Army Wife

Another email I received that was noteworthy, at least in my opinion....

ARMY OF ONE - I am an Army Wife

I've noticed in my present job, there is a tiny quirk.
There's no respect at all and its not considered work!

Well, I am here to show you another point of view,
and give you an idea of what I really do!

Here's my job description and to better understand,
it's written in the language of the Army Man.

I'm the IG, complaints come to me.
I am the Medic, I bandage skinned knees.

I'm the Legal Office and the courts-martial, too.
I decide the punishment, how much and on who.

I'm Health: Welfare, inspecting for junk,
and the 1SG checking the bunk.

I'm also Supply, in charge of food, clothes,
housewares, diapers, toys, heaven only knows.

I'm the MP who secures the door,
I'm also the PVT who GI's the floor.

I'm the Mess SGT who cooks all the meals.
I'm TMP in charge of the wheels.

I'm MWR planning all the fun
and I am the Bugler, announcing the "day is done".
I'm the KP who does all the dishes,
I am the DA who hears all you wishes.

I'm the CQ and the Fireguard, too,
there isn't that much that I don't do.

I'm the instructor too, you see,
because what is learned is taught by me.

I'm the Squad Leader who knows his troops well,
sometimes the Drill SGT who really can yell.

I'm the S4, S1, 2, 3,
just about everything must come through me.

Appropriations, taskings, commitments too,
I'm responsible for all we do.

I never go to battle, and AR of some sort,
but you can count on me to bravely guard the fort.

I'm ALWAYS on duty, I never take leave,
no Holidays off, it's hard to believe!

I can never ETS, I signed for life,
my primary MOS is Mother, my secondary is Army Wife.

For all my devotion, to duty, my LES says "NO PAY DUE"
because I'm not paid in money, but in the words of 'I LOVE YOU'.

I AM AN ARMY WIFE!

Say what??

This quote came from an article about Angelina Jolie's due date... all I can say is WTF?

"That means anxious shutterbugs can expect another full month of dodging Namibian officials, not to mention Jolie and Brad Pitt's aggressive security goons, if they want any chance of capturing the money shot of the most important and beautiful baby ever to be born, ever." (emphasis mine)

WTF?! The most important and beautiful baby ever in WHOSE eyes?? I think I'm gonna puke.

Idiot of the Week

I forgot to do IotW last week, so I'll award two this week. Any submissions?? Can anyone beat the Sextuplet Hoax for Idiot of the Month? Stay tuned.

Funny

A friend sent this to me, and in light of last weekend, I figured it was appropriate!

WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS. (I knew, I just couldn't reach it without falling over)

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO

5.WE START CRYING AND! TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT. (Of COURSE it's the shoes' fault... GD heels!!!)

Grocery shopping was actually EXCITING!

I went to the commissary today, and imagine my surprise when I pulled up and noticed one of Kasey Kahne's race cars was outside. Of course, my camera phone was dead, so I had to get my groceries, take them home, and drive back over to get pictures... I mean it's KASEY KAHNE!! So. Excited!!







Ok, yes... I realize my redneck is showing, but I couldn't help myself!!!

Missing: My sanity

I've officially gone off the deep end. I've agreed to skydive, I would have jumped this past weekend with N if I could. Either way, I was in a fiesty mood, and decided I'm going to do it, now I just have to keep from chickening out. So, if you don't hear from me after this weekend, I've died or am in a vegatative state, send N your condolences.

GDF

I didn't participate in Get Drunk Friday, although I was drunk, at the club. However, the more interesting drunken-ness happened on Saturday, at a friend's house party. You see, I went to pick up another friend, walked in, and immediately did a couple Jager Bombs. I drank 2 Coronas, with a few more Jager Bombs, all within an hour and a half or so. I promptly went to the couch, and laid down, tring not to pass out. I vaguely remember people talking to me, and bits and pieces of what was being said. Then my friend, who was not drinking because he had duty the next day, needed to go home. Well, since I had picked him up, he had no ride, so I told him to drive us to his house. I stood my ass up to get my keys, my purse was on the floor, and everyone at the bar could see me. I fell on my ass trying to get my keys, which prompted a round of "You are NOT driving ANYWHERE!!" until I explained *I* wasn't driving, since I couldn't even STAND (Hello?? I'm not THAT crazy or stupid!!) I promptly passed out at my friend's house, until 8am when one of the guys from the party called me to make sure I was alive. Such a sweetheart, the guy who called me had to look through someone else's phone to find my number, because I hadn't met him before the party, and I was already wasted by then, so I had NO clue who he was. (Of course, N would have checked on me, but he was out cold too...) Still it's nice to have people looking out for you... every once in a while I meet someone who restores my faith in decent people. Just keep me away from the Jager next time, or at least tell me to slow my roll.

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

That is all.

You should see the other guy!

When they told me I could end up with a black eye, I didn't really think it would hapen. However, I was wrong. Do you know how hard it is to pluck your eyebrows when your eye looks like this?? It doesn't hurt too bad, until you start ripping hair out of it... Ah... the price we pay.

Why I should not be allowed to drink and take pictures

Ok, N and I were going through our phones, trying to find a decent picture of me, and came to the conclusion that I cannot drink and have a camera phone. You see, I'm normally pretty camera shy, but when I'm drinking I'm all "Woo!! Let's take a picture together!!!" This wouldn't be a problem, except most of my friends are guys, and those pictures always end being me sticking my tongue out, or snuggling up to them. As N so nicely put it, it's like I see a male friend, and decide to go lick their face and take a picture, or something. So... this basically means I've molested all my friends, and there are no decent pictures of me in either one of our phones. On the bright side, everyone is still willing to hang out and drink with me, so I guess no one's complaining. *sigh*
Here are some examples, with the faces of the innocent blacked out...









And the only one in which I am not drunk... but still, sticking out my tongue...

TMI Tuesday!!

1. Birthday spankings or birthday kisses? Hmmm... both sound like fun!

2. Sitting on Santa/Easter Bunny's lap... fun or creepy? My MIL scarred me with the Mr. and Mrs. Claus outfits, so CREEPY!!

3. Once you start drinking at a party, do you usually get drunk or stop at tipsy? Haha... I usualy get drunk, but tend to stop before I hurl.

4. On a scale from 1-10, how passionate are you? Probably a 9.5/10. I tend to get worked up about things easily...

5. Have you ever seen a burlesque show? No, but I've been to lots of strip clubs!!

Bonus (as in "optional"): Have you ever been to an adult themed tupperware-type party?? No, but I so would go!! I just don't have any female friends around here... all my female friends live on the internet. Can we have an internet party??

