Yowch!!

I am #8 in this search. Let me say right here and now that there are no tattooed penises to be found at Insanity. Even Nate is not that crazy.

Circle of life?

I saw this outside while smoking just now. Look closely, you see that beetle in the plastic tray? That tray is sitting under a flowerpot of sand for our cigarette butts, I'm not sure how the beetle managed to get in. It was steadily walking around the tray, circling the flowerpot as if the magic doorway out would appear. I left it there to walk its endless circle, (yes, I'm that heartless toward bugs) and I'm sure it'll continue to circle until it dies. Watching it, I had to grab my camera, I was just certain there was deep meaning somewhere in there.

re-tagged

Monkey tagged me with this meme a few days ago, and I didn't realize it. I actually did this one back when I started blogging, but I figured I'd do it again rather that re-post the same answers.

3 nicknames that you have had: Crys, Cryssy, Crystal Gail
3 things you like about yourself: My eyes, my determination, my intelligence
3 things you don't like about yourself: my anxiety, my neurosis, my teeth
3 things that scare you: failing at parenting, my grandmom dying, meeting new people
3 of your everyday essentials: Coke, chapstick, cigarettes
3 things you are wearing right now: my wedding ring, a headband, my husband's hoodie (it's fucking JUNE, but the AC in the house is always frigid or not cold enough.)
3 of your favorite bands growing up: Dave Matthews Band, Bush, Green Day
2 truths and 1 lie: I have 2 children, I love them to death, I don't want any more.
3 things you can't do without: my family, Coke, my computer
3 things you most certainly can do without: laundry, noise, cat poop
3 places you want to go on vacation: Europe, the Virgin Islands, NYC
3 things you want to do before you die: raise my children, own a home, get my degree

Can't jump either.

This is NOT helping the "White people can't dance" thing. Wow. Dude... learn some moves. You do get bonus points for showing some moobs, though.

**a quick nod to Rockchild for the link

I see you!!

Hey Momsview-ers... I know you've been stopping in, so why not say hi?? Don't be shy!! Come on, your lurking makes me nervous!! Come out, come out wherever you are! *wink*

Dreams

It's good to have dreams, right? I dream of only having one load of laundry to do a day. Being able to leave the house without a $10 million production. Spending a day without anyone announcing the need to vacate their bowels. Not having to wipe anyone's ass for them. No squeals of "Mommy! Laztown's on! Look! Sporticus! LOOK MOMMY!" I dream of manicured nails, styled hair, and makeup. I dream of having my computer safe from grubby paws who mess with settings and mysterious programs.
Then again, the absence of those things that drive me so freaking crazy would mean my kids are grown, and I don't want that to happen too soon. I ponder my children and the love I feel for them on a daily basis. I wonder if my mom still feels the same way about me that I feel about my children, or if that's an emotion that dulls with time. I wonder how much longer my children will want to talk to me, before the sighs and eye rolls begin. I wonder how I'll feel when they're grown, and the sounds of laughter and joy have faded into my memory. I try and remind myself, even when I'm tired and frustrated by the trials of raising toddlers, that this time is short, soon it will be gone forever. So, dreams can wait, I've got laundry to do and butts to wipe.

Hilarious

Tim McGraw has a new single out off "Live Like You Were Dying", and the lyrics are so funny I had to share. Here's "Do You Want Fries With That?"

"Do You Want Fries With That?"

I thought that was your voice
I thought that was my car
Now we ain't ever met before
But I know who you are
You're living in my house
And I'm living in a tent
And don't laugh, this second job of mine
Is paying both our rents
You're out here buying Happy Meals
And I'm eating rice and pintos
You so much as crack a smile at me, man
I'll come through this here window

Well you took my wife
And you took my kids
And you took that life
That I used to live
My pride, the pool, the boat, my tools, my dreams, the dog, the cat
Yeah I think that's just about everything
Oh I almost forgot
Do you want fries with that?

Your ketchup's in the bag
And a check is in the mail
I hope your chicken's raw inside
And I hope your bun is stale
I'm supposed to tell you
"Please come back"
But how bout this instead?
I hope you both choke on a pickle
Man, that would tickle me to death
I don't know what you're waiting on
You're holding up the line
Oh man, you ain't got no change coming back
Are you out of your mind?

Well you took my wife
And you took my kids
And you took that life
That I used to live
My pride, the pool, the boat, my tools, my dreams, the dog, the cat
Yeah I think that's all there is
Do you want fries with that?

Well you took my wife
And you took my kids
And you took that life
That I used to live
My pride, the pool, the boat, my tools, my dreams, the dog, the cat
Yeah I think that about covers it
Do you want fries with that?

Jim posted a picture of his 80s hair, so I said I'd post a picture of myself in the 80s. Ok, so I'm being a smartass here, but I know Jim will still love me. Er... maybe not, but this is payback for making me wait for the moobs.

