Not a meme

Tish made me curious. I used to be a Girl Scout. Up until high school I sold cookies outside my mom's store every year with my troop. The were called different things back then, and the names of the cookies the girls around here are selling aren't familiar to me. Being the neurotic person I am, I had to find out what happened to my favorites. There used to be just one bakery that supplied the cookies. ABC Bakers. Now Little Brownie Bakers also supplies cookies. Here's a breakdown for you cookie fans. Carmel DeLites/Samoas are the same. Peanut Butter Patties/Tagalongs are the same as well. Shortbreads are also called Trefoils, we all know Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Sandwiches are also called Do-Si-Dos, Lemon Cremes are not the same as Lemon Coolers, and I've never had or seen the other cookies. There you go folks, a GS cookie education. And seriously, I know it's like 5 bucks for a dozen cookies, but this is a great cause. These girls learn a lot, and experience great things with the money raised from selling cookies. Buy a box or two, it won't kill you! Give up your latte one day, and enjoy some cookies instead!

10 things I've done that you probably haven't

Per Christine's request, here it is...

1. Had 12 teeth pulled (not all of them were adult teeth)
2. Had 6 addresses in 5 years
3. Witnessed the Columbia tragedy in person, standing on my back porch
4. Broken a pencil point off in my face (it's still there 18 years later)
5. Said "I'm pregnant" to my (now ex)husband while he was holding a loaded M16
6. Attended my parents beach wedding in Key West, all in swimsuits
7. Had sex while driving (well *I* wasn't driving, you get the point)
8. Fished in the "Bermuda Triangle"
9. Stopped breathing for nearly 10 minutes
10. Sorry folks, I can't come up with a tenth one, I've just not done that many interesting things!

Sunday is now Meme day

It's the attack of the memes! I'm going to do some memes today, because Sunday is a lazy day.

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

Another Q&A

Daxahol asked me what the craziest thing I ever did was. That's easy... marry my ex-husband. Not only was it stupid, but it came with a long punishment and cost a lot of money. Ask my lawyer, it was by far my most insane moment. Honest. Ok, that doesn't count? How about got my nipples pierced on my 21st birthday. I took the rings out 18 months ago and they still haven't fully healed. I don't suggest anyone try that!

Answers

I only had 7 takers for the Questions and Answers post, so let me answer those now. Christine passed on a meme of sorts, so I'll answer that in my next post. It's hard coming up with 10 things I've done that you probably haven't.

Cori asked what I would be if I had another set of twins, would I be SeeingDouble squared? Yep, sounds about right. Honestly, I think it'd be way cool to have another set, even if my little moniker would need an update.

ShaLovee asked if I could do anything without the fear of failure, what would I do? Hmmm... maybe go to Law School. I need to get my undergrad first though.
AND
Do I keep my peanut butter in the fridge or cabinet? Cabinet of course, who puts it in the fridge?

Cyli asked what color I would be. Well, normally purple, but in honor of being certified, I'd be RED!

The Webwench herself asked what is the first thing I see when I open my fridge? Milk, and lots of it. Most of the top shelf has milk, 2% for us, whole for the kids.

Tish has passed the witness at this time, but reserved the right to question me later. Bring it on counselor!

And last but not least, Puglet asked me what I would name my pug, if I had one. Smooshy? I love pugs, their smooshy little faces are too cute.

Questions anyone?

In honor of my Redhead status (see previous post), I figured I'd open up the comments to questions. Want to know something about me? Just ask. I'm pretty much an open book here anyway, but I figure I'll give any readers who stumble upon my site something entertaining to do. I'll post the questions and answers in my next post. Come on, take your best shot!

Like you didn't know I was Certifiable!!

Welcome! If you got here from Resplendently Pedestrian, you already know... I'm a "Certified Redhead"! Oh, that's not what they meant by "certifiable"? Damn! Well, I'm still proud of my new title and barcode. If you aren't reading the Webwench's site (I just found her a couple days ago, how did I miss this?) Go. NOW! Don't worry, I'll wait... **files nails, checks email, waits for you** She's wonderfully real and just adorable, isn't she?

On to other news, I watched some good movies this week. I love Blockbuster.com, if you haven't tried this, or are a current Netflix user, you've GOT to try it. Oh, yeah... the movies.
Cellular: Very good movie, but I'm so not a Kim Basinger fan. I can't think of a single role I've liked her in. Definitely worth renting anyway.
The Forgotten: Julianne Moore? Love her! She plays an awesome role in this movie, with a hell of a twist. Even N was impressed with this choice, he hadn't heard of the movie before it came in the mail. Creepy plotline, keeps you guessing, good movie. I loved Anthony Edwards in ER, and he's got a short role in this.
(For the family) Shark Tale: Listen folks, I haven't been to a theater since my 20th birthday. My kids were newborns, I was still married to Jackass. You do the math. I hate going to the theater, I'd rather rent the DVD, so I hadn't seen this wildly popular kids movie. It was fun for the whole family, definitely one I might consider buying, if only because it's easier on the brain than endless Dora DVDs.

Reasons being a mom can suck: I've noticed I ALWAYS have an abundance of posts on Friday night. N works nights, and his days off are during the week, which means my Friday nights are lame. My only entertainment? Blogs and Yahoo Messenger. My brother-in-law (an almost 20y/o college kid) signed on, and I sent him an IM which he ignored. He's probably partying with his friends, so I can't blame him. Ah the childless days of partying all weekend are a distant memory now. :)

WTF is this stupid TX weather. 2 days ago it was in the high 70s, we all wore shorts and tees to Mads' final Xray appt on Wednesday. (The leg looks AWESOME! She's healing beautifully) Yesterday and today? Bitter fucking cold. WET and bitter fucking cold. Only in TX, I'm telling you! Ok, Ok... I'll shut up now. Have a great Saturday!

Song of the moment

I'm currently addicted to "Gone" by Montgomery Gentry. I think I need to start a little thing in my sidebar like Christine, it's just such a cute idea.

(Sidenote: While typing this post I hit the lever that moves my chair up and down, and quickly lowered mid-sentence. Only I could manage to do that, I swear I'm retarded.)

Furious

Something was charged to my credit card in error, and I called to have it refunded. I did my part, and expected the company to actually refund the money to my card as they promised. I got my bill in and low and behold it was not refunded. So, I replied to the email they sent me to confirm the refund, adn asked WTF was the problem. (I was nicer than that, have some faith in me people!) The lady responded back with (paraphrased) "We did an internal investigation and pulled up the timeline of events. **insert list of events ending in cust refunded $56.90 on 2/10/2005** (this part is verbatim) Due to a glitch in the payment processing system, we cannot refund the money directly back to your card, you need to call your credit card company to get your money back." WTF?? I've worked for my credit card company, I know there is no reason I should have to involve them at this point. I email back asking where the money was refunded to if not my card, since in the list of events it OBVIOUSLY says refunded. She tells me it was not, in fact, refunded, I need to request a chargebacl through my CC company. Now I'm boiling mad, I've already told her I will contact the BBB if this is not handled immediately, since I incurred charges from them charging my card by mistake, and this was just unacceptable that they would not put the money back as promised. The customer service rep's emails were poorly written, with horrible punctuation (this coming from someone who is not the best writer to begin with) and this is probably the shittiest business practice ever. So, tomorrow I will call my CC company, and file a report with the BBB. What a wonderful hassle for a mistake that was not even my fault. Shitheads!

Such a whore!!!

I'm going to bump this post so anyone who is interested can get in before the rates go up. Come on, you know you wanna!
Helping me keep my sanity is one of the many reasons I blog. Since starting my blog, and reading many others, I've found wonderful people to talk and email with. People who have been through similar experiences, people who share my beliefs and opinions, people who disagree with me, aspiring writers, stressed out parents, city dwellers, country folk, and people from other nations. When writing your blog you can speak your mind, regardless of what anyone else thinks of it, because it's so simple to just move on to the next if you don't like what you see. This is unique compared to other online adventures because it filters through the masses of surfers, and helps you connect to individuals you want to connect with. The one thing we all have in common is blogging, and it's become an important part of many of our lives. Well now there is a web mag for us, something that celebrates, informs, promotes, and connects bloggers and blog related topics. In honor of it's debut, Blogging! Magazine is offering 2 free issues, so you can give it a try. Looking to promote your blog and increase your traffic? You can advertise in Blogging! Looking for a new host, a better template, or sites to help you make the most of your blog? Blogging! promises to deliver! Articles written by bloggers, reviews of blog-related services, interviews, and more will all be sent to you in a digital PDF magazine using Adobe Acrobat Reader. So, why not give it a try? If you don't enjoy it, there's no harm, no foul... but if you do, you can subscribe at a great price. Let me say this again... 2 FREE issues, and if you don't like FREE STUFF, you're crazier than I am. Just give it a shot... come on, all the cool kids are doing it!!

*** And for the record, I'm not being paid for this, nor do I benefit from you signing up. A blogger many of us know and love has asked some of his blog friends to pass it on, and because I think this will be a great project, I'm happy to do so. Enjoy!

Huh?

