Resignation

I have decided to resign. Expect my resignation letter by the end of the day. I am having a HORRIBLE parenting day, where the kids have decided that listening to me is NOT required, and continue to do the most disgusting and annoying things possible. For example, blowing spit bubbles, slurping juice and spitting it back into their cups, twirling in circles until they fall over and break things, destroying the bathroom when they are supposed to be going potty, and other wonderful preschooler moments. We are about to go outside and play, although it's hotter than hell out, so we'll see how this goes. Oh, and when they've finally pushed me to my breaking point, they say "I want to be GOOOOOD!", as if that negates all of the bad behavior.
I SO quit!!
I hear mothers talk about how they enjoy their time as a SAHM, I'm not one of them. I hate to admit it, and my children may one day hate me for this, but dealing with toddlers and preschoolers is NOT my forte'. Babies? I had a blast, I'm sure there were bad days, but my kids were easy babies, and I enjoyed spending my days with them. Now? I'm just burnt out. I have NO clue how to entertain these two all day long, and am overly excited when they have preschool two afternoons a week. They have hundreds, maybe a couple thousand dollars worth of toys, games, DVDs, and other crap to play with, but all they want to do is whine and watch TV. (As I type this they are riding in circles on their ATVs, and STILL not listening when I tell them NOT to run into each other or the house.) I have been thinking lately about getting a job, because I really don't think I'm cut out for this one, but the logistics of working are so complicated when you have to factor in child care, field training exercises for N, and the probability of leaving KS in 6 months. I could do in home daycare, there is a huge demand for that on post, but that means MORE kids to the mix, and if I can barely survive days alone with my OWN children, should I really take on other people's kids? I'm starting school (online classes) in the fall, with no real idea what I want to do when I "grow up". Actually, that's a lie, the careers I want more than anything are not an option for me, for various reasons. Beyond those pipe dreams, I've got no clue. Either way, I'm sucking today, big time. This post may or may not end up deleted, because it's so GD taboo to say anything less than "I LOVE being a MOMMY!!", but I am pretty sure I can't be the only person out there who feels this way.

Say "Ok!"

If my son tells me "Say OK!!", or "Say Uh-HUH!", or "Say NO!" one more time I may lose my shit. I seriously hear him telling me what to say in response to everything he says NON-STOP. From the moment this child wakes up, until the last "Good night!", he's telling me what to say, and will repeat himself until I say it.
Oh, and since we're talking about how to irritate the crap out of me, I woke up this morning to blood-curdling screaming from my beloved son. Hearing his "MOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!! I NEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD you! MOMMY! HELP!" jolted me up, and had me running down the hall, fully prepared to find some kind of horrible disaster. I didn't even stop to grab my glasses, so when I get to their room to find he was freaking out over a SPIDER, I was none too impressed. To top it off, jumping up so quickly gave me a nasty case of vertigo, I told the kids to ignore the spider (which I couldn't see), and play quietly while I went back to my bed. Ugh... what a way to start your morning!

Don't forget!

Please don't forget to go visit my renter, Scooter. He's got a review of Nelly Furtado's new CD up right now, so you can totally get caught up on your hot new music. Enjoy!!

CONGRATS MIAMI HEAT!!!!!

The "White Hot" Miami Heat just beat Dallas 95-92, for their first NBA Championship!! They are only the third team in history to come back from 0-2 and win a championship, and the Heat haven't won a game in Dallas since 2002, the odds were stacked against them. However, tonight is their night... the Heat are the 2006 Championship team!!

Congrats to Dwayne Wade on the 2006 Finals MVP award!

On a side note, Mark Cuban, owner of the Mavs, is known for being a pain in the ass to commissioner David Stern, and acting like an jerk at times. I can't wait to hear his reactions to his team's loss. This could get interesting!!

**Can the Sixers have their turn next year? Pretty please? If I beg?! Come on Sixers, we're long overdue for a championship!!**

We're going to see DMB!!!

We're going to see DMB in August, and the best part is we're going to DALLAS to see them! (They aren't coming to KS this year) So, N has decided to take some leave, we're having the in-laws meet us in Dallas to get the munchkins, going to the concert, driving down to the in-laws for a visit, letting them spoil the kids, and taking some couple time while in the Great State (float the Guadalupe? Visit Riverwalk? Run away to Mexico? Who knows where we'll go!!)! Yay!!! So excited!!! Of course, I'm TERRIFIED to post this, in case the Army decides to fuck up our plans. I haven't seen DMB in 6 years, and N has never been to their concert, so this will be a really cool trip!

Anyone know where I can get a body double??

I'm sitting here muttering explicatives because I've managed to double-book appointments today at 2, and had to call and cancel one. The one that got the ax was a surgery consult for a lump in my breast (Oooohhh, FUN!! Cancer scares at 23 are the BEST!!!), which is NOT something you really want to stress about for another MONTH, but my other appointment was very difficult to get, and I can't afford to miss that. When I called the surgery clinic to explain and cancel, the guy said "Well, what's the other appointment for, if you don't mind my asking?" in a grumpy tone. I told him, and explained that it took me 2 months to GET that appointment, and I HAVE to keep it. Fine, he cancels, I hang up, and immediately call the central appointment line (this is how military healthcare works) where I'm on hold listening to "Bumblebees" or some other equally annoying classical music, until I can reschedule. ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Then, I decide to look in my phone, and realize I have not only those appointments today, but FIVE appointments next week, including shots, and checkups for the kids (Why no, they COULDN'T consolidate those appointments, I'll be spending all afternoon running from clinic to clinic in the hospital!!), plus an appointment for myself all in one day. FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!! I need a body double, but I'll settle for a few DoubleShots from Starbucks. Now, excuse me while I go mutter more cuss words on my way to the doctor's office. It's no wonder I'm a basketcase!

My first renter!

Go visit Scooter, and say hi... he's been so kind as to rent my blog, and I don't want him to think I'm a slumlord! Scooter's blog is a wonderful mix of music, TV, politics, and anything else that comes to mind, and he has a great "Guess these lyrics" post every so often. Of course, he won me over by being a fellow Rescue Me fanatic, so you know he's cool!! So, go, explore, comment, and listen to some great music, you won't be sorry!!!

How to know you are having the worst Monday ever.

There is a soldier under N who has been having big problems with his new bride, and apparently things finally came to a head this weekend. Weve been aware that there have been problems for a while now, because both the soldier and the wife have asked N for help, but we had no clue as to the extent of it. N walked into work today, and was called into the commander's office, to find the wife and another woman sitting there. Apparently, the wife received an email from the other woman's friend, letting her know her husband was not only cheating on her, but cheating on his mistress as well. Come to find out there are FOUR mistresses, and now all 5 women know about each other. This kid is in a shitload of trouble, adultery is punishable under the UCMJ, and these women are prepared to sign sworn statements. (Adultery is infamously hard to prove without photographic evidence, and is rarely brought up as a charge, but this kid has a whole list of other offenses related to his marriage, which I won't get into here). So, I may end up awarding him Idiot of the Week (too early to tell yet), because it's bad enough to get caught cheating on your wife, but to be cheating on your multiple mistresses as well... Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!! Dumbass!

