Looking back

I was looking through my archives, back to posts from over a year ago, and decided I was a much more interesting blogger back then. Does that mean it's time to call it quits? My life has changed so much in just over a year, and almost every change has been for the better, but somehow my writing has gone to crap. Hmmmm....

The winner is...

The Winner of the Idiot of the Month for May 2006 is... the My Space Arsonists. Hey dumbasses, just about everyone has the internet now. Duh!

How to paralyze me

I'm in the bathroom, minding my own business and straightening my hair, when I see a spider below the mirror, and it looks an awful lot like a brown recluse. They are common in this area, I was first introduced to these horrible creatures in TX. I don't like ANY spiders, I'm pretty much deathy afraid of them. So, I'm now paralyzed in my bathroom, texting Nate because OMG there is a recluse on the wall. He says "I'll kill it when I get home" (over an hour from now), but what if it moves between now and then?? I finally grab a giganormous wad of paper towels, and do the spider in myself, but now I have to pee and am WAY to afraid to use either bathroom. Great. I'm so not going to sleep tonight, we've been seeing WAY too many spiders lately. Oh, and to actually identify spiders as brown recluses you have to check their EYES, because the violin marking on their backs can be mistaken. Um, do ya THINK I'm getting that up close and personal with this wretched creature? Fuck no!! The best part? The bathroom this fucker was in is where all of my make up and hair stuff is, so I'm afraid to even look in my makeup bag. I hate spiders. **shudder**

Rescue Me (Spoiler alert if you haven't seen it yet!!!)

OH. MY. GOD!!!!!! The last few minutes, when we watched Janet (who I think is an evil, heartless whore anyway) get into bed, and saw the guy's arm, I thought "It can't possibly be... he wouldn't... would he?" I just knew it was Tommy's brother. I only know 2 other people who are as big of fans as I am, my BIL and a friend here in KS. (N hates the show, it makes him miss firefighting) My BIL had called me during the first five minutes, to make sure I was watching. DUH!!! I've been waiting 6 months or so for this!!! So then, when you see who Janet is sleeping with, my friend B and I must have had the same thought, because we instantly text messaged each other in disbelief. As I was texting "OMG I KNEW IT!!! WHAT A WHORE!!!!" my phone buzzed with "OH FUCK!!!" I'm STILL in shock, and I can't wait until Tommy finds out. He's going to lose his shit.
Is anyone else totally hoping Lou pulls through this? My heart is broken for him, he should have seen it coming a mile away, but still... And Garretty fucking Tommy's sister? Who cares?? Not me! They are both idiots, and she is such an afterthought character, it's irrelavant. However, Susan Sarandon joining the show? WOW!!!!! I don't know how I'll make it through the week!

Big Brother

Last night we had some serious thunderstorms, and after a particularly loud clap I went to check on the kids. I opened the door, and saw Mads was a little scared, so I went to comfort her. Shane looked at us from his side of the room and said "It's just rain, right Mommy? So the birds can have something to drink!!" My heart definitely melted, it was his way of showing his sister there was nothing to be afraid of. He then got into bed with Madison and made sure she wasn't scared for the rest of the night. They will be 4 in a couple days, my babies are growing up...

Memorial Day

Thank a soldier today, and take a moment out of your Memorial Day celebrations to remember those who serve now, those who have served in the past, and those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice, FOR YOU. Kelly, from Mom Is Nutz, has posted the list of confirmed deaths during the current Iraq conflict, please take a moment today to remember these men and women, and the loved ones they left behind.

RIP Randy, you are not forgotten.

KASEY WINS!!

copyright Getty Images 2006

Kasey Kahne just beat out Jimmy Johnson to win his 4th Nextel Cup race in the Coca Cola 600, his first ever win at Lowes Motor Speedway (informally nicknamed Jimmy's track, because of his multiple wins there), AND become the first Dodge driver to win this race since Richard Petty, in 1977! To top it all off, this is the first of his wins that he had not started in the pole position, a major victory. YAY!!!
Ok, I'll stop with my NASCAR rambling now, I'm just overjoyed with Kasey's WIN!!!!