Here's me practicing for the teen years.

Here's a bonus pic, because I'm so amused by this one. It's totally me to be sulking at my own birthday party... I'm such a drama queen!



I'm going to sit an stare at my natural hair color now, because I had forgotten what it looked like!

Joke?? UPDATED

Is the whole Geekbird crisis at Simply Complicated a joke? Mimi, are you in on this? It appears Geekbird, a troll at SC, hacked Mimi's site, deleted a bunch of her posts, and has taken her blog hostage. Wow.

**update: Mimi's back, go tell her we're glad to see her.

Insomniac Theater

I don't really have much to say today. The insomnia bug bit me last week, and it reached a point Friday where I thought I was going to die. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who let me sleep all Saturday morning. He got up with the kids, and quietly gave them each a 2 dollar bill (we had a couple on our dresser), then took them to the bakery. He let them pick out their own donuts and milk, and then pick out donuts and milk for mommy. They got to pay the lady at the counter, and keep their change. I almost wish I had been there to witness all the cuteness, but my morning of sleep was so wonderful! Anyway, the result of my weekend is I really have no blog fodder. I'll try and update later.

More on neighborhood terror

6 and 7 year olds certainly do not have the right to roam freely, and I don't handle disrespect from children very well. If my kids ever spoke to an adult (or even child) the way those 2 boys talked to me, my husband, and another neighbor (in seperate incidents) they would promptly get their mouths smacked. People, for the love of god, TEACH YOUR CHILDREN RESPECT AND MANNERS! It shouldn't be hard, after all, my mom told me "Kids willl learn what they see. If you use your manners, they will too." Oh, I guess I just figured out the "problem".

**Thanks mom, for teaching me basic manners. I appreciate it.

Leaving marks

Here's the hilarious part of Nate's sunburn.





You see, that handprint is really there to stay. My best guess is he put his hand like that after slathering sunscreen on the kids, as evidenced by the creases in the fingers. Either way, it's turning tan, and is too priceless not to share.

Why I should live in seclusion

I grew up with very few neighbors that weren't blood relatives. My great-grandparents gave chunks of adjacent land to my mom, uncle, and their cousins so everyone lives within walking distance of each other. The other neighbors are families that have lived there as long as our family, generations of friends, and mutual respect for the most part. This spoiled me, because I've discovered in my adult life that most people don't know how to be good neighbors. Military housing is an interesting beast, every military housing area is it's own soap opera. You know who is cheating, you know who drinks too much, you know pretty much exactly how much everyone makes, so you can tell when someone is racking up debt. There aren't too many secrets, just lots of gossip. Anyway, pretty much everyone on my street is ignorant, with the exception of one woman I've become friends with. I know, you're thinking "Damn, that's harsh, aren't you being a little critical?" Well no, I'll explain. My next door neighbor with whom I share a driveway is first up. Our houses aren't attached, but our carport is, and our doors face each other. Within hours of moving in, her boys started ringing our doorbell. "Can the kids come out? Can we come in? Do you have pets? Can we see them? Why can't we do this? How about now?" and so it goes. These boys are too old to play with my kids, they are 6 and 7. Their dad is in Iraq, and mom sits inside with her infant son, while the older boys run free all day. Minor irritation, right? It gets better. They ride their bikes in the very small space between our cars, inevitably hitting out van with handlebars and the such. Their toys creep from their property to our, often found littering our lawn, our porch, our driveway. They climb all over stuff, not to mention the time Mom came to ask Nate to fetch the middle boy from the top of a neighbor's tree. These are total pain in the ass kids, no matter how hard I try to like them. Then there is Mom. Besides completely ignoring the boys and their obnoxious behaviors, she expects everyone else to do everything for her, including watch, care for, and feed her children. Current aggrivation? Her grass. You have to have your lawn neatly cut and clean, or pay a ticket from housing. Her lawn looks abandoned, weeds knee high, it's just a mess. **Sigh** It looks so lovely.
My neighbors on the other side have teenage boys (among other kids, I can't keep track) who think my yard is a soccer field, my house the goal post, my property their playground. They have a fenced yard, not to mention the million playgrounds nearby, and the basketball court in their front drive. Across the street? One neighbor has 3 vehicles, 2 of which are old and junky. You can't park on their side of the street, but can easily fit 2, if not 3 cars in the driveway. Nope, both junky cars are parked outside my house. Thanks. The other neighbor seems like a nice family, but all hell breaks loose when mom and dad are at work, and the teen daughter entertains 3 teen boys, partying on the front porch.
Almost every family on our block seems to think teaching children respect for other's property is pointless, and have given their children the go ahead to act like wild chimpanzees. Things like criminal mischief, trespassing, and rudeness are commonplace to them. It's going to be a long summer, and I don't expect to attend too many block parties.

