And this is why I don't hang out with many women....

Buzz mentioned the drama started at BlogHer over a post bashing "mommybloggers". That shit is hilarious, the ONLY reason I'm giving the dumbass who wrote it a link is so you can read the comments, and laugh at the arguements. Hey ladies, and this includes you, Sherri, why don't we all act like big girls? The closest thing I can compare this to is watching the guys talk shop, and bash each other's MOS, unit, division, etc. "Oh, infantrymen are nothing but stupid grunts." "Oh yeah? Well if you ain't Cav, you ain't shit." "Yeah, well, you're nothing but a finance REMF" (Rear-echelon motherfuckers, for those of you who aren't familiar with the term) Or, the different branches making fun of each other. So, when we are sitting here arguing over blogging, and bashing each other for the types of bloggers we are, especially at a convention created for WOMEN, we've officially hit a new low. I'm just going to print that post out, and hand it over next time one of my male friends asks me why I don't hook them up with a friend... because hanging out with women creates drama.

Edited: I said "dumbass who wrote it", and then realized this may actually be a pretty smart woman. There is no quicker way to bump up your stats, and your links, than piss off the "mommybloggers". A face-to-face with Dooce was mentioned in a later post, and Sherri has been posted a few times now about the whole drama. I don't know who she is, or what her stats were like before this, but I'd have to say this falls under the "bad press is better than no press" rule. WTG, enjoy the traffic while it lasts.

Birth Control in the US

It's funny how birth control is such a hot topic issue in a country where you can buy condoms at almost any store. The FDA is once again looking at the morning-after pill, Plan B, for OTC sales to women age 16 and older. This plan had stalled out for over a year, because of conservative opposition. Now, as for regular BC medications, I don't have an issue with them being prescription only, although I might feel differently if I did not have health insurance. However, Plan B must be taken within 72 hours to be effective (still only 89% effective, but better than nothing) which means getting a script, and getting it filled in time is difficult at best. This would be a huge stride in the right direction for women's reproductive rights at a time when the government is slowly chipping away at them.

On a separate note, why is this news? Ok, wow, an implantable BC method. I am pretty sure there has been one on the market in the US for a while now, called Norplant. What makes Implanon a big deal?? Anyone?

Randoms (I keep editing this to add more as the day goes on)

Shannon is in the middle of her Blogathon, so don't forget to go say "Hi!", and sponsor her!

Daxahol gave me today's line of the day... The ole “life gives you lemons, made lemonade” example has been overused, so try the “life gives you balls…suck em.”

I completely forgot that this weekend is BlogHer. Yeah, I had great intentions on attending this year, and visiting a few California friends in the process, but here I sit in KS, so you can see how well that worked out for me. I hope everyone attending is having a great time, and say "Hi!" to Grace for me!!

Conversation with a (single, kid-free) friend:
SF: (about friends moving across country) "We should totally go out to LA and see them."

Me: "Sounds great, but what do you propose I do with my kids?"

SF: "Don't they have kennels or something for that purpose?"

It was, of course, a joke, but it got me wondering... why aren't there kiddie kennels, staffed with SuperNanny wannabes, where you can go on vacation knowing your kids are learning, and being fed well-balanced meals? The alternative is sending them to the grandparents, where they are sure to be chocked full of sugar and junk, and come back spoiled rotten. Oh, crap... I'm about to do just that. Anyone know of a good Kiddie Kennel?

New hair product I am IN LOVE with... Aquage finishing spray. I heart it. Lots.

We don't watch the Wiggles in our house, but SJ has come up with a Wiggles drinking game. From the one or two episodes I've seen over time, I agree, we'll need a few cases of alcohol to play.

Conversation last night...
"So, Mike subscribes to a bunch of magazines. I open the mailbox and see Gentleman's Quarterly. My first thought is 'Hmm... I haven't seen this in a couple months."
Not everyone got it, which is a bit unsettling.

Obsession saved

Thank gawd, I don't have to give up on David Beckham after his little tighty-whitey pics, he's back to taking gorgeous pics again. Whew, that was a close one...

A vet??

A conversation between two of my friends last night. (They're roommates)

M: Remind me to call Yvette tonight.

B:Uh, ok.

B thinking: This is so going in the file of strange things M says. Why does she want to call a vet? We don't have any pets. And I don't know what ailment she's afflicted with, but I would think a human doctor would be a much better choice.

So, later in the evening, on the way out, B realizes she wasn't talking about a veterinarian, but one of her co-workers. You could almost see the lightbulb go on over his head, it was priceless. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the backseat, and the first thing that comes to mind is "I'm so blogging this!"
Granted, the story is much better told in person, and even better if you know B, but the retelling to friends had me laughing most of the night.

Idiot of the Week 7/23-7/29/2006

Hat tip to Jay on this one. His 3 reasons for nominating this guy are as follows:

1. Shoves his granddaughter dangerously close to an elk to take a picture
2. Hits the woman who admonished him for doing so
3. Knocks down said woman's 82 year old father who is using a walker.

Bonus points for having outstanding child abuse warrants. Wow... someone might need some anger management.

For Shannon (Bumping up!!)

Most of you already know and love Shannon, AkaMonty, from The Daily Bitch. If you don't you should definitely be reading her site!! Anyway, she is doing a blogathon for the United Cerebral Palsy fund. This is a cause very close to her heart, because her son suffers from this crippling disease. So, go, and sponsor her, every little bit helps!! There are millions of causes out there, and this one is just as important as any other. We all opened up our hearts, and wallets last year in the aftermath of the hurricanes, and for various causes over the past few months, let's do it again to help those with CP.

In addition

I do have good news, though... (no, I didn't save a bunch of money on my insurance with Geico... USAA loves us more) I am minus the Twin Tyrants (stolen from Mark and his Tyrants) because their Sperm Donor (SD) is in town visiting. He brought his sister and her roommate, and when the 3 of them showed up yesterday I was already packing an overnight bag. Can you tell I needed a break? Well, I got distracted while swimming at a friend's house, and forgot to call and say goodnight, so I call at about 2130 (in the middle of "Rescue Me", that's dedication!!) to see how things were going. SD tells me they are still up, I mention to him their blankets and stuffed animals are in the bottom of the bag. Ooops... probably should have told him that to begin with! He calls me back about 15 minutes later to let me know that they went right to sleep after receiving their stuffed animals. Good deal. So, I have just the baby for most of this week, and she's asleep in the swing right now. Life is quiet, I don't have to watch Dora or hear bickering kids, I'm happy. Maybe now I can get caught up!!
(I do miss the little tyrants, though... as much as I hate to admit it!)

So behind!

I do still love you. Yes, YOU. I do read your blog, and I'm sorry for not commenting. I'm about 5 days behind on Bloglines, and it seems that you have been very busy writing posts, and I'm never going to catch up if you don't slow down a bit!! Now, I've drained my laptop battery, and must take a break from reading before I go blind.

UGH!!!!!

You know, this picture might have just ruined my slight obsession with David Beckham.

And if Dane Cook really is dating Jessica Simpson, I'll have lost all respect for him. The only good part is the break-up will bring some hilarious jokes.

That is all...

Coastie Rescue

Jake called me yesterday evening to let me know he was on his way to a water rescue, they were gearing up. He didn't have time to give me details, other than he had to get on his "Scuba Steve" gear, and you could hear the tension and excitement in his voice. I doubt very seriously that it was this rescue, considering Jake is stationed in Jacksonville, FL, but I'm dying to know what mission he was sent out on, and that he's ok. So, as soon as I can get ahold of him, I will update.

Anything to bump the last post down a bit...

Really, I can't bear to look at my stomach like that, that post might only make it another day or so, before it comes down. Anyway, It's not even 0645CST, I'm up, and NOT happy about it. I did go to bed shockingly early last night (9pm), but I hadn't gotten much sleep all weekend, so I guess I needed it. This getting up early crap is gonna kill me when I start working. I remember having to get up at the ass crack of dawn the last time I was working full time, and it damn near killed me. At least then, I had a Starbucks on the way to work, I don't get that luxury here, since the ONLY one in the area is completely on the other side of the town I'll be working in. Ugh!!! Anyone want to open a Starbuck franchise here? I'll totally be your manager, hell, I'll gladly work doubles!