Blood Boiling

I don't watch the local news often, but it came on after the game, and I am really wishing I didn't catch the top story. Ever heard of Westboro Baptist Church?? They're a Topeka, KS church that has caused quite a stir lately. They've become famous for protesting military funerals, and picketing with signs saying things like "God Hates America", "God Hates Fags", "Thank God For Dead Soldiers", "Thank God for IEDs", and other disgusting phrases praising the deaths of American soldiers, and denouncing homosexuality. A Florida band, BiteBoy, traveled to Topeka to protest these assholes this Father's Day, in honor of their friends overseas. I won't even give these pathetic excuses for humans the courtesy of a link, but I think I will be spending part of next weekend counter-protesting these fuckers. Anyone in the Topeka area willing to join me, feel free to email me. Their sites list the upcoming funerals of soldiers recently killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, where they plan to protest. They also have a quote on one page saying "2,475 [American soldiers KIA], WBC prays for it to be 244,475!!!"
What kind of pitiful excuse for a church would spread such a hateful, disgusting message? They are no better than the extremist Muslims who commit terrorist acts in the name of "God". The most ironic part is they feel our soldiers and civilians deserve to die because America accepts homosexuality! The terrorist acts of 9/11, the war in Iraq, natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina, and tragedies like the coal mine deaths are "punishment" for accepting homosexuals, according to these geniuses. Now, I was raised in a Baptist church, and the God they worship wouldn't encourage such hate. I may be an agonostic, but I wouldn't trust any god or diety that did!
Anyone who happens to live near Beatrice, NE, they will be displaying their hateful message there on 20 June, at a military funeral. They are also protesting funerals in Donalsonville, GA today (Monday), and Arlington National Cemetary on Tuesday, so if you happen to be near any of these locations, please consider speaking out against this abomination, and supporting the families who lost their sons.
It's funny, I don't think they have the balls to come here, only 45 minutes away, and protest at a funeral, because they know they'd be playing in the lion's den. We all know what happened to the last asshole that thought God would protect him from the lions. (EDITED, I was wrong, a quick search of some photos from funeral pickets they are SO proud of shows they were here in 2005, in Junction City, KS, and protested a graduation in Manhattan, KS this month. They also had the balls to show up in Temple, TX, near Ft. Hood, to protest yet another funeral. These assholes need to be stopped.)
I realize this is not exactly new news, but somehow it never crossed my radar until tonight. I'm filing this under Dogtags & Combat Boots, although it might be more fitting under STFU, K? THX! I'm just entirely enraged...

Amazing game

Holy crap, the NBA Finals game tonight was unreal. I'm kinda pulling for Miami, although I like both teams. Part of it is Miami being the underdog, I want to see them pull it off. The last minute of tonight's game was just unbelievable, Dallas up by 1 point with 10 seconds left, Dwayne Wade draws the foul from Nowitzki with 1.9 seconds left, hits one, and one of the Mavericks players accidentally uses their last TO between free throws. Everyone is freaking out, because that means Dallas has to use that 1.9 seconds to advance the whole court rather than inbound at half, but the refs decide the TO counts, Wade hits the second FT, Miami by 1, Dallas inbounds, the shot is NO GOOD! Miami wins 101-100! Awesome game, now it's back to Dallas for game 6, and 7 if needed.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all you daddies out there! I hope you enjoyed your special day!!

Melt!!

I had some photos taken of me when I was about 4-5 months pregnant with the kids. In some of them, I'm wearing a white dress (it was actually my wedding dress, but was made of stretchy material, so fit over my baby bump), the kids have seen these pictures many times. We've showed them the pictures to explain that they were in fact in my tummy at one point. (Because they REALLY couldn't believe that one!!) So, out of the blue today, Shane says to me "Mommy, you're a princess!! In the pictures with us in your belly, you're wearing a white princess dress. You don't have a crown, but you look like a real princess!!!" I melted into a big mommy puddle, and had to be mopped up off the floor. Now, here's one of the pics, my scanner is messed up, so I had to take a picture of it, so please excuse the quality. It's those moments that *almost* make up for all the crap they put me through most days.

Idiot of the Week 6/11/-6/17/06

Well, I've got 2 nominees for Idiot of the Week this week. I'll let you gusy pick the winner.
First up, man runs around neighborhood naked to convince his girlfriend to marry him, gets shot at.
Apparently, his girlfriend wasn't sure she was ready to get married, so he decided to prove to her that taking risks can be a good thing. He jumped out a window naked, and ran across the street, but then someone saw him, called the cops, and pulled a gun on him. A shot was fired, but he wasn't hit, and no charges were filed. How much do you want to bet the GF said "Oh HELL no!!" to his proposal after that??

Second up, we have a gold prospector who dug a 60 foot deep hole in his front yard, because his gold detector gave a positive reading. The hole was not reinforced, and he hired two men to help dig, they were lifting dirt out with a bucket and rope. The police shut the operation down, and fenced off the area. I don't know who deserves the award more in this one, the homeowner or the 2 idiots he convinced to climb in the hole and dig. "Hey, do I have a deal for you... I want you to climb down into this 60 foot hole without any protection, and keep digging until you find gold."
"Well ok, here... hold my sign, don't want to lose it!!" (I love Bill Engvall!)

So kids, who wins this week? Discuss amongst yourselves!

Go Jakey!!!

N came home and told me I needed to call Jake, because he had some big news, Jake had called him squealing like a virgin on her wedding night. Ok, I'll bite... I call Jake and ask him what his news is. He got to make his first arrest last night! (For those of you who don't know, N's baby brother joined the Coast Guard last fall, and is stationed in Jacksonville, FL) I asked him what it was for, it was a deadbeat dad! Apparently, they have to go on the shrimp boats, and make sure everything is legal, run checks on everyone. Jacksonville police called them back with a warrant for unpaid child support. The way the Coasties handle it is taking the suspect into an enclosed area, there are 2 armed guys w/cuffs who stand in front of the suspect, and one unarmed guy w/cuffs behind him (this was Jake's position). They ask his name, etc, and the officer gives Jake the go-ahead to take him into custody. Jake instructed him to get down on the floor, twice, and the guy refused. Now, Jake has wrestled, and played football for pretty much his whole life. So, he took the guy down, and the guy decided he wanted to fight. He was subdued, and taken into custody, and Jake's on cloud nine for his first arrest. Woo!!! Go Jake!! (I'll file this one in Dogtags and Combat Boots, even though it's a totally different branch of service. I'm that proud of our bubbie!!)

Yahoo! Virus

Apparently, Yahoo! says the email virus that has been plaguing both of my Freecycle groups for the last 2 days is now contained, but from the amount of infected emails I have received I find that hard to believe. Apparently, this virus went out with the subject line of "New Graphic Site". Some people in the Yahoo! Freecycle groups opened it, and then it was just resent to everyone over and over. Thankfully, I never opened it, but this has been a major annoyance this week. If you get an email with that subject line DO NOT OPEN!!!

I am SO quick!!

Wow, sometimes I even amaze myself. I'm listening to music on my hard drive while cleaning (and my playlist goes from Garth Brooks to Ludacris to Gwen Stefani to Johnny Cash, I'm strange like that). So, "Good Ride Cowboy" comes on, I've heard this song a MILLION times. All of a sudden it occurs to me that the song is a tribute to the late Chris LeDoux. I text messeged N and said told him how GENIUS I am to have JUST figured that out. His response? "Wow, you're quick on the uptake. That's ok, you're cute, and MY dork!" LOL Ok, check the lyrics, it couldn't be more obvious if Garth Brooks himself smacked me upside my head.