Sunrise?!

Hi, I'm Crystal, and I'm not a morning person. As a matter of fact, I' would sleep until noon EVERY day if pesky matters such as life didn't get in the way.I've been this way since I was a baby, my own mother will swear to it. So, imagine my surprise when I woke up an hour ago, and was wide awake. Especially since I was chatting with Cori last night, and forgot about the little difference we call TIME ZONES, looked at the clock and it's 1:47am. Just over 4 hours sleep, and I cannot go back to bed. This is not me! I can sleep 12 hours and keep on going! Something tells me that come dinnertime I'm going to be sucking. Oh, well... I need a Coke.

**Editor's note: The last time I saw 6am I hadn't been to bed yet. Seriously.

I'm just saying

I'm a Philadelphia 76ers fan, but we all know they weren't playing in the finals, so I'm very happy for the Spurs. I was definitely rooting for them over Detroit, I'm not a Pistons fan by any stretch. Anyway, the MVP award. Tim Duncan is a good player, but the award should have gone to Robert Horry. Really, Horry deserved it. That is all.

Black for funerals, and exams

**This post is all crap, most of which you don't care to read or think about. I actually sat here for e few minutes trying to decide whether or not to hit publish, but fuck it, might as well. Then again, we're all so captivated by certain bloggers and their bowel movements, this can't be worse than that. Proceed at your own risk**

Prepare your nicest black clothes, I think I'm dying. Really, I'm certain my time has come, exhibited by the nightly 3am wake-up. Every night, after I go to sleep, suddenly awake, and toss around in bed like a fish on land for a couple hours. Fine, I could deal with that. Then, after feeling like Grade A Shit yesterday, I went to bed, woke up, and puked up everything I'd eaten in the last 3 days. Isn't that fun?? Yay for puking!! Maybe it's sympathy puking for her, or maybe I'm really just gonna die. As if that wasn't exciting enough, I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. (Boys: Close your eyes and stick your fingers in your ears, LALALALALA) Not the fun doctor to make the puking stop, no... this is my yearly exam with the "woman doctor". Yay for spectulums!! Anyway, there are currently ads running on the radio for prostate cancer awareness, telling men to get checked. Nate freaks out at this concept. "I don't want to let the doctor stick his finger up my butt!!" My answer to this is "I will spend the majority of my life letting a doctor go exploring in my cooch every year. You'll take the finger up the butt and like it, dammit. It's only after age 45 or so, where I've been going to the gyno since I was SIXTEEN, and will for a few more decades. Shut up." I'm such a nice, loving wife, huh? (Cue evil, cackling laugh)

OCD, OCD, OCD!

I'm thinking we need to buy stock in Bounty and Windex, because I'm having some trouble cleaning the bathrooms. Our house has tiled walls in both baths (full upstairs, half down) The only way I have found to clean them to even a marginally acceptable level is Windex. I say "marginally acceptable" because anyone who has ever lived in military housing knows it's impossible to get anything really clean. There are layers upon layers of painted dirt, and the painting was apparently done by drunken monkeys, demonstrated by the splatters on EVERY floor, moulding, door, and window. Anyway, I digress. What's your secret to keeping tile clean? The all-purpose cleaner I used left a gritty residue, so I went to the glass cleaner, which works ok. I need more bleach pens for the grout, so I'll have to remember to never do the tiles and grout on the same day, lest Nate come home to find me passed out from fumes. I hear the cheap alternative to using daily shower spray is plain ol' rubbing alcohol, since that is the main ingredient in the pricey Tilex-type spray. I may have to give that a shot, because I refuse to spend an arm and a leg on cleaners. *sigh* My other dillema is the hardwood floors, which have a waxy build up that is probably older than I am. Hardwood cleaner just sits on top, and smears around, rather than cleaning. I hate dirty floors, so this is distressing to me. My dream is to build our own home, so the only dirt in it is our dirt, I can deal with our dirt. Of course, being able to decorate as I choose will be nice too. Nate's owned his own home before, but I haven't, and I swear the first thing I'll do is paint a room some insane color, just because I can. Until then, I'll have to occupy myself with my quest against the yuck in here. Wish me luck, and share your cleaning tips!

More boobs!!

Ok, no more boob pictures, but we'll talk about them. First, my "secret" for you ladies who (like me) have sacrificed your boobs to pregnancy/breastfeeding. Victoria's Secret Very Sexy Push-up. After buying this bra post-nursing, I have never looked back, this is the BEST BRA EVER!!! (See? Lots of caps and exclamation points needed, it really is that good!) Completely and totally worth $40, and considering I'm a complete cheapskate, that's something.
Secondly, after taking a good look at the sunburn pics I posted, I've decided I need to buy more of these tanks, they make "the girls" look nice. I'll actually have to lift my personal boycott* on JCPenneys for that, since I got them on sale there. However, the pics were not a ploy to show off my boobs, they just happened to have the misfortune of getting the worst burn. (Well, on me at least, poor Nate is a LOBSTER)
In "Not boobs" news, scroll down to the next post about Autisim Awareness, and go donate for the raffle. Please, and thank you!!