Someone out there found my site from searching "Poke her" on Google UK. Personally, I suggest not poking her with a sharp object, it's mean.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys...

We were watching Cops earlier while making dinner, and when the theme song came on Shane said "Fire, Daddy! Fire!!" because to him anything with a siren is firetrucks. We told him no, this was police officers, like Pop Pop (he's only met my dad once, my parents live on the East Coast), and he ran into his bedroom. He came out with a toy cowboy gun, went right up to the screen of the TV, and pointed. Now this isn't meant to start a debate on toy guns, but if you read my blog before you know my policy on hate mail. :) We just cracked up laughing, because he was so serious, pointing his little weapon at the bad guys on TV. My sister was obsessed with Cops from about 18 months old, she would run around the house singing the theme song. I can't wait to tell my dad his grandson is another little devotee to his favorite TV show.

Reasons I'm so glad TX has express lane death penalty

TX is known for carrying out death sentences quickly , and people like this guy make me happy about that. This won't make as big a story as Laci Peterson, but the murdered woman was 7 months pregnant, and her 7 year old son was killed as well. I can't even express the hatred I feel for this guy and others like him.

They said it was advanced!

I've come to a realization in my adult life, and I think I'll have to do something about it. If I don't I'll be completely useless when helping my children with homework, let alone if I decide to homeschool. I never learned the real "basics" of English, the stuff you need to know to write a sentence. Honestly, I shouldn't be allowed to have a blog, but dammit, this is America, and free blogging is an American right! Or not, whatever. Oh, yeah... my point. In 5th grade I was put in a creative writing class instead of English class with my peers. It was an "advanced class" by invitation only, and I was so proud to be in it. We wrote poetry, short stories, and other "creative" projects, while our classmates learned to do frivilous things like use punctuation! Bah! Who needs to know how to conjugate a verb, or the what a participle is. (Is that even right or am I making stuff up? See? I seriously lack in this department!) Though I've known for a while that I really have no clue what I'm doing in this department, the recent chatter about the self-esteem article brought this to the surface. I didn't really belong in the creative class, I'm smart but not altogether creative. They put me there because I got high scores on standardized tests. Granted I have always been ahead of my peers on the learning curve, but did that mean the school decided they didn't need to teach me certain things? In 8th grade our district decided it was a good idea to mix the advanced English/reading classes with the remidial. It was bad for the remedial kids' self-esteem to be in a separate class. I spent that year HATING a couple of kids who could barely read, while they stuttered through simple paragraphs. THAT'S bad for self-esteem, those poor kids were made fun of relentlessly, because that's how 8th graders work. It was also horrible for the rest of us because we were bored, and unchallenged. Let's talk about high school. I doubled up math classes Freshman year so I wouldn't have to take one Senior year. This meant that Junior year I had the option of Calculus or AP Statistics. I still have my AP statistics workbook as a reminder, I damn near failed that class. That was a rough year for me, and I was WAY out of my league in AP Stat. Even Freshman year Geometry, I just do not get geometry. I had the same teacher for Alg and Geometry that year, and he knew I was just barely gonna make it through the Geo 1 class, no matter how well I understood algebra. Why am I rambling on about high school? Oh, I remember. (see what I mean about the attention span?) The end result of my schooling is I can write a haiku and solve X, but somewhere along the line I managed to skate through never knowing how to properly use my native tongue. The saddest part is I'm better off than some.

The stages of return, start at the bottom!

under the table, and pissed off

drying off

Bathtime

They're baaaaaack!

The cats are back in the house. I was standing at the back door smoking a cigarette, and the door was open so I could talk to N. All of a sudden he yells "Callie just ran back in!!" and sure enough the muddy little furball had returned. We gave her a bath, risking life and limb, and about half an hour later Squeaker appeared. I've got pictures of her bath, she has fluffy hair, it made for an interesting sight. Wow... my life is so boring, I'm reduced to talking about my cats. I feel sad, I'm going to go eat some ice cream now!!

The latest from Miss Obnoxious

Miss O lives in CA, has one child, and doesn't want to work outside of the home. She's actually been talking about selling Avon or something, just to make some money to buy another vehicle. She is constantly telling us what new expensive thing she has bought, or how her hubby is working extra jobs besides the military.These are 2 recent (untouched by me) threads she started.

"He had a meeting today with the boss of his home exteriors job this morning because he's bascially sick of how unorganized they are. From everything including payroll, phone etiquette, basic respect, and everything in between, that company is lacking. So today he went in and gave them an ultimatum and they were being wishy-washy with that so he said it's yes or no...Still no answer so he quit. Simple as that. Only the funny part is that he walked next door to the vanishing screens company that just bought the building next door, said that he wanted a job doing outside sales and was hired on the spot. He has to train for the next few days but the pay is pretty much the same which is great. It just cracks me up how easily he can get a job while other people I/we know have been searching for a while. But I guess that's the perk of loving sales... there's always a demand for salesmen!"

"DH and I went to look today and get price quotes so we know how much to save and what we need to do to get the monthly payments we want. I love the Tahoe, love the look. But the bad thing I saw today was that the third row had literally no feet room. It didn't drop down like regular feet room does. I think the floor started like 6 inches below the seat. I think I've read that car seats aren't a great idea for 3rd row seating (I wouldn't prefer that anyway) so what good does a #rd row seat do if there's no feet room? So the Suburban has the feet row I like, and need for the 3rd row. But it feels too long for me. If I could have an SUV between the length of the Tahoe and the Suburban i'd have the perfect vehicle. But I don't want to feel like I'm driving a bus. I like Chevy so I want to stick with them. They have great resale value if I ever need to resale it later in life and DH and I will get the 3k GM loyalty rebate since we already own a Chevy. So, once again for those who have experience or know of someone with experience of either of these vehicles, let me know what you think. Gas prices are not an issue as I already know i'll be paying a pretty penny for that but everything else is what i'm oncerned about."

Now there are people on this board who are struggling pretty bad, job loss, downsizing, illnesses, whatever you can imagine, and I thought it was tacky of her to rub it everyone's face that her husband just waltzed from one company to another. Whatever, we already knew she was a tacky bitch. Then, the whole SUV thing came up because they have 3 cars already, and one baby, but are trying for another. She wanted to buy a big SUV when they get pregnant again. She's been trying since July, and is whining about it. There are moms miscarrying, moms on Clomid and doing IVF, and she's all "Oh my GOD! I'm not pregnant after 6 months of trying!! It only took 2 weeks last time!! WAHHHHHH!" Um, can we all say insensitive? So next was the Kirby incident, how she was going to write it off, but she has this wonderful expensive vacuum, isn't it great? Now back to the SUV, and how she NEEDS a third row, but it doesn't matter if it's a gas guzzler, even if she lives in California. Because ultimately, having a 3rd row SUV is a dire need!! She's WAY too cool for a minivan, and she needs all that leg room for her imaginary friends to sit in the back!! Look, I'm all for people spending their money however they want. You want to drive a Hummer? Whatever! I just cannot fathom having so little class that you need to flaunt it in a community of women you don't really know, where many members struggling in this economy. The pregnancy thing? If she gets pregnant that's wonderful, one more spoiled child for the USA. The rest of us used tact and gentleness while other moms were having trouble conceiving, or were losing pregnancies. She is just a crude, insecure person, one I'd avoid like the plague if I could, but I value the other members I've come to know in my 2+ years on this board. Don't you wish some people could be banned from the internet?

I think I'll buy a boat!!

You know part in Corky Romano where he's trying to talk to the kids all jacked up on coke? What?! You didn't see Corky Romano? Ah, forget it! Anyway, that's what my attention span is feeling like today. I tried to sit down and read some of the blogs on my blogroll, but I can't seem to concentrate. My apologies if I haven't left a comment on your blog, it's not that I'm not reading them (well, besides today), it's just that I haven't got anything useful to say. I promise to lay off the caffeine (ok that's a lie, I just checked my Coke can for the spelling of "caffeine") and catch up with everyone soon. Oh, and for those who are concerned, we're a couple of softies in The Nuthouse, we've decided to let the cats back in, even if it means kittens. Unfortunately, they are no where to be found right now. They'll come back, right?

Am I Next?

I could be the next CCL. Well, actually, I'm at a crossroad that I have to choose my path. We woke up this morning to the back door open, and both our cats were outside. They've never been outside before, and we had sworn if they ever made it out, they could never come back in. This was the agreement between me and N, from day one. (They've never been brave enough to walk out before) Add the fact that the older cat was in heat, and we know she went to find herself some fun. The younger cat is not old enough to have kittens yet, but she went on an adventure of her own. They are both sitting at the back door now, wondering when we'll let them in. I'm about to go put their bowls outside, and leave it at that, but I'm a bit heartbroken. We've had Squeaker for a year, and Callie for about 4 months. They tear up the curtains I sewed for the living room, scatter litter everywhere, and pee in corners, yet I will miss them.

And people wonder why I remarried so soon!