Latest photo request

I cannot believe I am posting this, but I've also submitted it to The Shape of a Mother. Sandy asked to see my belly, in it's post-twins aftermath... and I've agreed to oblige.
May frighten the weak of heart, and/or small children!



So, while I weigh less now than I did when I got pregnant, I carry these so-called "badges of honor", at least until I'm done having children, and get some wonderful plastic surgeon to remove them. Call me vain, if you must, but I just can't find anything attractive about stretch marks covering my entire abdomen.

My new tattoo

I got a new tattoo this week it's on my left thigh, just below my hip. Bonus points if you know what it is, because so far only 2 friends knew what it was before I told them.

Dr. Phil

I don't normally get to watch any adult TV during the day, it's almost exclusively Nick Jr and Noggin in this house. However, tomorrows Dr. Phil show confronts an abusive boyf/husband (not sure if they are married or not) and the preview shows Dr. Phil getting up in the guy's face, asking him if it's intimidating to have someone bigger than you pushing you around. Of the few shows I've seen, I've grown to love Dr. Phil for his honesty, and I think this is one show everyone should see. I've been in a couple abusive relationships, I know what it does to you when you are constantly bullied and hurt by someone who is supposed to love you. Maybe if more abusers would get a reality check like Dr. Phil is dishing out to this punk, they could break the cycle, or at least the abused party would get out sooner. Some never make it out, and those of us that do usually wait way too long. Domestic violence is not something that should get a second chance, and no one should have to live in fear in their own home. I've been part of a few discussions where someone knows a neighbor or friend is being abused, but did nothing to step in out of fear of retaliation. If you suspect abuse, DO SOMETHING. I had my neighbors tell me after the fact that they used to hear us fighting, and were afraid to get involved. We shared a duplex, a simple anonymous call to the cops may have saved me a lot of pain and suffering. We've become so scared to do the right thing, because of the possible reprecussions that many people go against their instincts, and turn their heads to things they know are wrong. Don't... you may save someone's life, and if it were you, you would want someone to help, right?

Idiot of the Week 7/16-7/22/2006

I really struggled to find anyone truly worth of the award this week, but I think this guy will do. Man gets caught smuggling 6 eggs of endangered species in his underwear. Dude, did you REALLY think they were going to believe you had 8 balls? And your excuse of it being a surprise for your girlfriend, I'd be a little worried if a boyfriend presented me with a few endangered species as a surprise gift. How about diamonds, they always go over well. Dumbass!!!

Get Drunk Friday

12:25pm Saturday: Edited....
Wow, that's bad, I was that drunk by 10:25pm. I only made it to about midnight before it was decided that I should not be drinking anymore, and we left. I considered taking the audioblog down when I woke up this morning, but eh, what the hell, it can stay. I guess I should say that NORMALLY, I wouldn't have even started drinking until about that time, but I had gone out to dinner at 8, had a pre-dinner drink, we drank a bottle of merlot with our meal, and a post-dinner cocktail before we even headed to the bar. Merlot and I are not friends, because she snuck up on me, for sure. Thankfully, my hangover is pretty minimal, nothing 800mg of Motrin can't handle. Hope your Friday was as much fun as mine!!

First round of picture requests

Ok, here is RD 1 of the picture requests... I'm still taking requests, so comment, people!!!

Katy wanted to see where I kept my pills, p0rn, and liquor, you know... the things I use to relax. What are you trying to say, Katy?? *wink*

Pills are in my purse


Porn is actually in the upstairs bathroom cabinet. Technically, it's N's subscription to Playboy, but I do love me some Playboy. The best part of Nudie Magazine Day is finding the hidden bunny.


Liquor, the Corona is mine, the vodka and SoCo aren't, but here ya go...


Jay wanted a peek into my medicine cabinet, and out of the two in my house, this is the more interesting. Actually, the other cabinet in this bathroom has more stuff in it, and all meds are kept downstairs in the kitchen.

Boring, I know!

Mark wanted to see the box in the freezer where I keep the severed fingers from Get Drunk Fridays. Since my freezer is pretty small, there are no body parts, just some boring food. I generally don't sever any body parts during my drunken weekends, just the occasional spraying of Corona when flipping the bottle to sink the lime.


And lastly, my IRL friend (yes, I *do* have real friends... they don't ALL live in my computer. Wait, I met him online... DAMN!) B wanted me to post a picture of the gliders, to see if anyone else thinks they are fake. He is CERTAIN that they are not real animals, I've simply sewn wings onto rats, and made them up. Katy, please tell this man that they ARE real, and not anything like rats!!

I've got...

A job!! I start the beginning of September, since we're going on the cruise in August, and there are 5 weeks of training that I can't miss. I was pretty happy that I got a call within hours of submitting my resume on Tuesday, and got an interview today, then hired on the spot!! Yay me! The guy who interviewed me was concerned about my short work history over the past couple years, but when I explained to him why the jobs were short lived, and also that I could have lied on my application and claimed to have been a SAHM during that time, but felt I should be honest instead, he seemed satisfied with my response. It is an inbound call center for a major cell company (not the one I use, but he confessed his private cell is with the same company as mine, LOL), customer service/retention agent. I'm totally excited!!! Ok, I'll be taking pictures later for the first round of requests, so keep them coming. What would you like to see if you could come visit me?

Ok, it's that time again!!

Last year, (I think it was last year) I allowed y'all to make requests of pictures you wanted to see from my house. Since I'm having some blogger's block, I'm going to do it again. All reasonable requests will be fulfilled, along with a link to the requester (requestor??). Who doesn't love links??? So, if you came over to my house, where would you like to go snooping? If you don't want to snoop (yeah right, we ALL snoop once in a while!), what are you curious about? Very little is off limits, as long as it won't incriminate me, or get my site flagged, I'll take the pictures and post them. Come on, comment with your requests!

Idiot of the Week 7/9-7/15/2006

It looks like the LAPD cop who got shot by his toddler is our winner for IotW. Hopefully, he makes a full recovery, and learns to secure his weapon.

Hilarious!

Dane Cook making fun of Tom Cruise on Jimmy Kimmel... priceless!

IotW nominees

I've gotten 3 nominees for Idiot of the Week this week, so I thought I'd offer it up for a vote.

First up, woman calls 911 to get "cutie pie" cop to come back to her house. She was arrested for misuse of the emergency call system. Ok, lady... if you are THAT hard up for a date, why not GO DOWN TO THE STATION? Jeez, call the non-emergency line, walk in, whatever... don't call 911! (Thanks to my MIL for the link!)

Second, we have the 14 year old drunk driver. He was apparently the more sober driver between him and his father, so his father let him drive. He totalled the 2001 Mustang on the way home. Now, there are so many things wrong here. The father let the 14 year old drink, then he let him drive, and I don't know how tall this kid is, but I've driven my friend's Mustang (sober of course), and I have trouble seeing over the dash. At what point it seemed like a good idea to hand over the keys to a sports car to your drunk 14 year old, I don't know. I'd love to hear the thinking behind that one!! (Hat tip to Jay on this one)

Finally, we have the LAPD cop who was shot by his 3 year old son. He left his loaded service revolver in the backseat of his vehicle, the toddler got ahold of it, and shot him, accidentally of course. The child was not in a safety seat at the time of the incident. So many things wrong with this picture as well... (Again, thanks to my MIL for the link!)

Let the voting begin... My personal vote goes to the guy who let his drunk 14 year old drive.

Disorder in American Courts

I recieved this from my MIL, I hope it makes you chuckle...
These are from a book called DISORDER IN THE AMERICAN COURTS, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
__________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And it what ways do it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
__________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I cant remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh...
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And whose death was it terminated?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Thanks anyway

I don't know if it was the Darwin fish on the back of my van, or the fact that I have piercings in my face, or just her gut, but this lady circled around me a bit while I was sitting in the van at the commissary, gathering up stuff to do my grocery shopping. I kind of noticed her looking at me, and once I made eye contact she walked over, so I rolled down my window. She handed me one of those religious pamphlets, and said "This is for you." I thanked her, rolled my window back up, and continued what I was doing. The pamphlet ended up in the trash on the way in, and I saw her as I was getting peanut butter. I find it incredibly irritating when people push their religion on others, especially complete strangers. Anyone else get irritated by this? The worst part is the woman looked scared of me, like she might catch my "ungodliness" or something. Ugh!