Looks vaguely familiar

I walked into my chiropractor's office yesterday, and noticed the dollhouse looked like there had been a raging party there over the weekend. See for yourself!

Need a good laugh?

If, for whatever reason, those Google results didn't make you laugh, go check out Karla, over at KarlaBabble. Pretty much everything she writes sends me into a fit of hysterical laughter, causing anyone nearby to stop and stare, wondering what kind of drugs I'm on (and why am I not sharing?). Go. Laugh. Enjoy.

One more reason I'm a little in love with the Google Guys

Go to Google. Type "failure" into the search box. Click "I'm feeling Lucky". PRICELESS! Found at Cursing Mama's!

This is a PSA

Here is your PSA for the week. If you wanna be a "cowboy", or even just want to look the part, you have to remember one rule. Black felt hats are for fall and winter, straw hats are for spring and summer. So, if you're wearing a straw hat in December, or a felt hat in April, you look like an idiot. Just so you know. I'm not sure this applies to females, but it definitely applies to guys. Take notes... it's not that hard.


To answer Breezy's question, yes... I wear cowboy hats. I bought this hat today, actually. The Yankee in me cringed, but the Texan in me is overjoyed. I will be wearing it to Country Stampede and asking Toby Keith to sign it (even though it's not one of his hats... I can't find those anywhere) during the meet and greet. So. EXCITED... June can't get here fast enough!! And no... I don't smile in pictures most of the time.

Happy Sunday

For those of you who celebrate Easter, either in the traditional Christian sense, or the commercial American sense, Happy Easter. Otherwise, happy Sunday. Either way, I hope everyone is enjoying their day. We're having the best weather this week, I'm so much happier when it's nice out!! This realization prompted N to declare we are retiring to the islands, in order to preserve my good mood. Ok, fair enough, only 13 more years... or so. Of course, the nice weather also makes me want to slack... I haven't taken spring photos of the kids yet, the house is a mess, and I really don't care. That stuff can wait for a rainy day...

So, yeah, like I said, we went out to the bars in Aggieville, whish is where all the Kstates hang out... but ot's a holday weekend, so it wasnt as packed as iusual. Still there were a ton o f gay men, a surprisingely high nmber compared to most weekeds. WEird. Anyway, much corona was consimed by me... much fun was had by all, an i'm having troble seeng the screen so I'm gonna end this GDF post on that note. happy weekenf!!!!

It's GET DRUNK FRIDAY!!!

Woo!! This is a good, because I could use a drink or 5 tonight. As soon as the kids are in bed, the festivities shall begin. Don't forget to say "Hi!!" to Rock Bitch

The new holes...

I went with a curved barbell, I thought 2 hoops would look dumb. So, the piercing is done, and I'm IN LOVE! It was a lot more like getting my ears pierced than the other piercings I've had, I'm in little pain, I'm hoping it will heal easily. there is risk of swelling, and a black eye, but so far so good.


Now, let's talk body mod. I always assumed it was customary to tip your artist, just as you'd tip the manicurist, hairdresser, and even the gy who opens your overpriced beers at the bar. When I tipped John (who is the BEST piercer I've had yet, BY FAR!!! I doubt I'll allow anyone else to pierce me, should I get the urge to do it again, because he's FABULOUS!) tonight, he seemed shocked, and I asked if it was uncommon to recieve a tip. Surprisingly enough, he and another employee both said it was. Listen... these people are ARTISTS. While body mod can be expensive at times, they have to pay out a lot of money to do your artwork. What makes your hairdresser any more deserving of a tip than a body mod artist?? I've worked in service industries (waiting tables, bartending, etc), so I'm big on tipping anyway, but to not tip your piercer or tat artist is retarded. I tip them better than most (25-30% vs 18-20%), because what they are doing is permanent, and I appreciate them taking the time to do their best, make sure I heal properly, and deal with any neurotic questions I may have. I mean, really... I'm dumbfounded. Since friends of our own a shop in TX, I asked N if it was common for people to not tip, and even he was surprised to hear that... I mean everyone gets stiffed from time to time, but it's just a custom to tip!! WTF?? Any thoughts from artists or people into body mod?

**sidenote** I think I'm going to take Glenda's advice, and have a second one put in once this one heals. I don't want my face to well up like a balloon, so it's one at a time, but I think it'll look cool!!

Vote time!!

Ok, I'm taking votes on a new piercing, and you can vote "left" or "right" (and we're not talking politics here!!), but you may not vote "Don't do it!". I'm going to get my eyebrow pierced this weekend, now, my lip ring is on the left side. My first thought was pierce the right eyebrow, to balance it out, however, a friend said "No, do the left, like good and evil sides..." Hmmm, am I that evil? Ah, I digress... I do have a scar on my left eyebrow that the piercing would cover. Nate initially said "Right", then decided he needed to think about it. What say ye? Remember, if you say "Don't do it!!" I'm coming to your site and kicking your virtual butt!! *wink*

Idiot of the Week 4/10/06-4/16/06

I'm not even going to take nominations for IotW this week, I've already found my winners. A Missouri couple claimed to be having sextuplets, in order to recieve gifts and money. It was all a hoax, which was figured out after no hospitals reported delivering the 6 babies on 8 March 2006 as the parents claimed. These people must be some special kind of stupid, because sextuplets are so rare, involve fertility treatments (how someone didn't figure that out beforehand is beyond me... "Hey, wait a minute, who implanted those embryos? Hmmmm, something isn't adding up here!"), and get LOTS of attention. After all, Google "sextuplets", and the few families in the world with them have websites dedicated to keeping us informed on their progress, even into adulthood. Did these people REALLY think they would pull this one off?? When asked for a comment after confessing to the fraud, the "mother" declined, saying she didn't want to say anything to anyone, because "...nobody get's it". Well, darlin', you're right! We don't understand how stupid, and selfish you are. However, here is your reward, you and your husband are the Idiots of the Week!!

Early death wish Wake-up call

I'm not a morning person, and even y'all know that! Anyway, this morning my phone rings... it goes *something* like this...

