Well, so I thought...

I honestly thought I had hit a low when writing my last post, but things just keep getting worse!! He dumped me, and the honest truth is, all I wanted was affection. So, instead of giving me affection, he decided he couldn't meet my needs, and the best way to handle it was to dump me. Really, our entire relationship played out in times of high stress, and we probably didn't have a chance because of it. But... we had agreed when we started dating that we would walk away friends, no matter what. When I had tried to call it off (and to cancel our trip to Alpine because I didn't think I could afford to go if I had to find a place to live on my own) he kept telling me I wasn't keeping my word of remaining friends. Now it's him who is saying "Fuck you" to that idea.

Let me give credit where credit is due... he hasn't thrown me and the kids out on the street. He has, however, made my life so miserable that it's a battle to make it through each day. I could move back to Junction to live with my best friend, but I don't want to change the kids' school only to change it again when we move out of state, which I am hoping is very soon. The few friends who know what's going on have all said I should just move out now, because changing schools may suck, but me being so depressed and angry is definitely worse for them. I tend to agree, but this whole situation sucks, and it will suck no matter what I decide. I'm selling pretty much all of my earthly belongings, because I can only take what I can fit in my truck, with 2 kids, a dog and a cat, since it doesn't have a tow hitch. That is supremely depressing, because after nearly 10 years on my own, I have acquired some nice things, and will have to start all over again. The plus side is I will be able to store the stuff I can't part with, but can't take, at Miah's, until (god knows when) I can come back and get it.

I've put in the SOS calls to all the appropriate people, my ex-husband is asking his parents for help, my grandmother is giving me whatever help she can, and Miah has gone so far above and beyond the call of duty that I would nominate him for sainthood if I could. I'm lucky enough to have a few people in this world who love me and my children unconditionally, but I don't know if that is going to be enough.

There is more going on, but that's the big stuff. Don't get me wrong, I made my mistakes in the relationship, and there were a lot of outside factors that really hurt us, but the bottom line is I fell for him, he didn't feel the same, and yet he let me totally screw myself and the kids by calling it quits right after we moved in, and went on vacation together. This has absolutely been the worst month of my entire life, and that's including a very difficult divorce and custody battle. Happy fucking birthday to me.