Insert Title Here

There is change in the air. That is all...

Randomness abounds!

Said to me last week, but just popped in my head for some reason.

"You smell like Spring Break."

[Thinking} Huh? There is a Spring Break smell? I haven't been to the beach, or put on sunscreen, or any other smell that would remind me of Spring Break. Hmmm... Oh yeah, the" Need a margarita?" body scrub I used. This might explain it.

"Ok, that's my body scrub, it smells like margaritas."

"Yep, that's it. Spring Break."

Glad that's settled. Is Margarita the official smell of Spring Break?

Uh, ok... and some other randoms

I think Busy Mom said it best with WTF??

Also, I found this via Blogging Baby, The Shape of a Mother. It is NSFW, due to nudity, but is a new site dedicated to showing what the aftermath of child-bearing really looks like, no matter what Hollywood tells us. I don't know, I want plastic surgery pretty bad, I know it's shallow but I can't find the "beauty" of my stretch marks and sagging boobs. I want my 23 year old body to LOOK 23 years old, or at least something close to it. I may sumbit a picture anyway, strength in numbers and all that, but I still haven't come to terms with my ruined abs, and I'm not sure I ever will.

Best blog-line I've read so far? Over at Christine's "Reasons Why I Hate My Husband."
(Discussing the husband's weekend bout of depression)
"Ummm, anything I can do?"

"How about a blow job or some Chinese food?"

The Sweet and Sour Shrimp were excellent.
(I'm STILL laughing at that!)

Go offer Jenn some support, her dad is in the hospital.

Waiter discussing the World Cup and it's effect on his kitchen staff. Their Sous chef is Italian, but much of the other kitchen staff is Mexican, and once Mexico was eliminated they were rooting against Italy. Well, Italy's win proved entertaining for the staff. I was rooting for Italy, in case you were wondering, after England (*swoon* Beckham!!) was eliminated.

And finally, my playlist for the day.
DMB~ Typical Situation
DMB~ The Dreaming Tree
DMB~ Crazy
DMB~ Lover Lay Down
DMB~ Crush
Garth Brooks~ The Dance
Garth Brooks~ Good Ride Cowboy
Pat Green~ Wave on Wave
Pat Green~ Three Days
Rascal Flatts~ God Blessed The Broken Road
Rascal Flatts~ Fast Cars and Freedom
Rascal Flatts~ What Hurts The Most
Rascal Flatts~ I Melt
Tim McGraw/Faith Hill~ It's Your Love
Toby Keith~ American Soldier

A strange mix, I know.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

While out Friday night, I saw Kasey Kahne on the TV (no closed captioning, too noisy to hear it), apparently having won a race, but it was Friday night, so I couldn't figure out what he had won. I was with a bunch of non-race fans, so I was the only one paying attention. I got all excited when I noticed Kasey in Victory Lane, but said "Kasey won, but there's no race today. DAMMIT! I don't know what happened!!" The line of the weekend was delivered at that moment...

"I'm pretty sure there were left turns involved."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. How much did you pay for that nice degree you've got? Jerk.

RIAA vs Band Preferences

Did I mention we're going to see Dave Matthews Band in August? Well, a little bit of background for those of you unfamiliar with DMB. They do not mind their fans recording their shows, and file sharing their music. They are against the whole RIAA "Sharing is stealing" thing, because they know that bands start out with word of mouth, and if it weren't for sharing most bands wouldn't ever get a record deal. DMB is obviously very successful, they tour nearly non-stop, and sell out huge arenas. Anyway, the dilemma is I want to tape the show, but I know that my camera will be confiscated if security catches it. DMB can say "Let our fans tape the show", but security and the area they are playing will stop the fans anyway. I'll have my cell, so I can take short voice clips, and pictures, but no video. Still, a quick search of my*space shows that it IS possible to sneak the cameras in, so how do these people pull it off?? I think I'd be more likely to risk it if we were sitting up close, but we're doing lawn seating. (I've seen them at the Tweeter Center in Camden, NJ, lawn seating, and Veteran's Stadium in Philadelphia, I prefer lawn seating for their shows.) Anyway, I may try to sneak in a handheld digital voice recorder, if nothing else. Damn recording industry nazis!!

Kiddie randoms

Some randoms from the munchkin crew this week. I picked them up from pre-school Thursday, and Maddie's teacher said Mads had INSISTED she see "my mommy's pretty nails". Now, I have strong natural nails, but they are in horrible disrepair right now, as I've been working on refinishing the dining table. I don't know if Mads was thinking of my toenails, which are usually painted, but weren't at the time. So, completely baffled, I showed the teacher my hands, and we had a good laugh about it. If nothing else, my daughter still thinks I'm beautiful. *melt*
Of course, with the cute comes the not-so-cute. My Coke is sitting behind me on the accent table. Mads just reached over, and took a sip, I barely caught her out of the corner of my eye. Hey!! You're not allowed to drink Mommy's soda!
Conversation a few minutes ago.
Shane: "Mommy, Daddy is TWENTY EIGHT!"
Me: "Yes, buddy, he is."
Madison: "Mommy, you're 24!!"
Me: "No baby, I'm 23. I'll be 24 in September, in a couple months." (We've been discussing birthdays a lot lately, since they just had theirs, and Nate's was 8 days later)
Mads: "But WHY?? You're 24!!"
Me: *sigh* "Not yet, baby, I will be in a couple months."
There is no convincing her, and since everything is either "yesterday" or "tomorrow" wth Shane, he's decided tomorrow is my birthday. Maybe I should take advantage of the situation.

We took the kids to the zoo in Manhattan (no, not the REAL Manhattan, the town next to us here in Hell Kansas.) over the holiday weekend, and they each got a stuffed animal. Mads got a tiger, and Shane an otter. They took them to show and share on Thursday, still unnamed. Mads and her teacher decided on Tina the Tiger, but Shane still hadn't picked a name for his poor otter. I think we've decided on Obi the Otter. Why in the world I'm allowing MORE stuffed animals in this house is beyond me, I must be getting weak in my "old" age.

Anyone have any advice on nose picking? I swear, at any given moment you can look at my beloved son and his finger is piled up his nose. We cannot seem to stop this habit, he'll just cover his face or hide somewhere, and continue digging for gold. Oh, the joys of little boys. Ewwwww.... Of course, Maddie has been known to dig as well, the evidence on the wall next to her bed tells it all. Someone please tell me this stops...

Who said having children wasn't any fun?

Sharing the (link) love!

Some things that struck me as link-worthy today:

The guest post over at The Daily Bitch

The torn-up credit card application, found via Meritt. (Go wish Meritt and her hubby a happy anniversary!!) Check this out, it's unbelievable. I'm horrible about just tearing them up, and throwing them in the trash.

Buzz finally fufilled my ECF request, with some ultra-yummy David Beckham. Oh, there are other hotties over there, too. But LOOK! David Beckham!

IotW 7/2-7/8/2006

A hat tip to Jay on this one. Man abducts 4 year old girl, is caught when his vehicle is towed. He snatched the girl from the arms of her aunt, and a god samaritan gave chase. Because of the holiday weekend, there were quite a few police officers on patrol. The man parked his car blocking a driveway, and it was towed, leading to his arrest, and the safe return of the child. This story has a happy ending, and for that I'm glad this guy is such an idiot.

I was a horrible hostess!!

I did not fulfill my obligation to pimp out Melanie's blog, with only one post devoted to her oh-so-cool site. So, this is my make-up post... go check her out. If you aren't reading her site already, you don't know what you're missing!!! Now go on... get out of here!! Shoo!!!

Remember the CrazyRedneckGuy??

