The homestretch!!!

I am about 45 minutes away from the 72 hour mark... 3 days without a cigarette. Most people who have quit say that is the mark to hit, the point where success is easier. It's been rough. REALLY rough. However, now that I've gotten this far, I don't EVER want to go through it again, so I'll probably never smoke another cigarette. Another great thing about this experience is I haven't gained weight while quitting so far. I've actually lost a few pounds, but I'm sure I'll make up for it tomorrow. I have noticed that I have been chatty and I've ranted on random topics. For example, I belong to a MSN group of local moms. We do a Hot Seat Momma, where someone is in the "hot seat" for 2 weeks, and the other moms ask questions to get to know her better. I am the Hot Seat Momma, and someone asked me about having twins, and if it runs in my family. I went on a tirade about things people say to mothers of multiples. I actually feel the need to apologize, because thinking about it I probably made them feel dumb, but it was not my intent. Without nicotine to calm me, and keep my hands busy, I've gone off the deep end ranting! I'm glad my close friends know and love me, because otherwise I would have alienated them all this week!!

Stupid people should avoid my path right now

I realized last night I'd forgotten to tell you about the low point in my smoking cessation battle. I freaked out on a lady at the bank. That's right, folks, some poor bank teller fell victiim to my cranky attitude. We pull up to our bank, and I send a check I'd like to cash, and an ID with my social on it. I never cash checks, but I figure this will be enough since I am an account holder there. After a bit of a wait, the teller says to N "Sir, is C in the car?" N says that I am, and she asks "Does C have an account here?" Another affirmation, so she then asks for my account number. This is where I lose control. I'm already agitated, and now I've got to dig through my purse for my account number, and the lady doesn't seem to understand she can EASILY pull this up using my ID information, and while I'm searching she asks again if I have an account here. "YES!!!! I DO have an account here!!! I REALLY do! That's why I'm here to CASH A CHECK!!!!" I'm totally screaming at this poor woman, who has just really pissed me off now. I wonder if I should go apologize for this.... or just go to a different branch from now on. On a side note, this bank is great, but they frequently ask dumb questions they should know. Like when we deposit N's paycheck... without fail they ask him who he is and if he is on the account. "Nope! Just wanted to give this nice lady all my money." Of course he's on it!! To quote Bill Engvall... "Here's your sign!!!"

Still going strong...

I have realized something in the last 24 hours. I am MEAN without cigarettes. Worst case PMS mean. Actually, "in labor" mean... and that's pretty bad. (Actually, wasn't too bad in labor, but I had a C-section. I'm not pushing anything out of my coochie, let alone 2 full-term babies!) Ask N, I'm CRANKY today!!! He's cranky too, from not only the lack of nicotine, but a bit of a crash diet he is going on for the Army tape test. So you can imagine what life in my house has been like. However, I am surprised that I have not given in today, even after a long trip in the car, which is usually my weak point. I ALWAYS feel the need to smoke in the car, but I resisted. Even when I found a coupon for $1 off a pack of cigarettes in my purse. I even held strong when we stopped at my best friend's, who smokes in her house. (We only smoke outside, but going to her house is BIG temptation!) So I'm about halfway to success, because I hear 3 days is the mark to hit. All in all I think I'll make it, because I hate to fail. More accurately, I hate to ADMIT failure.

On a different note... who else is totally HOOKED on Deparate Housewives?? This is a total addiction for everyone I know, even N got interested. I love Sunday night now!!

