The Answer

Normally, I wouldn't use Allen Iverson's nickname for such a somber post, but I got my answer on my friendship. It's not lack of time, or personal issues, it's me. I've had a couple of seriously painful blows in the past week, and honestly this one hurts the most. I sent one last email after posting about it, simply saying I missed her, and our friendship, but I wouldn't bother her again if I didn't hear back. Well, I heard back tonight, and basically I'm a shitty friend with too much drama, and my beliefs (or lack thereof) in God all add up to the end of a great friendship. I'm crushed, really... I know I'm not perfect, and I know that she's seen me through a lot of really hard and dramatic times, but I tried my best. Criticism for the choices I make in my marriage are painful enough, because I don't expect everyone to do things the same way, and I've made some non-traditional choices in that department, but the part about my kids always getting on my nerves being a problem for her hurts the most. Yeah, my kids are in a rotten stage, and they usually do have me at my wits end, but I looked up to this friend (whose children are all older than mine) for advice and support in that area. I never realized this would cost me my best friend.
So, I shed a few tears, and mourn the loss of a friendship, but it's not the first time, and won't be the last. Moments like this are the reason my signature on my email is the Maya Angelou quote "You did then what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better." I really try to live my life by that, learn lessons and do better. Goodbye, friend... thank you for the past few years, I hope I brought something positive to the table during that time.