The one who pulled a gun on us on the highway? Well, I received a letter from the county attorney today, he was granted a diversion. He has to pay $642 in court costs and fines, relinquich his gun to the county sheriff, and refrain from using illegal drugs and/or alcohol. He also has to write us letters of apology, sent through the courts. If he violates any of the terms of the diversion it will be revoked. I am LIVID. A diversion means this won't even go on his record as long as he follows the terms. No jail time, not even fucking community service, for pulling a gun on 3 adults and 3 small children. N doesn't know yet, because he just got off a 24 hour shift and is asleep. Paul doesn't either because he's in San Diego on leave. I'm sure they will be just as furious when they find out. What a disgrace to our justice system.

Happy 4th of July!!!

I hope y'all had a wonderful, and safe holiday weekend!! Ours has been fairly uneventful, we took the kids to the zoo on Sunday, and we had a great time even though it was hotter than hell. Actually, most of the weekend was spent inside, because of the heat. I did attend a BBQ, out by the lake. When I arrived, most of the people there had been drinking for hours, and the host was beyond drunk. They guys started lighting off fireworks (with a tiki torch no less), and throwing them into the circle of chairs the rest of us were sitting in. Kids across the street were shooting roman candles at each other, and here we've got a bunch of grown men setting a WONDERFUL example by trying to kill themselves and their friends. Here's my advice... keg + fireworks + a tiki torch = disaster. Do not try this at home, folks!! Apparently, after I left, the guy who hosted it ended up burning his hand with the fireworks fiasco. Poor N got stuck with CQ duty today, a 24 hour shift. I'm sure it'll be an interesting one, since any trouble that occurs with the unit has to be called into CQ. So, I hope you have enjoyed your Independance Day, and the hangover gods are merciful to you tomorrow!

Slacking (IotW 6/25-7/1/2006)

I've been slacking on the Idiot of the Week thing again! I suck. Anyway, I've found my winner, woman robs bank, her note demanding the money was written on the back of a piece of mail, WITH HER ADDRESS ON IT. Apparently, the teller was an accomplice, and was also arrested, but wow, could you be and dumber??

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

New renter!!

My new renter is one of my favorite blogs, Melanie over at Plaid Toaster. Melanie has twin girls that just turned 6, so go wish them a happy belated birthday. She also celebrated her birthday last week, and, like me, June is a financial HELL month for her, with her birthday, the girls' birthday, and a bunch of other Gemini family members. I swear y'all, this is the other pea in my pod... go visit, you'll love her!

Black bra, pink shirt...

N sent me this picture from the pharmacy, with the message "Black bra, pink shirt... verdict?" Well, the verdict is "GUILTY!" of fashion faux pas... BIG TIME. Ladies, come on now... what would possess you to wear a dark bra under a light shirt?? I'm seeing this WAY too often lately, and it's making me sick. Please, invest in a light colored bra, it'll do wonders to improve the white trash look you're currently rocking.

An update on the credit situation

The energy company in question called me back, and played a recorded conversation to see if I recognized the voice of the person who opened the account. Of course, I didn't (hard to tell when all the person had to do was say "Yes" in response to some questions), nor did I know the number they used. She said the number came back as a possible cell phone, but even the area code is one I've never heard of. I explained that I wouldn't respond to Mrs. (Ex's last name), which the rep on the recording used, and that since I was a military dependent, anyone who got their hands on my ID card could easily copy down my name, social, spouse's social, and my birthdate. This is one of the dangerous things about the ID that I have to carry everywhere, and show multiple times a day. She agreed to take the record off, and it will be removed from my credit report. I'm quite pleased with how quickly they got back to me, and this rep was much more considerate and helpful than the first one I spoke with. The funny thing is if I COULD have used that energy company when living in TX, I would have... I had way too many problems with TXU, and would have switched given the chance. So, all's well that ends well, I suppose, now I just need to keep a close eye on my credit reports.

Bon Voyage...

My darling husband decided to surprise me with plans to take a cruise in August! We never had a honeymoon, and haven't been on a vacation together EVER, so I'm totally excited. We're going to drive down to the Dave Matthews Band concert in August, and my in-laws will be keeping the kids while we drive down to Galveston, and take a 5 day cruise to Meridia and Cozumel! This is going to be my first cruise, I'm praying all goes well weather-wise. The downside is the idea came because N has gotten orders for Korea, which is a one year unaccompanied tour. He may or may not end up going, but if he does I'll be staying here for another year, alone. Either way, we're going to make the best of this, and celebrate our second anniversary (December) a bit early, out at sea on our way to a beautiful beach in Mexico. SO. EXCITED!!!!

Go!!

Don't forget to go visit my renter, Scooter! You might find some great new music for your summer fun.

"Baby" Gym

Oh, the kids are SO going to "Baby" Gym tonight (open gymnastics play at a gym in the next town over) to burn off some energy. They are going absolutely crazy, bouncing off walls and running into each other. On days like this, "Baby" Gym is the best ten bucks ever spent!!!

Credit

I pulled my credit report today, because we're planning on buying a house next year, and want to clean up as many blemishes as possible before then. Imagine my surprise to find a delinquent account for an electric company I've never had. This is one of the major companies in TX, however I always had TXU when living in TX, so I disputed it through the reporting agency, and called the creditor. When I explained that I had never had an account with them, she asked for my TX address. The address she gave me as the service address is a couple hours away from ANYWHERE I lived in TX! UGH!!!! So, I'm like "What do I do to prove this wasn't mine, and that I didn't live there?" Of course, she said the reporting agency would dispute it (no shit, Sherlock, I know that!), and they would figure it out from there, but that takes 30 days, and they (electric company) could still say "Yeah, it belongs to her, it stays on the report." Meanwhile, I'm like "Ok, I have supporting documents to show I lived in a different town at the time, WTF?" So, I'm waiting for someone to return my call, although I'm not sure WHY because I was speaking to the fraud department to begin with, but this is more of a pain in the ass than I need on a Friday. Today's lesson?? Check your credit report.

Total Bullshit

We've been here at Fort Riley for 13 months now, and today was the FIRST FRG (Family Readiness Group) meeting since I've been here. Now, the FRG is set up to keep spouses informed, and have a "chain of concern" for spouses to use when they need assistance from the unit. I was very active in my FRG at Fort Hood, it was a well organized, and active group. Usually the Captain's wife is the head of the group, and I was very close to mine. However, when I got to Riley, not a SINGLE person from the FRG called to welcome us here, to inform us of anything going on, etc. A couple months later, when N came down on orders for Iraq (they were cancelled 5 days before his flight), still no one contacted me, this is when the FRG is supposed to stand up and be there for the families. Now, the unit is disbanding, basically they will no longer exist by the end of next year, and between now and then everyone is either leaving or consolidating. So, today there was a MANDATORY meeting. I signed in, spent 20 minutes (it was a 2 hour meeting), and left. It made my blood boil to hear the LTC speak of keeping the same FRG contacts we already "know", such as N's CPT's wife. Well, I don't know who knows these people, but I have only met this woman twice, and both times were at a Baby Gym that we both happened to take our kids to. This unit has been a disgrace to their families, very few social events, no regular updates for the family members, hell the soldiers don't even know what's going on half the time. Where have these people been for the last year+, and why NOW are we being required to attend these meetings?? Just total bullshit, and I want no part of it. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that our next unit is more organized, and more family-oriented.

Flies

Ok, I've got a problem. Being outdoors with the kids is hard enough when it's close to 100 degrees, but the bigger problem is the flies. They aren't the horsefly biting kind, just plain ol' houseflies that will NOT leave me alone. I went and bought a bug zapper last night (OMG we look so White Trashy now!!), which works wonders at night, but is not so effective during the day. I've got bug spray on me, my clothes, and the camp chairs that are on our porch, but the flies laughed at the bug spray, and continue to swarm me. How do you get rid of these fuckers? The trash can is a decent distance from the house, so that's not the problem. My neighbor uses those fly trap bags out back by her dogs and over the picnic table, but they smell bad and gross me out. Anyone know how to keep the damn things away? Otherwise, I'll be spending the rest of the summer inside, and we all know how well THAT works with the kids.

