I can see!!

A couple of well-known bloggers are talking about depression lately. Some are struggling worse than others, and even more are struggling silently. Most of us can say we've been there at least once in our lives, in a place so bad that it seems pitch black, like the light switch to the world has been flicked off. For some, they live their whole lives like that, sometimes they get help, sometimes they cannot be helped, and so often they suffer quietly because it's difficult to admit, difficult to explain, just plain difficult. I'm actually writing this post because I've reached a new point, I've been struggling in the trenches of depression for a few years now, with the highs and lows, the quiet times and the overwhelming moments. It's often incredibly hard to recognize a depression, and even harder to admit it. After all, you must be the only one feeling this way, there just must be something wrong with you, why can't you feel normal and happy?! The beginning of my recognition came shortly after the birth of my children, three years ago. You often don't see the "truth" until it has become crippling, until you realize you cannot even function. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder after seeking help (and being ignored once by a medical professional) at my 8 week post-partum check-up. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I was afraid to leave my house. I couldn't drive, I was too scared something would happen. I had horrible nightmares about being stuck on the train tracks and unable to get both children out of the car. Nightmares about bugs crawling down the kids' throats and choking them while I slept. Fires separating me and the kids, blocking me from saving them. The most horrible and paranoid thoughts kept me awake at night, jumping at the slightest creak or shadow. I had become a crippled shell of myself. I sought help, and was doing much better, eventually became strong enough to leave an abusive marriage, but leaving meant losing my healthcare, and the stress of the divorce took it's toll. I've spent the last 2 years in an up and down cycle, just barely treading water. The beautiful thing is I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Things are falling into place, and allowing me a few moments of sunshine and fresh air rather than constant suffocation. We've worked hard as a family, and sacrificed a lot just to get to this point, and though it's not going to be all smooth sailing from here we are finally doing more than just surviving. I hope that everyone out there who is feeling depressed or stressed or just at the end of their rope realizes relief will come. There are so many news stories of parents just snapping, killing their children, killing themselves, abandoning everything, or otherwise losing control. My heart weeps for those people, because more often than not someone could have helped them. I probably wouldn't be alive today if not for support from people close to me, and my heart breaks for those who feel so isolated that they have no other options. This is my thank you to Cori, for all the times she has listened to me bitch and moan, the unconditional friendship and support. To my husband for every moment he has stuck by me when everyone else had given up, for picking me up when I couldn't do it myself, and giving me a break when life made it hard to breathe. Think of the people you know, do you recognize the cries for help? Pay attention to them, and reach out a hand, even if it's just a shoulder to cry on or offering a helping hand. Wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you?