Foolish

One might say that I'm foolish. Why? Well, you think I would learn from Cori's mistake, and not attempt any home hair highlighting. However, we all know I'm insane, or at least a little eccentric, so when she told me about her hair disaster I thought "Hey! I'm bored and miss having highlights. I'll go buy me some color and have at it!" (I should have been especially scared, because she sent me pics... it really was jumpsuit orange!) Well, in about 25 minutes we'll know if I should enter beauty school or not. I did the all-over color last night, and it came out well. I've been dying my own hair since I was in 8th grade, I can't really tell you what my natural color is. However, I've only had highlights done professionally, until tonight. The dye is on my head, and I will know soon if I need to ask N to stop at HEB in the morning on his way home for more dye. Oh, that's a bad idea. He can barely remember to pick up cigarettes in his exhausted post-night shift state, He may come home with some absurd dye. (His Ex is a cosmotologist, this man knows more about hair products than I do, but sleep deprivation is a mofo.) Well, one thing's for sure... either way I'll post pictures here. You can either laugh or marvel, whichever is appropriate. 15 minutes and counting!

Getting to the good stuff (unless you are easily offended)

Every state has wacky laws, but sometimes you really have to wonder what provoked the law to be written. Actually, I'm not so much talking about laws specifically, but in this instance an Army regulation. N and I were talking about TX, the Army, and just life in general. At some point BJs came up, and how they are banned in the military. (Not just BJs, all oral sex.) This brings up an few interesting thoughts.
1. How is this enforcable? Granted the Army can do random home inspections, but how often does an NCO show up at your door while you're having sex? And they can't just walk in, so how would the prove it? Breathalyzer? "Son, you been eating that coochie? Come here... blow on this!" (no pun intended!)

2. I'm not sure what it's punishable by, but if you got an Article 15 for it, how uncomfortable would you be standing in front of your chain of command because you got a BJ? "Yes sir! I will not let my wife do *that* again SIR!" (Oh come on, no married guy is getting head... everyone knows that!)

3. What had to happen for some MALE soldier to write that reg? Is there any guy in his right mind who doesn't want a little head action? There are a couple possibilities to this. A: He wasn't getting any, so no one else should be B: his wife wanted some, and he was looking for a way out of that. "Sorry honey, Army says I can't do *that*!" C: It was an attempt to prohibit homosexual acts, though that is a whole other regulation, and therefore is redundant.

So what do you think? What would make the US Army have a ban against oral sex? Anyone interested in protesting it?

Oh no!! Mommy!

That's what I've been hearing for 2 days now. Why? My Directv system is having issues. Now, I've been a DTV customer for a few years, and generally love them, but for 2 days my system has been locking up, shutting down, and restarting. When this happens during Dora or Backyardigans, it is a major catastrophe. The frightening part is right before it shuts off, it sounds like it is posessed by Satan. Um, since when is Dora a child of Satan? Not good! Anyway, the kids say "Oh NO!!" and proceed to tell me repeatedly that there is a technical problem. The bright spot? (I'm good at silver linings) When the guide is reinstalling there are little yellow bars that tick across. The kids are trying to count them. "1, 2, 3, 8, 11... yea!!!" So we've been practicing our counting, since those pesky numbers between 3 and 8 get them every time! I know what you are thinking, "Why don't you call and get it fixed?" I did, and after 20 minutes on hold, the tech tells me to reset (which I've already done), and then transfers me. 15 more minutes on hold, they guy in tech support says "Well, I suggest you wait another day or so, and if it doesn't fix itself it'll have to be replaced." Ya think?! So, after the second day, we tried to use our other reciever that is currently sitting in a closet (took me 48 hours to think of that!!), but that access card isn't programed, and they are tied to the reciever serial numbers, so they cannot be switched. Will someone please call customer care for me, and have them switch the cards? I cannot bear being on hold that long again. **sigh**

Blog it forward

The whole "ask and ye shall receive" thing is true! I asked Genuine for a picture of the original Starbucks while he was in Seattle, and he posted one. Christine asked all her readers to do a little "blog it forward" post, and here is mine. See, you can get anything with a "please" and "thank you". (Unless you are my children asking for *more* candy before dinner... that is still a "No!")

I didn't stumble upon this site, but she stumbled upon me. The nice thing about that is I usually enjoy the sites of people who leave comments on mine, and this one is definitely a good read. TheQueen is a single mom, and I have much respect for any single mom, especially one of a teen. Her 3 kids keep her quite busy, and apparently are very hard on plumbing. If I found all those things in my sink I'd die. Then I'd come back to life just to make them eat the booger soup. Come on, click the link... you know you wanna! Enjoy!

The one where she links a lot

Keeping in my theme (read: laziness) for the night, I was just over a Rockstar Mommy's. I have been shocked and appalled to find out that many people do not know what a cheesesteak is. As in, they've never heard of a Philly Cheesesteak. Is this possible? So, I'll explain, while drooling on my keyboard. You see? I mentioned in an earlier post that I'm homesick. Cheesesteaks are one of the things I miss about home, and will be one of my first orders of business upon arrival at Philadelphia International.
A cheesesteak is a hoagie (or sub/grinder/whatever your locale calls it) made with thinly sliced rib-eye steak, grilled, and served on a roll with cheese, sauteed onions, and any other toppings you like. A Philly Cheesesteak (are you taking notes??) is the "original", and has specific qualities. The meat is shredded into tiny bits while grilled, and you add Cheez Wiz. (that's important!) You also add in whatever toppings you like, then flip the meat into an Amoroso roll. (again important!) Voila... you have a delicious steak, though you want to be careful, just looking at one can clog your arteries. Serve this with some WaWa Peach iced tea, your favorite Tastykake, and you one hell of a meal. If ever in the area, stop by Jim's Steaks on South St., or the famous Geno's, or Pat's. On your way to the Shore, stop in my family's deli, we make a mean hoagie of our own.

Next up... family affairs

My wonderful blog friend Tish has been giving us a tour of the nutty branch on her family tree. Come on, admit it... we all have a branch (or 10) that makes you wonder how much lead paint their mothers were exposed to. If you can't figure out which family member that is, be careful, you are probably the nut! My family? They aren't so much crazy as tempermental. We're the ones who embarass everyone, because we're loud, and we all lack that censor in our brain that keeps us from blurting out tacky things. I've fallen victim to the missing gene, I shouldn't be around anyone easily offended. So, let's pick one member of my family to discuss. I'll go with my step-grandfather, so no current family members will be offended if they get ahold of this. You see, he was my Grandmom's second husband, and the only grandfather I knew on that side. He is boisterous, likes to drink, and is a wealthy buisnessman, so this can lead to embarassing situations. One time, when I was a pre-teen, my parents, a couple of their friends, and I drove up to Cape Cod to visit him. Upon our arrival, he took us all out to a nice seafood restaurant on the Cape, where he had a reservation for 15. Well, they screwed it up, so we waited for about 30 minutes while they arranged some tables together for us, and my grandfather passed the time with some Miller Lites. By the time we get seated, he's had a bit much to drink, and decides he's mad. He refuses to order himself food, but tells me (an 11 year old) to order a 3 lb lobster. (After all, he *is* the man who taught me how to eat those yummy beasts!) So he's picking at my lobster, and eating half of his wife's dinner (but he wasn't hungry at all!), all the while wearing sunglasses inside at night, and saying "Thes ish bullshet. BULLSHET!" People are looking at us like we're insane, the poor waitress looked like she might quit on the spot, his wife is rolling her eyes and shushing him, my parents and their friends are hysterical, and me? I'm enjoying my lobster with Grandpop Lew, oblivious to it all! What did I care, I was his princess, dammit!

Funbags!?

Tonight I'm not feeling very creative, but I'm really enjoying the stuff other bloggers are writing. So, I'm going to write some related posts, sharing the twisted fun of my own stories with you. (Trackback much?) First up? The Sarcastic Journalist. If you aren't reading her blog, you should be... she's damn funny. She is having boob issues, and since she is still breastfeeding, the trips to the doctors are always fun. So... my most embarassing breastfeeding moment!
When I was still breastfeeding the twins, you can just imagine how HUGE my boobs were. Any mom who nursed can tell you how leaks will pop up at the worst possible time. Every Saturday, my best friend Amy and I would leave the kids with the hubbies, and go grocery shopping. I know, I know... it's lame, but it was a nice break for us! We always went to the commissary on Ft. Hood, which means going through a checkpoint with soldiers checking IDs. As we are pulling up to said gate, I'm driving, and don't pay any attention to the tingle in my chest telling me it's time to whip out the milk jugs. Well, I'm rolling down my window, and turn to Amy for her ID when she says "Um, Crys... you have a problem!!" (She's nursing at this point too, so at least there is sympathy) My red tank top now has 2 saucer size wet spots on the girls, making it look like a wet t shirt contest during a drought. Well, if you have never tried to drive through a checkpoint with your arms folded across your chest, you haven't lived. Even better? We were pulled to the side for a random spot check, meaning I have to get out of my car, open all doors, the trunk, and the hood, then stand there while 3 soldiers inspect my car for bombs or terrorists. Thank God Ft. Hood was protected from my leaky jugs, the could have put an eye out!