I was only legally divorced a couple months before I remarried (N and I had been together over a year by then). I had been separated from my ex for about 6 months when N and I got engaged. People generally look at me as if I'm nuts, but when you know, you just know. He can drive me insane, but I have the sweetest husband in the world. So, to my wonderful husband, who had a blog friend of mine post a sweet message to me, I love you. Who wouldn't love a man is this sweet...

Yesterday, once he went to work, he called pretending to be taking a survey, and asked what my husband could to to make me smile when he came home in the morning. I told him I ould love a macchiato, but Starbucks© wouldn't be open yet. :( I woke up to find a note taped to the bathroom counter telling me to look in the fridge, and on the kitchen counter. In the fridge I found 2 bottles of Frappuccino©, and a Double Shot© with instructions to mix together and heat to make a Triple Caramel Macchiato. Come on smile... that's cute! (I decided to drink just 1 Frap. cold instead) On the counter was a box of Krispy Kremes© 2 with rainbow jimmies for the kids, and a couple of my favorites. Fast forward to the afternoon, we went to run some errands, and he insisted on buying a new computer chair, since I was currently using a broken dining chair. Then, we went to the scrapbooking supply store, and I bought some fun things to work on my scrapbook. The reason he wanted to buy all these things? Because he knows I am on the PC a lot, and I enjoy relaxing and working on my scrapbook, and he wants to make me smile. If that doesn't make you go "Awww" you have no heart!! With that, I'm going back to work on my scrapbook. I hope everyone is having a good Saturday night!

The Crazy Cat Lady

I actually know 2 Crazy Cat Ladies (CCL), but the one I'm going to tell you about lives across the street. I live in a rural area, and we moved here because we couldn't stand the neighbors at our townhouse, it was a street full of people with no respect for other's property, kids climbing on our cars, trash thrown everywhere, loud music all hours of the night, it just sucked. Anyway, we live on an acre right now, but there isn't much privacy between us and the people across the street. This lady feed cats outside, not cats that she "owns", but just strays. Her entire front yard will be covered with at least 75 cats, all up on her porch, on the grass, running around. The guy next to us has chickens, which come on to our property, and the kids like to chase them. The chickens are brave, because they also venture into the sea of cats congregating at chow time on CCL's yard. Chickens like cat food too, so it's just a major feast over there. Now, this wouldn't even faze me, except the cats then roam my property all the time, and I'm sure every other neighbor can say the same. Ever walk out your front door at night and see glowing eyes next your car? It will scare the living daylights out of you sometimes. They will also trip the sensor to our motion light, and I'll occasionally get spooked when 'm home alone, and the light flips on. I'm actually pretty used to it, my parent's house is in the woods, and had the same problem with deer setting on the motion light, but every once in a while it gets you. We've only talked to CCL a few times in the last 6 months, but we know she has an adult son who is handicapped and lives with her. Being out here, you don't see many people, and human interaction is scarce, so maybe the cats are her way of having company. I don't know how many she lets into her house, but it's not a large home, so I can't imagine she takes them all in. Either way, my 2 female cats are never allowed out, but when they drive us nuts we threaten to send them outside to live with the CCL, and never come back. The local strays probably spread the word that this is the place to get chow. "Hey Fluffy! Notify the contact chain, we've got a feeder!" Meow code? A meeting at the local scratching post? All I know is there are more each time I see them, and soon we humans going to be overthrown. If I suddenly disappear, you'll know what happened.

Austin

Must. Step. Away. From the computer!!! Seriously, I'm dragging myself offline to go to Austin today, because I'm tired of the same four walls. This should be fun and interesting, because Austin, TX is always an interesting place to be. I promise to bring back stories of freaks and snobs I run into today, and I also have a crazy cat lady to tell you about. Have a great day!

No place like home

I actually started this post with a whole different topic in mind, it didn't quite work out as planned. Anyway...

I grew up in a small farm town in South Jersey. My family has lived there for generations, and my whole "block" was made up of blood relatives. The Middle school separates my uncle from the other houses, it's baseball fields back up to my parent's property (which was WAY convenient when I was running late and missed the bus! ie: every day) That property used to belong to my great-grandparents, they sold it to the school board, if that gives you any idea of how long we'd been there. I recently asked my Grandmom about the generations I don't remember, and things I never knew. I'm really lucky to have grown up with my extended family around, one of my cousins is 10 months younger than me, and like a brother. We shared a playpen many times, and my Aunt joked I was her "oldest", she had 5 kids instead of 4. I asked Grandmom how we came from Mt. Holly, NJ, where my great-grandmother grew up, to Tabernacle, and the story she told cracked me up. My great-grandparents got married, and my great-grandfather was living with an aunt and uncle in Tabernacle. This was back in the mid to late '30s, and apparently they did things a lot different. He brought his bride home with him, and his aunt, upon hearing a female voice in the house, confronted him. He told her "It's ok, I got married!" and that was that. There was one problem though. They didn't have indoor plumbing in the house, they had an outhouse. My great-grandmom told him "Ill only move there if you put a bathroom in" (she was accustomed to city life, this was totally unacceptable to her) and she gave him 3 weeks to do it. Well, I knew this woman, she had a big hand in raising me, until she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when I was 15. This is totally her, I can just picture her handing down that ultimatum. He did put that bathroom in, and she stayed, and got pregnant with my grandmom. This wasn't the house where I knew them to live, but was across the street. After Grandmom was born, my great-grandmom wanted to move out, because the aunt had dementia, and great-grandmom was worried she would harm the baby. They bought the old house across the street, and spent forever remodeling it. We talked about WWII, and how my great-grandfather was drafted when Grandmom was a baby. She told me about my great-grandmother working in the factories while he was at war, all of the things you read in history books about the depression, but it becomes real when it's your family's history. I asked how our family acquired all the land we have now, which is now her sister's house, the store, and the properties my mom, uncle, and their 2 cousins all built houses on. A TON of land, plus the Middle school property. A lot of the land was given to repay a debt to my great-grandparents, though I don't know what for. The rest was bought, because the owner died, and my great-grandfather disliked the people who wanted to buy it. The man who liked everyone? Seriously, this man was known for being friendly, he loved to talk to people. She told me how the general store came to be, turns out the building attached to the house had been a store years before, and she was bored one day in the late 1950s, so she re-opened it. My uncle now runs it, has since I was a baby, and it was all on a whim. I listened to her tell me about the Grovatts, the Hillman's, the Parks' and all the other families in the town, she grew up with a generation, my mom grew up with the next, me the generation after that. It's really amazing to look at a small town like that, and the degrees of separation involved in so many decades. She would point out the ties from us to one family, or another, and how the people she knew related to the ones I grew up with. My uncle was mayor for about 10 years, and in a town that small everyone knows everything. Politics put us under a microscope even more than normal. The rumors you'd hear during campaigns were horrible and hilarious at the same time. Privacy was non-existent in my childhood, because there was always someone that would say "You're Tina's little girl!", and though you didn't know them, they obviously knew your mother. Honestly, for all of that, I still miss it a lot, and would go back in a heartbeat if I could. What was my point? Oh, yeah... bloom where you are planted, but always know where your roots are.

Name that tune

This isn't the song I have stuck in my head, but I'm trying to coax that one out, so here are some lyrics. Yes, Cori... it's country, but I promise to pick another genre later tonight. :)

"There's a carrot-top who can barely walk/ with a sippy cup of milk/ little blue-eyed blonde with shoes on wrong/ 'cuz she likes to dress herself/ and the most beautiful girl/ holding both of them/ yeah the view I love the most/ is my front porch looking in

Get a clue!!!

I always leave my Yahoo! Messenger on "invisible" status, because there are a few people out there that I'd rather avoid talking to. About a half an hour ago I decided to turn it to "available" in case anyone I do want to chat with is not busy. Well, wouldn't you know... one of the people I "avoid" IMs me, and I haven't talked to this person since before Madison broke her leg (Thanksgiving weekend). **sigh** It's been months, don't you think they would get the message by now? I'm too lazy to give everyone a new screenname to contact me, and I don't want to be rude (ok, that's a lie) so I try to have an abrupt convo with said person, basically trying to blow them off without being a total bitch. I think I'll go back into hiding. If you're reading this, you know where to find me!!

The search beings

Someone came here from this Yahoo search. I definitely am ashamed. Must. Attempt. To Quit! Grrrr... stupid addiction!

So bored!!

N is working tonight, and there's no one to talk to since everyone is celebrating with their honey. I'm bored... anyone out there?? Oh well... I guess I'll go clean something.

Only because I love you

I really like the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Those guys crack me up, there are jokes I've heard over and over that still make me laugh. Tonight, on Comedy Central, they showed the original, and the newer one "Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again" I've seen both, and listened to each comedians albums, but I watched it anyway. I'd never heard of these guys (except Jeff Foxworthy) until last year, so it's new to me. Now, here's my plea to Ron White... we might need to start a petition or something.

