Why I am a HORRIBLE blogger

Oh, let me count the ways...
Well, I checked my statcounter (something I used to check daily, if not more) tonight for the first time in a couple weeks. Still getting the usual perverted search hits (you want to do WHAT with your mom??)
I am finally uploading to Flickr again, something I'm horrible about... I was actually prompted because she added me as a friend ("Oh, yeah... I have a Flickr account!! And FRIENDS there!"), and I felt oh so special, like I'd met a celeb. Remind me to go buy her a margarita when I get back to TX, just so I can get her autograph.
I swear to all things Google that I AM reading your sites, even if I don't comment. Bloglines has made me lazy. Actually, the people who get the most comments from me are the ones who only have previews in their RSS feeds. If I have to click the link to read the rest, I comment. Hmmm... how do I make that happen for my feed? I could use more visitors. (see above)

However, I am considering making this up to the blogging gods by attending a certain convention this summer, which I dare not mention by name, lest my plans get shot down before they even leave the ground. Let's hope money and time will allow, and I will get to meet all the cool kids, not to mention hang out at Chez Grace, AND see MY CORI! In the meantime, I'll try to come up with something brilliant to dazzle all of you AND visit comment on your site this weekend. If I don't, blame Corona... it's all their fault.

On an unrelated note, I am so. fucking. bored. Really. BORED. I mean ready to beat my head in my keyboard.

Idiot of the Week nominees

I've found one so far today, but feel free to let me know if you've seen anything exceptionally stupid in the news. For now, we have the pilot who landed an airliner at the wrong airport. A military airport at that. "This is your captain speaking. We will be making our final descent into uh... well, whatever that place is with the bright lights. Thank you for flying Dumbass Air." Listen, you're a PILOT. This is what you do for a living!! I would think at least ONE of the requirements to get this job is a SENSE OF DIRECTION! Besides, don't they have nice little gadgets and stuff in the cockpit to tell you where the hell you are going? And where were the guys in the tower?? Don't you think someone would say "Hey, dipshit, you are at the wrong airport, and are certainly NOT cleared for landing??" WTF?!?!
We also have the moron who took his pet snake for a drive, only to have the snake wrap around his neck, and cause him to crash. Duh... I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time??

Mother Nature

Wow, I am dumb-founded. Having twins tends to draw a lot of attention, but this set of fraternal twins is amazing. Once again, this proves we just can't keep up with mother nature...

Ragtag Army

We are the wealthiest nation in the world, but at the moment our Army looks like the most ragtag bunch ever. You see, we're currently transistioning from BDUs (Battle Dress Uniforms) to ACUs (Army Combat Uniforms). So, let's take Ft. Riley as our example. Some soldiers are in BDUs, the camo green uniforms that most people associate with the military. Others have just come back from combat, and are in DCUs (Desert Combat Uniforms), the tan uniforms that we have used in desert wars of past. The DCUs are worn with no-shine tan boots, while the BDUs are worn with the shiny black boots. Some soldiers in BDUs are authorized by their units to be wearing the tan boots with the BDUs, which looks retarded. Even more variations are now in play, because we're switching to ACUs, which will be the full time uniform for all of the Army. So, pretty much? No one coordinates... AT ALL. To make it even more interesting, all of the gear, like helmets, flak jackets, and such are in the green woodland pattern of the BDUs, so regardless of what uniform you are wearing, your gear is BDU colored. All in all, this transitional stage is much like growing out your bangs, it looks awkward and is a total pain in the ass! It's a nightmare for a Virgo like me, I need things to MATCH! Some pictures for those of you who aren't military related, so you can understand what I mean.