Toddlerhood

You know, I haven't been a mother too long in the scheme of things, but I'm far enough into this insanity to make a few observations. When my kids are teens I will probably look back and laugh at my current self, but this is regardless.
Carissa was discussing her 1 year old son, and how his head knocking into her's knocked out a tooth. Not just any tooth, a molar. Wow... that's some head! It made me smile a bit, because I've got an appointment with the dentist this week to repair a tooth my wonderful son broke. One too many head butts and my front tooth cracked. Great. Parenthood is bad for your teeth. Anyway, I've realized quickly that what we think is the hardest point in our children's lives is usually not. When they are babies, we PRAY for a good night's sleep, thinking it cannot possibly get any worse than this and "OMG, will the baby ever stop crying?". Fast forward to toddlerhood... you begin to wonder what in the world happened to your child, and where did this demon come from. "No" becomes the most common phrase in your house, as in "No, you cannot flush the kitty down the potty!", "No!! You are not allowed to climb up there!" "No, markers are not to be used on Mommy's carpets!" "No, we do not throw things at the ceiling fan!", etc. At this point, you pray for them to revert to babies, because you may not have been sleeping, but dammit, the kids couldn't get very far. I'm sure I will reminisce about toddlerhood when my school-aged kids are wreaking havoc on the world, and I'll just pray for valium when I have two 15 year olds learning to drive. The moral of the story (yes, folks... there IS a point!) is cherish each day with the kids, you'll soon forget about spilled oatmeal, and knocked out teeth. Unless of course, the spilled oatmeal is yours since you have no teeth to chew your food. (I can almost hear the collective swallowing of birth control pills right now!)

Haloscan

Well, I've "upgraded" my comments to Haloscan, but I have hit a little speed bump. My old comments on Blogger are gone, it says 6 comments on my last post, but those comments are nowhere to be found!! Does anyone in Blogger-world know how to fix this, or if it even can be fixed? There is a reward for any information leading to the recovery of my comments, Said reward will be named later this evening. Please contact me at cjaping at gmail dot com Thanks!

Like, OMG!!

I guess this weekend is my bitchfest, because here I go again!!
Ok, there is this woman, my age, married, has 1 child, and thinks her family is God's gift to the world. She belongs to an online group I belong to, and is incessently posting about the newest expensive ridiculous item she bought, or how high her credit score is, how much money her husband makes, etc. Oh, and she's a God fearing woman, don't you forget it! A Republican (are you shocked?), her hubby is in the service, but she still stands by her President because he doesn't like gays. And you know, gay marriage would RUIN the sanctity of her CHRISTIAN marriage. (Personally, I thought the hookers her lovely husband enjoyed overseas did that already!) "Omgosh, don't let those nasty homos marry! They could corrupt my kid! Did I mention the 3 new cars we have? And my credit score is 799!"
I could go on and on about her, and I'm not the only one. There are literally thousands of members to this board, probably about a hundred post on a regular basis, and she is the only one who drives me this insane. There are a couple women on there that I don't care for, but none are as obnoxious as this particular one. Since this is a well-regulated board, there is no flaming or rude comments allowed, so I'll have to vent my frustrations here. And if by some chance you are reading this, you now know I REALLY don't like you. I'm sure you'll get over it, just go shopping!

Unpopular

This post might actually get me hate mail, but that isn't my intent. Spc. Charles Graner was found guilty in the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse case. Personally, I think this is bullshit, plain and simple. Why? He's a lower enlisted, he is the bottom of the "food chain" so to speak. His superiors knew what their guys were doing and turned there heads. This is not at all uncommon in the Army, the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy isn't the only ostrich maneuver the service pulls. However, when it came time to fess up, the NCOs and Officers let these low ranking soldiers take the fall for them. Personally, I don't care if they abuse the detainees, they would be abused if taken POW, this isn't recess it's WAR! Killing people legally gives soldiers a God complex, where they think no one can tell them what to do, and getting shot at causes stress on a psyche most of us will never know. Combine these emotions/rationales and you have prisoner abuse. Try this: You are walking down Main street with your closest friend, when a shot rings out ans blows friend's head off. You capture the guy who shot him, but instead of going to the police, you have to keep him in custody yourself. Days and days of feeding this guy who shot your friend in front of you, looking at him and thinking about your buddy's blood on his hands. Would you be able to resist getting a few kicks in on him? How about if he had information on people trying to kill thousands of innocent people. How far would you go to save those lives? War is war... these people are trying to kill our soldiers, they are cutting the heads off our civilians, they are blowing up innocent people! Do you know anyone that died in Iraq? I know 3 good soldiers with families left behind, blown up by car bombs and improvised explosive devices. There is a damn good chance my husband will go to Iraq soon, and face the same dangers. I expect him to behave accordingly, do what it takes to get the damn job done and come home to us. The bottom line is this: A soldier's job is not to die for his country, it's to make the other motherfucker die for *his*. You do what you have to do. Ok, that's my end rant. To Spc. Graner and his family, I'm truly sorry... life's a bitch.

Where are my glasses??

You know how when you were a kid, you always thought mom had eyes in the back of her head? Like when you were sneaking a cookie before dinner, and she catches you without even turning around? Well, today in the car, I figured out why our children think that. They were sitting in their car seats, playing with toy cars, making the wheels spin. Madison says "Mommy... look!" and I hear the tires spinning on the little race car. I said (without turning around) "Good job, baby!!", which made Shane want a little praise too. "Mom! Mom! Look!" "Very good, Boo Boo!" (yes... I call him Boo Boo, so what?!) again not moving my head. I figure a few more years of that, and they will be convinced I see all. Really, I just hear all, but the effect will be the same, they will be frightened to sneak around me, thinking I'll catch them with my other eyes. What? What do you mean it won't work?! They'll figure out how to be sneakier?? Balderdash! Didn't anyone tell you? I'm Mommy, dammit!

To do lists

Christine inspired me to write this post, because she is turning 30, and compiled a short list of things to do in the future. She is asking everyone to comment with a list of their own, which I did. But since I'm 22, my list is long, and I'd rather post about it here than take up all of her space. You came here willingly, so I can bore you with details, but I'm not trying to alienate her readers! What I hope to do by age 30... Here goes!!

In no particular order, and this list is subject to change at any time:

Own a home
Take a cruise
Take the kids and N to Disney World for the first time (I've been more times than I can count, but they haven't)
Meet Cori in person
Have another baby
Travel somewhere that requires a passport
(obtain a passport!)
Get a degree in something
Own a pair of Manolo Blahniks
Live in a big city (I have always wanted to, but I really don't see it happening in the next 8 years)
Learn foreign language
Get another tattoo
Get my teeth fixed

I'm really easy to please, I guess. I'm actually incredibly spoiled, (it's all N's fault!) so I know I could have any of those things, provided we could afford it. In the meantime, Cori and I will dream about the fairies who will drop the $350 mil on my front lawn, so we can have all the things we dream of NOW!

Blog dammit!!!

I really need to get my ass in gear and blog! I just haven't felt interesting enough to entertain you nice folks, so I've been avoiding my Blogger dashboard like the plague. I promise to come up with something interesting in the next couple hours. If, for whatever reason, I cannot, I'll entertain you with stories of stupidity from my Ex. This is probably why I haven't blogged, I've been incredibly entertained (read: laughing my ass off at his expense) by the information/events of the last week. :) I know I'm evil, I can't help it!

Smiling

Today has been a good day. Madison's cast came off, the Army papers are moving along for N, and karma has finally come through for me. I will not go into details, at least not right now, but justice is finally being served on Ft. Hood TX, and it has NOTHING to do with the prisoner abuse trials going on here. Lesson?? Behave and play nice in the sandbox, karma can be a REAL BITCH!! Oh, and the moron who lives in a glass house should not throw stones!!