Ron, darling, I think you are hilarious. Really, I do. And to be honest, you were even kinda sexy in the first BCCT. Your Sears bit? Gets me every time, that is some funny shit! ("It fell off. It FELL OFF! It FELL the fuck OFF!" priceless!) Then, when Blue Collar TV came out, I wondered "Where is Ron?" Jeff, Bill, and Larry were all in the show, but you only showed up in guest appearances. Well, those guest appearances made me think "Man, Ron is drinking a *whole* lot, he looks like shit." Ok, maybe it was just the thrill of the success, you were having an extended celebration. Then came "Rides Again". Oh. My. God. Honey, you looked like a lush in some seedy lounge, the one who stumbles up to you with a lame ass pickup line, and spills his drink in your lap. I know you just got re-married, you're wife should not let you leave the house like that. Come on Tater, you are a funny guy! At least you were before the alcohol took over. Drinking may have been part of your bit, but damn! The jokes? They were the same ones from before, and weren't even as funny now that they are slurred and recycled. Please... go to the Betty Ford clinic or something. While you are there, write some new material... after the shakes wear off, that is. Come on, Ron, put down the scotch, take a shower, get a haircut, and start over. Believe me, it's time. When Larry the Cable Guy shakes his head at you in sympathy, you know you're in trouble. Good luck, man!

Insomniac Hell

!!! Tish: Don't read this, there is mention of carb-a-licious treats! Don't say I didn't warn ya this time!
I currently have scrapbooking supplies strewn all over my bedroom floor, and was pasting the last peice of a page down when I ran out of the adhesive roller. Great... not I get to be pissed off that I'm thisclose to finishing the page and there is one loose photo. I should really pack it all up so the cats don't destroy it. My incentive to take my butt to bed is N coming home in the morning with Krispy Kremes, and if I'm lucky he'll surprise me with Starbucks, though I forgot to ask. Yet I sit here on the computer like a fool at 2:45am, unable to sleep, and torturing myself with thoughts of a triple venti caramel machiatto. **sigh** On the bright side, the kids went to bed without a hassle tonight, of course they woke up 20 minutes ago, so it may not be a bright side after all. Is insomnia genetic?

Another song

Candy man tempting the thoughts of a sweet tooth/tortured by the weight loss/ program cutting the corners of a loose end/ loose end cut cut/ on the fence/ cut not to offend/ cut cut

Come on Cori... how about this one?

Frustrations

Generally, I try not to blog too much about my ex-husband, he just generally doesn't warrant space here. Tonight I am going to write about the "current events", because I need to vent these frustrations. He's pretty much been a non-participant in the kids' lives, and we're fine with that. He was abusive during our marriage, and is no longer the type of person I want influencing my children. A little background... We had planned to split custody before we formally started divorce proceedings. Things started to not add up with his behavior, and I finally felt I needed to request full custody, and discuss restraining orders. We battled on this for a few months in court, where I was ripped to pieces and accused of the most horrid things. Finally, the attorney ad litem found out he had been arrested for DUI 6 months earlier, but had managed to conceal it until he was sentenced, at which point it was in the paper. He had been driving the kids around on a suspended license, and none of us knew. I was granted primary custody, and there were strict guidelines to visitation because of his DUI. He's in the military, and was being uncooperative with signing papers and handing over financial documents, so I finally got in contact with his chain of command for assistance. Well, there were more surprises to be found. He was being kicked out of the Army, and had been lying to them about various things in the divorce. Namely, he was saying we were still married and therefore collecting benefits from the government that he was not entitled to. I brought them up to speed on our divorce, showed them that not only was it finalized months earlier, but I had remarried, and needed my name and social taken off his papers. His command warned him to not use my social or the kids' for any reason, including taxes. Well, I filed my taxes with N this week, and it was rejected by the IRS, because my ex had used my children's' socials and claimed them as dependents. I went immediately to his 1SG, and was dealt yet another shock. He's being court martialed instead of chaptered out. There wasn't just one DUI, plus he had been caught with drugs on multiple occasions. The final straw that led to the court martial was forgery of government documents and impersonating a senior non-commissioned officer. Now he had added tax fraud to those charges. Basically, they can't actively help me clear up the tax thing (the IRS will do that but it takes 2 months or so), but the 1SG said "If they want to press charges, we will turn him over." Mind you, my ex has not even told us he's leaving the military (we would need to know since the children have health care through him) let alone the rest of the sordid details. Thankfully, he has not tried to take the kids for visitation, I'm terrified to think where he would run with them given the chance. Luckily, this isn't like the civilian world, the military has him on restricted duty pending the CM, he can't go anywhere alone. I'm really just angry and frustrated that I've spent thousands on this custody battle (and owe thousands more), almost lost my children, and no one would listen to me. The judge didn't believe me, and I couldn't prove any of it at the time, because he had been flying under the radar, so to speak. The military tends to keep things quiet whenever possible, and he had avoided the civilian police 99% of the time. Now, I can't afford to go back to court, and he has every right to take the children out of my custody, provided he follows the court guidelines. (Unless the military sentences him to jail time) It's my job to protect my children, and my hands are somewhat tied. For someone with anxiety disorder already, this is pushing my mind to the darkest corners of worry and fear. My family keeps asking "What the hell is wrong with him? Why is he doing this?" and I honestly don't have an answer. All I know is when you have nothing to lose anymore, you'll try anything, and that terrifies me.

A new thing

Ok, I love music. I relate my emotions to music, and most important moments in my life have a theme song. So, because I always have a song in my head, I'm going to post lyrics from time to time. Feel free to guess the song if you'd like, or make fun of my taste in music. Other than that, just try not to get songs stuck in your head because of me!

"Cause I'm "go for" and, chauffer and, company chairman, coffee maker, copy repairman, any more there ain't nothing, I swear man, that I don't do. Been jugglin', strugglin', closin' big deals, dancing backwards in high heels, just when it feels like I can't make it through... She said it sure is nice to just be the woman with you."

Do huh?

Dooce is talking about penises today, and I've learned something new. See, I've never taken an anatomy class (no, that's not what I learned, I have kids remember?!) but did you know that (at least some) anatomy classes dissect human penises? Ok, now like I said, I don't actually know, and maybe she's making it up for humor, but huh? I guess med students need to take that class, but I definitely could not be a doctor. Where do you sign up for that donation?! Does your driver's license say organ and genitalia donor? Man, that's gotta be bizarre.

The Other Side

**Gasp** I had to go talk to a Republican politician today. I know, I know! Liberals everywhere will think I've converted to the dark side. (Now don't go freaking out on me, I'm under a lot of stress and trying to find humor in it!) Seriously though, I had to visit our Congressman's office. Rep. John Carter (ER anyone?) has been enlisted on our side in a fight with the Department of the Army. You see, N served 6 years in the US Army, was an honorable and capable soldier and leader, was discharged honorably in 2002, and decided to re-enlist. No problem right? We've been through all the hoopla that comes with becoming a federal employee, background checks, statements, fingerprints, psych evals, medical evals, the whole freaking 9 yards. This is a lengthy process for prior service, but worth it since N would get his old rank (Sgt.) and everything back. No basic training again, no starting over. We are 3 months+ into this process, and the light at the end of the tunnel is shining bright. Yesterday, our train derailed BIG TIME. As in "Sorry N, you are barred from enlistment into the Armed Forces, so you have a nice day. Buh-Bye now!" Turns out that a police record from Jan 2004, that they have known about ALL ALONG, is suddenly a problem in the Army's eyes. Here's where it gets messy... you cannot enter the armed forces with certain criminal backgrounds. However, the police record is only that, court records show N was *not* charged with the alleged crime, and the courts have told the Army so. The officer's narrative is simply the opinion of the officer, and was later proven to be incorrect. I was there, people!! I was there when he was arrested, I went to court with him, we cleared his name, it was all cleared up in front of a city judge. So, based on Army regs N *is* eligible for enlistment, and the police record is simply a formality that must be disclosed. An eligible, capable, well-trained soldier is ASKING to be re-enlisted, which is his right, and the Army refused. The same Army who is hurting for soldiers, who cannot enlist enough soldiers to fulfill the needs of our military, the Army who is using a back-door draft of reservists to fill Active Duty slots turned N away. How many of you know National Guardsmen or reservists who were activated to go to Iraq? That happened because there were not enough soldiers on active duty. Well, we knew someone had screwed the pooch on this one, and set out to prove it. We pulled the enlistment regulations, and marched into our Congressman's office. The representative for Carter's office spoke with us, reviewed our documents, and agreed. He told us they are opening a Congressional review of it, and we are feeling pretty confident the enlistment will go through quickly. The funny thing is, the rep told us most people come to them looking for an exception to the rule, but we were simply asking for the rules to be enforced. Hopefully, the rules will in fact be enforced, and N's civil rights will be recognized. Why am I blogging this? Because it's one of the most intimitdating fights I've been a part of, but it's also an important one. For those of you who pray, to whomever you pray to, please say a little prayer for us. This is hugely important to my family right now.

Like, Gag me with a spoon!