My third attempt at becoming a non-smoker

You know, I honestly enjoy smoking. I know very well what it can do to your body, but, in the last 2 years or so, it's often been the ONLY time I get 5 minutes to peace. I get aggrivated when people tell me how horrible it is, and it pisses me off that I find myself feeling ashamed for being a smoker. I like my cigarettes! I don't begrudge you your vices, whether you overeat, drink too much, bite your nails, or whatever. (Ok, that's a lie, I yell at N constantly for biting his nails... drives me nuts!) Anyway, sadly, the time has come to quit. Why? I feel guilty spending money on cigs for both of us (N smokes, too) when that money could be used for so much more. N is unfazed by the removal of a long habit, he's been taking it in stride. Yeah, he's cranky, but not too bad at all.. Now let me tell you about my attempts. I first quit while pregnant, though I'd be lying if I said I quit cold turkey, or that there weren't a few cheats. Two weeks after the twins were delivered, I broke down and started smoking again. My second attempt was a few months ago. I was just feeling ambitious, and made it about one and a half days. I actually wouldn't have given in if N hadn't gotten very frustrated with my attitude. That brings me to the current attempt. 10 hours in, and I'm not really feeling *too* bad, though I'm quite edgy, and keep feeling like I'm forgetting to do something. N's solution to my lack of will power was to picture the kids sitting at the table with empty plates crying "Mommy we're hungry!". That did it, regardless of the fact I would NEVER allow them to go hungry like that. So with just the thought of that hypothetical crying, I'm determined to quit. I've given up stronger addictions with less struggle. I think the habit of smoking is the thing that gets me, more so than the nicotine. Either way, I'm going to document the experience on this blog, since it at least keeps my hands busy. If you notice a certain mean streak in my writings, please forgive me, I'm battling a demon. If I stop posting, it's entirely possible N and I have killed each other. If I catch ANYONE taking bets on how long it will take me to cave I will be kicking some ass. Idle hands and low nicotine in the bloodstream may cause serious side effects. Now THAT ought to be a Surgeon General's warning label! Pass the gum please!

All that you can be...

N has decided to go back into the Army. He's been out 2 years, but has decided he wants to go back, to give us some more opportunities than the civilian job market can offer. It's no big shock that our job market SUCKS, and though we don't believe in the Iraq conflict, the Army has a lot to offer. Not a bad deal altogether, he doesn't have to go back to basic training or anything, and will re-enter the same rank he left. 6 weeks, or so we'll find out where we are going, and shortly after the beginning of the year we will be there. So this should be an interesting few months!!

When will the rain stop???

Ok, It's been raining for about 3 days. I'm tired of it. It's cold, wet, and grey... and it SUCKS! Since I didn't have anything to do in this wonderful rainy weather, I finally figured out how to change my template to have a "Links" section. I know this seems like a small task for you veterans, but it's a huge deal to me! So check out the cool links I have for you... (I talk like I actually have an audience, which I don't think is true!!) And whoever sent the rain, CALL IT OFF! I'm begging you! I'm preparing to build an ark in the meantime!

Another crazy rant... aren't you excited??

I just read an interesting blog discussing the DNC, and the recent election. This fellow Democrat Blogger has just started his blog, and this was his first post. If anyone knows how to add a sidebar to my blog of links to other blogs I'd REALLY like to know. Please email me or something!! Anyway, the general concept of his post was how screwed we are with another 4 years of Dubya. He commented on how the Republicans took our Gay Marriage issue, and kicked our asses with it. Also, he pointed out that Kerry gave up without even getting every count voted. (Regardless of the final result, him giving in sent a bad message to voters, especially the college students who waited in line until 4 am to cast a vote in Ohio.) He's right.
Now, I want to point something out to you. What's in a name? Well, just ponder this with me. We have 2 main parties in America... the Republican Party, and the Democratic Party. I'm going to break down just the names of these two parties, and allow you to draw your own conclusions.
Republican~ This makes me think Republic. Who do we know as a Republic. Oh, I know, the Republic of China!! Ooh, aren't they Communists?? Oops!! I don't want to be part of a Republic.
Democrat~ Makes me think of democracy, which is what our country was founded on. We want to be a democracy, right? Freedom, the Bill of Rights, all that fun stuff.
I know this sounds like crazy ramblings of a pissed of Democrat... but when this name game occurred to me, I really thought about the leaders of the parties, and if the description fit. Now you can think about it, too! And thankfully, for the time being at least, I still have the freedom to write this without being thrown in jail. Gotta love the Constitution!

Sunday... blah!

It's Sunday, a notoriously lazy day for us. The kids are with Ex, and it's been a quiet, but depressing weekend. It's cold, it's rainy, and it's been a shitty week. So mark it down, folks!! For the first time in my life I am going to say.... "I cannot wait for Monday to come!" In the meantime, I am going to go watch the race, and if Kasey Kahne doesn't win this one or Miami I'm going to be upset!! Enjoy your footbal, racing, church, family dinner, or whatever else Sunday means to you. :)

See... I did it again!!