The cast is OFF!!!!

'Scuse me while I do the happy dance...
The cast is off, the cast is off, thank the Lord the cast is off!!!

Ok, I'm better now!! Maddie went today to get the cast off, and her femur is looking great! What an odd statement that is, but it's true and I'm happy. She's a bit cranky and stiff, but getting around without it, by tomorrow I'm sure she'll be back to normal. Now the quandry... in order to prevent refracture, we need to keep the jumping and roughing around to a minimum. How do you explain this to a 2 year old?? Pray for my sanity!!

Gotta be family friendly!!!

Last night, I had the house to myself, and took a nice bath. I had gotten out of the bathtub, and heard my IM go off, Cori had signed back in. (The PC is my bedroom, away from sticky toddler hands!) Anyway, I grabbed some yoga pants and a white tank top, and got dressed. I looked down to notice my white tank top is see-through, and my instant reaction is to grab a bra. GOD FORBID THE INTERNET SEE MY GIRLS!! Now, my real concern is when did I get so modest? What happened to the days of flashing Spring Break style without a second though?? Oh... that's right... I had kids. Oh, well... you weren't missing much then!!

Goin' to the big D

N is in Dallas overnight for his military physical. This means I am not only by myself, but BORED because it's Sunday. Why are Sundays so freaking boring?? I have been seriously tempted to just beat my head against the computer desk, there is just nothing to do! Actually, I was not bored for an hour, because I just watched the new Desperate Housewives. For anyone who hasn't had the pleasure... what's wrong with you?? Do you live under a rock?? Anyway, the show is over, and I'm back to bored. I'm waiting (impatiently) to see what Tish's results to her Jeopardy post are. (hint hint Tish!!) Tomorrow is back to the everyday crap, appointments, calls to make, chores to do, all the fun housewife stuff. I guess I shouldn't complain about being bored!!

Fear and Loathing

Overheard from my kitchen a few moments ago.

"Uh oh... a meh (mess in Shane-glish). Sissy!! MEH!!!"

This is my cue that all hell has broken loose, something has spilled, and I will probably need to bathe both children immediately. I got lucky this time, it was just a small lake of milk pooling on the kitchen floor. It is not unusual to find my whole house destroyed while I do something as frivilous as pee with the door shut. One of these days I WILL have a clean house AND be able to use the bathroom without fear. In the meantime, does anyone know where I can get a dairy cow cheap??

"Ok, kids.... take off your clothes!!"

The school strip searched children. And it's legal.
In a TX town, it's perfectly ok, and the parents didn't have to consent. Just read it, and tell me if I'm the only one who thinks this is fucked up. Let me ask you something.... have you ever been strip searched at the office for missing Post-it(c) notes?? Why is this ok, when it would certainly never fly in an adult world. WTF??? I hope the mom sues the crap out of the school, and I'm generally not a litigous person, but come on!!!

SLEEEEEEP!!!! For the love of God, go to sleep!!!

That's what I've been telling my children, who have been boycotting sleep. We were doing ok in the bedtime department for a while, but then they realized they can actually make veins pop out of mommy's forehead if they refuse to sleep. It's 12:01 CST and I believe they are just now asleep. I say believe because I'm scared to go check. They were up less than 30 minutes ago, and it's been at least 2 hours since I took the lightbulb out so they couldn't turn the light on anymore. Please, I'm begging you fellow bloggers, give me some advice!!! They don't get sweets before bed, they have plenty of exercise and activity during the day, we have a bedtime routine, and there is a night light in there. Here's what happens:
Time for bed, we go through our routine. Shane points at his pillow wanting me to lay down with him, which I do for about 2 minutes. Mads gets upset because I'm giving her brother attention, so I tell Shane good night, kiss him, and go over to Madison. Snuggle her a bit, kiss her, tell them both good night, at which point Shane FREAKS!! 5 minutes of him screaming at the door, I go in and lay him back down. He quiets, then turns on the light until I catch them playing. Repeat for the next hour or so, before I finally take the bulb out. 2 hours of playing and talking to each other in the dark, until Mommy's veins are bulging, and sometime around midnight they fall asleep. Please help.... before I need professional help, or at least medicinal relief!!!

Updates coming... hopefully

Provided I don't have a nervous breakdown in the next few hours from all the additional crap that's been stressing me out lately, I will be updating tonight. For those faithful few who read this on a regular basis, I promise to be as crazy and entertaining as I possibly can. Thank you, and have a nice day!

De-Lurking Day!!

I'm jumping on the bandwagon that Sheryl at Paper Napkin started, and pushing De-lurking Day. This is the day that all the lurkers comment on sites, instead of reading silently. Let's face it, we all have a need for attention, and who doesn't LOVE to see comments on their blog?? Christine asked everyone to leave a comment on a blog you've never commented on before, but I'm going to up the ante. Leave a comment on every blog you read today, even if it's just a "Hi!". Seriousy, that takes only a few seconds. Please don't leave anything nasty, if you REALLY cannot be nice, just skip that one, and move on. Don't worry I won't tell. The exception? You can be nasty here if you really feel the need to, no worries, I can take it. I only make that offer because I love a good argument, and who knows, maybe your comment will be constructive to me. Not everyone has that personality, so everyone play nice in the sandbox!! So let's here what you have to say, good, snarky, or otherwise. I have a hard time believing you can lurk and not have SOME kind of opinion!! Happy blogging everyone!!

I've got a friend

I know... I know!! It's hard to believe!! Actually, you may know this friend since I talk about her frequently. So I'm going to blog about her, because this is definitely one of the coolest, but strangest friendships ever, You see, we've never met in real life. We belong to a message board together, and eventually started talking by Yahoo! Messenger. We're so alike it's scary... we could be sisters. Our lives have had many common points, even our husbands have the same type of personalities. I'm grateful for my friend Tink, because even though she lives in Cali, and I'm in TX, we still talk just about daily, and do normal friend things together. Let's see... we gossip, we sympathize, we bitch, we plot, we daydream, we have coffee, we drink, we celebrate, we ask advice, we vent, we play games, we shop, we listen to music, and we trade recipes. All from different states, thanks to the internet. I personally think she's one of the best moms I know, and am constantly getting advice from her. We share cool things we find with each other, though I wish we lived nearby so we could share more. (Like shoes... we wear the same size!! And we'd love to be able to trade babysitting, so maybe we could go out with our husbands every once in a while!)

So... it's class participation time!!! I'm feeling like no one ever reads my blog anymore, (except for those few... you know who you are!! :) ) And I want to know if I'm talking to myself. Tell me, do you have any close friends from the internet?? Or maybe a friend who moved away, and you keep in close touch online?? If so, post me a comment... then go HERE to send them an Ecard!!

The mind of Shane

I've got a weird son, though this is not surprising to those who know me best. So I'll share with you the weird things my son does... he can share these stories with his therapist later in life.

He loves to poop. LOVES IT!! He has to sit down and poop every time he goes to the potty. There are at least 2 occasions each day where I have to pull him kicking and screaming off the toilet, because he sits there and yells through the door "I potty!!" For the love of God, son... you don't need to go THAT much!!

He's obsessive about cleaning, and I swear this is not my fault. He will pick things up off the carpet, perhaps a crumb or tiny piece of fuzz, and shove it in my face saying "Mommy! MOMMY!" until I tell him "Well, go throw it away!" Then he wants a "five" or a hug for doing such a wonderful job. If I ask him to throw something out for me, he THANKS me for handing him this wonderful task. Drips some juice on the floor?? "Mommy MESS!!!" over and over until I wipe it up. Mr. Clean has taken over my 2 year old.

He's currently obsessed with one of the tables lamps in the living room. He and N are having a battle of wills about this one light being on. Shane must have it on, N wants it off. I am the ref. Wonderful.

He's equally obsessed with turning light switches on and off. And telling me about it.

Then, out of nowhere tonight, I hear him calling for me from his bed. We had bought them Build-A-Bears for potty training, and they are wearing little tee shirts and undies. Well, Shane is always taking off his bear's shorts, and I think I figured out why. It was dark in the room, since it is after bed time, and he was saying "pants!!" so I turned on the light to see if he had an accident. Nope... he had put his bear's shorts on up to his thighs, and then tried to take off his own underwear. This resulted in him getting stuck, and needing my help.

So I'm left to wonder... where does my son get these odd ideas and tendencies?? Why does he act so strange?? Really though, he's also so loving and sweet... he is affectionate and silly, and all around cute. Even if he *is* a weirdo!!