Resignation

I have decided to resign. Expect my resignation letter by the end of the day. I am having a HORRIBLE parenting day, where the kids have decided that listening to me is NOT required, and continue to do the most disgusting and annoying things possible. For example, blowing spit bubbles, slurping juice and spitting it back into their cups, twirling in circles until they fall over and break things, destroying the bathroom when they are supposed to be going potty, and other wonderful preschooler moments. We are about to go outside and play, although it's hotter than hell out, so we'll see how this goes. Oh, and when they've finally pushed me to my breaking point, they say "I want to be GOOOOOD!", as if that negates all of the bad behavior.
I SO quit!!
I hear mothers talk about how they enjoy their time as a SAHM, I'm not one of them. I hate to admit it, and my children may one day hate me for this, but dealing with toddlers and preschoolers is NOT my forte'. Babies? I had a blast, I'm sure there were bad days, but my kids were easy babies, and I enjoyed spending my days with them. Now? I'm just burnt out. I have NO clue how to entertain these two all day long, and am overly excited when they have preschool two afternoons a week. They have hundreds, maybe a couple thousand dollars worth of toys, games, DVDs, and other crap to play with, but all they want to do is whine and watch TV. (As I type this they are riding in circles on their ATVs, and STILL not listening when I tell them NOT to run into each other or the house.) I have been thinking lately about getting a job, because I really don't think I'm cut out for this one, but the logistics of working are so complicated when you have to factor in child care, field training exercises for N, and the probability of leaving KS in 6 months. I could do in home daycare, there is a huge demand for that on post, but that means MORE kids to the mix, and if I can barely survive days alone with my OWN children, should I really take on other people's kids? I'm starting school (online classes) in the fall, with no real idea what I want to do when I "grow up". Actually, that's a lie, the careers I want more than anything are not an option for me, for various reasons. Beyond those pipe dreams, I've got no clue. Either way, I'm sucking today, big time. This post may or may not end up deleted, because it's so GD taboo to say anything less than "I LOVE being a MOMMY!!", but I am pretty sure I can't be the only person out there who feels this way.

Say "Ok!"

If my son tells me "Say OK!!", or "Say Uh-HUH!", or "Say NO!" one more time I may lose my shit. I seriously hear him telling me what to say in response to everything he says NON-STOP. From the moment this child wakes up, until the last "Good night!", he's telling me what to say, and will repeat himself until I say it.
Oh, and since we're talking about how to irritate the crap out of me, I woke up this morning to blood-curdling screaming from my beloved son. Hearing his "MOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!! I NEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD you! MOMMY! HELP!" jolted me up, and had me running down the hall, fully prepared to find some kind of horrible disaster. I didn't even stop to grab my glasses, so when I get to their room to find he was freaking out over a SPIDER, I was none too impressed. To top it off, jumping up so quickly gave me a nasty case of vertigo, I told the kids to ignore the spider (which I couldn't see), and play quietly while I went back to my bed. Ugh... what a way to start your morning!

Don't forget!

Please don't forget to go visit my renter, Scooter. He's got a review of Nelly Furtado's new CD up right now, so you can totally get caught up on your hot new music. Enjoy!!

CONGRATS MIAMI HEAT!!!!!

The "White Hot" Miami Heat just beat Dallas 95-92, for their first NBA Championship!! They are only the third team in history to come back from 0-2 and win a championship, and the Heat haven't won a game in Dallas since 2002, the odds were stacked against them. However, tonight is their night... the Heat are the 2006 Championship team!!

Congrats to Dwayne Wade on the 2006 Finals MVP award!

On a side note, Mark Cuban, owner of the Mavs, is known for being a pain in the ass to commissioner David Stern, and acting like an jerk at times. I can't wait to hear his reactions to his team's loss. This could get interesting!!

**Can the Sixers have their turn next year? Pretty please? If I beg?! Come on Sixers, we're long overdue for a championship!!**

We're going to see DMB!!!

We're going to see DMB in August, and the best part is we're going to DALLAS to see them! (They aren't coming to KS this year) So, N has decided to take some leave, we're having the in-laws meet us in Dallas to get the munchkins, going to the concert, driving down to the in-laws for a visit, letting them spoil the kids, and taking some couple time while in the Great State (float the Guadalupe? Visit Riverwalk? Run away to Mexico? Who knows where we'll go!!)! Yay!!! So excited!!! Of course, I'm TERRIFIED to post this, in case the Army decides to fuck up our plans. I haven't seen DMB in 6 years, and N has never been to their concert, so this will be a really cool trip!

Anyone know where I can get a body double??

I'm sitting here muttering explicatives because I've managed to double-book appointments today at 2, and had to call and cancel one. The one that got the ax was a surgery consult for a lump in my breast (Oooohhh, FUN!! Cancer scares at 23 are the BEST!!!), which is NOT something you really want to stress about for another MONTH, but my other appointment was very difficult to get, and I can't afford to miss that. When I called the surgery clinic to explain and cancel, the guy said "Well, what's the other appointment for, if you don't mind my asking?" in a grumpy tone. I told him, and explained that it took me 2 months to GET that appointment, and I HAVE to keep it. Fine, he cancels, I hang up, and immediately call the central appointment line (this is how military healthcare works) where I'm on hold listening to "Bumblebees" or some other equally annoying classical music, until I can reschedule. ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Then, I decide to look in my phone, and realize I have not only those appointments today, but FIVE appointments next week, including shots, and checkups for the kids (Why no, they COULDN'T consolidate those appointments, I'll be spending all afternoon running from clinic to clinic in the hospital!!), plus an appointment for myself all in one day. FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!! I need a body double, but I'll settle for a few DoubleShots from Starbucks. Now, excuse me while I go mutter more cuss words on my way to the doctor's office. It's no wonder I'm a basketcase!

My first renter!

Go visit Scooter, and say hi... he's been so kind as to rent my blog, and I don't want him to think I'm a slumlord! Scooter's blog is a wonderful mix of music, TV, politics, and anything else that comes to mind, and he has a great "Guess these lyrics" post every so often. Of course, he won me over by being a fellow Rescue Me fanatic, so you know he's cool!! So, go, explore, comment, and listen to some great music, you won't be sorry!!!

How to know you are having the worst Monday ever.

There is a soldier under N who has been having big problems with his new bride, and apparently things finally came to a head this weekend. Weve been aware that there have been problems for a while now, because both the soldier and the wife have asked N for help, but we had no clue as to the extent of it. N walked into work today, and was called into the commander's office, to find the wife and another woman sitting there. Apparently, the wife received an email from the other woman's friend, letting her know her husband was not only cheating on her, but cheating on his mistress as well. Come to find out there are FOUR mistresses, and now all 5 women know about each other. This kid is in a shitload of trouble, adultery is punishable under the UCMJ, and these women are prepared to sign sworn statements. (Adultery is infamously hard to prove without photographic evidence, and is rarely brought up as a charge, but this kid has a whole list of other offenses related to his marriage, which I won't get into here). So, I may end up awarding him Idiot of the Week (too early to tell yet), because it's bad enough to get caught cheating on your wife, but to be cheating on your multiple mistresses as well... Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!! Dumbass!