Remember when??

Here are a few blast from the pasts. The most ironic part is someone has KEPT these products all this time, and now sells them on Ebay.

First up, Orbitz drink... remember this? It was gross, but oh so intriguing!

If Orbitz wasn't your thing, perhaps you liked Crystal Pepsi (I should add that I personally hate Pepsi, and boycott their products, because of Bill O'Reilly.)

At least there isn't anyone selling the ACTUAL Pepsi Kona, but here's a promo tee, in case you forgot this gem existed.

How about some non-edible products...
Nintendo, the original, anyone remember Paper Boy? I loved that game.

Color change shirts, the ones you touched and they would change color?

Well, that's it for the walk down memory lane for now, what products can you think of?

The Devil's Concoction

I have decided that Goldschlager is the devil in a bottle. I don't drink it, I find it quite repulsive, but last night I had *1* shot of the vile syrup. Those aren't gold flakes in the bottle, they are tiny shards of glass, which will slice and dice your intestinal track, and make you pray for death's sweet mercy. Lesson learned, and I figured I'd pass it on to you, perhaps I can spare someone the pain of the gold-flaked bottle.

WTF?

Ok, I normally couldn't care less about PETA's "Sexiest Celebrity Vegetarian", howerver some geniuses who voted for this decided that the sexiest male vegan was Prince, beating out some hotties to include Joaquin Phoenix. You do not rob the Joaquin!!! This is WRONG! Seriously, whoever voted on this might need some meat and milk, because I think they are braindead.

Celebrity lookalikes

I recently met this guy named Kevin, through a friend. When he first introduced himself, I kept thinking "Wow, this guy looks really familiar...", but was drinking and couldn't place him. I knew I didn't know him, since he's an officer from a completely different type of unit, so not in the same professional circle as N, and it was just sheer chance that we shared a mutual friend. About halfway through that night, I figured it out, he looked JUST like Kevin Harvick. I asked him if he watched NASCAR, and when he didn't I told him he looked just like a driver, ironically enough named Kevin as well. I saw him at the same bar again last night, and he remembered the conversation. I asked him if he remembered to go look up who Harvick was, and he said he did, and agreed they look uncannily similar. So, my evil mind devised a wonderful plan... the next time the races were in KS, he needed to go out to bars near the racetrack, and see if he could pull off pretending to be Harvick. We all decided this was a perfect plan, and want to see how well this could work. So, do you know any celebrity lookalikes? Do YOU look like anyone famous? If so, have you ever tried to pass for that person? Do tell!!

Why I love the internet

The friends I've made on this blog are so great, and I appreciate every comment and email of concern and support. With the exception of the idiot Anon, you have all been so wonderful, and I can't imagine how people got along before the internet.
Now, things are calming down, and looking up. As for Idiot of the Week this week, I don't have to look much further than my own site, and hereby declare Anonymous the winner.

You, my wonderful readers, get to vote on the Idiot of the Month this month. Your nominees are Anonymous, and The MySpace Arsonists, because I suck, and only managed to get two IotWs up. I swear I suck at consistancy!!! Actually, in order to make up for it, here are 2 more nominees. Woman Tries To Get Probation For Her Cat, and Man Sets Himself on Fire, Jumps Off Waterfall.
Let the voting being!! Have a safe, and wonderful Memorial day!

A break

I have some personal things going on that I need to handle, and I'm not sure I'll be blogging through this. So I'll be on haitus for a while. I will be monitoring comments, and can be reached at cjaping at gmail dot com. I appreciate all of the wonderful friends I've made in blogland... I will return.

Derailed

Well, since I was stuck at home and resting last night, I invited a friend over to watch a movie. We ended up watching Derailed on PPV, and honestly, it was an OK movie, but not one I would rush out to see. I won't spoil it for anyone, but it was kind of predictable. Either way, I missed my Coronas, we're having great weather, and it would have been the perfect night to go out. Oh well, at least I'll be able to have fun for Memorial Day weekend!

No GDF for me!!

Get Drunk Friday is not happening for me this weekend, thanks to some antibiotics which I can't drink with. So, I'll be spending a quiet, sober evening here.