ACUs on left, BDUs on right


DCU pattern

Complete laziness

Motivation? Got none... I mean NONE. I finally did wipe up the inside of the fridge, because it was really grossing me out, and did a little clean-up in the kitchen, but other than that, I am so unmotivated. It doesn't help that I've been coughing so hard I think I may have knocked a few organs loose, I'll never need to do crunches again after this cold. I REALLY need to get the house cleaned, but it's so much easier to just sit here and be lazy on the laptop. Nate sent me to bed at 7 last night, because I was so miserable and whiny. I am the poster child for assisted suicide, or at least high doses of morphine for the common cold. There is only so much whining someone can take, before they consider strangling their spouse... and by 7pm N had reached that point. Of course, the Nyquil wore off before midnight, and I spent 2 more hours trying to get back to sleep. Gah... I wonder how much it'll cost to call a maid for the week.

It wouldn't be as funny if it wasn't true

This was sent to me today by my friend Amy, and I about fell out of my seat laughing.

Dear Kotex,


I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of
"Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:


* Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.

* Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.

* Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.

* Try Kotex blah blah blah other products


Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that
drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what
happens and report back. I'll wait.


While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will
be females who just ovulated. Look, females don't need or want tips for
living on feminine hygiene products. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already
purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a
girl running to the Always brand.


Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not fun,
but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery
cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put it in a plain brown
wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in
among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a
blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the
store. So take your tips for living and shove them right up your . . .


Ovarily Yours,

Miss PMS

If I find

The person who gave me this damn chest cold, I'm killing them. I'm talking slow, painful torture, then death. In the meantime, I'll be the one on the couch, coughing until my ribs break.

Pimping

These guys are friends of the hubs, and a pretty damn good rock band. I'm trying to help pimp them out, so they can get on Warped Tour. Go listen to the song here, if you like it, let it finish (votes don't count unless you let it finish.) They're huge in Texas and have been featured by Budweiser, on Dish Network and DirecTv, have toured with some major rock groups, and are trying to finally get the major recording label deal they deserve.


I have NO idea why the links aren't tan like they are supposed to be, but scroll over to highlight them, and give them a click!!!

Making Monday better

Buzz managed to perk my Monday up when I saw last week's Eye Candy Friday post. Hmm... Lisa Kudrow, Colin Farrell (meh... not my type), Adriana Lima, and then....



Thank you, Buzz... that was like a fresh Starbucks being handed to me! YUM!

What?!

It's Monday already?? What?! But it was just Friday, like 5 minutes ago!! This bites, I hate Mondays! Oh well, at least I read some blogs this weekend, I was more than a little behind. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

MajorDad's Rebuttal

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Idiot of the Week 3/20/06-3/26/06

LatteMan came to the rescue with the winner of Idiot of the Week. Man parks car, gets on train, forgets baby in the car. Anyone want to take a guess how long his wife will be making him sleep on the front porch?? "Hmmm, got my wallet, briefcase, cell, keys, PDA... yep, good to go!! Yet, it feels like I'm forgetting something. Oh well... off to work!!"
Yes folks, we have a clear winner here!!

BUSY

I didn't even get a post up for idiot of the week yet, so if anyone had any suggestions, please leave them in comments. We've been quite busy, with some work/personal problems, dealing with idiots and liars is always fun. Anyway, um... yeah... I am not ignoring you, I'm trying to keep up with the million cool blogs I read, but dammit, 24 hours in a day is not enough!! Anyone figured out how to clone me yet???

Some food for thought

Cori emailed me this link, definitely a thought-provoking piece.

Complete Bullshit

Wow, that sure was fast. They convicted Sgt. Smith of 6 of the 13 counts of abuse he went on trial for. He's here at Riley, which I was unaware of when I wrote my previous post (I guess I should read the post newspaper more often) and I really wish I could go see him, shake his hand, and tel him how sorry I am that the system fucked him. He'll be sentenced later today, this should be interesting. You know what chaps my ass the most in this case? September 11th terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui has been in custody forever now, and the crimes he committed were in 2001. We STILL can't seem to get his trial moving at any kind of decent speed, they are trying to delay it, trying to drop charges, trying to call the FBI liars to get him off on conspiring in the biggest mass murder in US history. However, a soldier lets his dog scare a couple of terrorists, and we convict him in less than 18 hours of deliberation. That, my friends, is BULLSHIT. What have we become if we can't punish killers, but we can ruin the lives of those defending our freedom from said killers?? Oh, and for those of you who haven't been paying attention to the news this week, Bush has asked us to look past the bloodshed in Iraq and see the good happening there. I guess the 2,219 US soldiers dead as of right now is a small price to pay, especially when we are doing such wonderful things as convicting our soldiers of abusing terrorists in WAR. I mean, didn't you get the memo?? We're supposed to invite them to tea and krumpets, and ask them to pretty please tell us when they plan on killing us. DUUUUHHHHHHH!