**cue Gold Digger, my default ringtone telling me it's not someone I have saved in my phone, ID says caller "Unknown"**
Me: Hello? (silently wishing death on person calling)
Caller: Hey
Me: (recognizing voice of friend, calling from office phone) Um, what's up??
Caller: Are you making breakfast?
Me: Uh... no, I'm laying in bed
Caller: N said you'd be making breakfast, so I can come over and eat.
Me: Hahahaha... Oh, you're serious? No really, have we met? I don't get up until 9.
Caller: Where's N?
Me: (fully opening eyes) Not in bed... hang on, I'll find him.
Caller: So you're not making breakfast? N said you would be.
Me: No, I don't eat breakfast, unless he meant it as a euphemism for morning sex, and I'm too mean in the morning to do that either. Oh shit, N is making breakfast... WTF?!
Caller: What's he making?
Me: Eggs, and biscuits, are you really coming over to eat? (should note that friend lives about 25 minutes away, and wouldn't be able to go home to eat after PT)
Caller: Yeah, I'll be over in a few... let me talk to N.

Hand phone to N, with patented death glare.

Now, when he showed up I was all "Hi, have we met?? I'm Crystal, and I'm NOT a morning person. You're lucky I like you!!" (Sidenote: He and N are like brothers separated at birth, if I didn't know better I'd SWEAR they were related, so he can get away with more than most people.)
At this point he informs me I'm supposed to be up at 7:30am making breakfast, so he can eat at 7:45. After I stop laughing hysterically, catch my breath, and finish my cigarette I explain to him that he's more than welcome to eat at my house anytime, but I don't do mornings, and if he wants MY cooking he'd best bring his ass to dinner. Dinner I can do, and do well, but waking me up requires safety gear and bribes.

Making breakfast at 7:30... hahahahahahaha.... that shit never gets old. Had it been almost anyone else they would have become breakfast rather than eaten here. You want me to get up and cook in the morning, you'd better offer something more than just gracing me with your presence... Starbucks is a good start.

An ACCURATE fairy tale

This is the fairy tale that we should have been reading as little
girls...


Once upon a time, in a land far away... a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs, seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin' think so!

On a lighter note...

The quote of the weekend was "Where the FUCK is the doorknob!?" "Uh, it's on the OTHER side of the door."
The close second was "Let me get a double, that's TWO TIMES, VENTI... with an *I*... caramel macchiaTO!" Nate made our Sunday morning caffiene run, so we're all deciding what we want and we all decided on macchiatos, that is actually how he ordered them!

Weekend Recap: Adrenaline Overload

How could I forget to write about Saturday?! It was definitely more interesting (although somewhat terrifying) that the Drunken Friday. You see, Chris and Paul (see previous post) are skydivers, and that's something N has wanted to do FOR. EV. ER. So, we booked his first jump for Saturday afternoon, out at Skydive KS, which is an awesome place with great people, if you're in the area and want to jump. It's a little over an hour drive, and so Paul and his 2 year old daughter rode with us to the site. Chris happened to be doing his 100th jump that day, which meant he was jumping NAKED for that one. (Don't worry, he landed where the kids couldn't see, but it was still funny as hell) So... we hang out there for a few hours, N does all of the stuff to prep for his first jump, while the kids all run around, and the rest of us are just hanging out. (No... they have NOT convinced me to skydive yet, and I doubt they ever will). N jumps, has a great time, I videoed from the ground and will share that if I can figure out how to transfer from our camera to the damn computer! It's getting late, we've got 3 hungry and tired kids, time to head back home. Well, pit stop at McDonald's and we're on the highway, running into some traffic. I'm driving, and all of a sudden there is this guy right on my bumper, while we're doing 80 on the freaking interstate. I can't go anywhere, because of traffic, so I just cursed a little, prompting the guys to turn around and see how close this dude was. Dude (hereafter referred to as CrazyRedneckGuy, or CRG) has a serious case of road rage, and is so close that we can't even see the hood of his truck behind us, only the dashboard. He cuts over into the right lane, pulls up beside us, and kind of nudges over, as if he was going to run us off the road. He pulled away, and got in front of me. Whatever, have a great night, CRG... it's not that important. N is getting his phone to call 911, and report the road rage. Well, I guess he decided it was, because suddenly he switches lanes again, and gets beside us again, AND PULLS A FUCKING GUN. I didn't see the gun (thank GOD, because I seriously might have passed out), since I was trying to not wreck the car, but N and P both did. CRG not only pulled the gun off his dash and aimed it at us, but he cocked the slide back with his finger on the trigger! HOLY SHIT!!! So, N is waiting on 911 to pick up, and tells me to slow down, because the guy has a gun, sending me into freak-out Mommy-mode. We're reporting to the dispatcher, and see him take an exit. Well, CRG took the exit, STOPPED, and waited for us to pass, then started chasing us. Thankfully, there happened to be a Sheriff sitting there listening to the call, and saw us pass, then saw CRG get on the highway to chase us. The Sheriff attempts to pull him over, and the guy runs. At that point, we pull off the highway to await the dispatcher's instructions, in case they want us to write statements. They tell us to go to a gas station at the next exit, and the police will meet us there to take our statements, because they had the guy in custody. He was close enough to us when he pulled the gun that N told the cop exactly what kind of gun it was, to a T, and was right. The Sheriff that came to take our statements saw that we had 3 small children in the car, and was furious that CRG had the nerve to not only pull a gun on the highway, but point it at a vehicle carrying small kids. He assured us he was charging CRG with everything he possibly could, attempted aggrivated battery, brandishing a firearm, etc. So, I hope it was worth it to CRG, because I'm certain he didn't make it to where ever he was heading in such a hurry that night, and jail cells aren't much fun. Now, here's the worst part. It's still not legal to carry a concealed weapon in KS, although that chages this month. It IS legal to carry one in TX, which is why you REALLY don't want to mess with Texans, because that granny you just cut off on I-35 may shoot your ass. Still, in the combined 10 years N and I had lived in TX, neither of us had any run in with that kind of road rage. N grew up near Indianapolis, I grew up near Philly, and P is from San Diego, and NONE of us had ever had that happen before, even in the worst parts of the cities we've been to. I don't know if it's the meth labs out here in the midwest, or what, but that is some CRAZY shit, I can't imagine the thought process behind something like that. Luckily, he didn't fire at us, or run us off the road, and the police did get him, but it really makes you wonder how crazy this world is. We all hugged our babies a little tighter when we got home, and it made one hell of a party story later that night.

Wait!! Not ready!!

Over here at the Insanity household it is not uncommon to procrastinate, often leaving us scrambling to pull whatever the task at hand happens to be. The current "project" that has been put off for way too long now? Easter eggs and baskets. Holy crap, Easter is next weekend. I'm not even CLOSE to prepared!! As a matter of fact I haven't even dug out the Easter decorations!! Shit... I wonder the Easter Bunny takes checks.