Because we're just weird

This is an actual comment from an online conversation my friend and I are having.
"R got home and wanted to know what we are doing. I told him we are spending our $350 mil that the fairies dropped on your panties instead of Dubya's ranch. He said 'Ok, what's for dinner?"
Funny thing is, that line makes perfect sense... we're freak shows!!!

A couple resolutions

I'm going to make a couple New Years resolutions... I'll let you know if I keep them!!
1. Work harder at my marriage. Not that my marriage is not doing well, but I think I could put in a better effort to make things go smoother, and to be closer to my wonderful hubby.
2. Be more patient all around. I'm not very patient at all... need to work at that.
3. Get up earlier. I sleep way too late, I need to stop being a night owl. This one is the most likely to fail, I've been a night owl since birth, but hey... I'll try!!
4. Live healthier. IE: quit smoking, cut down on my massive caffeine intake, maybe get sa little freaking exercise!!
5. Let go of any remaining bitterness I have towards those who meddled in my divorce. Funny how I hate a few ex-friends more than my ex-husband from that whole ordeal. The toxic people are out of my life, so now I just need to get past the hurt they left me with.

Ok, that's all for now... I think that's more than enough of a challenge for one year!

Happy New Year!!

It's officially 2005 for my East coast friends, so Happy New Year!! I hope everyone has a wonderful new year, and is having a safe and fun night tonight!! I will post resolutions later tonight, since I'm at home with the kids, and it's pretty quiet. Maybe my resolution should be to get a life!!

So you can be cool too!

Ok, since Christine was so gracious to send me a Gmail invite, I'm now offering the same. I have some invites to pass out, so if you are interested in the wonders of Gmail, please post a comment or email me cjaping at yahoo dot com. :)

So true it's scary!!!

Ok... OK!! I promise to really blog later tonight, just one more silly little Blogthings.com post!!! I had to post this, because it is so freaking true it makes me sick. Hey, I told you I was lazy!!!

Your New Years Resolution Should Be: Wake up before noon

You've been accused of sleeping your life away And it's a little bit true - you are really into your pillow In fact, it may be years since you've seen a sunrise at the *start* of your day Sleep a little less. Some sunshine would do you good.

What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be?

If you believe in these sorts of things

My horoscope is pretty encouraging, especially since we are looking to get out of debt, and then get pregnant, hopefully around 6 months from now! How are the stars looking for you??

Virgo 2005 Horoscope

You'll probably find the first half of 2005 to be quite different from the second, Virgo. During winter and spring, you'll be thinking over money matters, and trying to get things settled. In summer and fall, you may feel the need to hibernate for a while to get your energy level back to where it was before all the excitement started -- and these seasons will be exciting, for several reasons. Still, you'll have nothing but success when it comes to finances, especially if you're working with a partner. Jupiter, the benevolent king of the gods, will spend most of the year helping you to make sound financial decisions and choose the right partners. Listen carefully to the advice of elders around the end of January. A relationship will heat up and turn quite passionate around the end of February -- and it will stay that way through March. A pair of eclipses during April will get your spring off to an amazing start -- especially when it comes to intimate matters and joint finances. Someone from out of town may also make a rather stunning entrance into your life. Tend to your career responsibilities during May and June, and expect to be rewarded by authority figures as early as June 4th. Secrets and whispers will be on the agenda at the end of June, so expect to be spending some time behind closed doors -- but not necessarily alone. Summer will arrive with the chance to join forces with a whole new group, either for spiritual or metaphysical reasons. You'll get an awful lot out of their company and their influence, so don't hesitate to get totally involved. Your birthday will be extra fun this year, thanks to a new Moon and a full Moon, bringing along surprises and lots of fast-paced change. If you're in need of the advice of a professional during fall, rest assured that you'll find someone who can help during October or November. Look around carefully, do your homework and be sure to investigate all your options before you sign on the dotted line. Expect long-distance friends and family to come along during the holidays, making them especially merry. Enjoy! What are the secrets of your personality? Discover yourself -- and make the most of your year -- with a free Personal Profile Reading! Content provided by Astrology.com © Astrology.com 1996 - 2005

What Does 2005 Have In Store For You? Get Life, Love, and Career Horoscopes - for Free!

Mid-life Crisis??

Not me, silly! I'm only 22.. that means a quarter-life crisis is around the corner. My 41 year old mother, however, may be having one. Honestly, it's a good thing, regardless. She's leaving her company, leaving retail management altogether. She's got an almost 10 year old, and a 5 year old at home, and works WAAAAY too hard for way too little. This company has belittled her, overlooked her, and generally shit on her for years. She has been with them since I was a baby, but about 2 years ago they told her "Sorry, the retirement package we offered you is now buh-bye!" She was passed for a new store, for a guy with less seniority and qualifications, because she "had a family at home to take care of". Isn't that discrimination?? And those are just the recent highlights! So anyway, we've been trying to convince her to either quit, or sue the crap out of them... but Mom is pretty passive, so she put up with it. Finally, she had a wake up call, and called me yesterday to tell me she is putting in her 2 weeks. She's going to work for a nursery (as in plants, not kids) for half the pay, but she'll be able to spend more time with my sister and brother. Good for her!!! I'm so proud, because this job was killing her. Yeah, they won't be able to take as many vacations to the Caribbean, but isn't that a great trade off? WTG Mom...

The cast came off!!

Well, sort of... Madison's Spica cast (aka torture device) came off today, after 4 weeks of driving us all mad! The Dr. said she is healing well, but he wanted to put a walking cast on her injured leg for 2 more weeks, just to give it some extra support. So Mads shed her turtle shell of a cast, which was quite STINKY, they allowed us to give her left leg a quick "bath", and they recast it. She's doing great, and even walking on the cast already. She's my "independent" baby, she insisted on walking without any help to bed tonight... "I WALK! I walk MYSELF!" Well, go on with your badass then, baby! And she did. I got to re-experience her first steps at 2.5, and it was just as magical! Thank God children are so resilient, it's just amazing!

An actual introduction

Ok, allow me to introduce everyone to my kids... as in their names. You see, most of us blog with screennames and such for anonymity, but the reality is anyone who wants to can find out my real name, as well as that of my kids. Why? Because I belong to an amazing message board called Momsview, and have been posting their real names there for 2 years. Keeping track of who is "A" and who is "B" is easy for me, because from 17 weeks gestation until birth they were referred to as such. And I was there, and therefore remember who came first! Since you weren't in the delivery room, it might not be as fresh in your brain! So.... drumroll please... my beautiful baby boy is Shane, and his gorgeous sister is Madison. They will be referred to as such now, and you have been informed! :)

Where could she have learned that?

A is in his "Why?" phase... everything anyone says to him is answered with a "Why?!" This is the source of many headaches for N, who really thinks a 2 year old should not question anything under any circumstances. I, however, deal with this with the age old reasoning of mothers... "Because I said so!" Actually, I try to give him a valid response, like "I'm cooking so we can eat dinner." ("Why?") "Because we need to eat good food to stay healthy." ("WHY?") and you get the point. Eventually, I reach the end of my knowledge or patience, and say "Because I said so!!!" Anyway... there is a point to this! Yesterday we are all in the car, N and I are talking up front, and we notice the kids are playing a game. It goes like this...
A~ Why?!
B~ I said so!
A~ (in a different tone) Why?
B~ (matching A's tone) I said so!
(repeat 20 times in different voices and the break into hysterical laughter)

I don't know WHERE she could have gotten that from!!!

Tea with a princess

My baby girl got a tea set for Christmas, and of course, we had to have a tea party!! So I attended my first tea party with a princess, sipping imaginary tea and eating imaginary food off of plastic, brightly colored plates. Let me tell you, there was no better tea in this whole world. B was so cute, pouring tea for me, and having me pour tea for her, saying "Tank ew!" and "Eur Elcom!" with the manners of true royalty. A joined us, much to N's dismay, because he really wanted A to be more interested in his Tonka trucks than "frou frou tea parties"! A doll was our fourth guest, and everyone had a wonderful time. I think I now know why the British have daily tea, who knew it was so great!?

OOPS!

I have to post a "retraction"! My good friend Tink just pointed something out...I said in my ringworm post a couple days ago that Busymom was having the lice ordeal with her daughter. Silly me... that's not Busymom, that's Suburban Bliss!!! So my apologies to Busymom for the false information, and I really hope Melissa's home is now rid of the damn lice at Suburban Bliss!!