I guess we got lucky *updated*

Apparently we're the lucky ones, because while all of the areas around us are getting pounded with snow, we got about an inch, but then it's been sleeting all day. So, we have a nice, cold layer of slush. YAY! Happy Spring!!

Update: Spoke too damn soon, we're getting some more snow now. Maybe we'll get lucky and N won't have PT tomorrow... one can hope!!

Lessons learned

I've been learning a couple of valuable life lessons lately. There are very few people in this world who you can trust, and all too often people that you think are your friends are really out to stab you in the back. This is especially true in today's military life, it's one of the darker sides to our unique world.

Nate and I grew up in small towns, where everyone knew you, and your family, and had for generations. Most of my life was spent with the same friends I had gone to pre-school with, people that I had known since I was in diapers, whose parents had gone to school with my mom and uncle, etc. Back home, there were always people you could trust, you could depend on them, and we would all give the shirts off our backs for one another. We are still like that, but when you're military, and you move around a lot, you have to learn to make friends quickly, or stay to yourself. Of course, after I got stabbed in the back by a few military wives I had made "friends" with at Ft. Hood, I made up my mind to not get too close to anyone, because apparently I have SUCKER tattooed on my forehead. Hey, I'm not perfect, but I try to be a good friend, and not to hurt anyone, but it seems to mean drama will find me. Regardless, being social creatures, we made some friends here, and I broke my own rule of not allowing anyone to get to close to us.

It's usually pretty easy for the guys to create tight bonds, especially if they have been deployed together. The wives usually end up friends by proxy, because you always need someone to help you stay sane when your spouse is gone. Secrets are shared, recipes traded, favors exchanged and so on. Unfortunately, there always seems to come a point where things go wrong, usually because of the other stress thrust onto us, one too many deployments, a few too much time in the field, etc. Sometimes it's a divorce, sometimes it's a falling out between spouses, sometimes some bad blood between the soldiers, but whatever the reason the former friends are now sworn enemies. It's never as simple as "You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone, done." because the soldiers still have to work as a unit, there are mandatory events to attend, and so on.

Ultimately, it's the one thing I hate most about the military life. We actually thrive on being a military family, not everyone can, but we enjoy it. It is challenging at times, but can be greatly rewarding, yet when it gets ugly, it is really ugly. The good news is you can always move onto the next post, and work with a clean slate. Now, how much longer until we can leave this place?

The one thing I never thought I'd say

It's damn near blasphemy for an Eagles fan to say they like the Cowboys. My dad would stroke out if he heard me say I just might have to become a Dallas fan, because they are signing T.O. Honestly, we all know T.O. is an ass, and that he doesn't always play nice off the field, but he's such a great player, and entertaining as hell, so I'm glad he'll be playing again this season.

Who doesn't love new shoes??

Meet my new shoes... I ordered the black strappy ones last night... nothing like retail therapy after a bad day!!!

Category Help PLEASE!!!!!

The wonderful Laura hellped install categories on my site, with the instructions I had from another blogger, however, I'm not pleased with the way PicoSearch works. Do any of you have cetegories on a Blogger site?? Can you tell me how to do it? I'll love you forever and devote a whole post to how wonderful and intelligent you are if you can give me a hand with this!!! Come on, SOMEONE muct know a good Blogger hack for categories!! MUAH!