Blood Boiling

I don't watch the local news often, but it came on after the game, and I am really wishing I didn't catch the top story. Ever heard of Westboro Baptist Church?? They're a Topeka, KS church that has caused quite a stir lately. They've become famous for protesting military funerals, and picketing with signs saying things like "God Hates America", "God Hates Fags", "Thank God For Dead Soldiers", "Thank God for IEDs", and other disgusting phrases praising the deaths of American soldiers, and denouncing homosexuality. A Florida band, BiteBoy, traveled to Topeka to protest these assholes this Father's Day, in honor of their friends overseas. I won't even give these pathetic excuses for humans the courtesy of a link, but I think I will be spending part of next weekend counter-protesting these fuckers. Anyone in the Topeka area willing to join me, feel free to email me. Their sites list the upcoming funerals of soldiers recently killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, where they plan to protest. They also have a quote on one page saying "2,475 [American soldiers KIA], WBC prays for it to be 244,475!!!"
What kind of pitiful excuse for a church would spread such a hateful, disgusting message? They are no better than the extremist Muslims who commit terrorist acts in the name of "God". The most ironic part is they feel our soldiers and civilians deserve to die because America accepts homosexuality! The terrorist acts of 9/11, the war in Iraq, natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina, and tragedies like the coal mine deaths are "punishment" for accepting homosexuals, according to these geniuses. Now, I was raised in a Baptist church, and the God they worship wouldn't encourage such hate. I may be an agonostic, but I wouldn't trust any god or diety that did!
Anyone who happens to live near Beatrice, NE, they will be displaying their hateful message there on 20 June, at a military funeral. They are also protesting funerals in Donalsonville, GA today (Monday), and Arlington National Cemetary on Tuesday, so if you happen to be near any of these locations, please consider speaking out against this abomination, and supporting the families who lost their sons.
It's funny, I don't think they have the balls to come here, only 45 minutes away, and protest at a funeral, because they know they'd be playing in the lion's den. We all know what happened to the last asshole that thought God would protect him from the lions. (EDITED, I was wrong, a quick search of some photos from funeral pickets they are SO proud of shows they were here in 2005, in Junction City, KS, and protested a graduation in Manhattan, KS this month. They also had the balls to show up in Temple, TX, near Ft. Hood, to protest yet another funeral. These assholes need to be stopped.)
I realize this is not exactly new news, but somehow it never crossed my radar until tonight. I'm filing this under Dogtags & Combat Boots, although it might be more fitting under STFU, K? THX! I'm just entirely enraged...

Amazing game

Holy crap, the NBA Finals game tonight was unreal. I'm kinda pulling for Miami, although I like both teams. Part of it is Miami being the underdog, I want to see them pull it off. The last minute of tonight's game was just unbelievable, Dallas up by 1 point with 10 seconds left, Dwayne Wade draws the foul from Nowitzki with 1.9 seconds left, hits one, and one of the Mavericks players accidentally uses their last TO between free throws. Everyone is freaking out, because that means Dallas has to use that 1.9 seconds to advance the whole court rather than inbound at half, but the refs decide the TO counts, Wade hits the second FT, Miami by 1, Dallas inbounds, the shot is NO GOOD! Miami wins 101-100! Awesome game, now it's back to Dallas for game 6, and 7 if needed.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all you daddies out there! I hope you enjoyed your special day!!

Melt!!

I had some photos taken of me when I was about 4-5 months pregnant with the kids. In some of them, I'm wearing a white dress (it was actually my wedding dress, but was made of stretchy material, so fit over my baby bump), the kids have seen these pictures many times. We've showed them the pictures to explain that they were in fact in my tummy at one point. (Because they REALLY couldn't believe that one!!) So, out of the blue today, Shane says to me "Mommy, you're a princess!! In the pictures with us in your belly, you're wearing a white princess dress. You don't have a crown, but you look like a real princess!!!" I melted into a big mommy puddle, and had to be mopped up off the floor. Now, here's one of the pics, my scanner is messed up, so I had to take a picture of it, so please excuse the quality. It's those moments that *almost* make up for all the crap they put me through most days.

Idiot of the Week 6/11/-6/17/06

Well, I've got 2 nominees for Idiot of the Week this week. I'll let you gusy pick the winner.
First up, man runs around neighborhood naked to convince his girlfriend to marry him, gets shot at.
Apparently, his girlfriend wasn't sure she was ready to get married, so he decided to prove to her that taking risks can be a good thing. He jumped out a window naked, and ran across the street, but then someone saw him, called the cops, and pulled a gun on him. A shot was fired, but he wasn't hit, and no charges were filed. How much do you want to bet the GF said "Oh HELL no!!" to his proposal after that??

Second up, we have a gold prospector who dug a 60 foot deep hole in his front yard, because his gold detector gave a positive reading. The hole was not reinforced, and he hired two men to help dig, they were lifting dirt out with a bucket and rope. The police shut the operation down, and fenced off the area. I don't know who deserves the award more in this one, the homeowner or the 2 idiots he convinced to climb in the hole and dig. "Hey, do I have a deal for you... I want you to climb down into this 60 foot hole without any protection, and keep digging until you find gold."
"Well ok, here... hold my sign, don't want to lose it!!" (I love Bill Engvall!)

So kids, who wins this week? Discuss amongst yourselves!

Go Jakey!!!

N came home and told me I needed to call Jake, because he had some big news, Jake had called him squealing like a virgin on her wedding night. Ok, I'll bite... I call Jake and ask him what his news is. He got to make his first arrest last night! (For those of you who don't know, N's baby brother joined the Coast Guard last fall, and is stationed in Jacksonville, FL) I asked him what it was for, it was a deadbeat dad! Apparently, they have to go on the shrimp boats, and make sure everything is legal, run checks on everyone. Jacksonville police called them back with a warrant for unpaid child support. The way the Coasties handle it is taking the suspect into an enclosed area, there are 2 armed guys w/cuffs who stand in front of the suspect, and one unarmed guy w/cuffs behind him (this was Jake's position). They ask his name, etc, and the officer gives Jake the go-ahead to take him into custody. Jake instructed him to get down on the floor, twice, and the guy refused. Now, Jake has wrestled, and played football for pretty much his whole life. So, he took the guy down, and the guy decided he wanted to fight. He was subdued, and taken into custody, and Jake's on cloud nine for his first arrest. Woo!!! Go Jake!! (I'll file this one in Dogtags and Combat Boots, even though it's a totally different branch of service. I'm that proud of our bubbie!!)

Yahoo! Virus

Apparently, Yahoo! says the email virus that has been plaguing both of my Freecycle groups for the last 2 days is now contained, but from the amount of infected emails I have received I find that hard to believe. Apparently, this virus went out with the subject line of "New Graphic Site". Some people in the Yahoo! Freecycle groups opened it, and then it was just resent to everyone over and over. Thankfully, I never opened it, but this has been a major annoyance this week. If you get an email with that subject line DO NOT OPEN!!!

I am SO quick!!

Wow, sometimes I even amaze myself. I'm listening to music on my hard drive while cleaning (and my playlist goes from Garth Brooks to Ludacris to Gwen Stefani to Johnny Cash, I'm strange like that). So, "Good Ride Cowboy" comes on, I've heard this song a MILLION times. All of a sudden it occurs to me that the song is a tribute to the late Chris LeDoux. I text messeged N and said told him how GENIUS I am to have JUST figured that out. His response? "Wow, you're quick on the uptake. That's ok, you're cute, and MY dork!" LOL Ok, check the lyrics, it couldn't be more obvious if Garth Brooks himself smacked me upside my head.

From the hills of Kaycee, Wyoming
Where life's wooly and wild
There's a Navy brat in a cowboy hat
And that Copenhagen smile
And from buckin' broncs to honky tonks
He always sang a cowboy's song
We were much too young, havin' too much fun
As we all sang along

We sang Life's a Highway
There's only one way you're gonna get through it
When she starts to twist be more like Chris
Pull your hat down tight
And just LeDoux it!
When that whistle blows
And that crowd explodes
And them pickup men are at your side
They tell you good ride cowboy, good ride

From gold buckles to gold records
Once again he was spinnin' 'round
Took the whole world on
And he turned us on to that Western Underground
And from Bareback Jack to This Cowboy's Hat
The songs were stronger than his pain
He would not slow down from town to town
Like children running thru the rain

We sang Life's a Highway
There's only one way you're gonna get through it
When she starts to twist be more like Chris
Pull your hat down tight
And just LeDoux it!
When that whistle blows
And that crowd explodes
And them pickup men are at your side
They tell you good ride cowboy, good ride

We sang Life's a Highway
There's only one way you're gonna get through it
When she starts to twist be more like Chris
Pull your hat down tight
And just LeDoux it!
When that whistle blows
And that crowd explodes
And them pickup men are at your side
They tell you good ride cowboy, good ride

When we cross that river Jordan,
With St Peter on the other side
Singin' Good Ride Cowboy, Good Ride!
Say Good Ride Cowboy, Good Ride!

Dots!!!

I found this over at The Daily Bitch, go say hi to Monty while you make your own!! (Oddly enough, it kept changing, I waited as long as my impatient ass could, and it was barely changing by the time I took the screenshot. Oh, and load it in IE, it didn't seem to agree with FF)

Last post for today, promise!!

