To Whom It May Concern

When I agreed to take this job, I don't think this is exactly what I signed up for. I'd like to resign my position. What do you mean I can't?? Says who?? Oh. Shit. Can I at least get a raise? A couple of vacation days? I'll settle for a mental health day or two. Come on, anything? Shit. I think I'm going to sleep under my desk now... where are those earplugs?