I'm totally not into Valentine's Day. I just don't think it's worth the hassle. I don't like it with a boyfriend, I don't like it with a husband, I would not like it here or there, I would not like it anywhere! (Yeah, yeah I read too much of the good Dr.) I just think it's a waste of time and money. You want romantic? Take me to dinner on a night when the restaurant doesn't hike up the prices. Buy me flowers when they aren't at a 200% markup. Tell me you love me everyday, not just because it says 14 Feb on the calendar. (I should point out that I'm very lucky to be married to a man who does all those things, but I'm trying to make a point here!) Don't get me wrong, I'm all for romance and sweetness, but not by some Hallmark© holiday rules. Honestly? I dread the idea of choosing a gift for the Hubs, because everything seems either too girly, not personal enough, cheesy, or just plain too expensive. I don't want over-priced flowers or chocolates, and I don't want to give him over-priced flowers or chocolates. What kind of flowers do you buy a man anyway? And if you ask a man what he thinks a good V Day gift is, 99 times out of 100 he'll say "Sex". Yeah, yeah... I get it... all guys want sex, but feeling obligated because you bought flowers is so UNsexy. "Oooh baby, I'm so glad you can read a calendar. Here's your reward." Anyway, call me cynical, but I HATE this holiday. Too bad the Hubs is a diehard romantic, so we'll celebrate anyway. Anyone have a good gift suggestion? I haven't got a clue what to get him.

**editor's note: N, I know you read this blog... please don't be offended for my lack of enthusiasm by V Day. It's not you... I just suck majorly at this stuff! You should know that by now.

Dress the damn statue already

The Philly Curse lives. There were a few moments during tonights Super Bowl game that I thought I'd have to eat crow. Genuine called Philly as Super Bowl champs a few weeks back, and I nixed it, because anyone who lived in the Deleware Valley knows Philly teams choke. I'm not a football fan, but damn I wanted to see the Eagles win tonight. Do you know how long it's been since ANY Philly team won a championship?? 1982-83 season, the 76ers. I was in utero during that game. We've been to plenty of championship/playoff games since, but never all the way. I am a big Sixers fan, I cried when they lost to the Lakers a few years back. We all knew it would happen, and were pleased that Philly at least kept the Lakers from sweeping the playoffs, but it was still a huge loss. A couple years before that, the City of Philadelphia stopped their tradition of dressing up the Billy Penn statue with the appropriate gear when one of the tems was in the playoffs. It was said to be a jinx, and the tradition died. So I'm hoping they will re-instate that tradition now, since time has shown it didn't make a difference. The fans love it, so bring us a little joy here! The Eagles played a great game tonight, but the Pats made less mistakes, and now go home champs. Bah!! Who needs a dynasty, Philly just needs a freaking win! (And yes, I know there are other cities who have not won in forever, but this is my hometown!) Better luck next year... now let's go Sixers!!

Thank You

I just wanted to post a Thank You to another blogger whose story helped me. You know who you are, and I appreciate your courage to share.

Seriously the most fun I've had in days!!!

Michael Moore Ate My Banana Monkey Face

What's Your George W. Bush Monkey Face?

WTF?

The folks over at Gmail have lost their minds. I got rid of my initial 5 invites, and then had 4 more. I just checked my mail, and noticed I now have 50 invites to give away. I realize it isn't mandatory to get rid of them, but I couldn't get rid of 4, let alone 50!! Funny thing is, I was just feeling pathetic and miserable for my lack of a social life, and Gmail had to remind me just how small my circle is. Thanks.... Anyway, if you are one of the 5 people left on the planet who need an invite, you know where to get them. Cjaping at Gmail dot com.

Type A

The music meme a few days ago had me thinking "Where the hell are all of my files? I *know* I had more DMB songs on here!" so I went a-searching! Well, for some reason half the songs I DL are not making their way into my Windows Media Player library, and therefore go unnoticed when I'm making a playlist. This means N and I tend to re-download things, and make a big mess. Now, regardless of how you feel about file sharing, I've been doing so since Napster was the new big thing a few years back. I'm not giving it up anytime soon. I've only had this Dell pc for a year or so, but I've got a ton of music on it. The problem is not all of them are labeled correctly since some people just do not know who sings what, how to spell, or the correct names of songs. It's not uncommon to search a FS network for a song, and find it attributed to 10 different bands, 3 different titles, and usually something like "Mike's Shiznit". This means my laziness has caught up with me. I **could** have re-named the songs as I acquired them, and they would all be nice and organized, but are you new here? That would have made sense! Now I get to go through and re-name, delete duplicate files, and just generally make sense of the whole production. This should be interesting considering N and I don't always have the same taste in music, and I don't know a single song in Slayer's entire history. Maybe I should just format the whole drive and start over...

Wahhhhh!!!!!

I'm bored, and having a really shitty week, and tired of staring at the same things... I know! I'll blog!! Oh, but I really don't have anything to say but "Waaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Seriously.

Publik edjukashun

Someone got here from a yahoo search for "Desparate Housewives", meaning I'm not the only one who misspelled it. I feel better now!

Inappropriate

This post over at Sarcastic Journalist made me laugh, because I'm the same way. It also reminded me about the commercial I've been meaning to blog about. I actually had to wait until I could show the commercial to N, just to make sure I wasn't the only one who noticed it.

There is a Fruit Roll-Ups© commercial for the tongue tattoo roll-ups. In the commercial the "lab techs" look at a kid's tongue and say "Slammin". The female "tech" grabs the tongue with tongs and takes off across Hell's half acre to show someone. The tongue is stretched all the way to the person she wants to show, then she releases it and it flies back towards it's owner much like a measuring tape recoiling. The doors to the Fruit Roll-ups Lab© slide shut, and it gets stuck between them. Every time I see that damn commercial I think "That looks like a dick! That's horrible!" And since N agreed that it does indeed look like a dick, I know I'm not the only crazy one. It's not like you didn't already know I was nuts.

Art

Amber posted a neat link, so I made a little "painting". (press "view in gallery" or "skip to end" to view the finished product) Maybe I should sell it on Ebay. Or not...

Music Meme

It's Shylah's fault... she made me do it!! Since music is hugely important to me, I'm actually enjoying this meme...

10 random consecutive tracks from iPod WMP:

November Rain~ Guns & Roses
This Is How We Do IT~ Montell Jordan (OMG I'm embarrassed!)
Roll On 18 Wheeler~ Alabama
Re-arranged~ Limp Bizkit
Ain't Drinkin' Anymore~ Kevin Fowler
Baby Blue~ George Strait
Run~ George Strait
Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel)~ Billy Joel
Wild Horses~ Sarah McLaughlan
That's Cool~ Silkk the Shocker ft. Trina


What's the total number of music files on your computer?
540 EDITORS NOTE: Make that 1007, apparently a bunch of my files were hiding from WMP!!

The last CD you bought was:
Dave Matthews~ Some Devil


What was the last song you listened to before this meme?
I have no clue, it was on the country station in the car.

Name 5 songs that you listen to often or that mean a lot to you:
This is REALLY hard for me, a lot of songs are meaningful to me...

The Woman With You~ Kenny Chesney
I Melt~ Rascal Flatts
Crazy~ Dave Matthews Band
Semi-charmed Life~ Third Eye Blind
Ants Marching~ Dave Matthews Band


Who are you gonna pass this stick to?
Cori
Tish

Jinxed!

Genuine jinxed me. Damn you, G! He blogged about his case of the Mondays this morning, and how Murphy's Law rules in his house. Well, my day started out decent enough, but oh, the disasters that struck this evening!! Both kids decided to forgo the potty after dinner, and wet their pants. Grrr. No huge deal yet, just annoying. Then, while I was in the bathroom washing off my makeup, all of 3 minutes tops, all hell broke loose. Shane decided to go #2 in his pants, and then shove the pants under the kitchen table. Madison noticed the pitcher of apple juice I had just made, and decided to pull it onto the floor. I walk into my kitchen to find a flood of apple goodness on my freshly mopped floors, Shane with poop all over his legs and rear, and a "surprise" under the table. Nice. Really, really nice. Needless to say I'm not entertained, the kids have been bathed, the floor re-mopped, the laundry washed, but my floors will be sticky for at least a week, and I think I sprouted my first grey hair.

Thanks for clarifying that

This is possibly the shortest news article EVER. Headline on Yahoo read:
Sen. Clinton Collapses During Appearance
Click to read the actual article. Someone is totally wasting their journalism degree!

The Infamous NYT article

Everyone in the blogosphere has read the infamous article in the New York Times that calls parenting blogs "An online shrine to parental self-absorption." I'm not even going to bother linking to it, mainly because I'm too lazy to look it up right now. Anyway, since we're all buzzing about it, and rightfully so since it's more than a little insulting, I want to add my 2 cents. Is this a parental shrine to self-absorption? Well, yes and no. I am totally and completely devoted to my children. I'm also pretty devoted to myself, because I've been with me for 22 years, and it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere soon. So I do talk about myself, my kids, my husband, and my pets quite a bit. I also talk about my online friends, my real life events, the news, the blogs I read, and occasionally stupid people. For the big name blogs, like Genuine, Suburban Bliss, and Sarcastic Journalist to name a few, each has their own niche. All three of those bloggers are parents, but we read about their life, entertaining thoughts, and sometimes we participate in games or discussions. Genuine's readers helped name his now 6 month old baby, and will help name the new bun in Mrs. G's oven. SJ blogged through her daughter's birth, but she was a blogger way before the pregnancy, and was "Dooced". Melissa at Suburban Bliss makes you feel like you are a good friend joining her for coffee and a scone, sharing war stories of parenting and marriage. The journalist who wrote the NYT article apparently only glanced at most of the blogs he mentioned, but he probably read a lot of Dooce. I like Dooce, Heather is entertaining, but it is sort of self-absorbed. She turned off her comments (for good personal reason) so her blog is not about a sense of community, but rather an outlet for her struggles and frustrations. That's perfectly ok, since obviously quite a few of us like reading it, but it doesn't describe the rest of us, and the intentions of our blogging. So if you have a blog, or are thinking about starting one, go for it!! Write about whatever you want, for yourself, or to entertain, or even to just embarrass your kids. Maybe blogging is the new scrapbooking. Just have fun!