Some pictures from Get Drunk Friday

Here are some pictures since my drunken audio blog sucked... these are in no particular order of intoxication.

Nate early in the night


Tasha


Our wonderful host, Paul, and me. (Most of the drinking was at his house, although we did decide to stumble downtown to the bar at one point)


My love and me


N acting crazy, I'm feeling no pain at this point.


Joey


Our other wonderful host, Chris

The drunken posting

This was done in the early stages of the drunken debauchery, and I had intended on posting again, but quickly forgot how once a few more Liquid Cocaine and Jagermeister shots were imbibed. Hmmm... this GDF thing might take some practice.

Get Drunk Friday

The Rock Bitch has started Get Drunk Friday, and this is one "theme" I'm happy to join in on. The rules?
Get drunk, on Friday, and blog. Easy enough?? Well, leave me a comment or trackback if you participate, and don't forget to go tell Rock Bitch you said "Hi", no matter how slurred it may come out. Feel free to steal the button, it came from RB herself. I'll be getting drunk and audio blogging, for a special treat. I'll post pictures, if the people we're hanging out with give me the ok.

Swiffer Amazing Woman update

Grace made it to the semi-finals, but didn't make the top 10. :( I was so heartbroken, because she TOTALLY deserves to be in there!!! She, of course, took it gracefully (no pun intended), but I was all "BUT HALF THOSE PEOPLE ARE JUST AVERAGE PEOPLE!!!" And we all know Grace is ANYTHING but average!!! So... congrats to the finalists, and go over and tell Grace how she got ROBBED on that one, because she's TOTALLY amazing!

Idiot of the Week 4/3-4/9/2006

Subtitled: It's only Wednesday, and we have a winner already!!

MajorDad (See?? We actually DO agree on stuff from time to time!!) nominated Cynthia McKinney, a Congresswoman from GA for Idiot of the Week, and I think we have ourselves a winner!! Here's the Cliff Notes version of the story. Ms. McKinney is a black Congresswoman from GA. She apparently thinks every Capitol Police officer should know who she is, because, you know... there are only a COUPLE people in Washington, DC at any given time. So, in true DIVA form, she shows up late, without her lapel pin indicating she is a Congresswoman, and therefore allowed to bypass the security checkpoints. A Capitol Police officer stopped her (HIS JOB!) because of the circumstances, and she assaulted him. (She alleges he assaulted her first... time will tell, I'm sure there are security videos) She then holds a press conference with a couple of black celebs at a traditionally black college, saying this was a racial profiling thing, and it only happened because she's a black Congresswoman, etc. Charges may follow, we'll have to wait and see.

Ok, Ms. McKinney, let's chat. You see, the Capitol Police are there to PROTECT CONGRESS (that includes you, so show a little gratitude). They don't have the time or NEED to memorize everyone's face, that's why they give you the nice little pin for your lapel, which you admittedly were not wearing. I'm sure there are other ways to ID yourself as a Congresswoman (hell, I'm just an Army wife, and I have a DoD ID I have to show all the damn time) so the LOGICAL and NORMAL thing to do would be to IDENTIFY yourself in a calm fashion, rather than rush the checkpoint like you owned the place. When the officer DID HIS JOB, and stopped you, you could have CALMLY explained and identified yourself, and it would have been easy as pie. Instead, you chose to assault an officer of the law, which would have gotten most of us arrested on the spot, so I can't believe you are trying to claim you were treated unfairly because of your race. Are you a little slow or something?? Almost 5 years ago our nation was attacked by terrorists, and DC was one of the targets. Be grateful someone is always looking out for YOUR safety. Oh, and I don't know why you were running late, but it certainly wasn't because you were doing your hair. If you are a representative of your people, the least you could do is look presentable, rather than looking like a crackhead who just came down off a binge with Whitney and Bobby.

In case anyone thinks I'm being a little harsh here, this woman has a record of DIVA actions. She actually demanded an apology from Clinton's administration in 1998 after being stopped by White House guards. She's a total idiot. The NAACP and NOW both spoke on her behalf in this recent incident, I've lost what little respect I had for both of those organizations now. You might be thinking "But you're a woman?? How can you not support NOW?" Well, I think if you want to play in a man's world, you'd better act like a man, be it female soldiers, female cops, female Congressmen, or any other woman in a male dominated field. If you can't hang with the big dogs, stay on the porch. NOW enables these women to whine and bitch about unfair treatment, when in reality they want SPECIAL treatment just because they are women, and that's bullshit.

So, a big hat tip to MD on this one, you found the winner!!

Head start on IotW this week

Our first couple of nominees are in, thanks to Snopes.com Daily Snopes.
First up we have a nudist who got burned after trying to light a spider on fire. Dude... you're naked. Maybe you shouldn't play with fire while your balls are swinging in the wind. Just a thought!! And while I respect your right to be a nudist, I can't understand the thinking behind it. Balls are not pretty. Ever.

The second nominee is a woman who clearly NEEDED to be in the anger management class she lost her shit at. "Hi, this is the real world calling. It's generally not ok for adults to throw tantrums like that. Perhaps you should look into some medication, heavy sedatives might be a start." Threatening to pop a cap in someone's ass for asking if a seat is taken is just crazy. It says in the article she doesn't have any mental illness, just a behavior problem. No, REALLY??

So, it's looking like a good week for our little "contest". Any more idiots in the news? You know what to do.

Meme Monday: Sex Chronicles

This was stolen from Ammie, and out of all the memes today, this was the most interesting... LOL I guess my mind is just in the gutter!! Anyway, if you are related to me, or easily offended, you might want to look away... don't say you weren't warned.

1. How old were you the first time? Um, do I have to be honest? 15

2. Name of your first? Bill

3. Good or Bad? Horrible. We had dated for like 6 months, finally did the deed, and his Catholic guilt got the best of him, he cried. Um, wow... that was not good at all. Besides, we were both virgins, how good could it possibly be??

4. Name of the worst and why? Hmmm... I'd better not name names. I will say he really just had no idea what he was doing, and was experienced enough that he should have. *wink* If you know me well enough, ask me sometime, and I'll spill the beans, just not here.