Just one more thing

Everyone head over to Genuine's and say congrats... he and the Mrs. are expecting again!!

Christmas morning

Well, we had a beautiful Christmas morning. We showed the kids the half eaten cookie Santa had left on the plate, and the abundance of gifts he dropped under our tree. The tore off the wrapping in 10 seconds flat, oohing and ahhing over the neat things they get to play with now. We talked to Oma and Opa, and Uncle "Ducky", and soon Pop Pop and Nana will call. We're blessed, because though we could not go "home" to our families, we are loved, and have been lucky enough to provide for our children. It's been a rough year, with drama, heartaches, joy, suprises, and everything in between. Since N lost his job last month, we weren't sure how we would survive through the holiday, but we are, and the light is shining at the end of that tunnel. Not everyone is a lucky as we are, with food for our family and a roof over our heads, warm clothes and some toys to enjoy. Today, and everyday, I am praying for those less fortunate, and cherishing my "gifts". Not the material ones, but the love, happiness, and comfort we sometimes take for granted. Remember the spirit of the holidays, and take every opportunity you get to do some good for someone else. Pay it forward, you don't have to give much, it doesn't even have to cost you anything. Brighten someones day, make the world a little happier, and you'll be rewarded endlessly. Enjoy your holiday everyone, and I hope you all have a safe and happy New Year!!

Why are we talking about this?

We got the Christmas card from my parent's yesterday, and it's a picture of my parents, brother, and sister on vacation. They are all dressed in cute summer clothes, and looking warm and happy. This is our conversation...
N~Nice... FL?
Me~Yeah... my mom needs to lay off the sun though, gonna get skin cancer.
N~Whoa, what's up huge knockers??
Me~yep
N~That's the nice thing about fake titties, they never get smaller or sag... do they?
Me~nope

Yes, my mother has implants... she's only 41, and looks great, but do I really want to discuss my mom's boobs with my husband? (instead I'll discuss them with the internet!!) The scary thing is the casual tone to the convo...

I REALLY hope no one in my family reads this!!! Mom would just DIE! (Though, I plan on buying myself a set one day, and when that happens I'm showing EVERYONE! Gotta be proud of those babies!)

Are you freaking kidding me??

Fair warning, this is potentially a gross out. (Probably not so much for you parents out there, but then again we've seen everything!) Busymom has a lice infestation, she cannot get rid of the damn nits from her daughter's hair. BTW, Busymom... I'm not sure why you aren't using chemical shampoos, but I get the impression you are very against that route. Why?? Anyway, I've got an "infestation" of my own. FREAKING ringworm!!! Not the kids... me!! You see, when we brought home our second kitten she had ringworm. Her's has cleared up, but is haunting me. N got one spot from her, on his finger where he had just been tattooed. That's it! (lucky bastard!) Not me... I'm never that lucky. I had no idea what ringworm was until this year. N was a wrestler in school, and apparently they get it frequently, so the first time I got it from the gym he knew just what to do. Unfortunately, B ended up getting it from me, and I felt like crap for that. Then, the kitten brings it home to us, and I get 2 spots. Lotramin slathered on should take care of this disgusting little menace. Wrong... they wouldn't go away! Those 2 spots finally cleared up, but there was another on my leg. More cream, more whining from me, and it finally cleared up. That whole process took about 6 weeks. Then, a week after the last spot was gone, you guessed it!! Another freaking spot! Why me?? I don't even touch the damn cat anymore! Is this punishment for some sin I've committed? (I'm screwed then... ) Make it stop!!! Girls shouldn't have to deal with this... especially prissy moms who don't even like wrestling! Excuse me while I go strangle that damn cat!

Oh, sleep... why do you forsake me?

I'm not an insomniac, I'm a night owl. There is a distinct difference. Insomniacs cannot sleep, but I have no trouble sleeping at all. It's just WHEN I sleep that is the issue. I'd be perfectly content to sleep from 4 am to noon, but the world doesn't function on that schedule. Tonight is a different story. I can't sleep. (Kinda makes me wonder if I haven't got the Christmas spirit after all!) N is at work, but will be home in the next couple of hours, and I'll get a rash of shit for not going to bed. Poor guy, he can't drag my butt up in the morning regardless of what time I go to sleep. When I *have* to get up before 9, he ends up taking bodily harm for waking me, and yet he still loves me. Luckily, I have sleepy head kids too, and a hubby who spent so much time in the Army he doesn't have any trouble waking. Anyway, my point is I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight, luckily it's almost morning anyway. I'll probably be the only parent in history to be eagerly waking their kids up instead of vice versa. Maybe I really should cut back on caffeine (as I sip my Coke), but what fun would that be??

Merry Christmas!!!

So it's Christmas Eve, (Actually it's Christmas, but I've not been to sleep yet, so to me it's the 24th still!) and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to have that Christmas excitement again. Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked to see the kids' faces tomorrow, this is the first year they will really *get* the whole experience, but it's just not like it used to be. I'm over a thousand miles away from my family, and for some reason N and I have been extra homesick this year. Christmas was always a big family thing for both of us. My family always got together Christmas Eve, (we're talking everyone from my great-grandmother down!) but in the past few years it's died off. (I've not been home for Christmas for 6 years, but most of the fam still lives in NJ) This year my mom said they didn't get together, because her brother's family is in FL for the holiday, and I guess no one else wanted to. Pretty sad, in my opinion... it was a special thing for all of us. I love traditions, and togetherness... and it just doesn't feel like Christmas without it. On a happier note, the kids are in for some spoiling. My parents, my grandmother, and N's parents have sent an abundance of gifts, plus what Santa brought, and the tree is surrounded! The stockings are stuffed, the cookies are out, and I'm looking forward to making tomorrow morning a big deal. Since I miss my old traditions, I'm ready to start some new ones. What traditions do you have? Any special breakfast for Christmas morning? Any little family rituals? Do you play up Santa's visit... leave a half eaten cookie, or maybe a note? Let's hear about your favorite Christmas traditions!! I hope everyone is having a very merry day... have a safe and happy holiday!!!

Amazon in my bedroom

Believe me, that's not as interesting as it sounds!!! You see, my family has discovered the joys of Amazon.com. This leads to my current situation, where my bedroom is full of the Smiley Arrow logo. (Ya like that?? I don't know what their logo is really called... but I've made up a new name!) There are 6 large Amazon.com boxes, all filled with Christmas presents for the kids, all waiting to be displayed Christmas Eve. It looks like I'm sleeping in an Amazon sweatshop!!! We're getting to know the UPS and Fed EX people by name, and you know, this is what Christmas is all about. Um, sure... whatever!

I really am trying to get into the Christmas Spirit...

But it isn't cooperating!!! Oh, well.. have a Christmas Card!

Get Your Own Christmas BlogCard Here!

It's actually similar to a card my in-laws gave us, but on that one there were only 7 reindeer, Santa was reading a Venison Cookbook,, and it was the Atkins Diet gone too far. I have sick in-laws, huh?

Check it out

Brainhell left a comment, so I went to see what his blog was about. It's the chronicles of a neurological disease he has, with some extras thrown in. The current post has an awesome picture of the world's cities viewed from space, with some poetry he wrote. Definitely worth checking out!

Genuine Bash Jan 2005

FYI

To anyone who spams comments in order to get more visitors to your site:
This is a pet peeve of mine. I will absolutely visit your site if you comment on my blog with something other than a phish for visitors!! If your site is good, I'll recommend it, which if you read mine you'll notice. However, if you post a comment with something stupid in blog wh*re fashion (only Genuine can really get away with that... he does it so well!), I will NOT visit your site, and will remove your comment. Just make the crazy lady happy and say something useful! I promise your time will be rewarded with visits, and possibly a link to your site! If this is too much work, join Blogexplosion to get hits... it's FREE!
Ok, so this is the last time I'll bore everyone with this topic. If you have a cool blog, please do comment on mine... I am officially a blog addict, and LOVE finding new and interesting ones to read!

Who ordered the Freedom Fries and Octopus?

This is the headline... just check it out for yourself. I can't even fathom a comment!
Octopus Cannon Targets McDonalds in southern France

"Bread Racket"

The Italian Mafia has been reduced to bread. Yep, that's right, they arrested people on a bread racket in Italy. I wonder if they were whacking people with stale loaves. (I KNOW that was cheesy, but I couldn't help it!!)

I'm easy to please... sometimes!