Why I probably won't sleep tonight

I finnaly snagged the copy of Tucker Max's book, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", (no dogtags were confiscated) and am tearing through it. I'm probably not going to be able to put it down until I finish it (Thanks, B!! You could have WARNED me!) However, I had to pause, and write this excerpt, because I laughed so hard I sent myself into a coughing fit. (Copyright: Tucker Max 2006... please don't sue me!!)

After waking up from a drunken night, as usual...


11:01am: GoldenBoy hands me his phone, and tells me to listen to the voice message. It is my voice, recorded around 2:45am. I am out of breath, and sound like I am running:
"GoldenBoy, what is your address? Where are you? I just fucked some random chick I met outside The Biltmore. Apparently she didn't pass the Bar, so she liked me. The condom broke and I got the fuck out of there as soon as I could. I'm fucked. My illigitimate kids are going to be ugly and stupid. HELP!!"

This man is evil, pure evil, so why am I so damned entertained?? I can't help it, it's like crack...

Birthday Deals!!

We decided to get the kids Power Wheels ATVs for their birthday, June 3rd. I had to hunt to find the Dora one we wanted to get for Madison in a local store. My LAST stop was the Walmart in the next town over, and they had it!! YAY!! On top of that, they had the Kawasaki one (same as the Dora one, but green, and sporty) we wanted to get Shane, but hadn't been able to find. AND!!!! It was on clearance... usually $188, we got it for $70!!!! I was so excited I practically threw myself on the box, the last one they had. I went from stressing about not being able to find these anywhere, to pure, unadulterated bargain-shopper joy!!! So, this went from a $400 birthday to $275 gift. WOOT!!!!

Commercials that piss me off

First of all, I HATE Sonic commercials. All of them. Then, the Hardee's commercial for their "Philly Cheesesteak Burger", oh how I want to hurt the people who made that. First of all, it's blasphemy to put "Philly Cheesesteak" in the name of something so unauthentic. Anyone who has had the pleasure of a REAL cheesesteak knows better, and unless you've been to the Philly/DelVal area, you haven't had that experience. It makes me twitch a little to see "Philly Cheesesteak" on ANY menus, because I know better. Still, I digress. The accent the guys are using in this commercial, supposedly "Philly" accents, I assume, are so far from the real Philadelphia accent that it's horrible!! They sound like a couple of New Yorkers with brain damage... The Southern Jersey/Philadelphia accent is much different, although still quite distinct. I hate Hardee's. I mean, there are probably a hundred commercials that really irritate me, like the debt consoldiation commercials during Nick Jr. (do my kids really need to hear about bill troubles while watching Dora??), and the stupid feminine hygine product commercials, who thinks this shit up?? I used to think about going into advertising, but if my name ended up associated with anything like those stupid ass commercials I'd have to hang myself in shame.

No place like home...

But we're not going there yet. We just found out definitively that we are not getting orders to leave Fort Riley (backstory, N's unit is disbanding, and there were a few different options on where we would go when it's gone, one of which was back to Ft. Hood sometime this summer.) Of course, this just means that come December he'll be able to re-enlist with choice of duty station, and we'll leave then, but in the meantime we're stuck here. He called to let me know this, and honestly I expected no different, so I'm fine with it. 18 months in KS will be enough, and I'll be quite ready to leave by then, but for now might as well make the best of it. I miss TX... anyone want to send me a picture of HEB?? *sigh*

Idiot of the Week 5/7-5/13/2006

I suck at this whole consistancy thing, so of course keeping up with IotW is a struggle. Either way, I found a winner for last week, two teen arsonists who decided to brag about their crimes on MySpace. Here's a clue guys, almost everyone in the world, including police officers, know of Google, and MySpace. DUH.

Is this normal????