5. Name of the Best and why? Like Ammie, I'm going to say my husband (and not just because he reads this!!). That boy is good... he's got some talent. ;)

6. Weirdest place you ever had sex? Weirdest? In a car, while he was driving. Probably not so much weird as DANGEROUS!

7. Favorite position? Haha, not telling

8. Ever fake an Orgasm? Yes

9. Would you admit it if the person asked? I've admitted it even when they didn't ask... but not always.

10. Favorite time of day to have sex? Late night

11. Most times you have had sex in one day? 6 or 7 haha!!

12. Same person? Come on now, what kind of question is that? And if it wasn't would I admit that?? But yes, it was.

13. Ever fantasize about someone other than the one your with? Sure, sometimes, but not WHILE I'm with him. I'm married, not DEAD.

14. Restrictions during sex? (I'm leaving Ammie's original answer here, because I couldn't have said it better myself!!) Do you mean restraints? Because I like restraints. If you mean limits to what is allowed–very few.

15. Accessories? They have their own drawer... that's all I'll say about that.

16. What? I'll never tell!! That's priviledged information. ;)

17. Done it in the rain? Yep.

18. Done it in a car? See number 6

19. Had a Threesome? I'll never tell!

20. Want to have sex now? Not RIGHT now... haha!!

Aren't you glad you now know more about me than you ever wanted to? Hey, get over it... we all have sex, who cares??

If you steal it give me a trackback so I know to come find you.

Idiot of the Week 3/27-4/2/2006 AND Idiot of the Month for March

Well, laziness (ok, and some Corona) prevented me from searching any more for IotW nominees, so the winner is the dumbass who landed the plane at the wrong airport. MD pointed out (and N confirmed) that this actually happened at Ft. Hood, someone landed a commuter plane on Hood Army Airfield by accident (obviously this was pre-9/11). How this can possibly occur is still beyond me, I mena I'm not a pilot, but don't you have to get clearance to land?? You can't just drop a plan out of the sky any old place you feel like it (barring emergencies). *sigh*

The winner of Idiot of the Month goes to... the guy who left his baby in the car and got on a commuter train. I need to work harder at this IotW thing, because going back LatteMan has given me most of my nominees, and I'm sure I'm missing out on lots of stupidity every day. In the meantime, is anyone other than LatteMan paying attention? There are lots of idiots, people! I can't keep up with all of them! Email or comment with anything you find that is particularly award-worthy!

Why I am a HORRIBLE blogger

Oh, let me count the ways...
Well, I checked my statcounter (something I used to check daily, if not more) tonight for the first time in a couple weeks. Still getting the usual perverted search hits (you want to do WHAT with your mom??)
I am finally uploading to Flickr again, something I'm horrible about... I was actually prompted because she added me as a friend ("Oh, yeah... I have a Flickr account!! And FRIENDS there!"), and I felt oh so special, like I'd met a celeb. Remind me to go buy her a margarita when I get back to TX, just so I can get her autograph.
I swear to all things Google that I AM reading your sites, even if I don't comment. Bloglines has made me lazy. Actually, the people who get the most comments from me are the ones who only have previews in their RSS feeds. If I have to click the link to read the rest, I comment. Hmmm... how do I make that happen for my feed? I could use more visitors. (see above)

However, I am considering making this up to the blogging gods by attending a certain convention this summer, which I dare not mention by name, lest my plans get shot down before they even leave the ground. Let's hope money and time will allow, and I will get to meet all the cool kids, not to mention hang out at Chez Grace, AND see MY CORI! In the meantime, I'll try to come up with something brilliant to dazzle all of you AND visit comment on your site this weekend. If I don't, blame Corona... it's all their fault.

On an unrelated note, I am so. fucking. bored. Really. BORED. I mean ready to beat my head in my keyboard.

Idiot of the Week nominees

I've found one so far today, but feel free to let me know if you've seen anything exceptionally stupid in the news. For now, we have the pilot who landed an airliner at the wrong airport. A military airport at that. "This is your captain speaking. We will be making our final descent into uh... well, whatever that place is with the bright lights. Thank you for flying Dumbass Air." Listen, you're a PILOT. This is what you do for a living!! I would think at least ONE of the requirements to get this job is a SENSE OF DIRECTION! Besides, don't they have nice little gadgets and stuff in the cockpit to tell you where the hell you are going? And where were the guys in the tower?? Don't you think someone would say "Hey, dipshit, you are at the wrong airport, and are certainly NOT cleared for landing??" WTF?!?!
We also have the moron who took his pet snake for a drive, only to have the snake wrap around his neck, and cause him to crash. Duh... I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time??

Mother Nature

Wow, I am dumb-founded. Having twins tends to draw a lot of attention, but this set of fraternal twins is amazing. Once again, this proves we just can't keep up with mother nature...

Ragtag Army

We are the wealthiest nation in the world, but at the moment our Army looks like the most ragtag bunch ever. You see, we're currently transistioning from BDUs (Battle Dress Uniforms) to ACUs (Army Combat Uniforms). So, let's take Ft. Riley as our example. Some soldiers are in BDUs, the camo green uniforms that most people associate with the military. Others have just come back from combat, and are in DCUs (Desert Combat Uniforms), the tan uniforms that we have used in desert wars of past. The DCUs are worn with no-shine tan boots, while the BDUs are worn with the shiny black boots. Some soldiers in BDUs are authorized by their units to be wearing the tan boots with the BDUs, which looks retarded. Even more variations are now in play, because we're switching to ACUs, which will be the full time uniform for all of the Army. So, pretty much? No one coordinates... AT ALL. To make it even more interesting, all of the gear, like helmets, flak jackets, and such are in the green woodland pattern of the BDUs, so regardless of what uniform you are wearing, your gear is BDU colored. All in all, this transitional stage is much like growing out your bangs, it looks awkward and is a total pain in the ass! It's a nightmare for a Virgo like me, I need things to MATCH! Some pictures for those of you who aren't military related, so you can understand what I mean.

ACUs on left, BDUs on right


DCU pattern

Complete laziness

Motivation? Got none... I mean NONE. I finally did wipe up the inside of the fridge, because it was really grossing me out, and did a little clean-up in the kitchen, but other than that, I am so unmotivated. It doesn't help that I've been coughing so hard I think I may have knocked a few organs loose, I'll never need to do crunches again after this cold. I REALLY need to get the house cleaned, but it's so much easier to just sit here and be lazy on the laptop. Nate sent me to bed at 7 last night, because I was so miserable and whiny. I am the poster child for assisted suicide, or at least high doses of morphine for the common cold. There is only so much whining someone can take, before they consider strangling their spouse... and by 7pm N had reached that point. Of course, the Nyquil wore off before midnight, and I spent 2 more hours trying to get back to sleep. Gah... I wonder how much it'll cost to call a maid for the week.