*The boycott came from a sudden change in my credit card terms, and when I called to discuss it, the rep was not only extremely rude, but lied flat out, and I told her to close my account. I later received an apology from another rep, but I had already made it up in my mind not to shop there, since apparently the money I spent with them didn't even entitle me to some common courtesy.

Raffle for Autism Awareness

Rachel over at Bitchalicious is holding a raffle for Autism Awareness. Winner gets a re-design by Web-Divas (or an amazon.com giftcard). This is an important cause, and certainly worth a dollar or 2. Go there please, if you haven't already, and Paypal your donation.

Besides Boobs... Monday happenings

Nate came home for lunch with a blackened fingernail. Yum. He dropped something on his hand, apparently. Anyway, about halfway through lunch he mentions he thinks it's broken. Fun!! Of course, telling the man to take a Motrin and go to the doctor is like talking to a wall.
Typical conversation in the Insanity household
"I have a headache."
"Did you take some Motrin?"
"No."
"You get no pity from me until you take some Motrin. Sorry"

Anyway, he went back to work, and decided to see the medic. They splinted his finger and sent him to the ER, he may need to see an orthopedic surgeon. Fun!! Mind you, during his previous enlistment, he tore off the tip of his ring finger while in the field (not completely off, just most of the way), and had to have it re-attached. His poor fingers are going to go on strike. Keep your (healthy) fingers crossed for him, hopefully this will just be a fracture.

**Update**
The radiologist doesn't think it's broken, but he'll have to follow up with the Ortho tomorrow. They did puncture the nail to drain off the blood, Nate says he's feeling 10 times better now.

We had a blast this weekend at the pool, but there were casualties. Nate is badly sunburned, thanks to his light coloring and German genes. I came out ok, though my chest and back took a hit. This is day 3, and I'm still pretty red, the pain didn't register until last night.
Yowch!!

The coolest readers

I definitely have the coolest readers in Blogland. I so appreciate you guys commenting and cheering me up!! We're having some great weather, so we've been at the pool and are heading back out to play in the yard. Updates tonight, and in the meantime **muah** y'all are the best!

You looking at me?!

Ok, so the sweetest moment, and proudest moment requests will not be filled tonight. I promise to get to them soon. Truth is, I'm in a shitty mood, and try as I might I cannot come up with anything nice to write, even a nice memory. While I'm not actually mad at you, my lovely readers, I do have a bone to pick here. My stats died this week, the funeral will be tomorrow afternoon, because DAMN! Where did everyone go? And for those few who have popped in, only a couple have bothered to say "Hi!" Come on now, you wouldn't take a tour of my house and not say hello to us would you? So comment, even if it's just this once, because my mood could use a bit of cheer. Seriously, those who live around me will thank you.

Requests: Round 6!!

Sleeping Mommy asked about my most embarassing moment, my sweetest moment, and my proudest moment. I can honestly say I have blocked a few of my more embarassing moments, but we'll start there. Actually, this moment happened while I was intoxicated, but was later relayed to me, so I'll have to trust in the re-telling I received. I was arguing with someone, so pissed off that I was seeing red. Well, in order to piss this person off I decided I was going to kick their car. The grass was wet from rain, and I was already off balance thanks to my not-so-sober state, so I reared back my leg, and kicked with all my might. My feet slipped out from under me, much like Charlie Brown when Lucy pulled away the football, and I ended up flat on my back. The car's owner and a couple other people were watching, I'm sure it was hilarious for them, the crazy, angry chick falling on her ass. Another one, which I was sober for and do recall happened at a concert when I was in high school. In Philadelphia there is a yearly festival put on by Y100, a local radio station. It's called the FEZtival, they have a bunch of bands come out, and it's an all day affair. Well, this particular year the "headliners" were the Mighty, Mighty Bosstones, Green Day, and Everclear. In the evening, as the Bosstones were coming on, it started to rain, so my cousin, her boyfriend (now husband), my boyfriend, and I snuck in from the open grass area to the covered seating. No one would really say anything, because Jeff, (my cousin's then-boyf) had his right arm in a cast from a motorcross accident, set in a right angle from his body. Anyway, during Green Day's set Billy Joe took off his pantys, and was playing "Time Of Your Life", acoustic, in leopard print bikini underwear, while Tre Cool burned his drumset. Once in a lifetime scene, right? Well, I'm 5' 2", and we were all the way in the back of the seating area, so I stood up on the seat to see. The seats were the stadium seats that fold back, and you guessed it... the seat folded with me standing on it, and I went tumbling backwards. The guy sitting a couple rows back tried to reach out and catch me, but I still ended up on my ass, on the concrete between the rows. Jeff obviously couldn't help me, my boyfriend, and cousin, were too busy cracking up, and I'm flailing about trying to get out of the space I'm wedged into. I swear I wasn't drunk, or high, though no one around me believed me after that.
Well, that's about all the embarassment I can handle today. Sweetest and proudest moments coming later today.