Idiot of the Week 3/13/2006-3/19/2006

This was too easy... sometimes the idiots just fall right into your laptop!! Man sues after hitting his own car. Wow... no wonder people think Americans are idiots.

Some military discounts and freebies

I came across this while looking for details on T-Mobile's military discount program, and was pleased to find some of the major theme parks have extended their offers for free or discounted tickets to their parks, including Busch Garden parks, which means we'll be able to take the kids to Sesame Place when we finally make it to NJ for our visit. Check it out if you are active duty or retired from the armed services, and see what discounts are out there for you! These aren't just theme park discounts and travel, but stores like Goody's, and other places that will offer you a discount with a valid ID!! Go on now, check it out!

OH. MY. GOD!!!

Remember Swiffer's Amazing Woman of the Year nominations?? Well, the asshole at IT2M that reviewed my site thought I had that post up to beg people to nominate me, but that was the furthest from the truth. In fact, I had it up because Swiffer sends me free things and asks me to review them, so I'm on their list to promote events like this. Anyway, I digress... I nominated the FABULOUS Grace Davis, I really could not think of anyone more deserving than a woman who so selflessly gave her time, money, and energy to organize relief efforts for families affected by Katrina and Rita. I had to actually let her know ahead of time, so I could get some contact information from her (to which she responded "Why do you need it? ARE YOU COMING TO VISIT? I expect to see you in the next 48 hours!!!" because she is just that sweet!), but honestly, I had no idea what kind of response this thing would get, or if she would make it to the semi-finals. Well, I got a phone call this morning, and she has been chosen as a semi-finalist!!! She doesn't know it yet, since it's still early on the West coast she's in Austin for SXSW, but I cannot wait to call and congratulate her. In the meantime, head over to her personal site, (and check out her relief blogs if you somehow missed them) and let her know how amazing she is!!!

I need a clone, a private island, and a cabana boy with some tropical drinks

I'm drained. Really. The kids, the house, some unexpected things to deal with in the Insanity household, helping one friend with her divorce and pending move, having my feelings hurt by another friend who has seemingly blown me off, dealing with insurance companies, daily chiropractic appointments again just to feel normal, spring cleaning... blah blah blah, the list goes on. We might be moving sooner than we expected thanks to BRAC, or we might get stuck here (oh HELL no!!) there are decisions to be made, stacks of papers to fill out, a million phone calls to make, and just a general sea of life crap dumped in my lap. I'm in desperate need of a clone, so Cori and I can run off to some private island where 21 year old cabana boys will bring us tropical drinks, and no cell phones are allowed. I'm seriously considering hiding in our friend's truck when he leaves here for Cali at the end of the month, just so my Cori can come rescue me and I can then kidnap her. Of course, the husbands and children might start looking for us... damn.

Looking up *random update*

Today started off better than expected, for sure! A call from my doc saying he'll call in a script rather than go through the hassle of an appointment. Hang up the phone, rings again, call from the insurance company of the person who ran into us last week (he was trying to deny responsibility and we've been FREAKING out over that), they are covering the claim and setting us up with a rental while our van is in the shop. So, we can get our sliding door fixed and not have to worry about transportation during the repair. Get the mail, my new debit card came in, since mine was deactivated last week when Visa had a little snafu in their system and some card numbers were compromised (which led to an embarassing situation at the store, when my card wasn't working after banking hours and I had NO idea why!) Not a bad start at all!! Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket? Nah... why press my luck?