Poke her wth a stick!!

I like to sleep. A lot. As you may know, if you've read the last week's worth of posts, I'm not sleeping, and unhappy about it. Since I'm sick I bought some Nyquil, and hopefully will pass out in about 10 minutes. Until then I'll entertain you with a description of an average night with a sleeping crazy woman.

N is working nights right now, and gets home about 6:30 am. We have a queen sized bed that I like to sprawl out on when alone. As in I'll lay diagonally just to maximize my sprawling. N is no small guy so he usually needs me to move in order to lay down and get some sleep. He's known since the early stages of our relationship that I'm just not a damn morning person. As in you should wear a football helmet and pads when waking me, and poking me with a stick seems completely reasonable. Everyone knows not to call before 9 am, and God forbid we have an early appointment. Anyway, with N on the night shift, it gets tricky.
N-"Baby, I'm home..."
C (with head spinning and red eyes)-"I don't ******* care, leave me the **** alone." (commence spastic flailing of arms and legs)
N- "Ok, I Love you too!"
(N tries to get into bed, braces himself for at least a couple elbows flying into him as I'm nudged over)
Later, when told of these antics, I have no recollection of them, but I always ask why he bothers to tell me he's home. Apparently, he's afraid if he doesn't tell me and just gets into bed, I'll think someone has broken in and will beat the crap out of the "intruder". Nevermind the elbows he already takes in this ritual. Poor guy is screwed either way. Luckily he loves me, and has grown accustom to my sleepy abuse, but how lucky am I to have a man who will put up with that?

TMI

Today is not a fun day. I'm sick, there is a little head cold going around, and Shane and I have it. (Actually, this is my 2nd go-round with this damn bug!) Today was spent lazy and snuggley on the couch. The problem is my boobs. They are swollen and sore in protest, I guess, since there is no reasonable explanation for this. Not normally a blog-worthy event, except they might as well have targets painted on them. My children have taken every opportunity to grind their bony little elbows, knees, fists, and butts into my chest. Trying to climb on mommy's lap? Just dig into her boobs for leverage. Getting fidgety? Push hard into her chest to find a comfy spot. Bored? A nice hard toddler noggin to mommy's twins might entertain you! Ha Ha! Look at the way mommy cries when we do that. Do it again!The poor hubs got yelled at for hugging me as he left for work. "Don't squeeze God dammit! Didn't I mention they HURT?!"

On to other news from my nuthouse, my children's room officially smells like a urinal. Since we are potty training, and the pull up training pants seem to enable my children to pee without care, we have resorted to regular undies only, damn the laundry that ensues. The problem is my kids will often sleep on the floor together, so rather than pee on the sheets and their waterproof mattresses, they pee on their blankets and the carpet below. It's a nice pungent odor that hits you in the face when you open the door. I need to get a carpet cleaner. In the meantime, I wonder where I can find one of those deodorant tablets they put in the urinals... the whole house can smell like a piney truck stop!

I think I'll just go to bed now...

Margaret Spellings and the anti-gay crusaders

Jay and Kim have been blogging about Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings' outcry over the PBS show Postcards from Buster episode depicting families headed by lesbian couples. I think Kim's letter to Mrs. Spellings describes my opinion perfectly, and I urge you to go read it. Kim asked that we all blog about it to show our disgust with Mrs. Spellings trying to regulate the morals of all Americans. So here is my 2 thumbs down to Margaret Spellings and my support for the gay and lesbian community's right to raise their families. Last time I checked this was The United States of America, not the Untied States of Christian Morals Only.

Genuine Bash Jan 2005

We are well into Genuine Bash 2005 and Genuine just passed out. On his webcam. You know you wanna be here next month to see it yourself!!

And the award for Miss Obnoxious 2005 goes to...

Her. This one finally pushed me over the edge. She posted about her neighbors who share the duplex she lives in. Apparently they are slobs, currently child-less slobs, but slobs no less. Here are my favorite quotes from the original post.

"... While they aren't anything like our typical friends, and no one else in the neighborhood cares for them, we like them. But why oh why can't my cleanliness rub off on them, or at least her???"
(She goes on to describe how disgusting the house is, and how it's from "pure laziness".)

"I've gone up to both of them on their days off, and offered to help them clean and have even told them I'd clean their entire downstairs for $100 (which is great considering the condition of the house). But Noooooooo! they like their dirty mess, I guess."

"...I've even told her I don't like going in her house because it's so dirty."

"I know I'm a bit of a perfectionist, but it's not just me who complains to them. They know all of the neighbors prefer not to go in their house because it's so unsanitary."

"I guess I've offered all I can, and all I can do is sit back and hope they need my help at some point? :) But honestly, how does ANYONE live like that??? YUK!!!!"

OK, first of all, this is not the 1st (or 10th) time we've heard about her wonderfully perfect and clean house. We get it, you're PERFECT! Second, this comes a couple days after she posted it has been 1 year since she found out her husband had a hooker overseas. So can we all say "Overcompensate much?" She repeatedly mentions in the responses she is not going to report them to CPS (neighbor *may* be pregnant), or post command (military housing has strict cleanliness standards) because she is SUCH a good friend, but she thinks they are lazy for not cleaning up. Um, I know I talk shit about all my good friends behind their backs, don't you? Someone mentions her mother had low self esteem, and could only feel better about herself by criticizing others, but this point went over Miss Obnoxious' head. So let's recap...

Miss Obnoxious 2005 is a better housekeeper than you, buys expensive things all the time, has a credit score near 800, her baby deserves to win awards for cuteness, her marriage is perfect, her president is right, her religion should rule our country, and anyone who doesn't think so should be treated as second class. (But honestly, we're ALL second class compared to HER!) She promises to tell you these points constantly, but continue to beg for your sympathy because her hubby strayed. Personally, I can't blame her hubby, her perfection must be too much to handle.

Landslide victory if you ask me!

** Disclaimer: If you are reading this thinking I must be the biggest bitch ever, you're right, but that's irrelevant. This woman would grate the nerves of any normal person, but the board we belong to is too well regulated for me to tell her so there. If you disapprove of my snarkiness please feel free to send me hatemail... I'll gladly make fun of that too. Cjaping at yahoo dot com. :)

Just Random

I'm going to post a few of the more random things that have happened this week.

• N got a message on his cell phone from someone we have not spoken to in a year (and never planned on speaking to again), saying she thought it was my number (she knew better) and that a guy we worked with over a year ago comitted suicide. I haven't been able to verify that yet, but she says it happened 12 Dec, but she decided to call me (N really) this week. Weird, especially since I wasn't close to the guy, though I liked him, and it's sad news.
• Our landlord had cut down a bunch of trees to clear the property, and had made a MASSIVE (like way too big to be reasonable) pile. We were expected to burn the pile, but couldn't because of rains and it being green wood. When we attempted to burn it we would usually only get a small portion to burn, and it was getting to be a hassle. Finally we got about 75% of it to burn a few nights ago, and I have to admit I had WAY too much fun for physical labor, not to mention playing with fire. Who knew burning stuff could be so fun??
• My insomnia is still kicking my ass. As in I didn't get to sleep until after 6 am this morning, because N made the mistake of waking my up a few hours earlier, and I couldn't get back to sleep. He let me sleep in all morning, probably because I threatened to rip off a certain body part and shove it up his nose for waking me. I'm mean when I'm tired... like grizzly bear mean! Thank God N loves me, who else would put up with that?
• Mads is sick, the cold passed from N to me, and now her. Luckily it passes quickly, but she is just inconsolable and exhausted today. Poor thing, nothing sucks worse than seeing your baby sick.
• Mads also snuck into my purse today, and ate 4 pieces of mint flavored gum. She's already a little anal retentive, so this should be interesting.
  

Well, that about sums up my random week thus far... I hope you have been having a more entertaining time!

A few weeks ago with boring brown hair... but damn my kid is CUTE!!

My newly highlighted hair, though you can't see the streaks well in the photo

Promises, Promises!