So, I'm doing my normal Tuesday afternoon grocery shopping. The woman in front of me in line has her daughter with her, this girl is 17 MAX, and I was in total shock that her mother let her leave the house looking like she did.

Let's see what we can find wrong with this picture. Kid is wearing tiny workout shorts, rolled down, a black bra (VS Very Sexy collection, as a matter of fact, that's how much of this bra was showing, I could easily identify it) and a white "wifebeater" tank top. (That's mom in the right side of the pic) Hey, I have an idea!! Let your kid walk around like that on a military post, where there is a disproportionately large population of young, horny guys. Oh, and at least 2 registered sex offenders living in housing. Sounds BRILLIANT! So, I snapped a pic with my phone, as discreetly as I possibly could, because how could I NOT share this with y'all?

Go Geno's!!

If you are from the Delaware Valley, you know that the 2 most famous cheesesteak joints in all of Philadelphia are Pat's and Geno's (Geno's site is down, so that's the Wikipedia link about Philly steaks), which are across the street from each other, and located very close to UPenn. (Personal side note, I prefer Jim's on South Street, or making my own, since my family owns a deli... I make a kick ass cheesesteak when the proper ingredients (Amoroso rolls, dammit!!) are at my disposal) Anyway, Geno's has implemented an English-only ordering policy. The owner's grandparents came to Philly from Sicily, and had to learn the language, so he feels that it is helping immigrants by pushing them to learn the native language of their new country. I couldn't agree more! The employees are NOT turning away non-English speaking customers, instead they are helping them learn to order in English. Now, that may seem like an insignifigant feat, after all it is just food, but it's a principle thing. They have a sign up that says "This is AMERICA: WHEN ORDERING SPEAK ENGLISH". Go Geno's!!
Now, the one thing about the article that pisses me off is the way they claim Philadelphians order their steaks. I spent 16 years of my life in the Philly region, I learned to talk there. We have an accent, but it's seriously exaggerated by most accounts. I don't know anyone who really says "youse", and we certainly don't sound like that stupid Hardee's commercial. Anyway, while researching these links I've developed a serious craving, only to find out Jim's will ship steaks to you overnight, anywhere in the country. HOLY SHIT, that's awesome. I wonder if I can sell one of the kids to finance those steaks (minimum order is 4, plus $10 packing fee, and FedEx charges bring it to about $80 for 4 steaks... this is only worth it under extreme circumstances, like the fact that I haven't had one in 3 years, and N has never had the pleasure)

Idiot of the Week 6/4-6/10/06

A hat tip to LatteMan for this link, he sent it to me on Monday, and I was pretty sure we already had our winner.
Man believes God will protect him, climbs into lion's den at zoo, is killed.
I think that about sums it up, but go ahead and read the story, just to get the full idea of his idiocy. I guess I shouldn't award this to him post-humously, but how can I resist?? I don't know if God exists or not, but if s/he DOES, s/he allowed your stupid ass to get eaten as a form of natural selection.

An absolute disgrace

We teach our children to be safe, to call 911 in an emergency, and to trust firemen, policemen, and medical professionals. We tell them that if they need help, the police or firemen will help them. This 5 year old boy did exactly what he was taught, he called 911 when his mother collapsed in their Detroit home. His first call was ignored, and when he called again a couple hours later, he was scolded for "playing on the phone", and threatened with the police coming to his house to get him in trouble for making prank calls. You can watch a clip on the CNN story that includes part of one call, where the dispatcher is threatening him. Two different operators took the calls, and neither operator took his pleas seriously. By the time they dispatched police to "discipline" this child, the mother was found dead. She had an enlarged heart, and most likely would have survived with prompt treatment. The operators were suspended, and then ALLOWED TO RETURN TO WORK! Charges of neglect have been filed, and they could face up to a year in jail. What about the LIFETIME this boy has to face without his mother??
Now, here are a couple issues with this story. First of all, my husband has worked as an EMT, and responded to plenty of calls where they KNEW it was not a real emergency. In the township he trained in there is a woman who has a "thing" for emergency personnel, and will call in claiming one ailment or another just to get the crews to her house. They still HAVE to respond. It's part of the oath they take, and their duty as emergency workers. Even hang-ups require response, and rightfully so. I called 911 when being attacked, and had the phone ripped from the wall. The police never got to verify what the situation was, but they responded within minutes, and probably saved me and my children from serious harm.
Secondly, this story happened in a major city, where so many youth already grow up with distrust for authority figures like police and firemen. What happens when this boy is a teen, and thinks to himself "Fuck the police, they didn't help my momma, they let her die."? I realize Detroit is a large city, and prank calls are a problem, but you just cannot take that risk of blowing off a call. No matter what happens to those dispatchers, that mother is gone, and nothing can bring her back.

My heart breaks for this family, nothing can change the tragedy that they've experienced. I do hope Detroit gets a clue, and removes these dispatchers permanently, or at least until their trial is over.

Hat tip to SJ at Blogging Baby for this story.

Ok, not really...

I woke up this morning, and determined that I'm dying. N swears I'm no where near death, but I'm not convinced. I've either strained some muscles in my back, or one of my kidneys quit. He laughed at me when I told him these were the possibilities, and yet I was drinking a Coke. If it were my kidney, I'm sure Coke would be JUST what the doctor ordered. Either way, he determined that it was not, in fact, my kidney, and that I've simply strained my back. Great! Regardless, I feel like someone kicked my ass last night while I was sleeping, with a couple of hard kidney shots just for good measure. Apparently, I've been sleep-fighting all week, because I kicked and punched N yesterday morning when he tried to climb back into bed. So, whoever is picking fights with me in my dreams, I surrender. Now excuse me while I wait for my loving husband to bring me some muscle relaxers.

Edit: Of course, the kids can SENSE that I am having trouble moving, and therefore are taking full advantage of the situation.

Girly

I went outside to smoke, and came back in to the smell of nail polish. This is NEVER a good sign, since I finished painting my toenails last night, and this was definitely fresh polish. I find Madison with smeared nail polish across one foot and one hand. Thankfully, she was sitting on a pillow on the couch, and didn't get any on our brand new couches, because N would have had a freaking coronary. *sigh* She definitely is my girly girl... mental note: remember to put all polish and remover away next time!

Addiction

I don't know what it is about my mid-20s, but I've suddenly become a shoe addict. Mainly, Colin Stewart shoes from Victoria's Secret. They send me at least one catalogue a week, and it takes every bit of self-restraint to not whip out my credit card, and just keep ordering. To bad we have to do silly things like feed the children, and make sure they have clothes and stuff... I did get a "fix" about 2 weeks ago, with a major sale at Finish Line (plus a 20% military discount) where I got a pair of Pumas for about $25, and a pair of KSwiss for $12, yes TWELVE dollars. I wonder if I can use the $75 or so that I saved as an excuse to order a couple pairs of heels. Especially since I get Angel points on my card, and am thisclose to a gift certificate thanks to my VS spending habits. Hmmm...
I mean, how can I resist these?!

From the trenches

Here is birth control for the masses. I spent my afternoon Magic Eraser-ing boogers off the wall in the kids' room. Funny thing, Mads is the one who put them there, I know this because they were all on the wall next to her bed. It's bad when you're having trouble getting the job done with Magic Erasers, those things can tackle just about anything. So, what did we learn from this? Well, there is a silver lining... Shane ALWAYS has his finger piled up his nose, but his wall was clean. One must therefore conclude he's eating the boogers. As gross as that is, at least I don't have to scrub them off the walls.My life is so glamourous!

Touche'

Adam and Eve jokes... I think I lost this one.

Mine...

God was just about done creating humans, but he had 2 parts left over. He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he figured he might as well ask them. He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee standing up.

"It's a very handy thing.", God told them, "And I was wondering if either of you had a preference for it."

Well, Adam jumped up and down, and begged "Oh, PLEASE, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! PLEASSSEEEE!!! Give it to me!!" On and on he went, like an excited little boy.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it that badly, he could have it. So, God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited, he just started whizzing all over the place, first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, then he tried to hit a tree stump 10 feet away, laughing with delight the whole time. God and Eve watched him with amusement, then God said to Eve "Well, I guess you're stuck with the last thing I have left."