From the hills of Kaycee, Wyoming
Where life's wooly and wild
There's a Navy brat in a cowboy hat
And that Copenhagen smile
And from buckin' broncs to honky tonks
He always sang a cowboy's song
We were much too young, havin' too much fun
As we all sang along

We sang Life's a Highway
There's only one way you're gonna get through it
When she starts to twist be more like Chris
Pull your hat down tight
And just LeDoux it!
When that whistle blows
And that crowd explodes
And them pickup men are at your side
They tell you good ride cowboy, good ride

From gold buckles to gold records
Once again he was spinnin' 'round
Took the whole world on
And he turned us on to that Western Underground
And from Bareback Jack to This Cowboy's Hat
The songs were stronger than his pain
He would not slow down from town to town
Like children running thru the rain

We sang Life's a Highway
There's only one way you're gonna get through it
When she starts to twist be more like Chris
Pull your hat down tight
And just LeDoux it!
When that whistle blows
And that crowd explodes
And them pickup men are at your side
They tell you good ride cowboy, good ride

We sang Life's a Highway
There's only one way you're gonna get through it
When she starts to twist be more like Chris
Pull your hat down tight
And just LeDoux it!
When that whistle blows
And that crowd explodes
And them pickup men are at your side
They tell you good ride cowboy, good ride

When we cross that river Jordan,
With St Peter on the other side
Singin' Good Ride Cowboy, Good Ride!
Say Good Ride Cowboy, Good Ride!

Dots!!!

I found this over at The Daily Bitch, go say hi to Monty while you make your own!! (Oddly enough, it kept changing, I waited as long as my impatient ass could, and it was barely changing by the time I took the screenshot. Oh, and load it in IE, it didn't seem to agree with FF)

Last post for today, promise!!

So, I'm doing my normal Tuesday afternoon grocery shopping. The woman in front of me in line has her daughter with her, this girl is 17 MAX, and I was in total shock that her mother let her leave the house looking like she did.

Let's see what we can find wrong with this picture. Kid is wearing tiny workout shorts, rolled down, a black bra (VS Very Sexy collection, as a matter of fact, that's how much of this bra was showing, I could easily identify it) and a white "wifebeater" tank top. (That's mom in the right side of the pic) Hey, I have an idea!! Let your kid walk around like that on a military post, where there is a disproportionately large population of young, horny guys. Oh, and at least 2 registered sex offenders living in housing. Sounds BRILLIANT! So, I snapped a pic with my phone, as discreetly as I possibly could, because how could I NOT share this with y'all?

Go Geno's!!

If you are from the Delaware Valley, you know that the 2 most famous cheesesteak joints in all of Philadelphia are Pat's and Geno's (Geno's site is down, so that's the Wikipedia link about Philly steaks), which are across the street from each other, and located very close to UPenn. (Personal side note, I prefer Jim's on South Street, or making my own, since my family owns a deli... I make a kick ass cheesesteak when the proper ingredients (Amoroso rolls, dammit!!) are at my disposal) Anyway, Geno's has implemented an English-only ordering policy. The owner's grandparents came to Philly from Sicily, and had to learn the language, so he feels that it is helping immigrants by pushing them to learn the native language of their new country. I couldn't agree more! The employees are NOT turning away non-English speaking customers, instead they are helping them learn to order in English. Now, that may seem like an insignifigant feat, after all it is just food, but it's a principle thing. They have a sign up that says "This is AMERICA: WHEN ORDERING SPEAK ENGLISH". Go Geno's!!
Now, the one thing about the article that pisses me off is the way they claim Philadelphians order their steaks. I spent 16 years of my life in the Philly region, I learned to talk there. We have an accent, but it's seriously exaggerated by most accounts. I don't know anyone who really says "youse", and we certainly don't sound like that stupid Hardee's commercial. Anyway, while researching these links I've developed a serious craving, only to find out Jim's will ship steaks to you overnight, anywhere in the country. HOLY SHIT, that's awesome. I wonder if I can sell one of the kids to finance those steaks (minimum order is 4, plus $10 packing fee, and FedEx charges bring it to about $80 for 4 steaks... this is only worth it under extreme circumstances, like the fact that I haven't had one in 3 years, and N has never had the pleasure)

Idiot of the Week 6/4-6/10/06

A hat tip to LatteMan for this link, he sent it to me on Monday, and I was pretty sure we already had our winner.
Man believes God will protect him, climbs into lion's den at zoo, is killed.
I think that about sums it up, but go ahead and read the story, just to get the full idea of his idiocy. I guess I shouldn't award this to him post-humously, but how can I resist?? I don't know if God exists or not, but if s/he DOES, s/he allowed your stupid ass to get eaten as a form of natural selection.

An absolute disgrace

We teach our children to be safe, to call 911 in an emergency, and to trust firemen, policemen, and medical professionals. We tell them that if they need help, the police or firemen will help them. This 5 year old boy did exactly what he was taught, he called 911 when his mother collapsed in their Detroit home. His first call was ignored, and when he called again a couple hours later, he was scolded for "playing on the phone", and threatened with the police coming to his house to get him in trouble for making prank calls. You can watch a clip on the CNN story that includes part of one call, where the dispatcher is threatening him. Two different operators took the calls, and neither operator took his pleas seriously. By the time they dispatched police to "discipline" this child, the mother was found dead. She had an enlarged heart, and most likely would have survived with prompt treatment. The operators were suspended, and then ALLOWED TO RETURN TO WORK! Charges of neglect have been filed, and they could face up to a year in jail. What about the LIFETIME this boy has to face without his mother??
Now, here are a couple issues with this story. First of all, my husband has worked as an EMT, and responded to plenty of calls where they KNEW it was not a real emergency. In the township he trained in there is a woman who has a "thing" for emergency personnel, and will call in claiming one ailment or another just to get the crews to her house. They still HAVE to respond. It's part of the oath they take, and their duty as emergency workers. Even hang-ups require response, and rightfully so. I called 911 when being attacked, and had the phone ripped from the wall. The police never got to verify what the situation was, but they responded within minutes, and probably saved me and my children from serious harm.
Secondly, this story happened in a major city, where so many youth already grow up with distrust for authority figures like police and firemen. What happens when this boy is a teen, and thinks to himself "Fuck the police, they didn't help my momma, they let her die."? I realize Detroit is a large city, and prank calls are a problem, but you just cannot take that risk of blowing off a call. No matter what happens to those dispatchers, that mother is gone, and nothing can bring her back.

My heart breaks for this family, nothing can change the tragedy that they've experienced. I do hope Detroit gets a clue, and removes these dispatchers permanently, or at least until their trial is over.

Hat tip to SJ at Blogging Baby for this story.

Ok, not really...

I woke up this morning, and determined that I'm dying. N swears I'm no where near death, but I'm not convinced. I've either strained some muscles in my back, or one of my kidneys quit. He laughed at me when I told him these were the possibilities, and yet I was drinking a Coke. If it were my kidney, I'm sure Coke would be JUST what the doctor ordered. Either way, he determined that it was not, in fact, my kidney, and that I've simply strained my back. Great! Regardless, I feel like someone kicked my ass last night while I was sleeping, with a couple of hard kidney shots just for good measure. Apparently, I've been sleep-fighting all week, because I kicked and punched N yesterday morning when he tried to climb back into bed. So, whoever is picking fights with me in my dreams, I surrender. Now excuse me while I wait for my loving husband to bring me some muscle relaxers.

Edit: Of course, the kids can SENSE that I am having trouble moving, and therefore are taking full advantage of the situation.

Girly

I went outside to smoke, and came back in to the smell of nail polish. This is NEVER a good sign, since I finished painting my toenails last night, and this was definitely fresh polish. I find Madison with smeared nail polish across one foot and one hand. Thankfully, she was sitting on a pillow on the couch, and didn't get any on our brand new couches, because N would have had a freaking coronary. *sigh* She definitely is my girly girl... mental note: remember to put all polish and remover away next time!