I promise to update with soemthing interesting soon, along with pics of my hair. BTW, it didn't quite turn out the way I'd planned, but I'm pretty happy with it anyway, I'll let you be the judge later. Anyway, I'm just not blogging because I'm cranky, miserable, whiny, and pathetic right now. Not fun to read, huh? Actually, it may be entertaining, and I might go into it later, but it's so not fun to blog about when you are in the midst of it. I'm neurotic, I've always been neurotic, and always will be. Occasionally it really gets me in this type of funk, so woe is me! Oh, and insomnia has me in a freaking headlock, so far nothing is working, I've tried one OTC med, am connsidering going back for another, but I honestly think this calls for some Valium. Too bad I have none, and therefore suffer in my anxiety filled sleeplessness. Any suggestions? Well, I'll stop whining now, maybe tomorrow will be better!

So Far...

Well, the first attempt did not go as planned. The top of my head looked fin, but the stupid little comb you are supposed to use didn't distribute the color evenly down my head. It would be fin if my hair were only a couple inches long, but not good for my below the shoulder cut. So, Take 2! I have put more on in hopes of evening it out. Hmmm... do I smell disaster?

A quick DTV update

I posted a couple days ago about my DirecTV being screwy. Well, it wasn't my system, it was them. And being the #1 ranked provider in customer service, they left this on their tech support number. "If your receiver is shutting off and resetting without your input, there is no need to wait for a representative. We are aware of the problem, and working to fix it." It's slowly improving, but I'm glad to know it wasn't my (expensive) equiptment! The kids are still in shock when it turns off, you'd think they would be used to it by now!

Foolish

One might say that I'm foolish. Why? Well, you think I would learn from Cori's mistake, and not attempt any home hair highlighting. However, we all know I'm insane, or at least a little eccentric, so when she told me about her hair disaster I thought "Hey! I'm bored and miss having highlights. I'll go buy me some color and have at it!" (I should have been especially scared, because she sent me pics... it really was jumpsuit orange!) Well, in about 25 minutes we'll know if I should enter beauty school or not. I did the all-over color last night, and it came out well. I've been dying my own hair since I was in 8th grade, I can't really tell you what my natural color is. However, I've only had highlights done professionally, until tonight. The dye is on my head, and I will know soon if I need to ask N to stop at HEB in the morning on his way home for more dye. Oh, that's a bad idea. He can barely remember to pick up cigarettes in his exhausted post-night shift state, He may come home with some absurd dye. (His Ex is a cosmotologist, this man knows more about hair products than I do, but sleep deprivation is a mofo.) Well, one thing's for sure... either way I'll post pictures here. You can either laugh or marvel, whichever is appropriate. 15 minutes and counting!

Getting to the good stuff (unless you are easily offended)

Every state has wacky laws, but sometimes you really have to wonder what provoked the law to be written. Actually, I'm not so much talking about laws specifically, but in this instance an Army regulation. N and I were talking about TX, the Army, and just life in general. At some point BJs came up, and how they are banned in the military. (Not just BJs, all oral sex.) This brings up an few interesting thoughts.
1. How is this enforcable? Granted the Army can do random home inspections, but how often does an NCO show up at your door while you're having sex? And they can't just walk in, so how would the prove it? Breathalyzer? "Son, you been eating that coochie? Come here... blow on this!" (no pun intended!)

2. I'm not sure what it's punishable by, but if you got an Article 15 for it, how uncomfortable would you be standing in front of your chain of command because you got a BJ? "Yes sir! I will not let my wife do *that* again SIR!" (Oh come on, no married guy is getting head... everyone knows that!)

3. What had to happen for some MALE soldier to write that reg? Is there any guy in his right mind who doesn't want a little head action? There are a couple possibilities to this. A: He wasn't getting any, so no one else should be B: his wife wanted some, and he was looking for a way out of that. "Sorry honey, Army says I can't do *that*!" C: It was an attempt to prohibit homosexual acts, though that is a whole other regulation, and therefore is redundant.

So what do you think? What would make the US Army have a ban against oral sex? Anyone interested in protesting it?

Oh no!! Mommy!

That's what I've been hearing for 2 days now. Why? My Directv system is having issues. Now, I've been a DTV customer for a few years, and generally love them, but for 2 days my system has been locking up, shutting down, and restarting. When this happens during Dora or Backyardigans, it is a major catastrophe. The frightening part is right before it shuts off, it sounds like it is posessed by Satan. Um, since when is Dora a child of Satan? Not good! Anyway, the kids say "Oh NO!!" and proceed to tell me repeatedly that there is a technical problem. The bright spot? (I'm good at silver linings) When the guide is reinstalling there are little yellow bars that tick across. The kids are trying to count them. "1, 2, 3, 8, 11... yea!!!" So we've been practicing our counting, since those pesky numbers between 3 and 8 get them every time! I know what you are thinking, "Why don't you call and get it fixed?" I did, and after 20 minutes on hold, the tech tells me to reset (which I've already done), and then transfers me. 15 more minutes on hold, they guy in tech support says "Well, I suggest you wait another day or so, and if it doesn't fix itself it'll have to be replaced." Ya think?! So, after the second day, we tried to use our other reciever that is currently sitting in a closet (took me 48 hours to think of that!!), but that access card isn't programed, and they are tied to the reciever serial numbers, so they cannot be switched. Will someone please call customer care for me, and have them switch the cards? I cannot bear being on hold that long again. **sigh**

Blog it forward

The whole "ask and ye shall receive" thing is true! I asked Genuine for a picture of the original Starbucks while he was in Seattle, and he posted one. Christine asked all her readers to do a little "blog it forward" post, and here is mine. See, you can get anything with a "please" and "thank you". (Unless you are my children asking for *more* candy before dinner... that is still a "No!")

I didn't stumble upon this site, but she stumbled upon me. The nice thing about that is I usually enjoy the sites of people who leave comments on mine, and this one is definitely a good read. TheQueen is a single mom, and I have much respect for any single mom, especially one of a teen. Her 3 kids keep her quite busy, and apparently are very hard on plumbing. If I found all those things in my sink I'd die. Then I'd come back to life just to make them eat the booger soup. Come on, click the link... you know you wanna! Enjoy!

The one where she links a lot

Keeping in my theme (read: laziness) for the night, I was just over a Rockstar Mommy's. I have been shocked and appalled to find out that many people do not know what a cheesesteak is. As in, they've never heard of a Philly Cheesesteak. Is this possible? So, I'll explain, while drooling on my keyboard. You see? I mentioned in an earlier post that I'm homesick. Cheesesteaks are one of the things I miss about home, and will be one of my first orders of business upon arrival at Philadelphia International.
A cheesesteak is a hoagie (or sub/grinder/whatever your locale calls it) made with thinly sliced rib-eye steak, grilled, and served on a roll with cheese, sauteed onions, and any other toppings you like. A Philly Cheesesteak (are you taking notes??) is the "original", and has specific qualities. The meat is shredded into tiny bits while grilled, and you add Cheez Wiz. (that's important!) You also add in whatever toppings you like, then flip the meat into an Amoroso roll. (again important!) Voila... you have a delicious steak, though you want to be careful, just looking at one can clog your arteries. Serve this with some WaWa Peach iced tea, your favorite Tastykake, and you one hell of a meal. If ever in the area, stop by Jim's Steaks on South St., or the famous Geno's, or Pat's. On your way to the Shore, stop in my family's deli, we make a mean hoagie of our own.

Next up... family affairs

My wonderful blog friend Tish has been giving us a tour of the nutty branch on her family tree. Come on, admit it... we all have a branch (or 10) that makes you wonder how much lead paint their mothers were exposed to. If you can't figure out which family member that is, be careful, you are probably the nut! My family? They aren't so much crazy as tempermental. We're the ones who embarass everyone, because we're loud, and we all lack that censor in our brain that keeps us from blurting out tacky things. I've fallen victim to the missing gene, I shouldn't be around anyone easily offended. So, let's pick one member of my family to discuss. I'll go with my step-grandfather, so no current family members will be offended if they get ahold of this. You see, he was my Grandmom's second husband, and the only grandfather I knew on that side. He is boisterous, likes to drink, and is a wealthy buisnessman, so this can lead to embarassing situations. One time, when I was a pre-teen, my parents, a couple of their friends, and I drove up to Cape Cod to visit him. Upon our arrival, he took us all out to a nice seafood restaurant on the Cape, where he had a reservation for 15. Well, they screwed it up, so we waited for about 30 minutes while they arranged some tables together for us, and my grandfather passed the time with some Miller Lites. By the time we get seated, he's had a bit much to drink, and decides he's mad. He refuses to order himself food, but tells me (an 11 year old) to order a 3 lb lobster. (After all, he *is* the man who taught me how to eat those yummy beasts!) So he's picking at my lobster, and eating half of his wife's dinner (but he wasn't hungry at all!), all the while wearing sunglasses inside at night, and saying "Thes ish bullshet. BULLSHET!" People are looking at us like we're insane, the poor waitress looked like she might quit on the spot, his wife is rolling her eyes and shushing him, my parents and their friends are hysterical, and me? I'm enjoying my lobster with Grandpop Lew, oblivious to it all! What did I care, I was his princess, dammit!

Funbags!?