Requests: Round5!!

Cori wanted me to post a picture of my new haircut, so here it is! It actually looks really cute curled, but I'm having a bad hair day, so I'll show you curls some other time.

Requests: Round 4!!

Cori asked about my pregnancy, how I felt when I found out I was carrying twins, any complications, and funny tidbits.
I found out I was pregnant about 5 weeks after my wedding. We were totally unprepared for a child. 9/11 was 3 days before my wedding, we were living in South Florida, only minutes away from the anthrax cases, the whole environment was scary, and my ex-husband was military, so we weren't sure where we were headed in life. Still, I'd never been so excited about anything in my life, and happily went about making my first appointment with the OB. I was the main breadwinner (read: supporting my ex-husband's lazy ass) because my ex was in the Guard and had lost his full time job. We decided he should go Active Duty, supplying us with steady income and insurance, but it meant moving to TX. The day before he left for TX we went in for an appointment, and the doctor said "Are you sure about your dates?" I told him I was, I knew very well when my last period had ended, because it was the day before my wedding. (We ladies wouldn't forget that, white dress + period= stress!) He mentioned to us that I was mesuring a few weeks ahead, and took us to the ultrasound room. As soon as he put the doppler on my belly, we saw 2 heads. There was a moment of "No, way!!" looks, while we waited for the doctor to confirm what we were seeing. Sure enough, 2 babies, both healthy, I was 17 weeks pregnant, just as I had said. Most of my pregnancy was uneventful, I moved to TX 7 weeks after that ultrasound, and met the doctor who would care for me the rest of the pregnancy. At 25 weeks, while in for a routine exam, I was sent for a non-stress test. I was contracting 6 minutes apart, and dialated 3 cm. The contractions stopped after some rest and water, and I was put on full bedrest. I had weekly appointments for the rest of the pregnancy, and prepared for a c-section because Twin A (Shane) was breech. I was due on June 16th, but they fully expected me to deliver much earlier. My ex was sent to California for the entire month of May, and I was terrified. I was stuck on bedrest, completely alone in TX, and had a pit bull to care for. I was sure I'd end up in L&D alone, my worst nightmare. One day Kylie (the dog) got away from me, and was running around the parking lot in the apartment complex. It's hotter than Hades, I'm so very pregnant, and chasing after a playful, stir-crazy dog. Thank god, a really nice stranger stopped to help the crazy, pregnant lunatic, and we got Kylie back into the house. Shortly after that incident, I had to go grocery shopping, and was waiting at the check point to get on post. The soldier who was checking my ID looked down at my belly (I was wearing a tight tank top from Motherhood), jumped back a little, and said "OH MY GOD! I saw it move!! Did that HURT?!?!" I couldn't help but laugh, as this young soldier had probably never seen such a belly, and may have sworn off kids at that point. My grandmom came out from FL to stay with me during the last 2 weeks of May, and was determined to send me into labor. You know how older generations can give you some strange advice? She kept telling me to go sit on the toilet, and push, until my water broke. Um, that didn't seem like such a good idea. My ex finally came home on May 31st, just in time for me to go into labor on Monday, June 3rd, at 38.5 weeks pregnant. Shane Jacob was born at 9:09pm weigh 5lbs 10oz, and Madison Elizabeth came 2 minutes later, weighing 4lbs 14 oz.

Requests: Round 2!!

In addition to some pictures, Christine requested the story of my first kiss. Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't remember my first kiss ever (I've probably fried those brain cells) so I'll share with you my first kiss with Nate.

We met in September 2003, because we were both new sales reps at a car dealership. We had seen each other in meetings and on the lot, and one morning I came in to find him sitting at my desk. He said "Hey! I'm moving in!" (there were not enough desks on the sales floor, some of us had to share) and he did. Well, 12 hours a day spent together, we took our cigarette breaks together, etc. Finally he convinced me to come out to a club that he bounced at, so one of my friends and I went out Friday after work. He was working, so he couldn't really talk to us, other than stopping on his way around the floor to say hi. He kept asking me if I was going to give him a kiss before the night was over, much flirting ensued. (At this point I had to ask him, because that whole weekend was kinda blurry to me, drama with the friend who was there and her boy trouble LOL)
Well, at closing time, I gave him a quick kiss and promised to wait outside while he helped clean up. He came out after closing up, and we kissed again before leaving. (Separately, I'm not THAT easy!!) The rest, as they say, is history.