Addiction

I don't know what it is about my mid-20s, but I've suddenly become a shoe addict. Mainly, Colin Stewart shoes from Victoria's Secret. They send me at least one catalogue a week, and it takes every bit of self-restraint to not whip out my credit card, and just keep ordering. To bad we have to do silly things like feed the children, and make sure they have clothes and stuff... I did get a "fix" about 2 weeks ago, with a major sale at Finish Line (plus a 20% military discount) where I got a pair of Pumas for about $25, and a pair of KSwiss for $12, yes TWELVE dollars. I wonder if I can use the $75 or so that I saved as an excuse to order a couple pairs of heels. Especially since I get Angel points on my card, and am thisclose to a gift certificate thanks to my VS spending habits. Hmmm...
I mean, how can I resist these?!

From the trenches

Here is birth control for the masses. I spent my afternoon Magic Eraser-ing boogers off the wall in the kids' room. Funny thing, Mads is the one who put them there, I know this because they were all on the wall next to her bed. It's bad when you're having trouble getting the job done with Magic Erasers, those things can tackle just about anything. So, what did we learn from this? Well, there is a silver lining... Shane ALWAYS has his finger piled up his nose, but his wall was clean. One must therefore conclude he's eating the boogers. As gross as that is, at least I don't have to scrub them off the walls.My life is so glamourous!

Touche'

Adam and Eve jokes... I think I lost this one.

Mine...

God was just about done creating humans, but he had 2 parts left over. He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he figured he might as well ask them. He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee standing up.

"It's a very handy thing.", God told them, "And I was wondering if either of you had a preference for it."

Well, Adam jumped up and down, and begged "Oh, PLEASE, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! PLEASSSEEEE!!! Give it to me!!" On and on he went, like an excited little boy.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it that badly, he could have it. So, God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited, he just started whizzing all over the place, first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, then he tried to hit a tree stump 10 feet away, laughing with delight the whole time. God and Eve watched him with amusement, then God said to Eve "Well, I guess you're stuck with the last thing I have left."

"What's it called?" asked Eve.

"Brains.", said God.


Ok, so I sent it to a guy friend, and got back a retort of "Jerk!!" I told him he was just mad because it was true, and here's the one he sent me...


"So God creates Adam, Adam's lonely, etc etc, so he asks God for a partner. God says I will create the perfect partner for you...she will anticipate your every need, fulfill your every desire. She will be your best friend and lover, and your life will be absolutely complete when she is with you. I will call her "woman." Adam says "Great, what do you need of me?" God says, "For me to create this perfect woman, I will need one arm, one leg, and all of your hair." Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"



Take that, smarty pants.

I think he wins... anyone got a good reply??

Here she goes again!!

Begin Rant...

Ok, SJ posted on Blogging Baby a few days ago about the Army implementing a new PT program for pregnant soldiers. Now, being a woman, and an Army wife, I have a few issues with female soldiers, and am grateful that my husband's MOS (job in the Army) means he is in an all-male unit. Here's the thing. Females who join the military need to soldier up. They are judged by different standards than male soldiers, and given a lot more leeway when it comes to physical fitness, which I think is unfair. If you want to hang with the boys, you need to not only do it as well, but BETTER, because you have something to prove. This is, by nature, a male environment, and if you can't hang, you shouldn't join. Now, here's what set me off today. My neighbor babysits for a female soldier. I should note that my neighbor just got out of the Army herself (her husband is a soldier as well) and another neighbor is a female soldier. I respect those women who stay in shape, do their best, and take pride in being a soldier. However, the female soldier my neighbor babysits for is pregnant again (has a 4 year old). I just saw her, in her maternity BDUs, which were disheveled, wrinkled, and not anywhere close to being in regulation. In addition, pregnant soldiers are often authorized to wear sneakers (AKA Japanese Jump Boots) rather than their combat boots. This soldier was wearing sneakers, adding to the completely disgraceful look of her uniform. She was also outside without her beret, basically I could have pointed out at least 10 things with her appearance that were out of regulation. Now, I've been pregnant, obviously. I know that is can be difficult and uncomfortable (Hello? I carried twins and was on bedrest for 4 months. I know pregnancy can suck), but considering the exceptions that are made for pregnant soldiers, the least they can do is press their uniform and keep their appearance in regs. I don't expect them to do hard labor while pregnant, or to put their baby in danger, but what is so difficult about keeping up your appearance as every other soldier is required to do?? So, back to the new PT program that is being implemented, I applaud it. Exercise during a normal pregnancy is healthy, and can prevent excess weight gain, not to mention making recovery after birth much easier. Soldiers are provided free health care, paid maternity leave, and many other benefits that should be some sort of incentive to make a damn effort to do their jobs.

Also, female soldiers are given the option to get out of the Army early after delivering a baby. What about male soldiers whose wives just had a baby? That is not an acceptable excuse for requesting an early discharge. As a matter of fact, the 10 days "emergency leave" fathers are given are charged against their leave time. N just made an excellent point. Many women bitch about not being allowed into combat MOS, such as Infantry, but the reality of it is they COULD NOT do my husband's job while pregnant. I doubt even the smallest, healthiest pregnant woman could fit in a Bradley, and complete training exercises. Women, I understand our need to feel equal, but the feminist movement has gone too far. Let's be honest, we want to be treated with equal rights, and that is understandable, but we are built differently, and have different strengths than men. Deal with it.

End Rant

The JOY!!!

Pure, unadulterated JOY at their new "motorcycles"!! They spent the morning riding around the front yard.


And yes, that is his favorite shirt right now!

Birthday Preview

Here is a preview of the kids' birthday. It's officially 3 June, their birthday, and I'm not only making final preparations for their party, but I'm having a yard sale with my neighbor in the morning. ACK!!!

Here are some pictures...
At school, telling me how old they are gonna be!!


After I told Madison that she was only going to be FOUR not FIVE!!


Their new ATVs


What they will see when they come downstairs tomorrow morning, presents from a few family members, with more on the way. They're making out like bandits this year!!


Now for the sappy mommy post. Four years ago today, just 10 days shy of their "due date", I headed to the hospital, more than ready to deliver these two angels. At 9:09 pm Shane Jacob made his entrance to the world, screaming and raising hell. Just two minutes later, without a peep, Madison Elizabeth made her dramatic debut. I say dramatic, because not hearing her cry made my heart stop for a moment, until they held her up over the curtain, to show me she was healthy and breathing. Some things never change, Shane still loves to hear his own voice, we call him our personal CNN ticker. Madison is still my little drama queen, constantly singing and dancing, always the star, yet always in her own little world.

Shane, my son, my first born. You are a brilliant child, you can recall things you've only seen once, you can rattle off letters and numbers, and will even spell out "Wal*Mart" when you see it, including the "star". Nothing excites you like the site of Home Depot, except maybe a train, or a motorcycle, or FIRE!!! Actually, you are excited by everything around you, and must share it with the world! You posess the amazing ability to love unconditionally, and to make friends everywhere you go. I hope you never lose that. You are quirky, and unique in the best ways... don't every change, my son.

Madison, my little girl, my princess. You're my beautiful little pixie, with an endless energy that never ceases to amaze me. Your life is one big play... songs, stories, dancing, and acting fill your days. You are already showing a natural talent in dance and gymnastics, and I promise to do my best to encourage you, and let you follow every dream your beautiful mind can think up. Never sell yourself short, my daughter... you have the world in front of you, make the most of it.

I love you both, no matter how crazy our days get. I will always do my best for you, and I will always be here for you. Happy birthday, my babies...

Idiot of the Week 5/28-6/3/06

I think this guy is a hands down winner, although I'm not sure if he's an idiot, or just a horrible human being. Man puts baby in dryer. Apparently, the man put his girlfriend's 13 month old in a dryer, and turned it on, after the child spilled it's cup on it's clothes. The child is expected to make a full recovery from the burns and bruises resulting from this horrific event, and the man was charged, but is out on bail.

