping us informed on their progress, even into adulthood. Did these people REALLY think they would pull this one off?? When asked for a comment after confessing to the fraud, the "mother" declined, saying she didn't want to say anything to anyone, because "...nobody get's it". Well, darlin', you're right! We don't understand how stupid, and selfish you are. However, here is your reward, you and your husband are the Idiots of the Week!!

Early death wish Wake-up call

I'm not a morning person, and even y'all know that! Anyway, this morning my phone rings... it goes *something* like this...

**cue Gold Digger, my default ringtone telling me it's not someone I have saved in my phone, ID says caller "Unknown"**
Me: Hello? (silently wishing death on person calling)
Caller: Hey
Me: (recognizing voice of friend, calling from office phone) Um, what's up??
Caller: Are you making breakfast?
Me: Uh... no, I'm laying in bed
Caller: N said you'd be making breakfast, so I can come over and eat.
Me: Hahahaha... Oh, you're serious? No really, have we met? I don't get up until 9.
Caller: Where's N?
Me: (fully opening eyes) Not in bed... hang on, I'll find him.
Caller: So you're not making breakfast? N said you would be.
Me: No, I don't eat breakfast, unless he meant it as a euphemism for morning sex, and I'm too mean in the morning to do that either. Oh shit, N is making breakfast... WTF?!
Caller: What's he making?
Me: Eggs, and biscuits, are you really coming over to eat? (should note that friend lives about 25 minutes away, and wouldn't be able to go home to eat after PT)
Caller: Yeah, I'll be over in a few... let me talk to N.

Hand phone to N, with patented death glare.

Now, when he showed up I was all "Hi, have we met?? I'm Crystal, and I'm NOT a morning person. You're lucky I like you!!" (Sidenote: He and N are like brothers separated at birth, if I didn't know better I'd SWEAR they were related, so he can get away with more than most people.)
At this point he informs me I'm supposed to be up at 7:30am making breakfast, so he can eat at 7:45. After I stop laughing hysterically, catch my breath, and finish my cigarette I explain to him that he's more than welcome to eat at my house anytime, but I don't do mornings, and if he wants MY cooking he'd best bring his ass to dinner. Dinner I can do, and do well, but waking me up requires safety gear and bribes.

Making breakfast at 7:30... hahahahahahaha.... that shit never gets old. Had it been almost anyone else they would have become breakfast rather than eaten here. You want me to get up and cook in the morning, you'd better offer something more than just gracing me with your presence... Starbucks is a good start.

An ACCURATE fairy tale

This is the fairy tale that we should have been reading as little
girls...


Once upon a time, in a land far away... a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs, seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin' think so!

On a lighter note...

The quote of the weekend was "Where the FUCK is the doorknob!?" "Uh, it's on the OTHER side of the door."
The close second was "Let me get a double, that's TWO TIMES, VENTI... with an *I*... caramel macchiaTO!" Nate made our Sunday morning caffiene run, so we're all deciding what we want and we all decided on macchiatos, that is actually how he ordered them!