I forgot to blog! Ok, yesterday was a busy day. I'm doing in home childcare now, and my first full time child is a 13 month old little boy. He's a doll... but his parents seem flaky at best. It's not a big deal really, because it's not my business how they raise their child, it's just odd to see what some parents do. N is on a straight 36... nice overtime, but it's hard on us as a family. And Ex wants to take the kids out of state for Thanksgiving. That idea is nixed, for good reason, not just for spite. So it should be a hectic Thanksgiving now, since I wasn't prepared to celebrate the holiday at all, and now I'll be doing the turkey thing. Of course, my good friend in California knows just how important this holiday is. Drink your milk and eat your turkey... get NICE and sleepy!!! :)

Been slacking off lately

I've been lazy. I warned you in my profile this happens from time to time. I don't mean to slack off, but I often get distracted by something else, and it takes me a while to re-focus. Anyway, it has been an eventful week. N has moved to a different station, different partner, much better all around. He's running 911 calls now, instead of transfers and long-distance runs. The reason for the move was discord between him and his partner. Take a walk with me into a shift with her. 24 hours... once every three days. That's what they work. They have a station with beds, bathrooms, a kitchen, Dish Network, pretty much a home away from home. She spends as much of those 24 hours as possible sleeping, and the rest of them whining. N drives whenever he is not with a patient, because she's "tired" and needs to nap in the truck. And then occasionally a call comes in.... and she sighs. Not like a "Damn, I have to get off my fat ass and move" sigh, more of a tornado warning type sigh, because she cannot believe they are asking her to actually WORK once in a while. She was whining a lot, and N was hating to go to work. Long story short, N moves to another station, a much better assignment, with a medic who knows his job. We're happy, the boss is happy, and I feel sorry for the poor sap who is stationed on N's old shift!!

In other news, the potty training is going much better lately. My son loves to use the potty. My daughter understands the need, but is not as crazy about it. It's the little things in life, folks... I wish I could get as excited about peeing as A does!

Have you seen "Supersize Me"? This is a must-see for Americans. You'll never want McDonald's again. I just finished watching it, and wow!! Don't watch it while eating, especially fast food!!

Oh, and if the cat didn't HATE us before, she does now. The new kittin brought a upper resp. infection with her, and passed it on to the older cat. Both are sick, and both have their claws, which means N and I are missing chunks of skin from administering medications. Sounds like fun, huh?? Now do you see why I haven't been posting as often? Ok, no more excuses... I'll post again tomorrow...

And it's all over now

Well folks, it's over. Bush has won, and though I think "bought and bullied" is a more accurate term, there isn't a damn thing any of us can do about it. What do I think?? Well, Kerry gave up a little too easy in my opinion. I can't fault him for that too, much, but I am disappointed that Al Gore (who is not one of my favorite candidates) put up more of a fight than the man who was said "Help is on the way!" Now on to a few predictions about the next 4 years. Dubya is going to have the opportunity to appoint at least one, probably 2 jusges to the Supreme Court. (That's a fact, not an opinion) This will mean we will say goodbye to women's rights, separation of church and state, and many other "rights" we take for granted today. They will stop gay Americans from being treated as any other American is, by not allowing them the benefits a committed couple deserves. More of our friends and family will die in Iraq, and since I live by the largest armored base in the US, I've been witness to this since the start of the war. We will probably start a draft in the near future, because even with the stoploss our men and women in the service are not re-enlisting, and who could blame them? No one else wants to sign up either, so we are at a GRAVE shortage of soldiers. Oil prices are going to continue to skyrocket, as well as milk prices, food prices, and everything else in the market. You know what won't change? Wages. But what does Dubya care?? He's rich!!! The rest of us can't even afford to go to work, because we lose money when you figure in gas, and childcare. Oh, and do you Bush supporters REALLY think Osama is done with us? Well, prepare yourselves, because the 9/11 deaths will not be the last he inflicts on innocent Americans. Oh, had you forgotten is was Bin Laden responsible for those, and not Sadam?! Guess the amdinistration's plan worked then, because they didn't want you to remember their friends the Bin Ladens were the enemy!! So in four years, if I'm not in jail because of the Patriot Act (After all, this "freedom of speech" I'm taking advantage of can now make me "An enemy of America") I want to take a poll to see how happy our citizens are with "their" choice. In the meantime, I don't have to like Bush to love my country, and I'm going to continue to work hard to give my kids something better here! I suggest everyone who hasn't already go out and rent Michael Moore's Fahernheit 9/11... what do you have to lose??