Only on a military post

This isn't something you see in normal neighborhoods, but it's just another day on a post. I know some units were in the field this week, and this may be their convoys back, or they may have just been moving vehicles, but I thought it was pretty entertaining to be driving down one of the main roads, and have this in front of you. (Nate informed me that they are humvees, and the "gun" is a 50 cal.)

Dropping the ball

I'm apparently not making the transition from Mommy to babies/toddlers to Mommy to preschoolers very well. Ugh!! So, today is the last day of preschool before the kids' birthday on Saturday. I had offered to bring in cupcakes to celebrate. Ok, the only rule was NO CHOCOLATE, because apparently some of the kids freak out with chocolate. (This is the teacher's explanation, not mine!!) So, normally I'd pull a Martha Stewart, and whip up some cupcakes, but I just didn't have it in me to make cupcakes for 30 kids this week. I went to Dillon's bought vanilla cupcakes, and had them back at the school at 2:10, thinking snacktime is 2:15. Then I notice everyone is still outside, so I talk to the head teacher, she told me where to put the cupcakes, and walked off to do something. I check the posted schedule, see snack time is 2:45, figure I'll run home, finish some chores, and come back. Well, the schedule is old, and snacktime was 2:15, so I missed the cupcake celebration. :( I felt REALLY bad! So, I went to say hi to the kids, when Shane informed me "Mommy, I'm FOUR now!!" His teacher and I tried to explain that he wouldn't be 4 until Saturday (trust me kid, I was there!!) but he's certain that having cupcakes means he's now 4. Ok!! I snap a couple pictures of my kids, a little girl asks if she can be in the picture, and I have to tell her no, because school rules only allow you to take pictures of your own children. Again, feeling like crappy mom of the day! I'll post the picture of Shane and Madison holding up 4 fingers later today. This year they are REALLY excited about their birthday, I think it's the first time I think they really "get it". So, hopefully I pull off the small celebration we're having for them on Saturday with a little more finesse. In the meantime, I have about 1 hour before I go pick up my sugar-high birthday kids!

Looking back

I was looking through my archives, back to posts from over a year ago, and decided I was a much more interesting blogger back then. Does that mean it's time to call it quits? My life has changed so much in just over a year, and almost every change has been for the better, but somehow my writing has gone to crap. Hmmmm....

The winner is...

The Winner of the Idiot of the Month for May 2006 is... the My Space Arsonists. Hey dumbasses, just about everyone has the internet now. Duh!

How to paralyze me

I'm in the bathroom, minding my own business and straightening my hair, when I see a spider below the mirror, and it looks an awful lot like a brown recluse. They are common in this area, I was first introduced to these horrible creatures in TX. I don't like ANY spiders, I'm pretty much deathy afraid of them. So, I'm now paralyzed in my bathroom, texting Nate because OMG there is a recluse on the wall. He says "I'll kill it when I get home" (over an hour from now), but what if it moves between now and then?? I finally grab a giganormous wad of paper towels, and do the spider in myself, but now I have to pee and am WAY to afraid to use either bathroom. Great. I'm so not going to sleep tonight, we've been seeing WAY too many spiders lately. Oh, and to actually identify spiders as brown recluses you have to check their EYES, because the violin marking on their backs can be mistaken. Um, do ya THINK I'm getting that up close and personal with this wretched creature? Fuck no!! The best part? The bathroom this fucker was in is where all of my make up and hair stuff is, so I'm afraid to even look in my makeup bag. I hate spiders. **shudder**

Rescue Me (Spoiler alert if you haven't seen it yet!!!)

OH. MY. GOD!!!!!! The last few minutes, when we watched Janet (who I think is an evil, heartless whore anyway) get into bed, and saw the guy's arm, I thought "It can't possibly be... he wouldn't... would he?" I just knew it was Tommy's brother. I only know 2 other people who are as big of fans as I am, my BIL and a friend here in KS. (N hates the show, it makes him miss firefighting) My BIL had called me during the first five minutes, to make sure I was watching. DUH!!! I've been waiting 6 months or so for this!!! So then, when you see who Janet is sleeping with, my friend B and I must have had the same thought, because we instantly text messaged each other in disbelief. As I was texting "OMG I KNEW IT!!! WHAT A WHORE!!!!" my phone buzzed with "OH FUCK!!!" I'm STILL in shock, and I can't wait until Tommy finds out. He's going to lose his shit.
Is anyone else totally hoping Lou pulls through this? My heart is broken for him, he should have seen it coming a mile away, but still... And Garretty fucking Tommy's sister? Who cares?? Not me! They are both idiots, and she is such an afterthought character, it's irrelavant. However, Susan Sarandon joining the show? WOW!!!!! I don't know how I'll make it through the week!

Big Brother

Last night we had some serious thunderstorms, and after a particularly loud clap I went to check on the kids. I opened the door, and saw Mads was a little scared, so I went to comfort her. Shane looked at us from his side of the room and said "It's just rain, right Mommy? So the birds can have something to drink!!" My heart definitely melted, it was his way of showing his sister there was nothing to be afraid of. He then got into bed with Madison and made sure she wasn't scared for the rest of the night. They will be 4 in a couple days, my babies are growing up...

Memorial Day

Thank a soldier today, and take a moment out of your Memorial Day celebrations to remember those who serve now, those who have served in the past, and those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice, FOR YOU. Kelly, from Mom Is Nutz, has posted the list of confirmed deaths during the current Iraq conflict, please take a moment today to remember these men and women, and the loved ones they left behind.

RIP Randy, you are not forgotten.

KASEY WINS!!

copyright Getty Images 2006

Kasey Kahne just beat out Jimmy Johnson to win his 4th Nextel Cup race in the Coca Cola 600, his first ever win at Lowes Motor Speedway (informally nicknamed Jimmy's track, because of his multiple wins there), AND become the first Dodge driver to win this race since Richard Petty, in 1977! To top it all off, this is the first of his wins that he had not started in the pole position, a major victory. YAY!!!
Ok, I'll stop with my NASCAR rambling now, I'm just overjoyed with Kasey's WIN!!!!

Remember when??

Here are a few blast from the pasts. The most ironic part is someone has KEPT these products all this time, and now sells them on Ebay.

First up, Orbitz drink... remember this? It was gross, but oh so intriguing!

If Orbitz wasn't your thing, perhaps you liked Crystal Pepsi (I should add that I personally hate Pepsi, and boycott their products, because of Bill O'Reilly.)

At least there isn't anyone selling the ACTUAL Pepsi Kona, but here's a promo tee, in case you forgot this gem existed.

How about some non-edible products...
Nintendo, the original, anyone remember Paper Boy? I loved that game.

Color change shirts, the ones you touched and they would change color?

Well, that's it for the walk down memory lane for now, what products can you think of?

The Devil's Concoction

I have decided that Goldschlager is the devil in a bottle. I don't drink it, I find it quite repulsive, but last night I had *1* shot of the vile syrup. Those aren't gold flakes in the bottle, they are tiny shards of glass, which will slice and dice your intestinal track, and make you pray for death's sweet mercy. Lesson learned, and I figured I'd pass it on to you, perhaps I can spare someone the pain of the gold-flaked bottle.

WTF?

Ok, I normally couldn't care less about PETA's "Sexiest Celebrity Vegetarian", howerver some geniuses who voted for this decided that the sexiest male vegan was Prince, beating out some hotties to include Joaquin Phoenix. You do not rob the Joaquin!!! This is WRONG! Seriously, whoever voted on this might need some meat and milk, because I think they are braindead.

