What not to do, Insanity style...

Taking a page from Tish's book blog, I'm bringing you a special edition of what not to do at a military checkpoint. Many people have never had the pleasure of driving through the gates of a military post since 9/11. At first there were armed soldiers at the gates, checking IDs, and filling out passes for visitors. Currently, there is a private security firm that mans our borders, and gives the illusion of safety. (Believe me, it's just an illusion) You'll find that these tips also apply for airport checkpoints, as the procedures are very similar. Now, here are a few things that are unwise when encountering the security checkpoint.

*Do not joke with the guards about having loads of C4 in your trunk. The same applies to handguns, live grenades, machetes, drugs, and other contraband. They don't think it's funny, and you won't either when they disassemble your vehicle like you're smuggling illegals from Mexico.

*Do not leave your photo ID on post, and then try to return to post. They won't let you in, no matter how much you cry, plead, or bribe them. Especially if you bribe them with donuts.

*Do not make rent-a-cop joke in earshot of the guards. They have the ability to do "random" checks on vehicles, and can make the checks as long and painful as they like. Unless you want to find your ass sitting on the sidewalk while they tear apart your car and call the FBI for a background check, you should try and be nice to these folks.

Lastly, (and this actually happened in front of me yesterday) DO NOT stop in the outgoing lane to talk to the guards. Besides holding up traffic leaving post, you are stopping on the guards blind side, and they do carry loaded weapon. One trigger-happy guard could make those directions you're asking for useless, unless you were already on your way to the city morgue.

So, I hope you have found this useful and educational. Next time you encounter an armed guard, stay calm and don't make any sudden moves. They're like wild animals, you don't want to spook them.