It wouldn't be as funny if it wasn't true

This was sent to me today by my friend Amy, and I about fell out of my seat laughing.

Dear Kotex,


I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of
"Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:


* Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.

* Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.

* Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.

* Try Kotex blah blah blah other products


Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that
drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what
happens and report back. I'll wait.


While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will
be females who just ovulated. Look, females don't need or want tips for
living on feminine hygiene products. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already
purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a
girl running to the Always brand.


Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not fun,
but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery
cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put it in a plain brown
wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in
among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a
blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the
store. So take your tips for living and shove them right up your . . .


Ovarily Yours,

Miss PMS

If I find

The person who gave me this damn chest cold, I'm killing them. I'm talking slow, painful torture, then death. In the meantime, I'll be the one on the couch, coughing until my ribs break.

Pimping

These guys are friends of the hubs, and a pretty damn good rock band. I'm trying to help pimp them out, so they can get on Warped Tour. Go listen to the song here, if you like it, let it finish (votes don't count unless you let it finish.) They're huge in Texas and have been featured by Budweiser, on Dish Network and DirecTv, have toured with some major rock groups, and are trying to finally get the major recording label deal they deserve.


I have NO idea why the links aren't tan like they are supposed to be, but scroll over to highlight them, and give them a click!!!

Making Monday better

Buzz managed to perk my Monday up when I saw last week's Eye Candy Friday post. Hmm... Lisa Kudrow, Colin Farrell (meh... not my type), Adriana Lima, and then....



Thank you, Buzz... that was like a fresh Starbucks being handed to me! YUM!

What?!

It's Monday already?? What?! But it was just Friday, like 5 minutes ago!! This bites, I hate Mondays! Oh well, at least I read some blogs this weekend, I was more than a little behind. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

MajorDad's Rebuttal

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Idiot of the Week 3/20/06-3/26/06

LatteMan came to the rescue with the winner of Idiot of the Week. Man parks car, gets on train, forgets baby in the car. Anyone want to take a guess how long his wife will be making him sleep on the front porch?? "Hmmm, got my wallet, briefcase, cell, keys, PDA... yep, good to go!! Yet, it feels like I'm forgetting something. Oh well... off to work!!"
Yes folks, we have a clear winner here!!

BUSY

I didn't even get a post up for idiot of the week yet, so if anyone had any suggestions, please leave them in comments. We've been quite busy, with some work/personal problems, dealing with idiots and liars is always fun. Anyway, um... yeah... I am not ignoring you, I'm trying to keep up with the million cool blogs I read, but dammit, 24 hours in a day is not enough!! Anyone figured out how to clone me yet???

Some food for thought

Cori emailed me this link, definitely a thought-provoking piece.

Complete Bullshit

Wow, that sure was fast. They convicted Sgt. Smith of 6 of the 13 counts of abuse he went on trial for. He's here at Riley, which I was unaware of when I wrote my previous post (I guess I should read the post newspaper more often) and I really wish I could go see him, shake his hand, and tel him how sorry I am that the system fucked him. He'll be sentenced later today, this should be interesting. You know what chaps my ass the most in this case? September 11th terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui has been in custody forever now, and the crimes he committed were in 2001. We STILL can't seem to get his trial moving at any kind of decent speed, they are trying to delay it, trying to drop charges, trying to call the FBI liars to get him off on conspiring in the biggest mass murder in US history. However, a soldier lets his dog scare a couple of terrorists, and we convict him in less than 18 hours of deliberation. That, my friends, is BULLSHIT. What have we become if we can't punish killers, but we can ruin the lives of those defending our freedom from said killers?? Oh, and for those of you who haven't been paying attention to the news this week, Bush has asked us to look past the bloodshed in Iraq and see the good happening there. I guess the 2,219 US soldiers dead as of right now is a small price to pay, especially when we are doing such wonderful things as convicting our soldiers of abusing terrorists in WAR. I mean, didn't you get the memo?? We're supposed to invite them to tea and krumpets, and ask them to pretty please tell us when they plan on killing us. DUUUUHHHHHHH!

I guess we got lucky *updated*

Apparently we're the lucky ones, because while all of the areas around us are getting pounded with snow, we got about an inch, but then it's been sleeting all day. So, we have a nice, cold layer of slush. YAY! Happy Spring!!

Update: Spoke too damn soon, we're getting some more snow now. Maybe we'll get lucky and N won't have PT tomorrow... one can hope!!

Lessons learned

I've been learning a couple of valuable life lessons lately. There are very few people in this world who you can trust, and all too often people that you think are your friends are really out to stab you in the back. This is especially true in today's military life, it's one of the darker sides to our unique world.

Nate and I grew up in small towns, where everyone knew you, and your family, and had for generations. Most of my life was spent with the same friends I had gone to pre-school with, people that I had known since I was in diapers, whose parents had gone to school with my mom and uncle, etc. Back home, there were always people you could trust, you could depend on them, and we would all give the shirts off our backs for one another. We are still like that, but when you're military, and you move around a lot, you have to learn to make friends quickly, or stay to yourself. Of course, after I got stabbed in the back by a few military wives I had made "friends" with at Ft. Hood, I made up my mind to not get too close to anyone, because apparently I have SUCKER tattooed on my forehead. Hey, I'm not perfect, but I try to be a good friend, and not to hurt anyone, but it seems to mean drama will find me. Regardless, being social creatures, we made some friends here, and I broke my own rule of not allowing anyone to get to close to us.

It's usually pretty easy for the guys to create tight bonds, especially if they have been deployed together. The wives usually end up friends by proxy, because you always need someone to help you stay sane when your spouse is gone. Secrets are shared, recipes traded, favors exchanged and so on. Unfortunately, there always seems to come a point where things go wrong, usually because of the other stress thrust onto us, one too many deployments, a few too much time in the field, etc. Sometimes it's a divorce, sometimes it's a falling out between spouses, sometimes some bad blood between the soldiers, but whatever the reason the former friends are now sworn enemies. It's never as simple as "You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone, done." because the soldiers still have to work as a unit, there are mandatory events to attend, and so on.

Ultimately, it's the one thing I hate most about the military life. We actually thrive on being a military family, not everyone can, but we enjoy it. It is challenging at times, but can be greatly rewarding, yet when it gets ugly, it is really ugly. The good news is you can always move onto the next post, and work with a clean slate. Now, how much longer until we can leave this place?