Celebrity lookalikes

I recently met this guy named Kevin, through a friend. When he first introduced himself, I kept thinking "Wow, this guy looks really familiar...", but was drinking and couldn't place him. I knew I didn't know him, since he's an officer from a completely different type of unit, so not in the same professional circle as N, and it was just sheer chance that we shared a mutual friend. About halfway through that night, I figured it out, he looked JUST like Kevin Harvick. I asked him if he watched NASCAR, and when he didn't I told him he looked just like a driver, ironically enough named Kevin as well. I saw him at the same bar again last night, and he remembered the conversation. I asked him if he remembered to go look up who Harvick was, and he said he did, and agreed they look uncannily similar. So, my evil mind devised a wonderful plan... the next time the races were in KS, he needed to go out to bars near the racetrack, and see if he could pull off pretending to be Harvick. We all decided this was a perfect plan, and want to see how well this could work. So, do you know any celebrity lookalikes? Do YOU look like anyone famous? If so, have you ever tried to pass for that person? Do tell!!

Why I love the internet

The friends I've made on this blog are so great, and I appreciate every comment and email of concern and support. With the exception of the idiot Anon, you have all been so wonderful, and I can't imagine how people got along before the internet.
Now, things are calming down, and looking up. As for Idiot of the Week this week, I don't have to look much further than my own site, and hereby declare Anonymous the winner.

You, my wonderful readers, get to vote on the Idiot of the Month this month. Your nominees are Anonymous, and The MySpace Arsonists, because I suck, and only managed to get two IotWs up. I swear I suck at consistancy!!! Actually, in order to make up for it, here are 2 more nominees. Woman Tries To Get Probation For Her Cat, and Man Sets Himself on Fire, Jumps Off Waterfall.
Let the voting being!! Have a safe, and wonderful Memorial day!

A break

I have some personal things going on that I need to handle, and I'm not sure I'll be blogging through this. So I'll be on haitus for a while. I will be monitoring comments, and can be reached at cjaping at gmail dot com. I appreciate all of the wonderful friends I've made in blogland... I will return.

Derailed

Well, since I was stuck at home and resting last night, I invited a friend over to watch a movie. We ended up watching Derailed on PPV, and honestly, it was an OK movie, but not one I would rush out to see. I won't spoil it for anyone, but it was kind of predictable. Either way, I missed my Coronas, we're having great weather, and it would have been the perfect night to go out. Oh well, at least I'll be able to have fun for Memorial Day weekend!

No GDF for me!!

Get Drunk Friday is not happening for me this weekend, thanks to some antibiotics which I can't drink with. So, I'll be spending a quiet, sober evening here.

Why I probably won't sleep tonight

I finnaly snagged the copy of Tucker Max's book, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", (no dogtags were confiscated) and am tearing through it. I'm probably not going to be able to put it down until I finish it (Thanks, B!! You could have WARNED me!) However, I had to pause, and write this excerpt, because I laughed so hard I sent myself into a coughing fit. (Copyright: Tucker Max 2006... please don't sue me!!)

After waking up from a drunken night, as usual...


11:01am: GoldenBoy hands me his phone, and tells me to listen to the voice message. It is my voice, recorded around 2:45am. I am out of breath, and sound like I am running:
"GoldenBoy, what is your address? Where are you? I just fucked some random chick I met outside The Biltmore. Apparently she didn't pass the Bar, so she liked me. The condom broke and I got the fuck out of there as soon as I could. I'm fucked. My illigitimate kids are going to be ugly and stupid. HELP!!"

This man is evil, pure evil, so why am I so damned entertained?? I can't help it, it's like crack...

Birthday Deals!!

We decided to get the kids Power Wheels ATVs for their birthday, June 3rd. I had to hunt to find the Dora one we wanted to get for Madison in a local store. My LAST stop was the Walmart in the next town over, and they had it!! YAY!! On top of that, they had the Kawasaki one (same as the Dora one, but green, and sporty) we wanted to get Shane, but hadn't been able to find. AND!!!! It was on clearance... usually $188, we got it for $70!!!! I was so excited I practically threw myself on the box, the last one they had. I went from stressing about not being able to find these anywhere, to pure, unadulterated bargain-shopper joy!!! So, this went from a $400 birthday to $275 gift. WOOT!!!!

Commercials that piss me off

First of all, I HATE Sonic commercials. All of them. Then, the Hardee's commercial for their "Philly Cheesesteak Burger", oh how I want to hurt the people who made that. First of all, it's blasphemy to put "Philly Cheesesteak" in the name of something so unauthentic. Anyone who has had the pleasure of a REAL cheesesteak knows better, and unless you've been to the Philly/DelVal area, you haven't had that experience. It makes me twitch a little to see "Philly Cheesesteak" on ANY menus, because I know better. Still, I digress. The accent the guys are using in this commercial, supposedly "Philly" accents, I assume, are so far from the real Philadelphia accent that it's horrible!! They sound like a couple of New Yorkers with brain damage... The Southern Jersey/Philadelphia accent is much different, although still quite distinct. I hate Hardee's. I mean, there are probably a hundred commercials that really irritate me, like the debt consoldiation commercials during Nick Jr. (do my kids really need to hear about bill troubles while watching Dora??), and the stupid feminine hygine product commercials, who thinks this shit up?? I used to think about going into advertising, but if my name ended up associated with anything like those stupid ass commercials I'd have to hang myself in shame.

No place like home...

But we're not going there yet. We just found out definitively that we are not getting orders to leave Fort Riley (backstory, N's unit is disbanding, and there were a few different options on where we would go when it's gone, one of which was back to Ft. Hood sometime this summer.) Of course, this just means that come December he'll be able to re-enlist with choice of duty station, and we'll leave then, but in the meantime we're stuck here. He called to let me know this, and honestly I expected no different, so I'm fine with it. 18 months in KS will be enough, and I'll be quite ready to leave by then, but for now might as well make the best of it. I miss TX... anyone want to send me a picture of HEB?? *sigh*

Idiot of the Week 5/7-5/13/2006

I suck at this whole consistancy thing, so of course keeping up with IotW is a struggle. Either way, I found a winner for last week, two teen arsonists who decided to brag about their crimes on MySpace. Here's a clue guys, almost everyone in the world, including police officers, know of Google, and MySpace. DUH.

Is this normal????

My kids will be 4 next month. Actually, in a couple weeks now. I'm really beginning to wonder where I went wrong, and if they have "issues" or not. Shane talks INCESSANTLY, and Maddie cannot sit still. I'm not talking your average babbling, or average fidgeter, I mean CNN ticker and Meth-addict-on-a-binge. Right now, as I type, Shane is talking about the same family pictures he's been talking about for the past 45 minutes (That's Mommy, and Daddy, and me, and Ducky, and Oma, and" ad nausem), and Maddie is BOUNDING in circles around the living room, even though I've asked her to stop multiple times over the last hour. Yes, folks, you read that right... she's been running from one end of the living room to the other for an hour now. This is everyday behavior. She's skipping, she'll stop long enough to jump on the couch, bounce for about 30 seconds, and commence with the laps. I'm frightened.

BTDT, Got the t-shirt

This wouldn't be so damn funny if it wasn't so true for every parent on the face of the planet.
I should note, I've been obsessively reading Tucker Max all weekend, and have threatented to steal a friend's dogtags (why I would hold dogtags hostage is really irrelevant, considering they are like $6 a pair) should he not dig up his copy of Tucker's book for me this week. This guy is not for the faint of heart, and one of his common lines, "If she can't take a joke, fuck her.", is dead on, so if you're easily offended steer clear. Then again, if you're easily offended, what the hell are you doing here?