Requests: Round 1!!!

Here is round one of the requests...


First up, for Monkey: some pictures of the kids...


Shane today


Madison today


Shane October 2004


Maddie October 2004


And as newborns in their incubator

I don't have any pics on my hard drive of N's tattoos, but I'll take some this afternoon when he gets off work.


For Christine: I don't have night tables, but here is a picture of some of the junk on top of my dresser.


Keep those requests coming, and check back for more later today!!

Breathing, still.

I am alive and well. I will update tomorrow. Just. So. BUSY!
Also, I want to thank everyone who reads this site, or has me linked. We were talking at the Genuine Bash about how many of us started with the mindset of "No one will ever even read this!!" I know I did. Now, when I see my TTLB, my hit counter, and most of all my COMMENTS (hint, hint: comment, dammit!) I'm truely amazed. I don't know why y'all come back for more of my mindless drivel, but I'm tickled when you do. Now, in honor of Christine, I'm going to do requests. It can be a post topic, a picture, whatever you want, ask and you shall receive. Either comment here, or email me at cjaping at gmail dot com. Would you like fries with that?

Another Birthday Wish

Today is my husband's birthday. I sat thinking about life, and the sacrifices Nate makes for ours, I couldn't ask for a better husband. He had always wanted to be a fireman, but sometimes life has different plans. When he graduated HS, he had already enlisted in the Army, and just shy of 18 he left his family and friends to go to basic training. A year spent alone in Korea, an 18 year old kid, becoming a man in a far away country. Back stateside, he worked hard at being a soldier, going above and beyond to acheive extra honors and awards. Top of his PLDC (primary leadership development course), Expert Infantryman Badge, countless honors and medals, because to my husband, it's not worth doing if you aren't going to give it your all. Eventually, he left the military, and began to follow his childhood dream, to fight fires. You see, the thing about fireman is their bravery. They run into burning buildings when everyone else is running out, they face the dangers of an tempermental beast, risking their own lives to save the lives of strangers. This was when I met him, just after he graduated from EMT school and was preparing to take his licensing exams. Our lives changed, and so did our dreams, and the fireman in him again pushed to do something most people feared. Right now most people won't even consider joining the Army, knowing it's almost a sure ticket to Iraq. Soldiers who are in are desperate to get out, and to get as far away from the service as possible.Nate has had friends die in Iraq, soldiers he has trained, and even the man who took his place in his old unit. Still, he fought tooth and nail to get back in, to face the dangers and the hardships so he could give us all a better life. 27 years ago a hero was born, and for that I'm grateful. We love you, hon. Thank you for everything you do... Happy Birthday Nate!

See??

(my apologies for the blurry display, this was the best screenshot I could get)

Check out my lovely forcast, with thunderstorms through Tuesday, at least. Now, I realize there is a tropical storm/hurricane in the Gulf right now, these storms we're having are unrelated, so I probably shouldn't bitch too much. (though I'd personally take a hurricane over a tornado any day, but that's because I'm used to them) To all my friends and family (well... my family doesn't read this blog, to my knowledge) in the Southern states, please be careful, stop in when you can to let us know you are ok. Don't be stubborn, evacuate if you need to! Oh, and send me a raft, please... I think I need it. :)

Calling all photogs!!

I'm having some issue with my digital, and I'm wondering if any of you wonderful bloggers can tell me what's up. The images are looking quite pixelated, shots taken in optical zoom (I rarely use my digital zoom) all different ranges, different lighting, stills, action, night. They have all been poor, the edges of the subjects have noticable jags. Any ideas?? In case it matters, I'm using a Canon G2, usually in auto mode, flash on, and I have a compact flash memory.

In other news, we may float away tonight. More storms, it never stops storming here, and we've gotten a couple inches of rain in the last 24 hours. I saw an ark float by about an hour ago, we haven't received our boarding passes yet. We're fairly sure we'll need to paddle out of our driveway tomorrow, unless the van floats off during the night. How do people stand it in Kansas?!

Deja Vu

I had the strangest moment this morning. Last night, at 1:30am, I had to take Madison to the ER. She's fine, but she had punctured the back of her mouth with a toothbrush at bed time, and we didn't realize how bad it was until she woke up in pain, so I took her in. The doc said it'll just have to heal on it's own but gave us Motrin and Tylenol, as well as antibiotics to prevent an infection. Anyway, you can imagine we were all tired after our long night. Nate left this morning for 24 hour duty, and had changed my alarm when he changed his. He said goodbye and gave me a kiss when he left, and I went back to sleep, no contacts so I had no idea of the time. All of a sudden, he was leaning in to give me another kiss. I said "Didn't we already do this? What are you doing here?" He informed me it was 11:30, and he was home for lunch!!! The alarm had never gone off again, and we had storms so my bedroom was still dark. Well, I got to sleep in, but felt SO shitty, since I sleep like the dead, and the kids were surely up at 8 or 9 playing in their room the whole morning. *Sigh* I'm so not up for mom of the year.