The one thing I never thought I'd say

It's damn near blasphemy for an Eagles fan to say they like the Cowboys. My dad would stroke out if he heard me say I just might have to become a Dallas fan, because they are signing T.O. Honestly, we all know T.O. is an ass, and that he doesn't always play nice off the field, but he's such a great player, and entertaining as hell, so I'm glad he'll be playing again this season.

Who doesn't love new shoes??

Meet my new shoes... I ordered the black strappy ones last night... nothing like retail therapy after a bad day!!!

Category Help PLEASE!!!!!

The wonderful Laura hellped install categories on my site, with the instructions I had from another blogger, however, I'm not pleased with the way PicoSearch works. Do any of you have cetegories on a Blogger site?? Can you tell me how to do it? I'll love you forever and devote a whole post to how wonderful and intelligent you are if you can give me a hand with this!!! Come on, SOMEONE muct know a good Blogger hack for categories!! MUAH!

Idiot of the Week 3/13/2006-3/19/2006

This was too easy... sometimes the idiots just fall right into your laptop!! Man sues after hitting his own car. Wow... no wonder people think Americans are idiots.

Some military discounts and freebies

I came across this while looking for details on T-Mobile's military discount program, and was pleased to find some of the major theme parks have extended their offers for free or discounted tickets to their parks, including Busch Garden parks, which means we'll be able to take the kids to Sesame Place when we finally make it to NJ for our visit. Check it out if you are active duty or retired from the armed services, and see what discounts are out there for you! These aren't just theme park discounts and travel, but stores like Goody's, and other places that will offer you a discount with a valid ID!! Go on now, check it out!

OH. MY. GOD!!!

Remember Swiffer's Amazing Woman of the Year nominations?? Well, the asshole at IT2M that reviewed my site thought I had that post up to beg people to nominate me, but that was the furthest from the truth. In fact, I had it up because Swiffer sends me free things and asks me to review them, so I'm on their list to promote events like this. Anyway, I digress... I nominated the FABULOUS Grace Davis, I really could not think of anyone more deserving than a woman who so selflessly gave her time, money, and energy to organize relief efforts for families affected by Katrina and Rita. I had to actually let her know ahead of time, so I could get some contact information from her (to which she responded "Why do you need it? ARE YOU COMING TO VISIT? I expect to see you in the next 48 hours!!!" because she is just that sweet!), but honestly, I had no idea what kind of response this thing would get, or if she would make it to the semi-finals. Well, I got a phone call this morning, and she has been chosen as a semi-finalist!!! She doesn't know it yet, since it's still early on the West coast she's in Austin for SXSW, but I cannot wait to call and congratulate her. In the meantime, head over to her personal site, (and check out her relief blogs if you somehow missed them) and let her know how amazing she is!!!

I need a clone, a private island, and a cabana boy with some tropical drinks

I'm drained. Really. The kids, the house, some unexpected things to deal with in the Insanity household, helping one friend with her divorce and pending move, having my feelings hurt by another friend who has seemingly blown me off, dealing with insurance companies, daily chiropractic appointments again just to feel normal, spring cleaning... blah blah blah, the list goes on. We might be moving sooner than we expected thanks to BRAC, or we might get stuck here (oh HELL no!!) there are decisions to be made, stacks of papers to fill out, a million phone calls to make, and just a general sea of life crap dumped in my lap. I'm in desperate need of a clone, so Cori and I can run off to some private island where 21 year old cabana boys will bring us tropical drinks, and no cell phones are allowed. I'm seriously considering hiding in our friend's truck when he leaves here for Cali at the end of the month, just so my Cori can come rescue me and I can then kidnap her. Of course, the husbands and children might start looking for us... damn.

Looking up *random update*

Today started off better than expected, for sure! A call from my doc saying he'll call in a script rather than go through the hassle of an appointment. Hang up the phone, rings again, call from the insurance company of the person who ran into us last week (he was trying to deny responsibility and we've been FREAKING out over that), they are covering the claim and setting us up with a rental while our van is in the shop. So, we can get our sliding door fixed and not have to worry about transportation during the repair. Get the mail, my new debit card came in, since mine was deactivated last week when Visa had a little snafu in their system and some card numbers were compromised (which led to an embarassing situation at the store, when my card wasn't working after banking hours and I had NO idea why!) Not a bad start at all!! Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket? Nah... why press my luck?

Update: In order to activate my card, I have to go to an ATM. Since my bank is a Texas bank, there are no in network ATMs, which mean even with a balance inquiry I incur a $1 charge from them. They now think I'm nuts, because I just called and asked them to refund that charge, considering I had to activate a new card last month when mine expired, and incurred the fee then. Yeah, it's only a dollar, but WTF? Why should I have to pay for Visa's mistake, just so I can use my freaking debit card?? *sigh* This stuff always happens at *that* time of the month, which just puts me in a fighting mood. Also raising my blood pressure today was the complete incompetence at Enterprise, where we had to get our rental while our van is in the shop. After calling when we left post (20 minutes away), then calling while at the bodyshop (5 minutes from Enterprise) we had to wait another 30 minutes for the stupid people to pick us up. Finally, when we couldn't get through on the phone the body shop told us to go over there, get our rental, leave the keys to our van their, and they would go pick it up, because we obviously have a little bit more to do with our day than sit around with our thumbs up our asses waiting on these idiots. I go to pick up the rental car, a new Trailblazer because they were out of vans, and the thing looks like it took a cross country mudding adventure. The guy tells me not to worry about cleaning it before we bring it back, but we're going to have the thing for 10 days at least, and it's white, we're NOT driving around this truck looking like we pulled it from the swamp. So, N is doing Enterprise's job now, and washing their damn truck. This is why I NEVER rent from them, and if it weren't for the fact that it's not my insurance picking up the tab, I would have walked 3 steps to the left and rented from Hertz. I HATE incompetence!!! IDIOTS, ALL OF THEM!! Still, it hasn't been a bad day, just the minor annoyances of people who can't do their job or act like normal human beings.

Again, I ask... who the fuck cares about them??