"What's it called?" asked Eve.

"Brains.", said God.


Ok, so I sent it to a guy friend, and got back a retort of "Jerk!!" I told him he was just mad because it was true, and here's the one he sent me...


"So God creates Adam, Adam's lonely, etc etc, so he asks God for a partner. God says I will create the perfect partner for you...she will anticipate your every need, fulfill your every desire. She will be your best friend and lover, and your life will be absolutely complete when she is with you. I will call her "woman." Adam says "Great, what do you need of me?" God says, "For me to create this perfect woman, I will need one arm, one leg, and all of your hair." Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"



Take that, smarty pants.

I think he wins... anyone got a good reply??

Here she goes again!!

Begin Rant...

Ok, SJ posted on Blogging Baby a few days ago about the Army implementing a new PT program for pregnant soldiers. Now, being a woman, and an Army wife, I have a few issues with female soldiers, and am grateful that my husband's MOS (job in the Army) means he is in an all-male unit. Here's the thing. Females who join the military need to soldier up. They are judged by different standards than male soldiers, and given a lot more leeway when it comes to physical fitness, which I think is unfair. If you want to hang with the boys, you need to not only do it as well, but BETTER, because you have something to prove. This is, by nature, a male environment, and if you can't hang, you shouldn't join. Now, here's what set me off today. My neighbor babysits for a female soldier. I should note that my neighbor just got out of the Army herself (her husband is a soldier as well) and another neighbor is a female soldier. I respect those women who stay in shape, do their best, and take pride in being a soldier. However, the female soldier my neighbor babysits for is pregnant again (has a 4 year old). I just saw her, in her maternity BDUs, which were disheveled, wrinkled, and not anywhere close to being in regulation. In addition, pregnant soldiers are often authorized to wear sneakers (AKA Japanese Jump Boots) rather than their combat boots. This soldier was wearing sneakers, adding to the completely disgraceful look of her uniform. She was also outside without her beret, basically I could have pointed out at least 10 things with her appearance that were out of regulation. Now, I've been pregnant, obviously. I know that is can be difficult and uncomfortable (Hello? I carried twins and was on bedrest for 4 months. I know pregnancy can suck), but considering the exceptions that are made for pregnant soldiers, the least they can do is press their uniform and keep their appearance in regs. I don't expect them to do hard labor while pregnant, or to put their baby in danger, but what is so difficult about keeping up your appearance as every other soldier is required to do?? So, back to the new PT program that is being implemented, I applaud it. Exercise during a normal pregnancy is healthy, and can prevent excess weight gain, not to mention making recovery after birth much easier. Soldiers are provided free health care, paid maternity leave, and many other benefits that should be some sort of incentive to make a damn effort to do their jobs.

Also, female soldiers are given the option to get out of the Army early after delivering a baby. What about male soldiers whose wives just had a baby? That is not an acceptable excuse for requesting an early discharge. As a matter of fact, the 10 days "emergency leave" fathers are given are charged against their leave time. N just made an excellent point. Many women bitch about not being allowed into combat MOS, such as Infantry, but the reality of it is they COULD NOT do my husband's job while pregnant. I doubt even the smallest, healthiest pregnant woman could fit in a Bradley, and complete training exercises. Women, I understand our need to feel equal, but the feminist movement has gone too far. Let's be honest, we want to be treated with equal rights, and that is understandable, but we are built differently, and have different strengths than men. Deal with it.

End Rant

The JOY!!!

Pure, unadulterated JOY at their new "motorcycles"!! They spent the morning riding around the front yard.


And yes, that is his favorite shirt right now!

Birthday Preview

Here is a preview of the kids' birthday. It's officially 3 June, their birthday, and I'm not only making final preparations for their party, but I'm having a yard sale with my neighbor in the morning. ACK!!!

Here are some pictures...
At school, telling me how old they are gonna be!!


After I told Madison that she was only going to be FOUR not FIVE!!


Their new ATVs


What they will see when they come downstairs tomorrow morning, presents from a few family members, with more on the way. They're making out like bandits this year!!


Now for the sappy mommy post. Four years ago today, just 10 days shy of their "due date", I headed to the hospital, more than ready to deliver these two angels. At 9:09 pm Shane Jacob made his entrance to the world, screaming and raising hell. Just two minutes later, without a peep, Madison Elizabeth made her dramatic debut. I say dramatic, because not hearing her cry made my heart stop for a moment, until they held her up over the curtain, to show me she was healthy and breathing. Some things never change, Shane still loves to hear his own voice, we call him our personal CNN ticker. Madison is still my little drama queen, constantly singing and dancing, always the star, yet always in her own little world.

Shane, my son, my first born. You are a brilliant child, you can recall things you've only seen once, you can rattle off letters and numbers, and will even spell out "Wal*Mart" when you see it, including the "star". Nothing excites you like the site of Home Depot, except maybe a train, or a motorcycle, or FIRE!!! Actually, you are excited by everything around you, and must share it with the world! You posess the amazing ability to love unconditionally, and to make friends everywhere you go. I hope you never lose that. You are quirky, and unique in the best ways... don't every change, my son.

Madison, my little girl, my princess. You're my beautiful little pixie, with an endless energy that never ceases to amaze me. Your life is one big play... songs, stories, dancing, and acting fill your days. You are already showing a natural talent in dance and gymnastics, and I promise to do my best to encourage you, and let you follow every dream your beautiful mind can think up. Never sell yourself short, my daughter... you have the world in front of you, make the most of it.

I love you both, no matter how crazy our days get. I will always do my best for you, and I will always be here for you. Happy birthday, my babies...

Idiot of the Week 5/28-6/3/06

I think this guy is a hands down winner, although I'm not sure if he's an idiot, or just a horrible human being. Man puts baby in dryer. Apparently, the man put his girlfriend's 13 month old in a dryer, and turned it on, after the child spilled it's cup on it's clothes. The child is expected to make a full recovery from the burns and bruises resulting from this horrific event, and the man was charged, but is out on bail.

Only on a military post

This isn't something you see in normal neighborhoods, but it's just another day on a post. I know some units were in the field this week, and this may be their convoys back, or they may have just been moving vehicles, but I thought it was pretty entertaining to be driving down one of the main roads, and have this in front of you. (Nate informed me that they are humvees, and the "gun" is a 50 cal.)

Dropping the ball

I'm apparently not making the transition from Mommy to babies/toddlers to Mommy to preschoolers very well. Ugh!! So, today is the last day of preschool before the kids' birthday on Saturday. I had offered to bring in cupcakes to celebrate. Ok, the only rule was NO CHOCOLATE, because apparently some of the kids freak out with chocolate. (This is the teacher's explanation, not mine!!) So, normally I'd pull a Martha Stewart, and whip up some cupcakes, but I just didn't have it in me to make cupcakes for 30 kids this week. I went to Dillon's bought vanilla cupcakes, and had them back at the school at 2:10, thinking snacktime is 2:15. Then I notice everyone is still outside, so I talk to the head teacher, she told me where to put the cupcakes, and walked off to do something. I check the posted schedule, see snack time is 2:45, figure I'll run home, finish some chores, and come back. Well, the schedule is old, and snacktime was 2:15, so I missed the cupcake celebration. :( I felt REALLY bad! So, I went to say hi to the kids, when Shane informed me "Mommy, I'm FOUR now!!" His teacher and I tried to explain that he wouldn't be 4 until Saturday (trust me kid, I was there!!) but he's certain that having cupcakes means he's now 4. Ok!! I snap a couple pictures of my kids, a little girl asks if she can be in the picture, and I have to tell her no, because school rules only allow you to take pictures of your own children. Again, feeling like crappy mom of the day! I'll post the picture of Shane and Madison holding up 4 fingers later today. This year they are REALLY excited about their birthday, I think it's the first time I think they really "get it". So, hopefully I pull off the small celebration we're having for them on Saturday with a little more finesse. In the meantime, I have about 1 hour before I go pick up my sugar-high birthday kids!