I told you before, it's the little things in life that make me happy. Well today I got one more... an invite for Gmail. For those of you who don't know, it's Google's mail service, and since it's in it's beta version, it's by invite only. Christine (check out her site, it's a great read!) was nice enough to share an extra one she had. I'm not really sure why this was so important to me, but dammit I wanted one! God knows I just get SOOO many emails, and yahoo wasn't enough. (yes, I am being sarcastic... I'm not popular... yet) Thanks again Christine!!

Name those boobies!!!

I've never felt much need for a name for my girls, but since this makes one up for you... what the heck! Boobs deserve a name, too!

Your Boobies' Names Are: Abercrombie & Fitch

Get your own Boobie Names

Like wildlife tags, only better!

I guess being a stripper in San Antonio is more hassle now than it's worth. City ordinance now states strippers in S.A must wear a permit at all times. Makes that "table" dance a little awkward now... and one dancer says it's going to look "tacky" . Yeah, it definitely ruins the classy styling of the boobie tassles, and ass-less chaps!

About the Hobo Gym

Carissa talked about the trash pickup, and how she calls the bins Hobo Gyms because the homelless people like to climb all over them in her neighborhood. So perhaps she should print this out, and tape it to the bins as a warning.
Homeless man compacted in garbage truck... and survives!!!

Christmas Shopping

I feel really sorry for anyone who works in retail right now. I've worked in retail, but thankfully not a mall-type or a big Holiday shopping store. We ventured to the mall today, not because we needed to do Christmas shopping, (because thankfully that's done) but because we were bored, and I needed to return something. Oh. My. GOD! People in this town have lost their minds!!! It's the military pay weekend, which means crowds no matter what time of year, plus the school district just got a LARGE paycheck today, since it covers them until January something, so EVERYONE was doing their Christmas shopping tonight. N and I are pushing the twins around in their stroller, B's leg sticking out a bit from the cast, and trying not to get run over. Then, at some point, there is a little girl (about 3) sitting on the floor outside a store. We stopped to see what the girl was doing there, because there was a lady nearby at a kiosk who looked like she MIGHT be related, but was paying no attention to this toddler. Come to find out, toddler did belong to said lady, but who lets their child do that in a CROWDED mall? Haven't these people heard of kidnappers? UGH! Then, people want to breakneck at my kid, like she's a car accident on the side of the highway. They are holding up foot traffic to stare at my baby girl and whisper. Yes... it's broken, and I realize it looks sad, but please stop staring at us like that! We tried to shop a store where my Father-in-law gave me a gift card, but it was not happening with those crowds. So we finally left, to avoid panic attacks all around! ***If you have not finished your shopping, I suggest you wear body armor and take a bottle of alcohol with you before braving the malls!*** You've been warned!

Yes, TWINS!

Ok, I realize twins are not an everyday thing. About 1 in every 80 births is the result of a twin pregnancy. (those stats can vary, but you get the point) However, I don't understand the things people say when they stumble upon a set of twins. I've had reasonable questions, and then I've had questions that make it hard not to stare at the person oddly. I'm not opposed to you asking me a question, should you stumble upon us in the store. However, I'm going to put out a few facts, and also some guidelines you should use when asking about multiples. :) Let me say, that this is not meant to be mean... Just as I know the questions I field are not ill-intended!

***BEGIN RANT***
FYI:
Not all twins (or higher order multiples, but I'll use twins) must be identical, nor do they need be same sex. It is entirely possible to have boy/girl twins, I'm not just pulling your leg. Please don't argue this fact, especially when you work in a medical field. You'll look silly if you do.

Not all twin pregnancies result from fertility treatment. Even if they do, it is VERY rude to ask a woman if she took fertility drugs. I did not, but I cannot imagine how a woman who did would feel when asked that! No ones business!

Just because I had a boy and a girl doesn't mean I'm never having another child. I was 19 when I had my kids, and they make me happy, but this isn't China... I can have an ARMY of kids if I want, and having the storybook boy and girl dosen't automatically tie my tube! (this is probably the most common comment)

Those are the three biggest... As far as general questions. A friend of mine has twins a few months older than mine, and she gets those all the time as well! Here are a few others that made me laugh.

"Oh two boys??" when my daughter was dressed in all pink with her ears pierced. Um, yeah... boys! I just REALLY wanted a daughter so...

"Is having twins harder than having one baby?" I've got NO clue... twins is all I've ever had! Ask me again when I have just one baby. (But if I'd have to guess I'd say probably... it's just normal to me)

"How did YOU carry twins?!" (in a very accusing tone, because I'm pretty small) Dunno. I have the stretch marks to prove I really did though... you wanna see? I can prove I didn't steal them!

And my ultimate... I was shopping in the mall when the kids were about 4 months old. I was pushing the twin stroller... the kids had "matching" outfits, but one blue, one pink. A lady asks me "Are they both yours?" "yes Ma'am" "HOW MANY MONTHS APART ARE THEY?" ( huh?!?! ) "2 minutes... they are twins." (insert the most confuse look EVER from this woman)

So friends I rant about this not just to bitch... but to inform. Because after 3 years of this, I'm losing faith in my fellow citizens' common sense. *** END RANT***

Forgot to give credit!

The Hometown list was from my dear friend Tink... and silly me, I forgot to give credit where credit was due! She frequently comes up with the coolest links. Check out her blog, her daily adventures are as nuts as mine!

Pretty Boys... I just don't get it!

Allow me to ponder something with you, because I'm having some trouble figuring this out. Why is everyone in love with pretty boys?? I listen to a lot of country music right now, and everyone is SWOONING over Keith Urban. I think he's a bit goofy looking, and I'm pretty convinced he's had some plastic surgery, though I can't put my finger on it. I mean every female radio DJ, every country music fan, even celebrities... they all gush about what a hottie this Aussie singer is. He's talented, and I like his music, but what's so sexy about him? (I know it's the hair, it's gotta be the freaking hair!) Now personally, I'll take a Troy Gentry, or Tim McGraw anyday... hell forget country music and give me Vin Diesel. I certainly don't want a man who uses more hair products than me!!

Makes me miss home!

These things all made me really homesick. My mom is a manager for Wawa, and their peach iced tea is still the best. Jim's on Sotuh Street has the best cheessteak, but I can make a mean one, too! If you are on your way down the Shore, stop in my family's deli for a hoagie... and watch out for the Jersey Devil!! Check out your hometown list, and take a trip to the nostalgia of memory lane!!!

You Know You're From South Jersey When...

