To: My cats Re: Your behavior

While I can appreciate your current circumstance, I promise being in heat will not kill you. I will not allow you to satisfy your urges outside with the stray toms for your own good. Believe me, it's not a good idea, no matter how much fun it seems. Now, we need to chat about your current behavior. You see, you are both female cats, and while I support homosexuality in general, I would prefer not to witness feline lesbian acts. Furthermore, there are children present, and explaining what you are doing with each other is not on my list of fun things to do. So stop. NOW. It's gross, and will not be tolerated. Failure to comply will result in the squirt gun, and it won't be fun.

Thank you,
The Management

PS:
Stop peeing in corners and on blankets. It's not funny.