Tonight I'm not feeling very creative, but I'm really enjoying the stuff other bloggers are writing. So, I'm going to write some related posts, sharing the twisted fun of my own stories with you. (Trackback much?) First up? The Sarcastic Journalist. If you aren't reading her blog, you should be... she's damn funny. She is having boob issues, and since she is still breastfeeding, the trips to the doctors are always fun. So... my most embarassing breastfeeding moment!
When I was still breastfeeding the twins, you can just imagine how HUGE my boobs were. Any mom who nursed can tell you how leaks will pop up at the worst possible time. Every Saturday, my best friend Amy and I would leave the kids with the hubbies, and go grocery shopping. I know, I know... it's lame, but it was a nice break for us! We always went to the commissary on Ft. Hood, which means going through a checkpoint with soldiers checking IDs. As we are pulling up to said gate, I'm driving, and don't pay any attention to the tingle in my chest telling me it's time to whip out the milk jugs. Well, I'm rolling down my window, and turn to Amy for her ID when she says "Um, Crys... you have a problem!!" (She's nursing at this point too, so at least there is sympathy) My red tank top now has 2 saucer size wet spots on the girls, making it look like a wet t shirt contest during a drought. Well, if you have never tried to drive through a checkpoint with your arms folded across your chest, you haven't lived. Even better? We were pulled to the side for a random spot check, meaning I have to get out of my car, open all doors, the trunk, and the hood, then stand there while 3 soldiers inspect my car for bombs or terrorists. Thank God Ft. Hood was protected from my leaky jugs, the could have put an eye out!

Toddlerhood

You know, I haven't been a mother too long in the scheme of things, but I'm far enough into this insanity to make a few observations. When my kids are teens I will probably look back and laugh at my current self, but this is regardless.
Carissa was discussing her 1 year old son, and how his head knocking into her's knocked out a tooth. Not just any tooth, a molar. Wow... that's some head! It made me smile a bit, because I've got an appointment with the dentist this week to repair a tooth my wonderful son broke. One too many head butts and my front tooth cracked. Great. Parenthood is bad for your teeth. Anyway, I've realized quickly that what we think is the hardest point in our children's lives is usually not. When they are babies, we PRAY for a good night's sleep, thinking it cannot possibly get any worse than this and "OMG, will the baby ever stop crying?". Fast forward to toddlerhood... you begin to wonder what in the world happened to your child, and where did this demon come from. "No" becomes the most common phrase in your house, as in "No, you cannot flush the kitty down the potty!", "No!! You are not allowed to climb up there!" "No, markers are not to be used on Mommy's carpets!" "No, we do not throw things at the ceiling fan!", etc. At this point, you pray for them to revert to babies, because you may not have been sleeping, but dammit, the kids couldn't get very far. I'm sure I will reminisce about toddlerhood when my school-aged kids are wreaking havoc on the world, and I'll just pray for valium when I have two 15 year olds learning to drive. The moral of the story (yes, folks... there IS a point!) is cherish each day with the kids, you'll soon forget about spilled oatmeal, and knocked out teeth. Unless of course, the spilled oatmeal is yours since you have no teeth to chew your food. (I can almost hear the collective swallowing of birth control pills right now!)

Haloscan

Well, I've "upgraded" my comments to Haloscan, but I have hit a little speed bump. My old comments on Blogger are gone, it says 6 comments on my last post, but those comments are nowhere to be found!! Does anyone in Blogger-world know how to fix this, or if it even can be fixed? There is a reward for any information leading to the recovery of my comments, Said reward will be named later this evening. Please contact me at cjaping at gmail dot com Thanks!

Like, OMG!!

I guess this weekend is my bitchfest, because here I go again!!
Ok, there is this woman, my age, married, has 1 child, and thinks her family is God's gift to the world. She belongs to an online group I belong to, and is incessently posting about the newest expensive ridiculous item she bought, or how high her credit score is, how much money her husband makes, etc. Oh, and she's a God fearing woman, don't you forget it! A Republican (are you shocked?), her hubby is in the service, but she still stands by her President because he doesn't like gays. And you know, gay marriage would RUIN the sanctity of her CHRISTIAN marriage. (Personally, I thought the hookers her lovely husband enjoyed overseas did that already!) "Omgosh, don't let those nasty homos marry! They could corrupt my kid! Did I mention the 3 new cars we have? And my credit score is 799!"
I could go on and on about her, and I'm not the only one. There are literally thousands of members to this board, probably about a hundred post on a regular basis, and she is the only one who drives me this insane. There are a couple women on there that I don't care for, but none are as obnoxious as this particular one. Since this is a well-regulated board, there is no flaming or rude comments allowed, so I'll have to vent my frustrations here. And if by some chance you are reading this, you now know I REALLY don't like you. I'm sure you'll get over it, just go shopping!

Unpopular

This post might actually get me hate mail, but that isn't my intent. Spc. Charles Graner was found guilty in the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse case. Personally, I think this is bullshit, plain and simple. Why? He's a lower enlisted, he is the bottom of the "food chain" so to speak. His superiors knew what their guys were doing and turned there heads. This is not at all uncommon in the Army, the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy isn't the only ostrich maneuver the service pulls. However, when it came time to fess up, the NCOs and Officers let these low ranking soldiers take the fall for them. Personally, I don't care if they abuse the detainees, they would be abused if taken POW, this isn't recess it's WAR! Killing people legally gives soldiers a God complex, where they think no one can tell them what to do, and getting shot at causes stress on a psyche most of us will never know. Combine these emotions/rationales and you have prisoner abuse. Try this: You are walking down Main street with your closest friend, when a shot rings out ans blows friend's head off. You capture the guy who shot him, but instead of going to the police, you have to keep him in custody yourself. Days and days of feeding this guy who shot your friend in front of you, looking at him and thinking about your buddy's blood on his hands. Would you be able to resist getting a few kicks in on him? How about if he had information on people trying to kill thousands of innocent people. How far would you go to save those lives? War is war... these people are trying to kill our soldiers, they are cutting the heads off our civilians, they are blowing up innocent people! Do you know anyone that died in Iraq? I know 3 good soldiers with families left behind, blown up by car bombs and improvised explosive devices. There is a damn good chance my husband will go to Iraq soon, and face the same dangers. I expect him to behave accordingly, do what it takes to get the damn job done and come home to us. The bottom line is this: A soldier's job is not to die for his country, it's to make the other motherfucker die for *his*. You do what you have to do. Ok, that's my end rant. To Spc. Graner and his family, I'm truly sorry... life's a bitch.

Where are my glasses??

You know how when you were a kid, you always thought mom had eyes in the back of her head? Like when you were sneaking a cookie before dinner, and she catches you without even turning around? Well, today in the car, I figured out why our children think that. They were sitting in their car seats, playing with toy cars, making the wheels spin. Madison says "Mommy... look!" and I hear the tires spinning on the little race car. I said (without turning around) "Good job, baby!!", which made Shane want a little praise too. "Mom! Mom! Look!" "Very good, Boo Boo!" (yes... I call him Boo Boo, so what?!) again not moving my head. I figure a few more years of that, and they will be convinced I see all. Really, I just hear all, but the effect will be the same, they will be frightened to sneak around me, thinking I'll catch them with my other eyes. What? What do you mean it won't work?! They'll figure out how to be sneakier?? Balderdash! Didn't anyone tell you? I'm Mommy, dammit!

To do lists

Christine inspired me to write this post, because she is turning 30, and compiled a short list of things to do in the future. She is asking everyone to comment with a list of their own, which I did. But since I'm 22, my list is long, and I'd rather post about it here than take up all of her space. You came here willingly, so I can bore you with details, but I'm not trying to alienate her readers! What I hope to do by age 30... Here goes!!

In no particular order, and this list is subject to change at any time:

Own a home
Take a cruise
Take the kids and N to Disney World for the first time (I've been more times than I can count, but they haven't)
Meet Cori in person
Have another baby
Travel somewhere that requires a passport
(obtain a passport!)
Get a degree in something
Own a pair of Manolo Blahniks
Live in a big city (I have always wanted to, but I really don't see it happening in the next 8 years)
Learn foreign language
Get another tattoo
Get my teeth fixed

I'm really easy to please, I guess. I'm actually incredibly spoiled, (it's all N's fault!) so I know I could have any of those things, provided we could afford it. In the meantime, Cori and I will dream about the fairies who will drop the $350 mil on my front lawn, so we can have all the things we dream of NOW!

Blog dammit!!!

I really need to get my ass in gear and blog! I just haven't felt interesting enough to entertain you nice folks, so I've been avoiding my Blogger dashboard like the plague. I promise to come up with something interesting in the next couple hours. If, for whatever reason, I cannot, I'll entertain you with stories of stupidity from my Ex. This is probably why I haven't blogged, I've been incredibly entertained (read: laughing my ass off at his expense) by the information/events of the last week. :) I know I'm evil, I can't help it!

Smiling

Today has been a good day. Madison's cast came off, the Army papers are moving along for N, and karma has finally come through for me. I will not go into details, at least not right now, but justice is finally being served on Ft. Hood TX, and it has NOTHING to do with the prisoner abuse trials going on here. Lesson?? Behave and play nice in the sandbox, karma can be a REAL BITCH!! Oh, and the moron who lives in a glass house should not throw stones!!