I got 17 right...

A little brain teaser... kind of interesting how many things we overlook.

There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known about all
our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are
harder than you think. It just shows how little we pay attention to the
commonplace things of life.

**The average person only gets 7 right. These questions are based on U.S.
info, so use all lobes of your brain. This can be more difficult than it
looks.

RULES: Put your thinking caps on. No cheating, no looking around, no getting
out of your chair, and no using anything on or in your desk or computer!

Can you beat 20? (The average is 7) Write down your answers and check
answers (on the bottom) AFTER completing all the questions. REMEMBER-NO
CHEATING.

It doesn't matter if you cheat, actually, because if you have to cheat, then
you don't know the answer, thus, you've already missed the question. BE
HONEST. That means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk.

Then, before you pass this on to your friends, change the number on the
subject line to show how many you got correct. Forward to your friends and
also back to the one who sent it to you.

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE.

Here we go.


1. On a standard traffic light is the green on the top or bottom?

2. How many states are there in the USA?

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
(Don't get up to check.)

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

8. On the United State s flag is the top stripe red or white?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial? (Don't look at that dial.)

10 Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?

11 Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12 How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13 On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?

14 Which way do fans rotate?

15 How many sides does a stop sign have?

16 Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

18 How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

19 Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

20 How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

21 On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?

22 On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening
between the slats?

23 There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no
digits?

24 How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?

25 Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?

__________________________________________________________


ANSWERS

1. Bottom
2. 50
3. Right
4. Blue, red, white, yellow, black & gold
5. 1, 0
6. Right
7. 20
8. Red
9. 87.7
10 Clockwise (north of the equator)
11 From lower right to upper left
12 12 (there is no #1)
13 Left
14 Clockwise as you look at it from the front.
15 8
16 Left
17 5
18 6
19 Bashful
20 8
21 Ace of spades
22 Left
23 * and #
24 3
25 Counter

Happy Mother's Day

To all of you mommies out there, Happy Mother's Day!

Germ Fest

The kids started part-day preschool 2 days a week, and their first day was Tuesday. I am already coming down with a cold, which I'm pretty sure can be attributed to their little germ sessions at school. I can't find the good thermometer, so I don't know my temp, but I have a bit of a fever, I think. This bites. So, I may be posting even less than usual, which will be hard since I'm already a horrible blogger. I still am reading your sites, PROMISE!!!

Daivd Blaine

David Blaine may not have broken the record for holding his breath, but the stunt he pulled off this week is amazing. I was disappointed to see the wire reports focusing so much on his "failure" rather than the accomplishment of staying underwater for longer than any other human being, ever. Honestly, I think he would have rather died in there than be pulled out, but the rescuer divers had to do their job, and I'm glad they did. I can't wait to see what his next endurance stunt is!!

This post is brought to you by the letter... C

Nicole over at Nickle Annie is playing a game, wanna play along? Here's how it works... Using the first letter of your first name, youhave to write 10 things that mean something to you.

"C"

Character is a very important quality to me, someone with a good heart and an open mind.

Children, I love my children more than anything in this world, although they drive me crazy!!

Corona is the only beer I drink, as you can tell by my GDF posts... LOL!

Chatsworth Rd is the street I grew up on.

Cori is my bestest friend in the world!!

Cell phone, I cannot live without my cell phone. I so belong to the "connected" generation!!

Customer service is one of my biggest pet peeves, so few companies provide quality customer care!!

CareBears, I still have a Birthday Bear CareBear, circa 1983, given to me on my first birthday. I bought 2 vintage ones off Ebay for my childrens' first birthday 20 years later.

Coke is my fuel, there is constantly a 12 pack in my fridge!

Canon G2, this is my "baby", I love my camera!!

Anyone wanna play? Leave me a comment and let me know you're playing along!!

Finally found it

I didn't think we'd ever find it, but here it is... the end.

GDF

The Rock Bitch skipped out on GDF, as she wasn't feeling well. I certainly did get drunk (on Corona of course, it was Cinco de Mayo!!) but didn't blog. Ah well, the important thing was the beer was cold and the lime was fresh. How was your Friday??

Bunny Burrow

There is a rabbit's burrow in our back yard, and the momma has babies! We saw 3 babies today, because N is mowing the lawn (being VERY careful, because he knew they were there) he tried to put one back in the burrow, but it hopped out, and the scattered off. They are SO cute, about the size of a chipmunk. I hope they stick around... I know I've seen the momma hopping around the neighbors' yards.

It's on (provided the weather cooperates) UPDATED!!!

Well, my jump has been rescheduled for this Saturday, provided weater cooperates. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!

Update: Jump cancelled AGAIN. Showers today, and low cloud ceiling. Tomorrow doesn't look good either. ARGH!!!!!!! I'm beginning to think this is not meant to be!

Hostel

Ok, first let me say I'm a WUSS... I can't watch gory horror movies. I'm sure if I went back through my archives I would find the posts from the night after I watched Saw, and couldn't sleep. Anyway, not a big Tarantino fan, really no reason to watch Hostel, especially after being told by a guy that he was still having nightmares a week after watching it. Anyway, a friend wanted to watch it, so we did, and honestly, it was pretty stupid. I was grossed out by it, and covered my eyes during some of the gore, but most of the worst gore scenes are cut away at the second before the action. The premise behind the movie is totally twisted, but the movie itself was just ok. Couple big problems for me... the main characters are IDIOTS (what American travelling abroad would just hand over their passport to the hotel desk, you keep that shit with you!!), and if someone suffered the trauma some of the characters suffer they would be in such severe shock they would not be up and moving. This movie has a guy who has been tortured, and is missing 2 fingers up and running around, for quite a while, not even very pale, not weak, nothing. Dude would be in shock, without a doubt. Anyway, Saw was better, and even though I'm not a horror fan, this movie really did not live up to the hype.

Beware!

I am just in a horrid mood. Really, just horrible. So, I'm trying to focus on the good things, like N's CO telling him that if he has his way, we'll be on PCS leave (READ: That means about to MOVE!!) in June, and headed back to TX (Buffi, say it with me.. YAY!!!) The downside to that is I am getting FREE tickets to a huge festival, Country Stampede, in late June. I don't want to miss it, especially since we'll have Meet and Greet passes to meet Toby Keith. Plus, there are a few friends (really, very few, I dislike pretty much everyone here) that I am not quite ready to leave behind. I was expecting to be here until at least December, so I'm kinda caught off guard. Moving in the summer BITES, and makes the kids' birthday (June 3rd) difficult. *sigh* See?? I can't even come up with a good silver lining! Oooh... wait. I know!! The money we'll make off our move (it's odd, but you usually end up netting money in a do-it-yourself move with the military) may mean I can go to CA in July, for BlogHer an to visit Cori and Grace! Maybe.
The kids are DRIVING ME NUTS. The weather is pissing me off. I was DVRing the race (since it was rescheduled for today) and just realized at some point it stopped recording. Argh... I don't know how much was missed, but there are 59 laps left. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go be miserable in (relative) peace, and stop whining.

Pain Chart, and more

Whenever you go to the doc, they ask you to rate your pain on a pain chart of 1-10. This always bugs me, because I've been in labor, therefore the meaning of pain is different for me now. Anyway, Dave over at Blogography has a revised version of the pain chart, as well as Insanity chart, and a "How much of a dick are you?" chart.
Go, check it out, but be warned, it's really NSFW.

Meme: Random Questions

Snagged from MajorDad, here are 57 questions, more than you ever needed to know about me.