Election night madness

Ok, I'm losing my mind on this wonderful election night. N has gone to bed, because he ran a lot of calls last night, and couldn't stay up any longer. I am periodically waking him to give updates on the election. We've discusssed leaving the country and relinquishing our citizenship if Bush wins, that's how opposed to him her are. It is not looking good for those of us in the "Kerry Camp", and I am glued to the statistics. I'm not sure I trust exit polls any more than I trust gallup polls, only because they always seem to leave out certain demographics. For example, we lived a good deal of the past 2 years with only a cell phone, no home phone needed. Our home phone was just put in last month. Gallup was not contacting any households who didn't have a home phone, and many people in my age group don't . Essentially, we were not represented in those polls. How accurate can the exit poll predictions be? They were calling states before even 50% of the votes were tallied! Regardless, I'll escort you on a journey through the neurosis I'm experiencing due to this election. I'm neurotic enough without the state of our futures on the line. Now the stakes are high, and I'm a basketcase! I am not far from Crawford, TX, and I cannot believe how many people in this area voted Bush just because he is a hometown boy. Hello?! I know a lot of hometown folks I wouldn't trust to run a business, let alone a COUNTRY!!! This is not good, but my fingers and toes are crossed for a Kerry/Edwards victory. If not, you may be reading about how I am adjusting to Canada. I'm sure I'll be back soon to ramble more, but in the meantime I'm going back to my CNN.

Exactly as planned...

One thing is for sure folks... I know my children. Exactly like I expected, they used Daddy being on shift as an excuse to act like wild chimps. My dear friend Tink has recommended a book to help me get them under control. You see, I don't have bad kids, they just don't listen to ME! Mom is a pushover, and they take advantage of it. Well, no mas! I am going to demand the respect I deserve as the person directly responsible for bringing them into this world. I'll let you know Thursday night if my new plan is working. I only know I will not be hog-tied and taunted by them when the new regime is in place because of my size. Unfortunately for them, I am still much bigger and stronger. So I guess for me that means I need to bring them into compliance now, before they get big enough to overpower me. Come on, how hard can this be?? I have 20 years of experience over them... they're just little kids right? RIGHT?! Can I get some moral support here?!

Let me tell you about my day. Actually, you have no choice if you are reading this, because it's my blog, and I can talk about whatever I want! (Sorry about that, I just needed to feel in control for a minute!) Well, they slept in, and I let them, because I *knew* they had no intentions of napping later. We had a successful potty day, only 1 accident, and that was due to an upset tummy. Things are good for a while, then the late afternoon brings a horrible case of the crankies. A walks outside barefoot, and with no pants on. I tell him to come back in the house right this minute, which prompts him to laugh at me. Yes, you read that right, my 2 year old son laughed at me. B is following her brother, because it seems like a fun thing to do. I'm on the phone with N during this, who is trying to assist me in getting them corralled without any violent tantrums. I finally convince B to come in, and drag A in kicking and screaming. All the while I'm barefoot, and mad I had to walk on the rocks to get A. Back to back tantrums follow this incident, incited by every move and command I give. A goes potty, but doesn't want to get off the potty. I know he is done, but to him it seems fun to sit on the potty and stuff toilet paper down it. I am not interested in plunging the toilet again, so I drag him off the potty. Tantrum. I won't let them stand on their little trikes. Tantrum. B is about to strangle the new kitten, and I step in on Callie's behalf. Tantrum. Are you seeing the pattern here? Do I have any volunteers to baby sit yet?? Come on, you know you want to! We take dinner to Daddy, and they are both angels during our visit. Come home, after stern warnings from Daddy to behave and be nice to Mommy. Get ready for bed... you guessed it... TANTRUM!!!! Now, at 1 am, they have been asleep for about an hour, and I'm trying to figure out where to submit my 2 week notice. Love them to death, but Mommy is about to start Toddler Boot Camp for them!

On a completely separate note... if you are American, and reading this, GO VOTE!!! NOW!!!! I won't even tell you who you should vote for (Kerry :) ) Just go do it!!!!