My kids will be 4 next month. Actually, in a couple weeks now. I'm really beginning to wonder where I went wrong, and if they have "issues" or not. Shane talks INCESSANTLY, and Maddie cannot sit still. I'm not talking your average babbling, or average fidgeter, I mean CNN ticker and Meth-addict-on-a-binge. Right now, as I type, Shane is talking about the same family pictures he's been talking about for the past 45 minutes (That's Mommy, and Daddy, and me, and Ducky, and Oma, and" ad nausem), and Maddie is BOUNDING in circles around the living room, even though I've asked her to stop multiple times over the last hour. Yes, folks, you read that right... she's been running from one end of the living room to the other for an hour now. This is everyday behavior. She's skipping, she'll stop long enough to jump on the couch, bounce for about 30 seconds, and commence with the laps. I'm frightened.

BTDT, Got the t-shirt

This wouldn't be so damn funny if it wasn't so true for every parent on the face of the planet.
I should note, I've been obsessively reading Tucker Max all weekend, and have threatented to steal a friend's dogtags (why I would hold dogtags hostage is really irrelevant, considering they are like $6 a pair) should he not dig up his copy of Tucker's book for me this week. This guy is not for the faint of heart, and one of his common lines, "If she can't take a joke, fuck her.", is dead on, so if you're easily offended steer clear. Then again, if you're easily offended, what the hell are you doing here?

I got 17 right...

A little brain teaser... kind of interesting how many things we overlook.

There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known about all
our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are
harder than you think. It just shows how little we pay attention to the
commonplace things of life.

**The average person only gets 7 right. These questions are based on U.S.
info, so use all lobes of your brain. This can be more difficult than it
looks.

RULES: Put your thinking caps on. No cheating, no looking around, no getting
out of your chair, and no using anything on or in your desk or computer!

Can you beat 20? (The average is 7) Write down your answers and check
answers (on the bottom) AFTER completing all the questions. REMEMBER-NO
CHEATING.

It doesn't matter if you cheat, actually, because if you have to cheat, then
you don't know the answer, thus, you've already missed the question. BE
HONEST. That means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk.

Then, before you pass this on to your friends, change the number on the
subject line to show how many you got correct. Forward to your friends and
also back to the one who sent it to you.

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE.

Here we go.


1. On a standard traffic light is the green on the top or bottom?

2. How many states are there in the USA?

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
(Don't get up to check.)

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

8. On the United State s flag is the top stripe red or white?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial? (Don't look at that dial.)

10 Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?

11 Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12 How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13 On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?

14 Which way do fans rotate?

15 How many sides does a stop sign have?

16 Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

18 How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

19 Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

20 How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

21 On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?

22 On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening
between the slats?

23 There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no
digits?

24 How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?

25 Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?

__________________________________________________________


ANSWERS

1. Bottom
2. 50
3. Right
4. Blue, red, white, yellow, black & gold
5. 1, 0
6. Right
7. 20
8. Red
9. 87.7
10 Clockwise (north of the equator)
11 From lower right to upper left
12 12 (there is no #1)
13 Left
14 Clockwise as you look at it from the front.
15 8
16 Left
17 5
18 6
19 Bashful
20 8
21 Ace of spades
22 Left
23 * and #
24 3
25 Counter

Happy Mother's Day

To all of you mommies out there, Happy Mother's Day!

Germ Fest

The kids started part-day preschool 2 days a week, and their first day was Tuesday. I am already coming down with a cold, which I'm pretty sure can be attributed to their little germ sessions at school. I can't find the good thermometer, so I don't know my temp, but I have a bit of a fever, I think. This bites. So, I may be posting even less than usual, which will be hard since I'm already a horrible blogger. I still am reading your sites, PROMISE!!!

Daivd Blaine

David Blaine may not have broken the record for holding his breath, but the stunt he pulled off this week is amazing. I was disappointed to see the wire reports focusing so much on his "failure" rather than the accomplishment of staying underwater for longer than any other human being, ever. Honestly, I think he would have rather died in there than be pulled out, but the rescuer divers had to do their job, and I'm glad they did. I can't wait to see what his next endurance stunt is!!

This post is brought to you by the letter... C

Nicole over at Nickle Annie is playing a game, wanna play along? Here's how it works... Using the first letter of your first name, youhave to write 10 things that mean something to you.

"C"

Character is a very important quality to me, someone with a good heart and an open mind.