Update: In order to activate my card, I have to go to an ATM. Since my bank is a Texas bank, there are no in network ATMs, which mean even with a balance inquiry I incur a $1 charge from them. They now think I'm nuts, because I just called and asked them to refund that charge, considering I had to activate a new card last month when mine expired, and incurred the fee then. Yeah, it's only a dollar, but WTF? Why should I have to pay for Visa's mistake, just so I can use my freaking debit card?? *sigh* This stuff always happens at *that* time of the month, which just puts me in a fighting mood. Also raising my blood pressure today was the complete incompetence at Enterprise, where we had to get our rental while our van is in the shop. After calling when we left post (20 minutes away), then calling while at the bodyshop (5 minutes from Enterprise) we had to wait another 30 minutes for the stupid people to pick us up. Finally, when we couldn't get through on the phone the body shop told us to go over there, get our rental, leave the keys to our van their, and they would go pick it up, because we obviously have a little bit more to do with our day than sit around with our thumbs up our asses waiting on these idiots. I go to pick up the rental car, a new Trailblazer because they were out of vans, and the thing looks like it took a cross country mudding adventure. The guy tells me not to worry about cleaning it before we bring it back, but we're going to have the thing for 10 days at least, and it's white, we're NOT driving around this truck looking like we pulled it from the swamp. So, N is doing Enterprise's job now, and washing their damn truck. This is why I NEVER rent from them, and if it weren't for the fact that it's not my insurance picking up the tab, I would have walked 3 steps to the left and rented from Hertz. I HATE incompetence!!! IDIOTS, ALL OF THEM!! Still, it hasn't been a bad day, just the minor annoyances of people who can't do their job or act like normal human beings.

Again, I ask... who the fuck cares about them??

Not the accused soldiers, of course, I care deeply for them. The detainees who were "abused" are the ones I couldn't give a shit about. America has two more in it's sight, ready to put them in front of a firing squad for doing their goddamn job. Oh, the poor prisioners in Abu Ghraib, they were mistreated and not given the royal treatment!! WAHHHH!!!! The soldiers scared them, and made them feel like criminals!! The poor things!! What about the Americans who were blown the fuck up, or tortured and beheaded by insurgents?? Fuck the Geneva Conventions, our soldiers have to follow the rules while the enemy gets to make it's own, and then they come home and go to jail, or get kicked out of the service, because they did what they had to do in WAR. It's not a playdate, buttercup.... it's fucking war... it's you or me, buddy, and I want to go home to my family. It's no secret my husband hasn't served in OIF yet, but I've still seen the damage first hand. I've been to the funerals, I've sat next to friends who have PTSD while they twitch and jump in their sleep, I've seen the scars, the limps, the guys missing limbs, the widows with young children, the alcoholism, the drug abuse, the absolute HELL that is left in the aftermath of this little project we have going on in Iraq. I've listened to the stories of horror and terror endured while serving in Iraq, young adults who will spend the rest of their lives reliving those moments in their head, unless they drink or medicate them away, or commit suicide to make them stop. Don't forget, folks, we're not at "war" anymore, but we still lose soldiers nearly every day. We're "winning the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people" while they throw grenades at our soldiers' feet and plant IEDs for them to run over. Now, this incident happened during the actual ground war, the same time as the other "abuse" in this now infamous prison. I say "Job well done, Sgt. Smith, and Sgt. Cardona. Hooah." It's a goddamn shame that the other soldiers like Charles Graner and Lynndie England went to prison for doing exactly what they should have, and the unfortunate reality is these two sergeants will probably face the same fate. It's complete bullshit, and an insult to ever soldier who risks his or her life for this "project".

Curious George

We took the kids to their first theater movie today. I know I've mentioned my complete hatred for movie theaters, but we wanted to give the kids a cool experience, so we took them to see a matinee of Curious George. Unlike Cori, I've never been a big fan of the little rascal, but this movie was CUTE!! It was perfect for our kids, because there wasn't anything they would have been frightened by, but still funny enough to not bore the crap out of adults. The kids had a blast, except for some trouble with the fold up seats, which made paying a week's salary on popcorn and candy totally worth it! So, that's twice in less than 4 months, when I hadn't set foot in a theater in over 3 years. I'm getting weak!!

Nevermind

Trip home cancelled. Tickets to game up for sale. :( Oh well, such is life.

