Why I probably won't sleep tonight

I finnaly snagged the copy of Tucker Max's book, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", (no dogtags were confiscated) and am tearing through it. I'm probably not going to be able to put it down until I finish it (Thanks, B!! You could have WARNED me!) However, I had to pause, and write this excerpt, because I laughed so hard I sent myself into a coughing fit. (Copyright: Tucker Max 2006... please don't sue me!!)

After waking up from a drunken night, as usual...


11:01am: GoldenBoy hands me his phone, and tells me to listen to the voice message. It is my voice, recorded around 2:45am. I am out of breath, and sound like I am running:
"GoldenBoy, what is your address? Where are you? I just fucked some random chick I met outside The Biltmore. Apparently she didn't pass the Bar, so she liked me. The condom broke and I got the fuck out of there as soon as I could. I'm fucked. My illigitimate kids are going to be ugly and stupid. HELP!!"

This man is evil, pure evil, so why am I so damned entertained?? I can't help it, it's like crack...