Children, I love my children more than anything in this world, although they drive me crazy!!

Corona is the only beer I drink, as you can tell by my GDF posts... LOL!

Chatsworth Rd is the street I grew up on.

Cori is my bestest friend in the world!!

Cell phone, I cannot live without my cell phone. I so belong to the "connected" generation!!

Customer service is one of my biggest pet peeves, so few companies provide quality customer care!!

CareBears, I still have a Birthday Bear CareBear, circa 1983, given to me on my first birthday. I bought 2 vintage ones off Ebay for my childrens' first birthday 20 years later.

Coke is my fuel, there is constantly a 12 pack in my fridge!

Canon G2, this is my "baby", I love my camera!!

Anyone wanna play? Leave me a comment and let me know you're playing along!!

Finally found it

I didn't think we'd ever find it, but here it is... the end.

GDF

The Rock Bitch skipped out on GDF, as she wasn't feeling well. I certainly did get drunk (on Corona of course, it was Cinco de Mayo!!) but didn't blog. Ah well, the important thing was the beer was cold and the lime was fresh. How was your Friday??

Bunny Burrow

There is a rabbit's burrow in our back yard, and the momma has babies! We saw 3 babies today, because N is mowing the lawn (being VERY careful, because he knew they were there) he tried to put one back in the burrow, but it hopped out, and the scattered off. They are SO cute, about the size of a chipmunk. I hope they stick around... I know I've seen the momma hopping around the neighbors' yards.

It's on (provided the weather cooperates) UPDATED!!!

Well, my jump has been rescheduled for this Saturday, provided weater cooperates. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!

Update: Jump cancelled AGAIN. Showers today, and low cloud ceiling. Tomorrow doesn't look good either. ARGH!!!!!!! I'm beginning to think this is not meant to be!

Hostel

Ok, first let me say I'm a WUSS... I can't watch gory horror movies. I'm sure if I went back through my archives I would find the posts from the night after I watched Saw, and couldn't sleep. Anyway, not a big Tarantino fan, really no reason to watch Hostel, especially after being told by a guy that he was still having nightmares a week after watching it. Anyway, a friend wanted to watch it, so we did, and honestly, it was pretty stupid. I was grossed out by it, and covered my eyes during some of the gore, but most of the worst gore scenes are cut away at the second before the action. The premise behind the movie is totally twisted, but the movie itself was just ok. Couple big problems for me... the main characters are IDIOTS (what American travelling abroad would just hand over their passport to the hotel desk, you keep that shit with you!!), and if someone suffered the trauma some of the characters suffer they would be in such severe shock they would not be up and moving. This movie has a guy who has been tortured, and is missing 2 fingers up and running around, for quite a while, not even very pale, not weak, nothing. Dude would be in shock, without a doubt. Anyway, Saw was better, and even though I'm not a horror fan, this movie really did not live up to the hype.

Beware!

I am just in a horrid mood. Really, just horrible. So, I'm trying to focus on the good things, like N's CO telling him that if he has his way, we'll be on PCS leave (READ: That means about to MOVE!!) in June, and headed back to TX (Buffi, say it with me.. YAY!!!) The downside to that is I am getting FREE tickets to a huge festival, Country Stampede, in late June. I don't want to miss it, especially since we'll have Meet and Greet passes to meet Toby Keith. Plus, there are a few friends (really, very few, I dislike pretty much everyone here) that I am not quite ready to leave behind. I was expecting to be here until at least December, so I'm kinda caught off guard. Moving in the summer BITES, and makes the kids' birthday (June 3rd) difficult. *sigh* See?? I can't even come up with a good silver lining! Oooh... wait. I know!! The money we'll make off our move (it's odd, but you usually end up netting money in a do-it-yourself move with the military) may mean I can go to CA in July, for BlogHer an to visit Cori and Grace! Maybe.
The kids are DRIVING ME NUTS. The weather is pissing me off. I was DVRing the race (since it was rescheduled for today) and just realized at some point it stopped recording. Argh... I don't know how much was missed, but there are 59 laps left. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go be miserable in (relative) peace, and stop whining.