Idiot of the Week 3/6/2006-3/12/2006

Well, LatteMan found another contender for Idiot of the Week, and I'm not sure if this one is an "idiot" or just plain ignorance. At least this one knew she was pregnant, and decided to go shop for some last minute items for the baby, at Wal*Mart. Well, during her shopping trip she delivered the baby... with the help of the Wal*Mart management team. I barely trust those people to ring me up correctly, letting them pull a human out of my cooter is out of the question. I suppose you do save a lot on those pesky hospital bills... Clean up in Layaway!!

How do you say Spam en Espanol?

It seems spammers have figured out how to get past my Gmail spam folder, by sending spam in Spanish. I suppose it might have been a good plan, but I took French in high school, so the message was lost on me. I think the subject line had something to do with becoming a millionaire though, maybe I should have asked my friend Yeida to translate. Oh, well...

Give me a fucking break

"I didn't realize I was pregnant!!" is the biggest crock of shit ever. I've been pregnant, so I can safely say it's something even the most airheaded chick figures out after a couple months. If you are old enough to have sex (which is debatable here since she's 13) you are old enough to understand that sperm + egg = BABY, and that if you are gaining weight, your period stops, and you keep getting nauseated, you might be pregnant. I hope this child's mom smacked her upside her head, and put her on some birth control. I'm just glad it wasn't an American for once, I'm tired of us always being the idiots. So... it's only Tuesday, but I think I've found my Idiot of the Week, unless someone can trump that!

Might as well taken his wallet too

Joaquin Phoenix got ROBBED at the Oscars. I didn't watch it, I'm not big on awards shows, but he DEFINITELY should have won for Best Actor in "Walk The Line". I cannot believe he lost to the guy from "Capote". Has anyone even SEEN "Capote"?? I've read "In Cold Blood", but really couldn't care less about Capote's life. The only thing I know about the writer is that he was strange, or at least that's how my grandmom described it when we were discussing the book. I defintiely think Johnny and June Carter Cash are way more interesting. So anyway, the guy may have had a spectacular performance playing Truman Capote, but who the hell cares... it can't possibly hold a candle to Joaquin as Johnny Cash. At least Reese Witherspoon won for Best Actress, the night wasn't a total loss.

A near-stroke (A girl post... fair warning!)

Ever wonder how to give yourself a mini-heart attack, and nearly stroke out? If you are a guy, look away... girl stuff ahead. It's my blog, and I'll write about it if I want to! You've been warned. Anyway, I'm bad about tracking my periods, and since we decided to put baby-making on hiatus, I haven't been tracking them well. The last one I remembered included a trip to the hospital while N was in the field. So, I'm frantic, thinking I'm late, but got a negative pregnancy test. I do the reasonable thing, and go back through my message archives with Cori, you know, because those things ocassionally come up in our conversations. Realize trip to the hospital was 41 days ago... nearly stroke out, then decide to think rationally. Grill N about 4 day weekend, "For the love of GOD man, did I have my period that weekend? I should have! PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS SO!!!!" Ahhh.... it was. Not late. Not pregnant. Will have period on vacation. DAMN IT! **sigh** Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was a guy...

The lip ring

Nate got this pic with his cell while I was getting ready to go out. As you can see I am less than impressed at being caught in my "unfinished" state!


And just to prove that I DO look happy every once in a while, this is me and our cutie friend Danny at Rusty's Last Chance, which was listed in Sports Illustrated as the #12 Sports Bar in the country. Of course, that's giving the KState people the title of "sports fans", but whatever...

Why my husband is the coolest person ever

It's no secret to those who know me that I grew up near Philly and am a DIEHARD Philadelphia 76ers fan. We're going on vacation in a week to visit my parents. My amazing husband got us tickets to see the Sixers play the Hawks in Philly, section 105, Row FOUR. Oh. My. GOD!!!! It's not exactly on the floor (we do live on military pay, remember?!) but it's still close enough to reach out and touch Allen Iverson if he inbounds from that side! I've never been to a live NBA game before, and while I expected to eventually see them play in Dallas or San Antonio, seeing them at home is a huge deal to me! I will be taking lots of pictures, so prepare yourself for the onslaught. So. EXCITED!!!