1.What time did you get up this morning? Um, 4:30am... thanks Chris! Mental note, turn off cell phone at night.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Curious George

4. What is your favorite TV show? Desperate Housewives

5. What did you have for breakfast? eggs and sausage burritto

6. What is your middle name? Jennifer

7. What is your favorite food? Depends on my mood...

8. What foods do you dislike? Oh, lots of things, I'm picky!

9. What kind of potato chips do you like? Sour Cream and Cheddar

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Hmmm, I just make new mixed CDs, so

11. What kind of car do you drive? 2002 Dodge Grand Caravan

12. Favorite sandwich? turkey and cheese on honey wheat

13. What characteristics do you despise? Arrogance, ignorance, and indecisiveness

14. Favorite item of clothing? push-up bra, goes with everything. LOL

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Somewhere warm. An island for sure.

16. What color is your bathroom? Well, the full bath is in light blue, and the half-bath is in noxious Pepto Bismol pink. AWFUL.

17. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Hmmm... hard to call, right now my favorite jeans are CK.

18. Where would you want to retire? Texas, or an island

19. Favorite time of day? Late night

20. Where were you born? Plymouth, MA

21. Favorite sport to watch? Sixers basketball, baby!!

22. Who do you least expect to answer this? I don't know...

23. Person you expect to answer first? Whoever is bored today

24. Coke or Pepsi? Coke! We don't mention the "P" word in this house!!

25. Are you a morning person or night owl? Night owl, for sure...

26. What size shoe do you wear? 7.5

27. Do you have any pets? Yes, a dog, a cat, and 2 sugar gliders.

28. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with everyone? Not really, it's been life as usual here.

29. What did you want to be when you were little? I have no idea, it changed all the time. Most often, probably a lawyer

30. Is the glass half empty or half full? Half full

31. What is your best childhood memory? going to Key West for my mom and (step) dad's wedding.

32. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? babysitting of course, clerk at my family's store/deli, clerk at a chain deli, waitress, bartender, sales rep, customer service rep, MOMMY

33. What color underwear are you wearing? multi-colored

34. Nicknames: Crys, Cryssy, Lil Mama, Lil One, Baby, Mommy

35. Piercings? Lip, eyebrow, tongue

36. Eye color: Blue.

37. Ever been to Africa? Nope.

38. Ever been toilet papering? Yes

39. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yeah

40. Been in a car accident? Yes .

41. Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon bits

42. Favorite day of the week? Friday of course... the possibilities of the weekend are awesome.

43. Favorite flower? Calla Lillies

44. Favorite ice cream? Ben and Jerry’s Choc Fudge Brownie

45. Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney

46. Favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's, except their fries suck.

47. What color is your bedroom carpet? Actually, it's all hardwood

48. Failed your drivers test? No, although APPARENTLY, I missed the part about parking against the flow of traffic, and got a parking ticket this morning. Nate laughed at me, because it seemed perfectly logical to me to park that way on a residential street early on a Sunday morning.

49. From whom did you get your last e-mail from? Not sure... probably Haloscan.

50. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Ooooh, I'm gonna cheat and say Amazon.com.. Hey, it's a store!

51. What do you most often do when you are bored? Surf around the internet, fill out these surveys.

52. Bedtime? Whenever I fall asleep.

53. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? Everyone! I'm nosey!!

54. Last person you went to dinner with? Nate, I'm sure.

55. Lake, Ocean or river? Ocean, all the way!

56. How many tattoos do you have? 2

57. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Chicken

So, there you go... way too much information about me. Who's next??

Randoms...

I should not be allowed to text message while drinking either. It's like drunk dialing, but worse.
I did NOT get to skydive today, because of the rain. :( That sucks.
I have completely lost my ability to remember shit. Seriously, I'd forget my freaking name half the time if I didn't have to show my ID so often.
My driver is starting 38th tomorrow, at one of the best races of the year. I'm bummed. It's Talladega, baby!! (See what happens to Yank when you marry an Indy boy??)

GDF

AudioBlog Removed... Basically, it was me an one of our buddies singing horribly, walking back from the shoppette after picking up more alcohol, and acting like complete idiots. When we were walking TO the shoppette 2 MP cars pulled in, and the only other people in there were the 4 MPs. I'm surprised they didn't warn us for drunk in PUBLIC (hahaha Ron White, anyone?) but I guess they were just happy we were of age and walking instead of driving.

From CENTCOM

Every once in a while I get emails from CENTCOM asking me to post something on my site. Sometimes I choose to, sometimes I don't, but I think this page is worth checking out.
What Extremists Are Saying
This is what is going on in the terrorists circles.

It's GDF!!

I'll actually be drinking (and therefore blogging) at home tonight, so probably no audioposts, but prepare yourself for horrible spelling, poor grammar, and incoherent (more than usual??) babbling. Consider yourselves warned.

Idiots of the Week 4/23-4/30/06 and Idiot of the Month April

Woman Sues After Office Spanking...
The idiots here are the management team that allowed such behavior to happen. I'm all for office comraderie, and can totally take a joke, but I don't see how anyone could think this was a good idea. I hope the woman owns the company by the end of this.

Would-be Bank Robber Finds Himself Locked Inside Bank Alone
If you are going to rob a bank, you might not want to let the sole employee present go outside and wait for another employee. Duh. So, the lady, who had already activated the alarm, walked right outside to the police who were pulling up, and the idiot robber found himself locked in the bank alone.

The Idiot of the month winners are the MO Sextuplet Hoax couple! Nothing this month can beat this idiotic scheme. The best part? The "Dad" has a mullet in the attached photo!!

Called it!

I generally don't cry at movies, as a matter of fact the last movie I remember making me cry was "Stepmom", and I saw that in the theaters. Anyway, I've been dying to see "8 Seconds", ever since I attended a rodeo with N back in 2004, but never got around to it. He told me I'd cry, but I doubted it. I mean I KNEW Lane died, no shocker there. Still, I watched it tonight, and cried my eyes out! I went and researched the real Lane Frost story, to see if the movie was accurate, and it was in some ways, and not in others, but still good. *sigh* So, N was right, and I feel like an sap for crying over a 12 year old movie of which I already KNEW the ending. Pass the Kleenex!

Reynold's Fun Shapes baking cups!!

The cool people at Reynold's sent me some of their new Fun Shapes Baking Cups to try out. I love to bake, so this was right up my alley!! You can actually use these cups for various things, like Jello Jigglers, cookies, brownies, cupcakes, and more. Nate used the egg shaped ones first, to make Jigglers for the kids before Easter. The Jello didn't set quite as firm as we'd have liked, but I'm pretty sure that had nothing to do with the cups. Anyway, I used the heart shaped ones to make cupcakes, so I can save the stars for 4th of July.



I decided to make devil's food cupcakes with cream cheese icing. Yum!!! You place the foil cups on a baking sheet, fill them halfway (and they warn you not to overfill, they MEAN IT!!), and bake as directed. Sounds easy enough...


I overfilled a couple, since I'm used to filling regular baking cups 2/3 of the way. Even still, they held their shape well, the picture doesn't do them much justice.


The finished product!!


So, here's the scoop... I'm in LOVE! You see, I have baking pans in various shapes and sizes, but there is only so much room in one's kitchen for such accessories. These little baking cups are PERFECT for making adorable treats for any occasion, and Reynold's site has wonderful ideas for yummy creations that will impress all of your guests. I definitely recommend these to everyone, because even the most kitchen-challenged person can make an impressive treat with very little effort. You can even use them as little serving bowls for dips and candies, or to make shaped ice cubes for punch! Oh, and the cleanup? Yeah, washing off one baking sheet beats the heck out of scrubbing the little crevices of shaped pans! This is probably the best new product I've found since the Magic Erasers, and y'all know I worship Mr. Clean for those!