Not the accused soldiers, of course, I care deeply for them. The detainees who were "abused" are the ones I couldn't give a shit about. America has two more in it's sight, ready to put them in front of a firing squad for doing their goddamn job. Oh, the poor prisioners in Abu Ghraib, they were mistreated and not given the royal treatment!! WAHHHH!!!! The soldiers scared them, and made them feel like criminals!! The poor things!! What about the Americans who were blown the fuck up, or tortured and beheaded by insurgents?? Fuck the Geneva Conventions, our soldiers have to follow the rules while the enemy gets to make it's own, and then they come home and go to jail, or get kicked out of the service, because they did what they had to do in WAR. It's not a playdate, buttercup.... it's fucking war... it's you or me, buddy, and I want to go home to my family. It's no secret my husband hasn't served in OIF yet, but I've still seen the damage first hand. I've been to the funerals, I've sat next to friends who have PTSD while they twitch and jump in their sleep, I've seen the scars, the limps, the guys missing limbs, the widows with young children, the alcoholism, the drug abuse, the absolute HELL that is left in the aftermath of this little project we have going on in Iraq. I've listened to the stories of horror and terror endured while serving in Iraq, young adults who will spend the rest of their lives reliving those moments in their head, unless they drink or medicate them away, or commit suicide to make them stop. Don't forget, folks, we're not at "war" anymore, but we still lose soldiers nearly every day. We're "winning the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people" while they throw grenades at our soldiers' feet and plant IEDs for them to run over. Now, this incident happened during the actual ground war, the same time as the other "abuse" in this now infamous prison. I say "Job well done, Sgt. Smith, and Sgt. Cardona. Hooah." It's a goddamn shame that the other soldiers like Charles Graner and Lynndie England went to prison for doing exactly what they should have, and the unfortunate reality is these two sergeants will probably face the same fate. It's complete bullshit, and an insult to ever soldier who risks his or her life for this "project".

Curious George

We took the kids to their first theater movie today. I know I've mentioned my complete hatred for movie theaters, but we wanted to give the kids a cool experience, so we took them to see a matinee of Curious George. Unlike Cori, I've never been a big fan of the little rascal, but this movie was CUTE!! It was perfect for our kids, because there wasn't anything they would have been frightened by, but still funny enough to not bore the crap out of adults. The kids had a blast, except for some trouble with the fold up seats, which made paying a week's salary on popcorn and candy totally worth it! So, that's twice in less than 4 months, when I hadn't set foot in a theater in over 3 years. I'm getting weak!!

Nevermind

Trip home cancelled. Tickets to game up for sale. :( Oh well, such is life.

Idiot of the Week 3/6/2006-3/12/2006

Well, LatteMan found another contender for Idiot of the Week, and I'm not sure if this one is an "idiot" or just plain ignorance. At least this one knew she was pregnant, and decided to go shop for some last minute items for the baby, at Wal*Mart. Well, during her shopping trip she delivered the baby... with the help of the Wal*Mart management team. I barely trust those people to ring me up correctly, letting them pull a human out of my cooter is out of the question. I suppose you do save a lot on those pesky hospital bills... Clean up in Layaway!!

How do you say Spam en Espanol?

It seems spammers have figured out how to get past my Gmail spam folder, by sending spam in Spanish. I suppose it might have been a good plan, but I took French in high school, so the message was lost on me. I think the subject line had something to do with becoming a millionaire though, maybe I should have asked my friend Yeida to translate. Oh, well...

Give me a fucking break

"I didn't realize I was pregnant!!" is the biggest crock of shit ever. I've been pregnant, so I can safely say it's something even the most airheaded chick figures out after a couple months. If you are old enough to have sex (which is debatable here since she's 13) you are old enough to understand that sperm + egg = BABY, and that if you are gaining weight, your period stops, and you keep getting nauseated, you might be pregnant. I hope this child's mom smacked her upside her head, and put her on some birth control. I'm just glad it wasn't an American for once, I'm tired of us always being the idiots. So... it's only Tuesday, but I think I've found my Idiot of the Week, unless someone can trump that!

Might as well taken his wallet too

Joaquin Phoenix got ROBBED at the Oscars. I didn't watch it, I'm not big on awards shows, but he DEFINITELY should have won for Best Actor in "Walk The Line". I cannot believe he lost to the guy from "Capote". Has anyone even SEEN "Capote"?? I've read "In Cold Blood", but really couldn't care less about Capote's life. The only thing I know about the writer is that he was strange, or at least that's how my grandmom described it when we were discussing the book. I defintiely think Johnny and June Carter Cash are way more interesting. So anyway, the guy may have had a spectacular performance playing Truman Capote, but who the hell cares... it can't possibly hold a candle to Joaquin as Johnny Cash. At least Reese Witherspoon won for Best Actress, the night wasn't a total loss.

A near-stroke (A girl post... fair warning!)

Ever wonder how to give yourself a mini-heart attack, and nearly stroke out? If you are a guy, look away... girl stuff ahead. It's my blog, and I'll write about it if I want to! You've been warned. Anyway, I'm bad about tracking my periods, and since we decided to put baby-making on hiatus, I haven't been tracking them well. The last one I remembered included a trip to the hospital while N was in the field. So, I'm frantic, thinking I'm late, but got a negative pregnancy test. I do the reasonable thing, and go back through my message archives with Cori, you know, because those things ocassionally come up in our conversations. Realize trip to the hospital was 41 days ago... nearly stroke out, then decide to think rationally. Grill N about 4 day weekend, "For the love of GOD man, did I have my period that weekend? I should have! PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS SO!!!!" Ahhh.... it was. Not late. Not pregnant. Will have period on vacation. DAMN IT! **sigh** Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was a guy...

The lip ring

Nate got this pic with his cell while I was getting ready to go out. As you can see I am less than impressed at being caught in my "unfinished" state!


And just to prove that I DO look happy every once in a while, this is me and our cutie friend Danny at Rusty's Last Chance, which was listed in Sports Illustrated as the #12 Sports Bar in the country. Of course, that's giving the KState people the title of "sports fans", but whatever...

Why my husband is the coolest person ever

It's no secret to those who know me that I grew up near Philly and am a DIEHARD Philadelphia 76ers fan. We're going on vacation in a week to visit my parents. My amazing husband got us tickets to see the Sixers play the Hawks in Philly, section 105, Row FOUR. Oh. My. GOD!!!! It's not exactly on the floor (we do live on military pay, remember?!) but it's still close enough to reach out and touch Allen Iverson if he inbounds from that side! I've never been to a live NBA game before, and while I expected to eventually see them play in Dallas or San Antonio, seeing them at home is a huge deal to me! I will be taking lots of pictures, so prepare yourself for the onslaught. So. EXCITED!!!