Late fees?? We don't need no stinking late fees!

Dear Company-I-Dislike-Very-Much,

I'm so glad to be done with you, the magnitude of your asshat-ness is simply amazing. That being said, I'm trying to pay my final bill to you so I can destroy all of the papers in the "You" file. It's due today, and I received it yesterday, because you failed to process my change of address. When I call you to pay I get disconnected. It happened 6 times over the last 24 hours. When I finally got through to a rep this afternoon, she disconnected me again. I'm not going to continue to waste my valuable cell minutes to listen to your recording trying to sell me something. I'll mail the payment in the morning, and I'll be damned if I'm paying any late fees. I should charge you late fees, but of course it doesn't work that way. Please accept my payment, and shove the check squarely up your ass.

Thank you,
Crystal A.

**editor's note: Cori asked which company it is, since I have a lengthy list of companies I hate. It's Nextel. She's right, there are a few companies on my shit list, but rightfully so. Poor customer service is one of my biggest pet peeves, and it seems to be a trend for WAY too many big companies. One that I've had for years, and am very happy with is Directv. See?? I don't hate *everybody*!!

The kids on their bikes...  




In the living room during the storm







How can anything that makes children so happy be called a "weed"?









Our "new" van!!

Weekend Update

What a weekend we had!! It rained all day on the kids' birthday, so they couldn't even enjoy their presents, brand new big kid bikes! They were wearing their new helmets inside all day, and Madison went upstairs to go to the bathroom. I hear her say "I love you, helmet!!" and then a kiss. If that doesn't make you smile you are a robot! It was a pretty uneventful birthday, I made a cake for each of them, we had their favorite food (PIZZA!), and pretty much sat around waiting for the storms to pass. We'd been having problems with our car, and had decided it was time to get rid of it. We spent Saturday at the dealership, and we bought a 2002 Dodge Grand Caravan. Do you know how happy I am to be a minivan momma? I never thought I'd say that, but the time had definitely come, because the 4 of us in a Jetta was NOT WORKING! Oh, and I used to really like the VW diesels, but after the major problems we had with that Jetta, I'll never buy another German car again. I'm looking forward to a brand newToyota or Honda when this van is paid off. Sunday was uneventful, we spent it playing and relaxing after the whirlwind of the previous 48 hours. The kids in this neighborhood piss me off, but that's another post for another day.
That brings us to today, which started off in crappy Monday fashion. Madison woke up acting funny, but I figured she was just cranky and made them breakfast. She wouldn't eat... though this isn't entirely unusual with her. I went outside to smoke while they ate, and all of a sudden she was standing at the screen door, not looking very good. 2 coughs, and then the vomiting. Poor thing was dry-heaving since she was on an empty stomach. She was fine by mid-morning, but not before I made a frantic call to Cori (She's SUCH AN AWESOME FRIEND!!), because I've been very lucky so far, my kids have never thrown up before. We decided a little Gatorade for now, see what happens. She's back to her normal self. So... how was your weekend?

And don't worry... I'll post pictures of the highlights shortly.

Thank you!!!

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for the birthday wishes!! It's been a productive and busy weekend, I'll be catching up here tonight.

3 years

3 Years ago today, I became a mother. My world changed and I was blessed with not just one, but TWO happy, healthy babies. Even now, as I write this, I'm struggling to come up with the words, because there is no greater wonder in this world than the birth of a child.
Shane Jacob, you are my son, my "first born" in only the most technical sense. You cried for only a moment as you came into this world, and I cried with you. You were a wonderful baby, you loved nothing more than a good meal, and cuddling with your mommy or your sister. You have always been my loving little guy, you will hug anyone who will let you, and you'll never turn down a kiss. Your laughter is the most amazing sound, a belly laugh with such pure joy that one can't help laugh with you. You are a sensitive and caring boy, you always want to help others, and I hope that never changes. You are a determined little man, you took your time learning to speak, but now that you can you demand to be heard. You're inquisitive nature, and stubborn streak make for some trying times, but no matter how frustrated we get, I'll always love you.