Weekend Recap: Adrenaline Overload

How could I forget to write about Saturday?! It was definitely more interesting (although somewhat terrifying) that the Drunken Friday. You see, Chris and Paul (see previous post) are skydivers, and that's something N has wanted to do FOR. EV. ER. So, we booked his first jump for Saturday afternoon, out at Skydive KS, which is an awesome place with great people, if you're in the area and want to jump. It's a little over an hour drive, and so Paul and his 2 year old daughter rode with us to the site. Chris happened to be doing his 100th jump that day, which meant he was jumping NAKED for that one. (Don't worry, he landed where the kids couldn't see, but it was still funny as hell) So... we hang out there for a few hours, N does all of the stuff to prep for his first jump, while the kids all run around, and the rest of us are just hanging out. (No... they have NOT convinced me to skydive yet, and I doubt they ever will). N jumps, has a great time, I videoed from the ground and will share that if I can figure out how to transfer from our camera to the damn computer! It's getting late, we've got 3 hungry and tired kids, time to head back home. Well, pit stop at McDonald's and we're on the highway, running into some traffic. I'm driving, and all of a sudden there is this guy right on my bumper, while we're doing 80 on the freaking interstate. I can't go anywhere, because of traffic, so I just cursed a little, prompting the guys to turn around and see how close this dude was. Dude (hereafter referred to as CrazyRedneckGuy, or CRG) has a serious case of road rage, and is so close that we can't even see the hood of his truck behind us, only the dashboard. He cuts over into the right lane, pulls up beside us, and kind of nudges over, as if he was going to run us off the road. He pulled away, and got in front of me. Whatever, have a great night, CRG... it's not that important. N is getting his phone to call 911, and report the road rage. Well, I guess he decided it was, because suddenly he switches lanes again, and gets beside us again, AND PULLS A FUCKING GUN. I didn't see the gun (thank GOD, because I seriously might have passed out), since I was trying to not wreck the car, but N and P both did. CRG not only pulled the gun off his dash and aimed it at us, but he cocked the slide back with his finger on the trigger! HOLY SHIT!!! So, N is waiting on 911 to pick up, and tells me to slow down, because the guy has a gun, sending me into freak-out Mommy-mode. We're reporting to the dispatcher, and see him take an exit. Well, CRG took the exit, STOPPED, and waited for us to pass, then started chasing us. Thankfully, there happened to be a Sheriff sitting there listening to the call, and saw us pass, then saw CRG get on the highway to chase us. The Sheriff attempts to pull him over, and the guy runs. At that point, we pull off the highway to await the dispatcher's instructions, in case they want us to write statements. They tell us to go to a gas station at the next exit, and the police will meet us there to take our statements, because they had the guy in custody. He was close enough to us when he pulled the gun that N told the cop exactly what kind of gun it was, to a T, and was right. The Sheriff that came to take our statements saw that we had 3 small children in the car, and was furious that CRG had the nerve to not only pull a gun on the highway, but point it at a vehicle carrying small kids. He assured us he was charging CRG with everything he possibly could, attempted aggrivated battery, brandishing a firearm, etc. So, I hope it was worth it to CRG, because I'm certain he didn't make it to where ever he was heading in such a hurry that night, and jail cells aren't much fun. Now, here's the worst part. It's still not legal to carry a concealed weapon in KS, although that chages this month. It IS legal to carry one in TX, which is why you REALLY don't want to mess with Texans, because that granny you just cut off on I-35 may shoot your ass. Still, in the combined 10 years N and I had lived in TX, neither of us had any run in with that kind of road rage. N grew up near Indianapolis, I grew up near Philly, and P is from San Diego, and NONE of us had ever had that happen before, even in the worst parts of the cities we've been to. I don't know if it's the meth labs out here in the midwest, or what, but that is some CRAZY shit, I can't imagine the thought process behind something like that. Luckily, he didn't fire at us, or run us off the road, and the police did get him, but it really makes you wonder how crazy this world is. We all hugged our babies a little tighter when we got home, and it made one hell of a party story later that night.

Wait!! Not ready!!

Over here at the Insanity household it is not uncommon to procrastinate, often leaving us scrambling to pull whatever the task at hand happens to be. The current "project" that has been put off for way too long now? Easter eggs and baskets. Holy crap, Easter is next weekend. I'm not even CLOSE to prepared!! As a matter of fact I haven't even dug out the Easter decorations!! Shit... I wonder the Easter Bunny takes checks.

Some pictures from Get Drunk Friday

Here are some pictures since my drunken audio blog sucked... these are in no particular order of intoxication.

Nate early in the night


Tasha


Our wonderful host, Paul, and me. (Most of the drinking was at his house, although we did decide to stumble downtown to the bar at one point)


My love and me


N acting crazy, I'm feeling no pain at this point.


Joey


Our other wonderful host, Chris

The drunken posting

This was done in the early stages of the drunken debauchery, and I had intended on posting again, but quickly forgot how once a few more Liquid Cocaine and Jagermeister shots were imbibed. Hmmm... this GDF thing might take some practice.

Get Drunk Friday

The Rock Bitch has started Get Drunk Friday, and this is one "theme" I'm happy to join in on. The rules?
Get drunk, on Friday, and blog. Easy enough?? Well, leave me a comment or trackback if you participate, and don't forget to go tell Rock Bitch you said "Hi", no matter how slurred it may come out. Feel free to steal the button, it came from RB herself. I'll be getting drunk and audio blogging, for a special treat. I'll post pictures, if the people we're hanging out with give me the ok.