You don't "go to the beach", you go "down the shore". In your mind you hear "watch out for the tram car please" even in your sleep. You've had arguments over cheesesteak quality. When it snows more than an inch, you call it a blizzard. You know someone named Siprasiut Xayapachan. You've actually found the Echelon Mall. Your uncle is in the mafia. You or your friends have Lyme Disease. You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country. You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them. You know what became of the 13th Leeds child, and claim to have seen him one time while peeing in the woods. One time you were driving in the woods and got stuck in sand. You have an EZ Pass, but you just hold it up. Even though there's a new Wal-Mart in your town, you still go to the Berlin Farmers Market for cheap stuff. Your neighborhood demonstrates co-existence of African-Americans and racist rednecks. You know that you should get the hell out of Camden before dark. Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April ann May. You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite. Honesty, sincerity, and courtesy are things you once saw happen in Ohio. You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle. You think the Olive Garden is a bunch of crap and should not open restaurants in South Jersey. You worked at a blueberry farm when you were 13. You played soccer from Kindergarten through high school. You've counted the number of titty bars on the Black Horse Pike. You always went to the Franklin Institute when you were a kid. Your middle school hangout was the mall. You have an unusable, piece-of-shit boat in your front yard. You once skipped school and went to Wildwood. You're Italian. You know where to get the best bagel. You've called someone an "asshole" to their face at the Philly airport. You say "water" weird. Even your school made good Italian subs, but you call them hoagies. You've almost fallen asleep on the Expressway. You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake or volcano. You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights. You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation. You never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. You take day trips to New York City. The mafia runs half the businesses in your town. You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law. In the woods behind your house, you can find couches, washing machines, and shoes. You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood. You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year. You've made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herr's BBQ potato chips, and Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer. You know the Atlantic City High School marching band can lay down some phat beats. You know New Years is all about the Mummers and the Polar Bear club. You smoke Parliament Lights. You go to the local Fire Department barbeque in June. Down the road, in the middle of nowhere, is an Egyptian restaurant and a custard stand with a minature golf course. You know what custard is in South Jersey. You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring!) In high school, you worked at a Friendly's. Route 206 doesn't freak you out at night. One time, a sea gull shit all over your head. You once said, "It smells like Philadelphia in here." You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different". Your mom still loves Bruce Springsteen. You know it can be -10 degrees and 70 degrees in January in the same year. There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road. You will always say "YO", and you'll say it often. You scoff at tourists in Philadelphia. Your town has an online commmunity. At least one person brings Big Fizz to a party. You go to another state and sit at a gas station wondering when the people will come out to pump your gas. You have your own bucket for carmel corn refills. You know that no matter how much they put into the Camden waterfront Camden is still Camden. You have to mail your relocated friends tastykakes. You think North Jersey is a different state and South Jersey deserves its own secession. Your high school prom was at the Camden Aquarium or The Mansion in Voorhees. You have season passes to Great Adventure. You refuse to call Hoagies "subs." You know where Olga's Diner is on rt 70. You are tired of people not believing you're from jersey because you don't have a New York accent. You drive by a farm every time you get in the car. You know what "jimmies" are and refuse to call them anything else. Eastern Regional High School has a rip list every year! Your neighbor is either a painter, a plumber, a builder, or an electrician with a work truck in the driveway. You have crossed all 5 bridges into Philly at one point in your life. You take day trips to philly to walk on South Street. You have had a near or close call experiences hitting a deer with your car. You run around in the nearest patch of woods and play paint ball with your buddies. You've considered renaming "the Garden State" to "the Hoagie State" You have a story about the "Hell Hole" ride in Wildwood. You remember the ducks in the middle of Cherry Hill Mall. You call the Berlin Farmer's Market the Berlin Auction or the Auction. You took your report card to Clementon Park for free tickets. You've had some of the best parties in a field. Other people dont know what funnel cake and water ice is because everyone else calls it fried dough and slush. You went "diner hopping" till the sun came up. You don't acknoledge that it is tomorrow until either you go to sleep or the sun comes up. You know where to buy a katana for less than $50. You go on dates to diners and arcades. You have empty Wawa half gallon iced tea bottles all over your car and room. You've ever driven around aimlessly for hours with your friends saying "So, whatta we doin?" You've ever said the phrase "look at fricken MacGyver over here!" You know the difference betwine the train and the speedline. The term "I think of you as a brother" turns into a whole family tree. You ever drove all the way to the shore just to walk around for 5 minutes then drive back. Your memories of places all consist of what you did there once when you were fucked up. You ever went over someone's house to hang out with their mom. You have a knife collection, a PS2, a cell phone, a pager, and a computer but you can't afford to get your car fixed. One of your hangouts is a parking lot. You say "'lanic city", instead of Atlantic City. You can't get that sand out of your toes no matter how long it's been there. You haven't been able to find a decent stromboli since moving out of South Jersey. You've seen a shack with a satellite dish. You know that a Jug Handle is both a feature of the highway and a bar that looks like someone's house in Maple Shade. You know of at least 3 bars where you know they won't card you. You lived near a "crick" not a creek. You don't recognize any one at your family reunion. You say "gimme" instead of give me, or "com' mer" instead of come here. You know a Chrissy and we all know she's gotten around! You think we should sell north "Joisey" to New York for $24. Everyone eventually starred at the Latin Casino. You never could figure out which was the Black Horse Pike or The White Horse Pike. You're a female and have beaten the crap out of at least one guy who wasn't your brother. You ever taken your parents car while they were asleep or away, before you were old enough to drive. You ever cut your foot on a broken bottle in a local stream. You have gotten bad poison ivy from hiding in a bush to make weird noises at the people passing by. There is a dead body somewhere in or near the stream by your house. You have to drive at least 30-60 minutes to get to work in order to make more than $10 an hour. You know what "pulling a camper" means and do it publicly when it is necessary. You know that a "Yield" sign is merely a suggestion. You've considered going to your high school late at night to check for ghosts in the halls rumoured haunted. You think pit bulls are harmless. You don't think you have an accent. Half your high school went to Camden County College. You know what the song "V-town" is about. Your front yard is made out of stones. Everything is "twenty minutes away". If you ask how long it takes to get any place in South Jersey, the person always says, "about twenty minutes". To get to a mall, "Oh, about 20 minutes". To get to the airport, "Mmm, about 20 minutes." To get from Runnemede to Philly, "Only about 20 minutes". Try it. Only the shore areas take more than "twenty minutes". They're usually "an hour and twenty minutes." Thrift shopping with friends is an event. You've intentionally stood in front of the tram car, and you're upset that it no longer stutters. You remember the old Morey's Pier before the fire. Your parents gave in and bought you a hermit crab when you were down the shore. You curse off three drivers in two minutes. You went to StoryBook Land as a kid. You haven't moved out of state soley for the reason you know the food is that bad everywhere else. WHIPOORWILL!! WHIPOORWILL!! You know the one-day sale at JC Penny's really lasts three. You live in a "dry town" and every road out of it has a liquor store at the town border. Every time someone in Hollywood makes fun of Jersey, you're mad and proud at the same time. Your big elementary school trip was to Springdale Farms. You know what the conductor is going to say for every stop on the PATCO HighSpeedline. Your neighborhood has a name that ties people together, as in "the kids" Your shoes have turned black from being in Pennsauken. You know at least 5 people who work at a prison. You say "porta reeko" instead of puerto rico, as it should be pronounced. You go to college and describe where you live in reference to how far you are from Cherry Hill. You come home from college for christmas break and 75% of your HS graduating class is at the same diner you are at 3am. You aren't scared of the speed line. You don't even care when you leave your door unlocked. More than one of your friends has spent more than a week at your house. You've lived in a row home. Making left turns just doesn't feel right anymore. You have a super secret place to sled that in better than anywhere else in town! You remember The Garden State Race Track and the day it burnt to the ground and all the tons of ashes that fell for miles. You can spend the day at the Berlin Auction shopping at the outside flea market. "Jeet?" makes sense when you hear it. The only thing you can play on guitar is "Stairway to Heaven" You were amazed Moorsetown was on MTV Cribs. A member of your family does not have all of their teeth. You know Voorhees used to be known as Kirkwood. You had a birthday party at Xhilarama. You've been to 2 or more festivals named after some kind of fruit (strawberry, apple, blueberry, lima bean). You're astounded when a friend that moves tells you theres not a Wawa nor CVS withen a 10 mile radius of them. Going to New York is a huge trip but Philly is someplace to go when you're bored. You think Amish people are amazing. Your whole school knows when each water ice place opens, and the line goes on forever! You would drop everything you were doing and run to the voting polls right now if you heard we were voting to make North and South Jersey separate states. Summer is a process, not a season. You've ever been to Wheaton Village. You know which places were built on indian burial grounds.

It's Friday night, nearly 11:00, and I'm...

Sitting here on my PC, bored out of my mind. This seems to be today's theme, but such is the life of a parent. Obviously, the kids are in bed, and N and I are not talking to each other right now, so I can't hang out with him. He's playing PS2, I'm trying to keep myself entertained reading blogs. So, if you have an interesting blog, please post the site, so I can be entertained!!! I hate just surfing through Blogger, because half the sites are not written in English, and I get frustrated too easily. I'm high-maintenance people!! I need an activity!

I spoke too soon!

Earlier today, I went off on a tangent about Sprint. I should mention N had cell service with them, and we switched both phones to Nextel recently, because we couldn't take it any more. Well... you guessed it!! Sprint is buying Nextel. Are you freaking kidding me?!?!? How is this possible? Why can't I get rid of these people? And to top it off, they will get rid of the iDEN phones, so the nice expensive phone I have will be worthless. So now I have to see if they will let us out of our contract once the merge goes through, because I cannot take 2 more years of Sprint. GRRRRR!

Stupid people

This comment was left on my blog, under a picture of my kids. Now, for those of you without a CLUE, leaving comments on other people's blogs usually result in them reading yours. However, it's generally polite to actually comment on their blog, not just use their comment space to fish for hits to your site.

At Friday, December 10, 2004, daniel said…

This probably isn’t the best way to get people to come read and comment on my blog but it’s worth a try. You might even read something beneficial. danielsvoice.blogspot.com

Is that ignorant or what?? Not a "Hey, cute kids" Not a "Hey, you suck", just a blatant self promotion. And I *did* check the guy's blog out (I was thinking it might actually be funny since he is so seemingly clueless), he's pretty boring, and a touch narcissitic. Do me a favor dude, get a life!

Does she ever shut up??