Madison Elizabeth,
You are my princess in every way. You are so much like me it is almost painful to see, but you make me proud. Your first glimpse of the world was greeted with indignance, how dare we disturb you?! No cries, and my heart stopped for a moment, until the doctor told me you were perfectly fine, just quiet. You were my fussy baby, you didn't scream, you just let us know you were royalty and demanded our attention. You are mischeivous, you push the limits only because you usually have everyone wrapped around your finger. You are beautiful, your perfect little face can melt any heart. Your headstrong personality is amazing, you've learned so much, and taught us a few things along the way. You have music in your blood, there is never a moment when you aren't singing or dancing, you love to entertain. I cherish every song, every sweet little kiss, your mommy will always be your biggest fan.

I simply cannot express how much I love you both, and how proud I am to be your mommy. Happy Birthday!!!

Beaten and tortured...

First let me say the "soldier" who (allegedly) committed this act should be beaten and tortured. But... that's not my point here. From the Killeen Daily Herald, Killeen, TX (staff reports, no author cited)

GATESVILLE — Spc. Michael Larkin, the soldier indicted in March on charges of attempted aggravated kidnapping and aggravated sexual assault stemming from an incident at a Copperas Cove elementary school, could be required to wear an electronic monitoring device if he is released from the Army.

According to court documents, officials for the military believe that Larkin, 22, of Killeen, could be a flight risk if he is released from the military pending the decision of a military board meeting Friday which could relieve him of his military duties.

Bond amendments were approved Wednesday in the court of 52nd District Judge Phillip Zeigler.

Larkin allegedly entered Hettie Halstead Elementary School on March 9 in Cove and waited in a girl’s bathroom, where he then reportedly inappropriately touched a 7-year-old female student.

Larkin, a member of Company A, 15th Main Support Battalion, 1st Cavalry Division at Fort Hood, was arrested March 9 and is out on $40,000 bond. He was indicted in March.

According to court records, following the incident Larkin was placed on restriction by his chain of command, banning him from leaving designated areas on Fort Hood.

According to an affidavit, Larkin was seen leaving and returning to the military post on two separate occasions in violation of the restrictions.

Additional bond conditions include restricting Larkin from leaving the state of Texas without permission from the court.

He is not to be any place where children congregate and is to remain at a residence in Killeen at all times, with the exceptions of attending church and legal and medical appointments.

Ok, first off, some background. Ft. Hood is next to Killeen, TX. The western part of the base is next to Copperas Cove, but none of the main entrances lead directly to Cove. Some soldiers do, however, live there. Regardless of that, this was during school hours, which are duty hours for the military in most cases. Why wasn't this "soldier" (I use that term loosely here) at work? Let's just say he was on leave. HOW DID HE GET INTO THE SCHOOL?! In addition, how the fuck did he get into a girl's bathroom in an elementary school unnoticed?? Who is protecting the children? I'm outraged by this whole incident, mainly because we send our kids off to school thinking they are safe, and yet some young guy with no reason to be there walks into the school, and then into a girls bathroom, and molests a little girl, without being noticed? HELLO?! Now that the military is about to put him out, the courts need to revoke his bond. He's already violated military restriction, what's to stop him from violating bond?

Positioning

For the last 29 minutes and counting, I've been on my cell listening to the same classical song on loop (I believe it's Bumblebees or something like that) with an inturruption every 20 seconds to say "You're position in the queqe is 1". I'm trying desperately to get an appointment with a doctor, they are booked up through June, and not yet setting appointments for July, and I'm screwed. My position when I called 30 minutes ago was 1, and apparently it's not planning on moving. At this rate my bill is going to be outrageous. Someone please shoot me. OOOOOOHHHHH! I'm about to speak to an agent!! Happy day! Well, nevermind, that clinic can't help me, I have to go to my PCM first. I LOVE MILITARY HEALTH CARE!!!! Back on hold.

ATTENTION!!!

Melonie, of Insanity Reigns... please email me darlin'. I would have commented on your site, but can't, so I hope you read this!! Thank you.

Ears

I'm constantly telling N "Stop picking!" because he picks at his cuticles and fingernails. He's often telling me the same because I tend to pick at my skin. (Yes, I KNOW it's a nasty habit... shut up!!) Tonight I was deep in thought, and picking at my chin when Madison piped up with "Mommy!! Stop picking!!" *sigh* Too smart for her own good...

To Whom It May Concern

When I agreed to take this job, I don't think this is exactly what I signed up for. I'd like to resign my position. What do you mean I can't?? Says who?? Oh. Shit. Can I at least get a raise? A couple of vacation days? I'll settle for a mental health day or two. Come on, anything? Shit. I think I'm going to sleep under my desk now... where are those earplugs?

Cancellations Notice

To: Shane and Madison
From: Mommy

Re: Your Birthday

This is your final warning. Your birthday tomorrow Friday (see? you've gotten me so upset I forgot what today is!!) will be canceled if your current insubordinant behavior continues. Stop acting like asses, or there will be no cake and presents. I mean it!!