This is the beginning of a rant, on all the random crap that bugs me, in no particular order. Why? Because my kids are taking a nap, and I'm BORED!!! Nothing to do, N is busy cutting and burning anything that has ever grown in our yard, and I have nothing to do. Oh, and this is *my* blog, so I'll rant if I want to!! (Picture me sticking my tongue out here, in a nanny nanny boo BOO!) So starts my crazy ranting lunacy!

Dust, let's talk about dust. Particularly TX dust. I'm not a Texan, I grew up in South Jersey, and I now believe Texas is THE DUSTIEST PLACE ON EARTH!!! I could dust and vacuum every day, and yet there will be a fine coating of fuzzy little bust bunnies when I wake up. It has happened in every house I've lived in here, so it cannot be blamed on anything other than TX. Right now my Dell is covered in it, my lampshades look grey, my ceiling fans are atrocious, and all have been recently cleaned. WHY? Why is this God-forsaken place so DUSTY?

Next, let's talk about Sprint. I hate Sprint. I would never again use a Sprint product if they did not have a monopoly in this area on home phones. For the longest time I didn't have a home phone, only cells, but I now live in the 'Docks, and the cells don't work here. Sprint has the WORST customer service, crappy product (both home and PCS suck, and don't get me started on this POS Earthlink DSL!), and high prices. All around, it's safe to say they are one of the worst businesses I've ever had the misfortune of paying. If you ever have the option, don't go with Sprint, just trust me on this!

One of my least favorite things to do, and one I procrastinate on immesely is filing. I would probably make a poor secretary. I have a large stack of papers and invoices that need to be filed, and I will put them off as long as humanly possible. N is a neat freak, so I'm sure this drives him batty, but he is seemingly incapable of filing things as well, so has no room to talk.

Wow, I must be really bored, because those are the only things I can think to bitch about right now. Oh, wait, I do have something to do (besides file the damn papers!) and I'm sure you'll understand without my ranting. Call the insurance company!! Enough said, right?? Wish me luck... And who knows... Maybe I'll have fun "war stories" when I get off the phone!!!

one of the pics I took for Xmas... it's pretty hard to get a good pic with "B" not able to sit up!! 

A big sigh of relief

You can all take a deep breath and relax. Why? Well, there was an accidental revelation in our house tonight. You see, N and I spent our evening playing NASCAR Thunder 2004 on PS2. We now know, without a doubt, we could not be race car drivers. We caused lots of damage, pissed every other driver off, and gained position by breaking all the rules. NASCAR would fine us, let the other drivers beat us up in the garage, and we'd lose our sponsors.(You should try it though, we were dying with laughter!) Therefore, you can rest easy you will never see us on the race circuit. Aren't you relieved??

Sex, religon, and politics... hell, let's discuss it ALL!

First of all, let me say thanks again to Carissa, since this was on her blog. (Hey girl, if you mind me snagging these, just let me know, don't want to have poor netiquette!)
People always say you shouldn't discuss sex, religon, or politics. In general I *try* to keep to this rule, but it never seems to work out that way. Oh well! I get points for trying, right? Actually, I'm pretty much certain that my bumper stickers on the car are going to get my car vandalized. This *is* Bush Country after all!
Now, being that I'm a Democrat, and a pretty liberal one at that, I was not surprised by my results. Where do you fall in this vast political wasteland we call democracy?

You Are a New School Democrat

You like partying and politics - and are likely to be young and affluent. You're less religious, traditional, and uptight than most Democrats. Smoking pot, homosexuality, and gambling are all okay in your book. You prefer that the government help people take care of themselves.

What political persuasion are you?

How cool is this?

Something very cool is happening this week. My 60-something grandmom is graduating from college with her BA. Personally, I think this is one of the coolest things ever, because she spent most of her life as a homemaker, and after a divorce she got a CDL, has been working for Palm Beach County's bus system for quite a few years now, and going to school at Palm Beach Atlantic University in her spare time. She has plans to get her Master's, if for no other reason than to say she did it. You see, my grandmom is really important to me, I'd dare say I'm closer to her than I am to my own mother. She took me in when I was being a punk ass teen, and has always supported me, even when everyone else had written me off. She's really one of the coolest people I know, even though most people think she's pretty crazy. (She'll speak her mind regardless, it doesn't always go over well with some people!) She struggles with depression, and has a serious weight problem, but she doesn't give up. That really takes courage, especially when you have been through the things she has. So today's post is dedicated to my Grandmom Dianne... rock on... I knew you could do it! I really wish I could be there, I can't wait to see you again!

What breed are you?

I "stole" this from Carissa's blog, and here are my results...


What Common Breed of Dog Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm not sure I am a pure bred Pomeranian, but it does fit some of my personality. How about you??
BTW... I demand you be impressed, because I actually managed to make something work in HTML!! This is impressive! Oh... it's not?? Ok, well *I'm* impressed with my new ability, and I know Tink will be, too! Speaking of Tink, check her site, and see if you are in the 98% or not... :)

Just an update

Ok, so it's more than just an update, it's pretty decent news! "B" had to go for Xrays today, and the Ortho doc said she is healing nicely, and he doesn't need to see us again for 3 weeks, at which point the cast could come off! So, on 28 Dec we have an appointment to get another set of Xrays, and we're keeping our fingers crossed for a certain type of improvement (forgot the name of it) the Doc needs to see to remove the cast. Yea!!
That's it. I am having a boring time this week, nothing too interesting to report. It sucks because I know as soon as my head hits the pillow I'll think of something I want to blog about, but I refuse to get back up. We'll see...

Chilling together 

The Princess and her toast 

Tylenol Codeine face 

It's the little things in life...

It's been an exhausting week, and I've been reflecting tonight on the little things in life that make all of the crap worth it. So, in a late "Thanksgiving" tribute, here are some of the little things, and I'm oh so grateful!!

• A really good book, or even just a decent one!
• High fives from the twins... everything is an accomplishment worth a "pibe" to them
• The "B" Dance my daughter has invented while in her cast. How cool is it to be 2, and so happy, even though you are in this MISERABLE contraption?!
• Chocolate milk. "nuf said!"
• New socks. (Admit it... nice new socks make you happy too!)
  

And that's just the short list! There are so many more day to day things that just make me smile, more than a few of them involve my children. So I hope those of you reading remember to smile and be happy once in a while, no matter what else is going on. In the meantime, I'm learning HTML, and experimenting, so bear with me if the page gets screwed up. I'll be posting some pictures of the kids tomorrow! :)

Much too young to feel this old!!!!

When I last posted, I was in my 3rd day of non-smoking. Well, I made it to day 5, and caved. N and I decided we weren't feeling any better, and it was actually getting more difficult to not smoke as the days passed. Whoever came up with the notion that it got easier after 3 days LIED!!!! So, in the wake of our failure, we had a lazy holiday weekend. Then tragedy struck... our daughter broke her femur. She was trying to get out of bed, tangled her leg in the toddler rails, and the rest is gruesome history. When N realized something was seriously wrong, he laid her on the floor, and called for me. Her left leg was shorter than it's partner, making my poor baby girl scream and making me feel light-headed. I rode to the hospital on the stretcher with her, which was convenient in case I did actually faint. (It was close!!) After an ovenight stay in the hospital, during which the doctors used traction to do a closed reduction of her break, she was put in a Spica cast. For those of you not familiar with this fun device, it's a cast of her hips, with an area cut out for a diaper, and it extends down the broken leg to the toes, and the healthy leg to the knee. Put a nice bar in between the legs to make it sturdy, and you have a torture device from hell. Try making a 2 year old immobile from the waist down, and keeping her that way for at least 4 weeks. She's handling it well, and figuring out how to move herself a bit, not to mention how to manipulate us into catering to her every whim, but it is trying to say the least! The utter lack of sleep, and the constant demand for my attention is making me feel like the living dead. "B" is in need of something just about every moment of the day, (and night!) and "A" is pissed because he's feeling ignored. Then, in an attempt to provide some Mommy-time for "A", I took him to run some errands. He threw the most horrific tantrums the entire afternoon. I feel awful for him, because not only is his twin sister hurt, but he's frustrated as well. So it's a constant struggle to make both of my babies happy, and it's almost a futile concept. Add all of this to the normal stress of life, season with some "marital" arguments, and throw in a dash of guilt, since my baby keeps saying "Help me!" but there is nothing I can do for her. Blend together for 1 week, and you have a recipe for disaster. I want *my* mommy, but she's half way across the country!!! It's times like these I'd give anything for a nice Valium, or a clone to take over for a few hours!